Author's note - I am SO sorry for the delay since my last update. I have been hard at work writing, but so many ideas flooded my head that I just had to keep going. The bonus is that I got 4 chapters worth out of it. So here they are, in all their glory. Happy reading and reviews are much appreciated, as always!
Jr. awoke to the heavy snoring of Captain Matthews, the deep, even breathing of Tony, and the snuffling noises of Hammer. He sighed, wondering what exactly had disturbed his sleep. He pinpointed it quickly, a feeling of acute aggravation. He knew what it stemmed from, but at the moment there wasn't a thing he could do about it. Sitting up in his bed, he brought his arms up and interlaced his fingers behind his head. He thought about just getting out of bed entirely, but he knew that Shelley wandered the ship when everyone was sleeping and he certainly did not have any desire to meet up with her. He tried to relax, and that was when Albedo, who had been silent since convincing him to talk things over with Shion, decided he was in a talkative mood.
Trouble sleeping, dear brother? You can't blame it on me this time as you're usually wont to do. What disturbs your restless mind at present? Albedo was as sarcastic as ever, and Jr. rolled his eyes, although the action was lost on his twin. "I don't want to talk about it, Albedo. It's not something you'd even care to hear about anyway, so why start the conversation?" He thought that would be the end of it, but Albedo surprised him by saying, You underestimate me, Rubedo. I am of course always interested to hear about anything you deem important enough to tell me. I am wide-awake as well, so don't you think we should the pass the time by keeping one another company?
Jr. shrugged, keeping an eye on his roommates to be sure they didn't awaken to see what would look like Little Master talking to himself. The only one who was aware of Albedo's presence was Shion, and he wanted to keep it that way. He wasn't really sure why, but he didn't feel like questioning his own feelings on the matter. "Well then, how about we talk about you? What caused your disappearance this time?" Albedo emitted a very haughty sniff. I was of the assumption that you and your princess would prefer to be alone. I have no great interest in the idea of you becoming a father, Rubedo. Jr. sensed the underlying current in his brother's words. "You're lying, and what's worse, you're aware you're lying. And you want me to know you're lying. What the hell is with all the hostility you're directing at me, Albedo?"
Albedo was silent, but Jr. knew he was simply gathering steam for one of the long-winded rants he was so fond of. I'm amazed you can even sense my feelings, Rubedo. You've become so blinded in your infatuation with her, that you noticed my disappearance and didn't even attempt to search me out. I must say that I am rather disappointed that I mean so little to you. It seems that this is how it is going to be for the remainder of your life, which has, unfortunately at this point, become mine. You ignore me in favor of the princess, and when the brat comes along, I will be nothing to you. Although the more I dwell upon it, the more I realize that I already am nothing to you. It might have been better if Nigredo had taken up residence within you. He was always the silent type, and I'm quite sure he would not have minded having alone time. I, however, am not pleased with this turn of events. I do not wish to be relegated to a position where I should only be there when you desire it, and not when I do.
Jr. rested his head on his knees, taking a bit of a breath before answering. It didn't help the anger that was rising within him. "Jesus, Albedo. God forbid I should be freakin' happy, right? You may not have given a damn about the whole sterility thing, but I hated it. Is it so wrong of me to be goddamn happy that I'm actually getting a chance I never thought I would? Let me try to address every issue you've been whining about, and I'm sure if I miss any of them, you'll be right on it. First off, I didn't search you out because I thought you might want some space. You have nowhere to go, being in my head all of the time, so I was being generous. I can't win with you. Second of all, when the hell did I say you mean nothing to me?! You're still my other half, even if we share the same body now. Gaignun put us back together for a reason, because we should be. Third, don't ever refer to my child as 'the brat' again. I can't tell you how to feel, but do me a damn favor and keep those kinds of comments to your goddamn self."
