Author's Note: Here's the big conversation, so the rest of the vacation can be nothing but fun (and some UST and stuff). Thanks to everyone who's reading and reviewing - it's really making me work harder on finishing faster, knowing that people are waiting to find out what happens. Two quick things: one, I'm spelling Zack's name the way it's spelled on the Fox website and on the trophy Cam gave to Zack on the show. I know a lot of people spell it differently, but I figure that's more reliable than imdb, which has it spelled with the 'h.' Sorry if I'm wrong; I figured going with how it was shown on the show was the safest way to go. Two, the thing that happens to Parker really did happen to me on a fishing trip when I was little, so believe me, it is totally possible.

Thank you for reading.

Ch 10

When Booth woke up in the morning, he realized he was already smiling. It wasn't hard to figure out why. His nose was pressed into the back of his partner's head, her shampoo smell filling his nostrils. And he was pretty much as close to the rest of her as he could get while still having clothes on.

And while his arms were around his partner, hers were around his son. Parker was sleeping soundly, mouth open, drooling slightly on her arm. He couldn't remember ever waking up so happy. Which was sad in its own way, because he was sure it was a once in a lifetime thing.

His partner's walls didn't tumble down often, and she always put them back up quickly. So, he figured he should enjoy it while it lasted.

He had no sooner laid his head back down on the pillow than his son's messy blonde head of curls popped up and looked at both adults. He smiled at his dad, who put his finger to his mouth in silent greeting. Parker nodded, peering so closely at Brennan's face that Booth was amazed she didn't just wake up feeling the gaze – or feeling him breathing on her.

Satisfied that she was still sleeping peacefully, Parker crept out of the bed as carefully as he could.

Guessing what his son was after, Booth wasn't surprised when Parker bolted for the nearest toilet as soon as he was free of the bed. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was still early – they might have to rush to make it to the fishing boat on time, but they were still okay. He heard the toilet flush and Parker came back into the room, coming to Booth's side of the bed.

Booth craned his neck to see his son as best he could. "You want to fix breakfast again, buddy?"

"Nope. I wanna go watch cartoons," Parker whispered.

"Okay, I'll come turn on the TV…"

"I can do it! You gotta stay here with Tempe!" Parker insisted.

"Why?" Booth asked, confused.

"Because, if she wakes up all by herself she'll be lonely. She'll think we left her alone in the night, when she was sad! I'll stay if you want to get up, Daddy, but we can't leave her alone!"

"Okay," Booth said, realizing his son was dead serious if he was volunteering to stay in bed after waking up, which was impossible for his squirmy, active son. "I'll stay with her. You can go watch cartoons. You can get cereal if you want, but NO cooking."

"Okay."

Booth watched his son run out of the room. Then, he turned back around and looked at his partner's face closely. He wasn't surprised to find that she was awake, pretending to be asleep with her eyes closed. "ANY chance at all you slept through that?" he asked quietly.

The smile she was very nearly containing broke free and she opened her eyes. "Sorry. He was so concerned, I didn't want him to think he spoiled his own efforts."

"Thank you. Do you feel… okay… today?"

She nodded, looking a bit self-conscious. He could tell the walls were going back up, but hopefully they weren't quite as high as they'd been the day before. "I could reschedule the fishing for another day," he offered.

"No, Parker's so excited about it; you don't need to do that."

"He'll understand."

"I'm okay, Booth, really," she said sincerely. He was doing the eye-searching thing to make sure she wasn't lying or hiding anything. She let him.

He finally nodded, satisfied. Then, to her surprise, he kissed her on the cheek before getting up.

She heard them getting prepared for their trip, hurrying a bit, making various noises throughout the house, but didn't feel the need to get up. It was a vacation, after all, and she didn't have anything strictly scheduled. She had talked about going SCUBA diving today, but she didn't feel up to it now. She had things to mull over, the conversation from the night before, her feelings in general, the things they hadn't talked about yet, specifically Zack… she had way too much on her mind to be completely safe while diving today.

They came in to tell her goodbye before they left, and she dozed lightly for another hour or so before getting up. She fixed herself a simple breakfast of fruit, toast, and the coffee Booth had left on for her, and took it out to the table outside to eat while watching the waves.

The rhythmic motion of the waves had a calming effect on her. She knew, rationally, that she didn't need to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about crying in front of Booth like that the night before, but part of her still automatically steered her in that direction. She had been a very private person her entire life, after all. Over the years of their partnership and friendship, she had told Booth things even Angela didn't know, and he never reacted to anything he told her as though it made her weak or too emotional to be effective at her job, or anything else. Sometimes he even seemed to act like he thought it made her stronger. She didn't understand that completely illogical conclusion, but she could try to accept it.

