He didn't come with me in the ambulance and I didn't blame him. He shouldn't of had to, I'd hurt him again. I couldn't learn from my mistakes, could I? I could have made it easier for both of us, and ignored the thoughts, but I didn't, and I can't even say that I'm sorry. Yes, I'm sorry for putting Charlie through god knows what, of course I am, but to say that I regret doing it to myself at all...it would be a lie. I haven't seen him since lying in his arms on the bathroom floor. I must have been a wreck. I must have turned him into one, too.
The doctors and the nurses had lost all sympathy for me since last time, except for one, who smiled at me whenever no one else was looking. Her name was Carrie, from how everyone surrounding my bed addresses her, and she has curly, blonde hair. They look angry with me, when they look down at see the damage I've caused. Some seem disgusted. It's only my second trip, and more than half of the hospital hates me, though the first time was over something I couldn't really control. The first time, Charlie was with me. That nurse's smiles were literally the only reason I was getting through this without him, and she'd never even spoken a word to me directly. I couldn't even force myself to smile back at her.
I wondered where he was, and what he was doing. I thought about what he'd be thinking of at that exact moment, and if he was worried about me at all. I didn't want him to be, but at the same time, I did. I wanted him to show me just how much he was.
Was he happier without me?
Of course he was. Like he should be. If I was gone, then nobody would have any more reason to be upset. I was going to make sure of it, as soon as I got the chance. As soon as I left the all too familiar walls of the hospital room behind. Smiles from a stranger weren't going to stop me.