It's funny how some chapters seem to write themselves… this was one was a lot easier to write than the previous chapter. Appreciation and thanks to those folks who have been following this story. Please take the time to review… all comments and opinions are deeply appreciated.

Chapter Ten

Hawke stood in front of the opened double doors of the large, wooden wardrobe that sat in the corner of her room, and wondered where the rest of her clothing had gone. She stuck her head in and looked into the dark recesses of the wardrobe for any garments that she may have missed. Finding no more clothing hidden in the corners, or on the back of the top shelf, she withdrew her head from the empty wardrobe and turned away in frustration. Andraste's ass! Now what am I supposed to do?

Hawke, frowning, surveyed her room and realized that every single piece of clothing and armor she owned was now strewn carelessly about in numerous discarded piles of fabrics, leathers and metals. By the Maker…I've tried on everything I own and I still can't find something that fits right. Hawke, with hands on her hips, sighed in loud frustration and continued to look over her discarded clothing. She came to the conclusion that she no longer had any clothing that would comfortably fit her expanded girth. She had recently reached the five month mark of her pregnancy, and Hawke knew that she would no longer be able to hide her pregnancy for much longer.

Hawke, more than a little depressed by her realization, moved to her bed and sat down on its edge amidst the mounds of garments that she had been trying on. Hawke placed a hand over her rounded stomach, and looked over at her favorite set of armor with longing. She sighed once more, but this time in resignation. She would not be wearing any of her armor again; at least not until after she had given birth. However, her robes could be taken to a seamstress to be let out- at least until she grew too big even for that. Then she would be forced to purchase new clothing that would fit. Or I could simply close myself up in my room, naked, until I gave birth. I'm sure Fenris would probably like that idea. That thought brought a quick smile to her lips.

"You do realize that the rather large wooden thing in the corner of your room was made to hold your clothing."

Hawke looked over at Anders as he entered her bedroom, and in a rather child-like gesture, she stuck her tongue out at him- which was more than a little out of character for her. But she was irritated and depressed, and she did not feel like sparring with Anders - verbally or otherwise.

"I dare say I could find a much better use for your tongue, Cat." Anders grinned and pushed aside a pile of her robes so that he could sit down on the bed beside her. When Hawke failed to give Anders the expected response to his intentional ribald suggestion, he gave Hawke a sideways inquiring look. "You are either finally succumbing to my dashing good-looks and obvious charms, or there is something that is bothering you, Hawke." Anders chuckled when Hawke raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, usually after a suggestion such as that, I would have received some sort of physical retaliation from you… or at the very least an exasperated 'Anders!'." He put an arm around Hawke's shoulders and leaned closer to her. "Tell me, Cat… what's wrong?"

Hawke looked at her friend with a glum expression and said, "I can't fit into my armor anymore. Nothing I own fits right. How am I supposed to hide my condition from the damn bloody templars, and Knight-Commander Meredith now?"

"Well, I suppose you could just have new armor made that would fit you…but I don't think that would be a very good idea. Any armor you wore now, would only call more attention to…" Anders smiled and put a hand over her expanded belly. "…well, to this."

Hawke gave Anders a fleeting smile and then took in a deep breath, before exhaling it in a loud rush of air. "I guess I'll just have to have a few of my robes adjusted and wear those. But that still doesn't solve the main problem. In another month or so, everyone, including the templars, will find out the truth. No matter what I wear then, I won't be able to disguise my condition any longer."

"Then maybe you should give further consideration about leaving Kirkwall. At least until after the child is born," suggested Anders.

Hawke shook her head, discarding his suggestion to leave. "We've already had this discussion. I am not leaving my home, Anders. Besides, there are too many people in Kirkwall that rely on me for help. The mages in Kirkwall need my help- need our help, Anders. It wouldn't be right for me to turn my back on them and just leave."

Anders sighed at her stubbornness to stay in Kirkwall, yet a bigger part of him was relieved that she planned on staying. Hawke was the closet thing that he had to family, and she was his closest friend. Over the past few years Anders had relied heavily on her help with the underground movement to free Kirkwall's mages, and he knew he would need her help and support even more in the coming months ahead.

But the problem was that Anders was now starting to feel more than a little guilty in continuing to accept her help, while she was in her present condition. By helping him and their fellow mages, Hawke was putting herself- and her unborn child- directly in harms way. But his need-his obsession- to free all mages from Chantry law, was greater than the love and concern he had for Hawke. And this fact was tearing him apart inside.

"Anders? Are you alright?" asked Hawke. "You're very quiet all of a sudden…" Hawke gently squeezed the hand that he had placed on her stomach, in an attempt to gain his attention again. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes…you're staying. I did hear you." He turned his face towards her. "But maybe it's time for you to stop aiding these people."