It was easier to accept it here, away from work, when the underlying fear that if he thought she wasn't capable of handling something emotionally, he might not think she was safe to go into the field with as his partner anymore, existed in a more removed, more theoretical state. It was still a real concern she couldn't quite shake, but it was easier to believe that it wasn't true when they were at the beach having a good time.

Those fears under control for now, her thoughts turned to her interrupted phone call with Angela the previous evening. She wasn't so sure she wanted to finish the phone call. Angela would undoubtedly be helpful, in a very blunt, forceful way. But last night, talking to Angela had only made her aware of an issue she hadn't even been considering… and didn't she have enough issues to try to handle at the moment, on her own, without Angela pointing out others?

Still, it had been brought up. There was no dismissing it entirely now. She went inside and tried to call Angela back, but the artist's voicemail message came on after several rings. "Hi, Ange… sorry I didn't call you back last night… um, call me back when you get a chance so we can finish talking about the thing we were talking about before. I still don't think you were right about it, by the way, but we should talk about it. Thank you. Bye."

Well, she couldn't expect Angela to sit around by her phone all day waiting for Brennan to call her from the beach. Thinking about Angela, and what Angela would suggest doing right now if she were here, Brennan decided that instead of SCUBA today, she might do a little souvenir shopping and take her time exploring the town a bit more.

She dressed comfortably for that task in a blue tank top and loose, crinkly skirt with bunches of blue colors in it bleeding together and comfortable sandals for lots of walking. Plenty of sunscreen applied, she grabbed her sunglasses, the keys to the house, and her bag. She was almost out the door when it occurred to her that if she got preoccupied in town, Booth and Parker might actually get back from their fishing trip before she did. She quickly left a note explaining where she went and left it on the empty countertop before setting out.

As she explored the various shops, she thought about things her friends would like. She didn't always bring things back for them when she went somewhere, but if she saw things she knew would appeal to them, she often did. The task was interesting enough to keep her busy, but simple enough that she could still think about things while she shopped – the internalized, one-sided version of shopping with Angela.

She found herself picking out things for Parker fairly easily; well, that made sense. He was a child, and liked just about anything. She got him a disposable underwater camera, thinking that he would probably have fun with it in the pool or the ocean, since he was practicing his snorkeling every day. It came in a package with two other, non-waterproof disposable cameras. She also got him a stuffed animal of a penguin wearing a Hawaiian-style tee-shirt with removable sunglasses, because he had mentioned he liked penguins.

In a smaller, less-touristy shop she found a sculpture Angela would love and made arrangements to have it shipped, not wanting to lug it around all day and even worse, have to fly back with it safely.

She got a selection of beach-themed bath salts and other similar products for Cam, because it seemed like something Angela would have reminded her to do and nudged her towards. Hodgins was difficult. She stopped to eat a quick, light lunch and then continued looking for something Hodgins would like. She had just remembered Hodgin's obsession with pirates and selected a print of a very old pirate map of the island and the surrounding area for him, and was leaving the store when she spotted it.

The funny hat grabbed her attention instantly – it was apparently meant to be worn while swimming, to create the effect of an approaching shark. The thing was ridiculous looking, the sort of thing bought as a whim on vacation, used there, and no doubt relegated to the closet when the suitcase was emptied out at home. But it nearly made her cry.

The goofy hat reminded her of Zack.

She picked it up and saw herself taking it to the register and buying it as though she were watching her own actions through a security camera in the next room. She made it out of the store and was hurrying along the pavement, trying to rationalize away the clenched feeling in her stomach, but all she could think of was that Zack wouldn't be there at the lab to get his present when she got home. She'd have to take it to him, there, in that place, and they might not even let him have it.

And why would he want it anyway? she thought angrily to herself. It was a stupid hat with a plastic shark fin sticking out the top! Everyone else had given Zack items he cherished, things Booth had gathered together and taken to Zack at the institution. All she'd ever given him was that damn acceptance letter… Booth had brought the letter to her attention and comforted her with it, and with what he thought it meant, to Zack, and that had helped… but she still felt responsible for not giving him more.

She couldn't give him this stupid hat! It wasn't good enough. And he couldn't exactly go swimming where he was – when would he ever get to use it?

She shoved the hat into one of the rubbish bins strategically placed along the pavement and charged into the next store determined to find something that was good enough for Zack.