Albedo made a huffing noise. I should have stayed in my dreamworld, where everything is exactly how I wish it to be. I am done with this conversation, Rubedo, and I shall now take my leave. I would wish you pleasant dreams, but beyond the fact that I doubt you will sleep again tonight, I would be lying yet again if I were to say such a thing to you. His presence was gone in an instant, and Jr. brought his hands to his face in exasperation and irritation. "Well, I have to give him credit for at least making me forget for a while the real reason I woke up. I'm going to have a chat with him again, but I don't have the patience for it now. And if he seriously thinks I'm going to allow him to continue the name-calling when it comes to Shion and the baby, he'd better rethink that." He settled back, knowing he wouldn't sleep but not yet ready to leave his bed. He managed to close his eyes for a time, now adding Albedo to the nagging feeling of irritation he'd had before. He would address the original issue very soon.
Shion woke up in her bed, feeling slightly nauseous. She curled up and placed her hands on her stomach, praying it would pass. It took some time, but it finally did. Getting to her feet, she hurried to take a shower and get dressed. She had something she wished to do today, and she wanted to do it without Jr. being there. It wasn't that she was resenting the time they spent together, quite the opposite, but what she wanted to do was something private and special to her. She poked her head out the door and saw no one in the vicinity. She rushed to the elevator and headed to the lower floor.
She didn't pass the Professor, Scott, or Allen along the way, which lead her to recall that it was breakfast time aboard the Elsa. The mere thought of breakfast caused a recurrence of the nauseous feeling, and she had to stop for a minute or two to bring it under control again. Hurrying along, she came to KOS-MOS' old maintenance room and stepped inside. She stood for a length of time, feeling a little unsure now that she had arrived. It had been quite a while since she'd had a conversation with KOS-MOS, but she felt that it was necessary. Heading over to the sofa, she sat down and was quiet for a bit. Finally she said softly, "I've thought and thought about it, KOS-MOS, and I came to the conclusion that you would want to know. Just give me a little time to gather my thoughts, okay?"
It didn't take her long after that to begin talking as though KOS-MOS were standing in front of her. "So you know it must be a special occasion for me to be here, talking to you. If I know you as well as I know I do, you're still wondering how Jr. and I ever managed to not only have a relationship, but to maintain it as well. I can't honestly tell you myself, but we're doing just fine. The same can't be said for my relationship with everyone else on the Elsa. I've learned to accept it for now, though, and I just keep it from Jr. because I know he'll be so angry about it and cause a scene that I don't want right now. I don't want things getting worse than they already are. Okay, I'm rambling, and I'm sorry for it. How about I get to the point of why I'm here? I know how impatient you can be." She laughed quietly.
"All right, here's the real reason I wanted to come and talk to you. Guess what? Jr. and I are going to be parents. There are times it seems so unreal to me. There's this little life growing inside me, depending on me to keep it safe. It's funny because I always thought I'd have children eventually, but I would never have believed Jr. would be the father. And now, I can't imagine my life without him." She brought her hands to her stomach, laying them on it gently. "I have a part of him within me, KOS-MOS, and it means so much to me to be the one to give him something he thought he would never have. The only thing that scares me is if I'll be a good mother. What if I'm not?" She was quiet for a while, as though listening. "Okay, KOS-MOS, I'll try to stop worrying. Maybe as long as I love this baby, that will be enough." She got to her feet and smiled. "As always, thanks for listening to me. It's nice to have a non-judgmental ear. Sleep well, KOS-MOS."
As she was exiting the room, she saw the door into the area slide closed behind Jr. She smiled as she headed over to him. "What brings you down here? I was just on my way back up."
Jr. gave her a tense smile in return. "I noticed you weren't around during breakfast, and after checking the cabin and seeing you weren't there, I knew where you'd be."
His mention of breakfast sent Shion's stomach into a tailspin yet again. She doubled over, closing her eyes against the waves of nausea beating at her. He put a hand on her back in concern, but she waved him away. Breathing heavily, she straightened up and shot him a rueful smile. "My stomach has been acting a little crazy the past few days. So I'd appreciate it if you could refrain from mentioning the b-word to me."
He brushed a lock of hair out of her face that had fallen out of her barrette. "Sorry about that. Were you telling KOS-MOS the news?"
She nodded. "I just thought it was something I should tell her while being in her room. And since I wasn't feeling up to…eating, I figured I'd sneak downstairs while everyone else was." She took notice of the fact that he seemed a little edgy. "Jr., what's wrong? You're not acting like your usual self."
