Chapter 10: Tips

Kathryn

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I feel like such an idiot. I don't know why I wouldn't kiss him, and now I may have screwed it up. Well, I knew I would eventually. I had convinced myself it wouldn't happen this quickly, but I should have known. I just hope I won't lose him as a friend. I couldn't bear that.

"It'll be fine," Jones tells me Tuesday morning, "You're being stupid. You haven't broken up. Mark is not shallow enough to break up with you because you haven't kissed. There's more to a relationship then that. Sometimes you two can just be so…" He trails off. I pretend I don't hear the last part. I think he would rather I didn't.

He has a point I suppose. I'm assuming the worst, as always, but I can't just turn that part of me off. I don't work like that. I wish so much I did. But what's the point of wishing for something that will never happen.

After desperately trying to avoid him, I finally run into Mark after class. "Hey, Kathryn! Thank goodness. I've been trying to find you all day," he says running up to me. Has he really? That sounds like a good thing. Of course, he probably just wants to officially break up with me. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have tried to kiss you."

"No, I'm sorry. It's not that I don't want to kiss you…"

"No, it's fine. Are we fine?" A loaded question if I've ever heard one. But, I try not to think about it.

"Yes."

"Good, do you want to get some dinner?"

"Yeah."

That night I lie in bed for a long time going over every detail of our conversations over the past several days for the millionth time. I feel like I'm looking at this wrong. Is he really okay? I feel like he's still mad at me. I mean he says he's okay, but that can't be what he means. This is crazy. I just don't get people. I wish I could be more like Jones. He just seems to understand everything. Maybe it's just me that's so stupid about this.

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I get very little sleep. Before I know it, I'm back up and going back to class. It doesn't really faze me though. I'm used to it. I zone out a little in classes, but it's not like I need to hear this material. I'm still worried about Mark. I can't figure out how to make things better with him.

After class I head to the library to study. I can't concentrate on the book I'm reading for my paper. I'm crazy with worry. What am I supposed to do about this?

"Kathryn, can I talk to you for a moment." I look up and see Teddy standing above me because I definitely needed this situation to get worse.

"What do you want?"

"I need your help." Great, he's here to mess with me.

"Teddy, I'm really not feeling up to your crap right now."

"Look, put your resentment aside for a moment. I honestly need your help. You understand 4th year charms, right?"

"Um, sort of. I've read a lot. Why?"

"Because I need help in 4th year charms." This is almost comical, Teddy asking me for help. But at this moment, I can't deal with it. I have too much else on my plate.

"And you're asking me?"

"Yes. No one in my year likes me…"

"Neither do I."

"And I can offer you something in return." Oh this should be good.

"What can you possibly offer me in return?"

"I understand Mark."

"You barely know him."

"Can I be frank with you, McNeil? You suck at being a girlfriend. Mark is so good to you, and you can't seem to reciprocate that at all. You can't tell whether thing are good or bad in your relationship, and that makes it all seem bad for him. I can help you with that because I seem to understand mark a hell of a lot more than you do. So you'll tutor me in Charms, I'll tutor you in Mark, and we'll be even. What do you think?"

I can't find words. Part of me wants to yell at him, but the rest of me knows he's right. Maybe this is the way to make things better with Mark. "Okay."

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"Lesson one," Teddy says on Friday as we walk across the grounds, "don't assume there's some deep mysterious hidden meaning in anything he says or does. With Mark, hell with men in general, what you see tends to be what you get." We must look incredibly strange together, the nerdy, quiet Ravenclaw with the unstable Gryffindor Quidditch player. "That's your main problem. You over-analyze everything."

"How do you know?" A good question, if you ask me. Despite how much he may or may not know Mark, he doesn't know me.

"Two reasons. One, you're female. Two, I did my homework here. Mark ranted to me about your relationship, so I know what I'm talking about." Ranted? "In fact, right now you're analyzing what I said, probably trying to figure out if a rant has to be bad. Am I right?" Okay, so he does know what he's talking about.

"But how am I supposed to know what he means? People don't just always say everything they're thinking."

"True, but when it comes to the important stuff, Mark will talk to you about it. He won't talk to everyone, but he'll talk to you."

"But what if he doesn't?"

"See, this is your problem. Stop assuming everything is wrong."

"I can't just stop."

"I know. You have to work on it just like I have to work on that stupid charm."

"It's your wand grip. You're gripping it way too tightly for this spell."

"Thank you, I'll work on that. Can that just be our new designated response?"

"Fine. Thank you, I'll work on that. Jerk." This was getting weird. I couldn't possibly be forging a friendship with this idiot.

"You're welcome."

The weird thing is, it helps. That evening when we eat dinner with Mark, I try to not overanalyze everything Mark says. Whenever I find myself starting to worry about something, I stop. Well, I almost stop, but that almost makes a world of difference. Things would be perfect, if only Jones was there.