"Stop? Why would I ever stop helping?" she asked with bemused frown.

"Why? Because you cannot risk the health and welfare of you, or the child you carry, by continuing to put yourself in harms way," Anders said, partly in an effort to ease his own feelings of guilt.

"I know I'll have to stop fighting for a few months right before the child is due, but after the child comes-"

Anders cut her off. "You will be home taking care of the child. Or do you plan to fight with the babe at your breast? Unless you plan on hiring a wet-nurse to feed your babe and a servant to watch the child, your days will be spent at home taking care of your child." Anders', seeing the stubborn and defiant expression Hawke wore, added, "You have Fenris' feelings to consider as well, Cat."

Hawke stared at Anders nonplussed for a moment before turning her head away from him. Anders' words had taken her completely by surprise. She had never given much thought about what would happen once the child arrived. Her only concern up to now had been about hiding her pregnancy from everyone. Hawke rose from the bed and began to gather her clothes from off of the surrounding floor, all the while pondering Anders' words.

Anders, still seated, watched Hawke as she went around her room, picking up clothing and various pieces of armor, and then returning them to their original place of keeping. He stayed silent and gave her the time to sort things out in her mind. Soon Hawke walked over to him, and without speaking, he handed her the rest of her clothing that had been piled on the bed beside him. He hadn't meant to upset her, but he didn't think she still understood how much motherhood was going to change her life- or the way that she would live it from then on.

Which was exactly what Hawke was thinking as she straightened up her room; that her life was never going to be the same again. And she didn't know if she was ready for such a momentous change in her life. Hawke did not want to stop fighting for those who were too weak, or too scared, or who were simply unable to defend themselves. She had been given the opportunity to make a real difference in this small corner of the world and she wasn't willing to put all that aside. What am I going to do? How can I turn my back on those that still need my help? Maker above… what am I going to do?

Hawke finished putting her clothing away and then turned back towards Anders. He had a concerned look on his face, but she had no words to ease his mind. She had no answers. Not for him… not for herself.

But then a thought suddenly occurred to her… Anders had never explained his reason for his visit today. Hawke walked over to stand in front of him and then asked, "Anders? Was there a specific reason for your visit today?"

Anders studied Hawke's face for a moment before replying. He could tell that she was troubled by what he had said to her, but she seemed not to want to discuss her thoughts on the matter with him. Anders took that as a bad sign, but he decided not to pursue the matter for the moment. He smiled at her and asked, "I wanted to know if you've decided on which midwife to use for your delivery?"

"I will not be using a midwife," Hawke stated.

Taken aback by her reply, Anders raised both his eyebrows brows at her in astonishment. "Cat- you can't mean to deliver the child on your own? That is just foolish. I told you that every one of those women would be very discrete… I trust them completely." Anders knew that Hawke was worried about the templars finding out about the birth of her child right away, so he had chosen each midwife very carefully. Each of the women in question were in complete support of mages and their right to live as free as anyone else, and they had often helped Anders out in the past with his work at the clinic, and with the mage underground movement.

"Of course I don't intend to deliver my child by myself, Anders… I want you to do it." Hawke smiled at the surprise on his face. "You are a healer, Anders, after all. And I know you have delivered the children of other women before, so I don't know why you seem so surprised that I should wish you to deliver mine."

Anders folded his arms across his chest and replied, "And what about Fenris?"

"Fenris? Whatever in Thedas does he have to do with this?"

Anders shook his head in amazement and wondered if her obtuseness was intentional. "Fenris is the father of this child. Fenris thinks I am a walking abomination that should be made tranquil. Fenris hates the fact that you and I are even friends, Cat… the elf will not allow me to deliver this child. Not ever."

"Fenris does not tell me what to do, Anders. He will have no choice but to allow it," Hawke declared with stubbornness, crossing her arms in front of her. "Besides, Fenris is not as bad as you make him out to be, Anders. You'll see… things will be fine."

Anders shook his head again and said, "You, Cat, have a blind spot when it comes to the elf. Mark my words… you are in for a major fight over this with Fenris." Anders stood up and smiled at Hawke. "Just remember that I did warn you."

Hawke returned his smile and said, "Your warning is duly noted. So does this mean that you will do this for me?"

Anders shrugged his shoulders and said, "Why not? The elf already dislikes me." Anders took Hawke's hand in his and pulled her to him for a hug. "I would do just about anything for you, Cat," he said to Hawke in a soft voice, as she hugged him back.

"Thank you, Anders," Hawke said, happy that he had agreed to her request. She tightened her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. "I feel much better knowing that you will be there."

Breathing in the subtle fragrance of her hair, he closed his eyes and for one brief moment, Anders allowed himself to imagine what could have been… what should have been… if only that blasted elf hadn't come into their lives.