He began to pace, a sure sign that something was bothering him. Rather than stopping him like she nearly always did, Shion waited for him to come to a halt and face her. When he did, he had an expression that she couldn't quite read. "Shion, we need to talk about a little matter that's been on my mind for a while now. I just haven't brought it up because there's been so much going on."
She was confused and said so. "Jr., if it's been bothering you like that, why would you wait until now to bring it up? And just what has been bothering you? You're making me nervous with the way your face looks right now. Is it something I'm not going to like or what?"
His eyes slid to the side. "I want to ask you a question. Are you ashamed of our relationship?"
She did a double-take. "What? Jr., if I was ashamed of it, I somehow doubt I'd be kissing you in front of everyone. This is coming totally out of the blue, you know!"
He said in a quiet voice, "Then why won't you sleep with me?"
Shion shook her head, bewildered. "Jr., just how do you think I came by my current condition? If I hadn't slept with you, I wouldn't be carrying your child."
Jr. held up a hand, and she came to a stumbling halt. "That's not the way I meant it, Shion. I'm talking about when everyone heads to their respective cabins to crash for the night. You give me a sweet, little kiss and sashay your way into the women's cabin, leaving me to head off to the men's."
She put her hands on her hips, blood rushing to her cheeks. "For your information, I do not sashay! I think I walk quite normally!"
He brought a hand to his forehead, sighing. "That's not the issue at hand, and you know it. Personally I like watching you sashay, but we'll get to that later." Despite his seriousness, he couldn't keep from smirking at her after that comment. She huffed and folded her arms across her chest. "Very rarely do we spend the night together. If I can convince the guys to let me have the cabin, then we get to, but it's not like I can expect them to sleep in the lounge on a daily basis. I'm tired of waking up with empty arms, Shion."
She stamped her foot slightly. "And just what do you propose we do about it?"
Mirroring her, he also folded his arms across his chest and said pointedly, "I propose you decide which bed we sleep in. I'm not accepting no for an answer, Shion. We will not be leaving this area until better sleeping arrangements have been decided upon."
She began tapping her foot in irritation. "Why are you doing this? You don't even sleep that much, Jr. So I'm afraid I'm not understanding why this is bothering you so suddenly."
Jr. went over to the railing that overlooked the hangar that had housed the E.S.s and placed his hands upon it. A bit unwillingly, Shion followed but kept a distance from him. "I told you, it's not sudden. I just haven't really had time to bring it up. And I'm well-aware of how little I sleep. That has nothing to do with what we're talking about."
Shion snapped, "It has everything to do with it! You're saying you want me to sleep with you, but you don't even sleep! You're lucky if you sleep a few hours a night. So why is this such a big deal to you, Jr.?"
Jr. turned to her, his cerulean blue eyes narrowed. "Maybe it's a big deal because I'd prefer to have my lover in my bed rather than in her own. When I wake up, I want to see you beside me. I want to be able to hold you as you sleep, Shion, and just watch you until you open those gorgeous green eyes of yours. So, you need to make a decision. Which bed becomes our permanent one?"
"It can't be the one in the men's cabin!" she wailed, scandalized. "What if you wake up in an amorous mood, which isn't unheard of? Captain Matthews is already uncomfortable enough around us for some unknown reason! Imagine how he'll feel if he wakes up to us doing…that!"
He placed a finger at the hollow of her throat and trailed it slowly down to the heart-shaped opening in her shirt. Her breath caught, and he said, his voice a little unsteady, "I can't help that I want you as much as I do, Shion. By order of elimination then, that leaves the women's cabin. I'm fine with that." As he angled his head to kiss her, she pushed him away. He stumbled slightly but righted himself almost instantly. "What the hell was that for?!"
Shion's green eyes were stormy as she glared at him. "I did not agree to anything, Jr. Mary and Shelley reside in the same cabin as I do, and it won't be fair to them to force them to accept your constant presence in there."
Jr. counted to three before he spoke, and he was very proud of how patient he sounded. "Shion, my presence is nearly constant in there as it is. Shelley rarely stays there, because she has worse sleeping habits than I do apparently. Mary doesn't have much say in the matter."