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Booth was getting worried. He and Parker had gotten back from their fishing trip at around two. The day had been great, spending time on a boat with his son. That in and of itself was enough to make him happy; the fishing was just a bonus. He was a little sunburnt, having reapplied sunscreen to Parker twice but erroneously thought that he himself would be fine without it.

They hadn't caught any fish either. Parker had somehow managed to catch some kind of an eel, and had been so shocked at the sight of it when he reeled it out of the water that he'd nearly dropped his fishing pole in the ocean. Even the guide had been surprised – but had quickly cut it from Parker's line before the little boy could bring it aboard. That had been plenty of excitement for Parker, who thought catching an eel was much cooler than catching a fish ("Anybody can do that, Dad," Parker had insisted).

They'd eaten lunch on the boat and returned at two with Parker dying to tell Brennan about his big adventure catching the eel. Booth had found the note she'd left and been surprised that she'd thought to leave it. He'd tucked the note into his suitcase and played with Parker in the pool for a little while, sure she'd be home soon…

It was now well after three; Parker was asleep in his room, and Booth was getting concerned. It wasn't like her to spend so much time shopping. Especially without Angela there twisting her arm. While he couldn't imagine what sort of trouble she could have stumbled across shopping for souvenirs… he knew something was amiss. He just knew it.

He was perched on the edge of the countertop, rolling a bottle of water back and forth between his hands and looking generally pensive when she came in the back door.

She was carrying several shopping bags, but she looked utterly defeated. He hopped off the counter and hurried over to her. "What happened, Bones?" he asked as she dumped all of the bags by the door and took off her sunglasses.

"Oh, hi, Booth. I didn't know you were back," she said, sounding as though her brain were miles and miles away from the rest of her.

"It's after three, we've been back for a while. Parker's asleep. What. Happened."

"I… I couldn't find anything," she said, finally looking him in the eye.

Her eyes had that sad, scared, lost look to them that he hated, because it broke his heart. She hardly ever got that look. Usually it had something to do with her father or brother when she did, but he'd seen it a few other times too. He couldn't imagine what could have happened during shopping that could have produced such a look, though.

"Come here." He grabbed her arms lightly and pulled her into the living room, where it was cooler. She looked slightly overheated; it was a very hot day outside and she'd obviously been doing a lot of outdoor walking, carrying bags and things. Bits of hair had come loose from her ponytail and were hanging limply around her face, and her cheeks and shoulders were pink.

She was a bit sweaty too, although he doubted she'd appreciate it if he pointed that out. The redness of her cheeks and the blueness of her shirt were making her eyes seem even more blue than usual. It was not helping him resist the urge to hug her to him tightly until she was somehow magically better. She needed to talk first. He knew that.

He guided her over to the sofa and sat down on the coffee table himself, their knees almost touching when they both sat. He pressed the bottle of water he'd been drinking into her hands. She looked at it for a few seconds and then started drinking it absently. She finished it off and set it aside. "Thanks. I… couldn't find anything," she repeated.

"Those bags by the door seem to indicate otherwise. What do you mean you couldn't find anything, Bones?" he pressed gently.

"For Zack," she answered meaningfully, looking him in the eye again. Her eyes were filling with tears. "I… I found things for Parker right away, he's so easy, and Angela, Cam, even Hodgins! And then I saw… I saw this stupid, ridiculous hat with an artificial shark fin on it and it reminded me of Zack because he'd let Hodgins put anything on his head no matter how silly it looked, and he walked around as half a cow like it was the most normal thing in the world, when even though it was Halloween, he still looked more unusual than the rest of us, and… it was so stupid. He has no use for an artificial shark fin hat where he is now."

She said the last sentence with such intense conviction that Booth, who hadn't understood most of what she'd said up to that point, still got the meaning behind it. He covered her hands, which were in her lap, with his, rubbing the backs of her hands with his thumbs while he tried to think of the right way to respond. "Zack… would still think it was funny. He'd appreciate the gesture," he tried.

"I threw it away; it was a stupid idea. But I had to get him something! I couldn't get something for everyone else and not for him! I… I tried. I wanted to get him something; you all gave him things and I never did, but… I couldn't find anything. I couldn't find anything that was good enough. I looked everywhere," she said, looking upset enough that he knew she was two seconds from standing up again, and pacing, so he couldn't see her wiping her eyes.

He slid forward on the coffee table so now their knees were touching, and leaned forward more, their heads almost touching too, still holding her hands. "Bones, Zack is a genius, but he's a goofball. He'll like anything you get him. He'd've liked that shark hat. This isn't about not finding the right souvenir for Zack, is it?"

"Well, obviously that's not all it's about! You're going to quote Sweets now, aren't you?"