Shion seized upon the opportunity to change the topic. "You know Shelley can't sleep because of whatever nightmares she keeps having. Why don't you try talking to her to see if you can help?"
He growled, "I did try talking to her, and she cut me dead. I am not about to open myself up to that possibility again. Jesus, have you been talking to Allen or what?" Too late he remembered he hadn't told her about Allen asking him to speak to Shelley, and he cursed himself silently.
Her eyebrows came together in confusion. "No, I haven't spoken to him in I have no idea how long. What are you talking about?"
He sighed and returned to the railing. "He wanted me to talk to Shelley too. I told him pretty much the same thing I just told you, except in a much less friendly tone. No," he reiterated when she started to speak, "that issue is closed. We have another issue, however, which is still open. Let's concentrate on that."
She was silent for long enough that he ended up turning to her to see tears sliding down her cheeks. He wasn't proof against those, not when it came to her. He crossed the small distance between them and enfolded her in his embrace. She choked out, "Jr., I'm just worried about people…seeing us. That's supposed to be a private thing, and I would be so embarrassed if someone witnessed it!"
He pressed his mouth against hers gently, tasting the saltiness of her tears when he did so. "Listen to me, sweetheart. Shelley won't be in there. In fact, I won't be at all surprised if she leaves entirely. I have no say over that, and she's free to do as she pleases. Mary sleeps like the dead. We could hold a dinner party with 500 guests, and she would sleep right through it."
She giggled softly as she teased, "And you would know about her sleeping patterns, wouldn't you?"
He flushed, but he answered honestly. "I do, and that's why I can say it with absolute certainty. Does that mean you've decided we'll be using your bed then?"
She turned away from him and tilted her head haughtily. "I don't think it was ever my decision to begin with." She felt his arms slide around her waist from behind, and his mouth found the curve where her neck and shoulder met. "Hey, that's cheating," she sighed, pressing back against him.
Jr. groaned regretfully. "As much as I would love to continue this, I have to go and talk to Matthews. We'll be arriving at the place where we can set down the Elsa tomorrow, and we need to be prepared." His hand caressed her bared stomach briefly before continuing on a southerly descent. She gave a small gasp. "That doesn't mean I can't tease you a little bit first," he whispered in her ear before his mouth returned to her neck.
In the lounge, Shelley was picking at her food listlessly. She looked up to see Allen leaving with the Professor and Scott, and he threw a small smile in her direction. She wanted to smile back at him, but she didn't have the energy. In the early morning hours, she'd made her way back to the women's cabin, so tired that she could barely walk. She'd collapsed on the bed and immediately slipped into a dreamless sleep. It hadn't stayed that way. She'd been able to get a few hours of uninterrupted rest, but her most recent nightmare had shaken her. She was beginning to sense there was something at the edge of her consciousness that she couldn't quite grasp due to the direction her nightmares had begun to take.
Her latest dream had been much like one she'd had a few months ago. Gaignun had become Yuriev, and he was insistent upon having her come with him. What frightened her the most was that in both dreams, she'd been on the verge of taking his hand and abandoning everything she knew, including Mary. While she wasn't speaking to Mary at present, their sisterly bond remained special to her, and she didn't understand how she could make that decision so easily in her dreams. Deciding she didn't want to examine it too closely, she got to her feet and headed out of the lounge. She wanted to talk to Allen, and since he'd been with the Professor and Scott, she knew precisely where he'd be.
The elevator sounded just as she came to a halt in front of it. She stiffened when the doors opened and a smug-looking Jr. stepped off of it. His eyes met hers briefly, but then he turned his head away and walked off in the direction of the bridge. She set her shoulders and entered the elevator. On the lower level, she ran into a rather dazed-looking Shion, who said hazily, "Hi, Shelley. Wonderful weather we're having, don't you think?" A bemused Shelley watched her walk dreamily onto the elevator and shook her head, well-aware of what had Shion in her current state.
She arrived at the room the Professor and Scott used as both a working room and sleeping quarters and found the men with their heads bent together, hard at work and arguing as well. The Professor leaned back and pinned Allen and Scott with an accusing glare. "You think I can't get this done, Assistant Scott and Assistant #2? It may be no Erde Kaiser, but I'm more than capable of finishing a tiny thing like this! I should throw both of you off the project entirely!" he stormed.
Allen brought a hand to his head, shaking it as he did so. "Professor, we didn't say it couldn't be finished. All we said was that we were going to be cutting it close."
Scott, who had perfected the art of ignoring the Professor's tantrums, leaned toward Allen and whispered something in his ear. Whatever it was caused Allen to give Scott a glare of his own. He said in an irritated tone, "Yes, I saw them, Scott. Could we concentrate on getting this done before tomorrow?"
Shelley stepped into the room. The Professor saw her and let out an angry squawk. "No ladies allowed in here while we're working! This is men's work, it is! Now shoo!"
Allen heaved a sigh and maneuvered Shelley back into the hallway. "Sorry about him. I'm used to him after all of this time, but that doesn't excuse him being rude." Giving her a rueful grin, he asked, "So just what brings you down here?"
Shelley lifted an eyebrow. "You should not apologize for others, Allen. You have no control over how he acts. As for what brings me here, I wish to see if I can be of assistance to your group. I do not feel as though I am helping overmuch on the bridge. You always seem to remain busy while you are with them, and that would be beneficial to me."
Allen made a face. "Shelley, do you really want to work with those two? It took me a while to get used to them, and even now I would like to strangle the Professor sometimes. He's a difficult man to be around, and he's not keen on women helping."
Shelley shrugged a shoulder gracefully. "I have worked with Little Master, and I doubt a more difficult person could be found." Allen choked at that but remained silent. "Must I request the Professor's permission first?"
Allen waved a hand. "Nah. He'll get over it, and the more help we have, the better chance we have of finishing this by tomorrow."
As he turned from her, Shelley said quietly, "I do not wish to intrude, but I sensed that what Scott said to you seemed to bother you. Would it be rude of me to ask about it?"
Allen stiffened slightly, but he turned to face her again. "He asked me if I saw Jr. and Shion walk past the room. He also said it was a good thing we weren't in the area they came from. After our talk, I've been doing good about thinking of myself, but I'll be damned if I want to talk about their overactive sex life."
Shelley laid a hand on his arm. "Allen, may I ask you a question that will seem very personal? If you do not wish me to, I will understand." Allen seemed to be wrestling with it, and Shelley was about to retract what she'd said when he nodded silently. "Was there another reason you reacted the way you did to Little Master's announcement that day?"
Allen seemed a bit disconcerted by the question, and Shelley began to worry that her intuition had been very off. Finally he sighed heavily and brought a hand to the back of his head. "How do you do that, Shelley?" She gazed at him, confused, and he elaborated, "See through me the way you do. Yeah, there was another reason. Ordinarily, I'd be too embarrassed to say what it is, but I trust you and feel comfortable with you. Up until that moment, I had been able to fool myself that she hadn't slept with him. When he said that, reality bit me in the butt, and I can't say I appreciated it much."
Shelley was still confused. While she'd had the thought that there had been more behind Allen's reaction than just what he'd told her, she wasn't understanding quite why he'd tried avoiding a reality that had been forced in everyone's faces whenever Little Master was near Shion. "Allen, please forgive my ignorance, but I am still at a loss as to why you would try to pretend they were not when it was very clear that they were."
Allen took hold of her arm and, after using his other hand to wave to the fuming Professor, walked with her down the hallway and through the door toward the gunroom. "I didn't want either of them to overhear. Yeah, I know it was an obvious thing, but I wanted to pretend because he knew Shion in a way I didn't." He put a hand to his forehead, covering his eyes in the process.
Shelley made the connection almost instantly. "Oh, Allen, do you mean that you and Shion never…" She trailed off, because now she wished she hadn't brought him into this conversation. She hadn't wanted to bring him pain again, and yet she had anyway. "I am so very sorry, Allen. If I could erase this entire exchange, I would do so in an instant. Perhaps I should leave now."
Allen's hand tightened on her arm. He said vehemently, "Don't go! You had no idea what you were walking into with that comment, so don't blame yourself. Besides, now that I've told you, I think I feel somewhat better. I'm not carrying it around anymore, anyway."