"No. Not quote him. But I might sound like him for a minute or two. Just don't tell him," he added, trying to get a smile out of her. It didn't work, but he could tell she appreciated the effort. "You're putting a lot of value on what you bring Zack back. For two reasons, I think. The first one is because you want to bring something back for everyone, because then it will be easier to think of this as any old vacation, and when we go home, everyone will be there at the lab together to get their presents from you at the same time." She was about to argue, so he just continued. "I know you know that's not what's going to happen. But you can pretend, for part of the time, that everything at home is the way it used to be, if you do something normal like picking out gifts for everyone while you're here. The second reason is because you still feel guilty that you hadn't given him any of the knick-knacks he kept in his office, even though I showed you the letter. Which, by the way, he was keeping safely stored in a drawer, in an envelope that had been opened enough for me to tell that he was trying to keep it safe, but he still took it out to read it and look at it a lot."

"Maybe," she reluctantly admitted after several moments of silence.

He nodded, then, after a few minutes, said, "This is where Sweets comes in though, I guess, because I don't know what to do now, to fix this. All I can think to say is the same thing I said before. You get credit for everything in that office, because you gave Zack a home at the Jeffersonian. First by making him your grad student, then by getting Cam to hire him after he got his PhDs…"

"Angela did that," Brennan said dismissively. "She gave him the makeover so Cam would know he could be effective in front of a jury…"

"She polished him up a little. You threatened to quit if Cam didn't hire him."

"Oh. You found out about that?" she asked, looking a bit sheepish.

"Yeah."

"I don't seem to be very effective at blackmailing people."

He chuckled. "That's a good thing, Bones. Anyway, Cam knew he was important to you, and to everyone else there, so he stayed. But you brought him there first, Bones. That means something. He may have bonded to everyone there, but you're the one that brought the puppy home. That matters."

She looked like she wanted to object to his metaphor, but she let it go with a huge sigh. "I just… I feel like… I can't even describe it. I tried to be a good teacher to him… Parker said maybe he just didn't want to learn, but it can't be that simple. I must have done something wrong, spent too much time out of the lab, not encouraged him enough… I was trying to let him do things more on his own so he would gain more confidence in his own abilities without having me check every step of his work, but maybe he thought I was neglecting him…"

"You didn't neglect him," Booth said, surprised. "Bones, he was an adult. A strange one, but he was an adult. You can't take responsibility for his choices."

"I know that, intellectually. But I've still never felt more responsible for the mistakes of another person in my life, Booth. It's like…" she struggled to find another way to explain this to him. "Booth, what if it was Parker?" she asked suddenly.

He straightened a little bit, not liking the comparison, but she squeezed his hands back for the first time and continued.

"No, Booth, please. Hypothetically. If Parker did something like this. If Parker ended up committing a crime… how would you treat him afterwards? I thought by getting my dad off the murder charges and getting Zack committed instead of put in prison I was helping them, but what if it's only going to make it worse? His prior choices aside, I've basically condoned what he did by helping him…"

"You haven't," he interrupted. "You haven't condoned what he did. Your father or Zack. Zack especially. Bones… if it was Parker, I'd have acted exactly the same way you've acted."

"Really?" she asked after a few moments.

"Really. You were compassionate with him in the hospital. You guided him into understanding what he'd done wrong. You taught him how he'd gone wrong. You guided him to make amends the only way he could at that point by helping us catch Gormogon. You've helped heal him physically with all the plastic surgeons you've been sending to work on his hands. You've helped him heal emotionally by not abandoning him for what he did, but continuing to support and love him for who he is, despite what he did. That's more than most kids get from their own biological parents. That's more than Zack's getting from his own, from what I hear. And I couldn't do more than that for Parker, if it were him."

He watched her while she mulled that over for several minutes, looking down at their hands while she thought. She finally looked up again and said, "You're the best parent I know."

"Bones…"

"I'm not trying to flatter you, Booth. It's true; it's a fact. You're a wonderful father. So, if you're saying that I did the right thing… I have to believe you."

He gave a half-smile, pleased, but had to ask, "Then why don't you look a little more relieved?"

"Because, I can appreciate and understand and accept everything you've just said, but I still feel a sense of guilt and responsibility for what happened. And that, I don't understand."

"Well, that, Bones, I do understand perfectly." At her puzzled look, he continued. "I still feel guilty for every scraped knee, every bruised elbow Parker's managed to get while he was with me. Even though I know there wasn't anything I could've done to stop it… the guilt's still there. It never goes all the way away, when someone you love gets hurt. But it does get better. You can't protect everyone all the time, Bones. Especially from themselves."