Shelley eyed him a bit suspiciously. "You are positive you are not simply saying that to make me feel less guilty? That would be something you would do, Allen, and I do not wish for you to do that with me."
Allen shook his head hard. "I'm serious, Shelley. Since I know you'll be afraid to ask now, I'll tell you why things never progressed that far. In the beginning of our relationship, I wanted to be sure she was over Kevin, you know? I didn't want to be the rebound guy, not with how I felt about her. Of course by the time I knew I wasn't, things had started to deteriorate between us, and that was the last thing on my mind. Wow, I think I needed to get that off my chest. I have to stop hanging on to this stuff. Moving on, really moving on, requires letting the past be the past, right?"
Shelley nodded with a small smile. "That is correct, Allen." She thought a moment before continuing. "I believe that you need to allow Little Master to worry about Shion from this point on. Although I may not be speaking to him, I can assure you that he will take very good care of her. I pray you do not become angry with me for saying this, but from my vantage point of being in the background, I can say they have an all-consuming love."
Allen moved away from her. "In my experience, it's that kind of love that burns out, sooner rather than later."
Shelley's purple eyes darkened. For some unknown reason, Allen saying that went through her like a knife. It sounded as though he were wishing for Little Master and Shion's relationship to dissolve, and it bothered her in some strange way she couldn't quite identify. She didn't say anything, which caused Allen to turn to face her. He saw something in her eyes that he couldn't determine, and it made him rush to clarify his statement.
"No, no, no! That doesn't mean I want to see their relationship end or anything, Shelley! It's just when people live in a world where all that exists for them is one another, they end up growing tired of that and move on. That's what I meant." He sounded slightly frantic, but he had an urgent need to make her realize where he'd been coming from.
Shelley's eyes cleared, and she shook her head gently. "That is if those two people create that world themselves out of selfish need for one another. Shion was forced into her world by everyone's actions toward her, and to protect her, Little Master chose to exist in that world as well. They now have a child on the way, and their love will grow to include that child. I do not think their relationship will 'burn out,' as you said. Little Master's one problem has always lay in that he has never paid attention to the words 'Take things slowly.' However, Shion is as emotional, headstrong, and passionate as he is, so she understands him. That is why I see their relationship standing strong."
Allen gazed at her in frank admiration, and her face began to turn a rosy red, a direct contrast to her purple hair. "Shelley, you amaze me with your insight. How can you know so much about Jr. and his way of thinking and all, and yet avoid talking to him? I think the two of you would have things worked out fast if you just talked to one another."
Shelley held up a hand, and Allen knew he'd better stop where he was for the time being. "I know Little Master as well as I do because of the length of time I worked beside him. That does not mean I can speak to him. I know you are simply trying to help, Allen, but I would rather we not pursue that line of conversation."
He nodded and put out his hand for her to take. "Now that I've once again weighed you down with my feelings, how about we get back to the Professor and Scott? It's not going to be pretty, though," he warned.
She hesitated for a few seconds, and he was thinking of lowering his hand when she placed hers in it. "I am not frightened, Allen. Please lead the way." Her eyes sparkled at him, and he gave her a brief grin before they hurried back to a raging Professor and a cowering Scott.
"Professor, relax. I'm back, and I've brought another assistant for you," Allen said, stepping aside and indicating Shelley.
The Professor eyed Shelley beadily. "Women don't know the first thing about complexities such as what we're working on. She should just make her way right back up to the bridge, where she'll be less in the way."
Shelley walked over to him, took the small contraption he was holding in his hand, and examined it thoroughly. "It would appear you are nearly finished with this communicator. It seems to be constructed solidly, but will it work?"
The Professor snapped, "It had better work, or else The Arrogant One will be down to say his piece. He only ever comes down here to complain." He started bouncing up and down, a strange dance he did when he was excited or annoyed.
Shelley struggled to keep a straight face. "Are you referring to Little Master?" Even she had to admit the description fit him quite well at times.
The Professor made an undignified noise. "I like my title for him much better, thank you. Could we finish this up? So many ideas, yet so little time. One never knows when he will keel over and kick up his heels, after all." He laughed loudly, and after glancing at one another in amusement, Allen and Shelley began working busily.