"You're pretty good at it," she mumbled, almost too quietly for him to hear. She was staring at his chest, and even though he was wearing a tee-shirt, he felt like she was staring at the bandage over his bullet wound.

"Bones, I didn't mean… do you feel guilty about me getting shot?" he asked, unable to keep the surprise from his voice as the thought occurred to him.

"Of course I feel guilty about you getting shot, Booth!" she responded quickly. "How can I not feel guilty? She was trying to shoot me, and you got in the way! I thought you died, and I thought it was my fault! You didn't die, but it was still my fault! I was facing the door and I didn't even see her come in; I was so busy acting like a fool on stage that I didn't even notice her until I saw her and heard the gun and saw you go down all at once, then there was just blood, everywhere…"

She wasn't even trying to ignore the fact that she was crying anymore. "Hey," Booth interrupted gently, trying to get closer to her. It wasn't easy with the way they were sitting. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers, their joint hands getting a bit smooshed between their bodies.

One of her hands slid up to the spot on his chest where the bandage was, like it was moving all on its own. He covered her hand there with his again and said firmly, "It was Pam Noonan's fault that I got shot, Bones. It wasn't yours. For every argument you have that it was your fault, there's another one that it was my own fault. You're a wonderful partner and I trust you with my life in the field, but you don't have the official training I do for scoping out locations, Bones. I should have seen her come in, not you. I should have paid more attention to you and Sweets warning me she was a threat, and had someone watching her. Hell, I should have picked up on her tailing us for days. You can play this 'what if' game at the end of every case that doesn't end the way you want it to but it'll just kill you if you do. It wasn't your fault. I don't blame you for me getting shot. Nobody does, and nobody would."

"I can't help it," she whispered.

"I thought you were mad at me for Zack," he said suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, but he was going somewhere.

"What?" she asked, confused, and looking like she was getting a headache.

"I knew you were mad at me for not telling you I wasn't dead. But I believed you when you told Parker you were forgiving me for that. I thought you were still mad at me for Zack."

"Why would I blame you for Zack?"

"You blamed me for not stopping him for going to Iraq," he reminded her. "And I did want to stop him from doing that, Bones, despite what I told you. What I told you was the truth. That was why I didn't stop him. But that didn't mean I didn't want to stop him. The way I have it figured, he was more messed up when he came back from Iraq than he let anybody see. I… think that might have made him easier prey for Gormogon. That makes what happened to Zack my fault. That's how I feel about it, and I thought that's how you felt about it too."

She shook her head. "I don't blame you for Zack. I blame you for not telling me you were dead, but I've forgiven you for that, Booth, really. We don't even need to talk about that again, it's just… over. But I never blamed you for Zack, Booth. I accepted and understood your reason for not stopping him from going to Iraq long ago. You're not responsible for Gormogon preying on Zack, Booth, you're just, not."

"If that's true, then you're not responsible for Pam Noonan shooting me."

She gave him a sudden, surprised, suspicious smile, leaning back so their foreheads separated but she could see his face. "Did you just win an argument through logic and reason rather than by appealing to emotions and other unquantifiable factors?"

"I hope so."

Shaking her head in amazement, but smiling even more now, she said, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He felt truly relieved; that was one thing about Bones, once she made up her mind about something, that was it. If she really was okay with everything they'd just talked about, she was okay with it from now on. And he was more than a little relieved that he'd been wrong about her blaming him for Zack. He wasn't sure if he'd ever been so happy to be wrong before in his life, actually.

He sat up straighter, still smiling, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb quickly before pulling it off his chest. He kissed the back of her hand before letting it go. She raised an eyebrow at him. "I owed you," he said, to lighten the mood.

"What do you mean you owed me?" she asked, unwittingly taking the bait.

"You kissed my hand at the reflecting pool, right after the first Gormogon case…" he reminded.

"I did not!" she insisted. "I was going to drink my coffee and you put your hand there, Booth! You put your hand under my mouth, that's not the same thing as me kissing it!"

"Po-tay-to, po—tah-to," he countered, now grinning.

She swatted his arm, but she was laughing.

"Hey, what kind of counter-argument is striking your partner?"

"The appropriate response to your counterargument, because pronouncing the name of a common tuber two different ways is hardly a valid…" He was grinning so hugely now that she trailed off, laughing, and got to her feet.

He stood up too, holding his hands out at his sides. "We're okay?"

She hugged him so tightly that the back of his legs banged against the edge of the coffee table at the impact when she launched herself at him. "Yeah. We're okay, Booth."

This time, he really believed her.

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