When Teddy and I met Mark after practice, I expected him to come with us, but he just sped on by and headed off. I'm worried about him. He never talks about his problems, and then they fester and get worse. I don't know how to make him open up to me. I barely know how to open up myself. The problem is that, now, he seems to be mad at Mark and me now. I don't know what I've done. That night, I don't sleep well again, but it's not Mark who's keeping me awake. I guess that's a start

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As usual, game week brings craziness from everywhere. I barely see Mark due to his practice schedule. The excitement in the school is tangible. I wouldn't be excited if Mark and Jones weren't on the team, but as they are, I'm hoping they play well. Due to the increasing booking of the pitch, Gryffindor has less time to practice; therefore, I see more of Teddy.

I stop dreading it. Helping him makes me feel accomplished and gives me a chance to actually practice these upper level spells, and he's helping me too.

On Wednesday, I finally get up the courage to ask for more help. "I just wanted you to know that you have, in fact, helped me with Mark."

"Well, thanks, but we're not out of the woods yet. I still have to get good marks on this paper, and you aren't all the way there either."

"I know, but I was wondering your opinion on another topic."

"Yes, you're pretty."

"What?"

"Oh, that wasn't what you were going to say, was it. It's just that you haven't asked the normal 'am I even pretty enough for him to like me' thing, and well I figure that was it, and now things are a little awkward. And now that I pointed that out, it's a lot awkward."

"Um…Thanks, I guess, but I was going to ask about Jones…"

"Oh, right. I don't think that Mark thinks anything will happen there, so you shouldn't worry about it. Unless you have feelings for him, which wouldn't surprise me. And now I've said completely the wrong thing again."

"Yes you have. Jones and I are just friends. Well, I think."

"Oh, he doesn't like you. Mark seems to think he's gay so…"

"What!?!"

"You know what, let's pretend that we didn't say any of that. You said, 'I was wondering your opinion on another topic'"

"Yeah, I was wondering if you think I'm overanalyzing things with Jones too."

"He hasn't really been talking to me, and I don't want to assume he's mad at me."

"Well, I'm not really good at Jones. The last time we talked, I almost hit him."

"Don't feel bad. A lot of people have that reaction."

"Anyway, I don't think he's mad at you. He's mad at Mark, and he thinks you'll take Mark's side so he's not bothering. That's my guess."

"So, how do I fix that?"

"I don't know! I don't get Jones, I already said that. He's so freaking annoying and pretentious that I can't stand to talk to him."

"He's my best friend."

"Right…"

"You have a tendency to say more than is necessary."

"I do. Thank you, I'll work on that." It hit me while I was lying awake late that night that I'd somehow become friends with Teddy Tonks. How the hell did that happen?

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"Ok, Kathryn, I think you're ready." Friday night before the first game. I'm not surprised that Teddy and I have plenty of space to study.

"Ready for what exactly?"

"My next lesson," he says. "You and Mark have this problem where you talk things out, but never actually resolve anything. So tonight, I want you to have an honest heart to heart with him."

As usual, I know he's right. "I'm afraid of saying too much."

"Well, you should be afraid of saying too little. There are deeper issues in your relationship that he's not going to talk to you about unless prompted."

"I thought you said that everything's better than I think it is."

"It's not bad, yet. You need to make sure he knows that you like him, too. He needs reminding. Just because he's a boy doesn't mean he doesn't also worry about whether or not you like him."

"Thank you. I'll work on that."

"Good, now what else should we do? The paper's in and now we just have to wait." We walk around the grounds talking about other classes and the upcoming game. Teddy explains to me that although our Chasers are probably the best collectively at the school, Hufflepuff's keeper is no joke. And something about their seeker going to be trying to catch the Snitch right away. I pretend to listen like I normally do when Quidditch comes up.

I'm trying to decide what exactly to say to Mark. He deserves to know everything, but I don't want to scare him away. Suddenly, as we pass the lake, I hear my name from across the grounds. I turn and see Mark bounding up to us. "Anjali let us out early to rest for the game. What are you two up to?"

"I was actually just leaving to do some homework," Teddy says with a smirk, "see you two tomorrow." Great, force me into it.

"Well, I guess it's just us then," he says grabbing my hand. We begin to walk toward the castle again. I have butterflies. It feels like it did before he told me he likes me.

"Hey, Mark." I say. No turning back now.

"Yeah."

"I like you a lot, and I want to be with you." He stops walking and turns to me, a confused look on his face.

"I'm glad. I like you too."

"Um, good." And with those few words, there's a shift in our relationship. It goes back to that relaxed ease. There's something to be said about this actually talking thing.

We walk back to the common room chatting about nothing. I like this. We get there and see a packed common room full of post game excitement. Mark elicits a round of applause from the group. He doesn't let go of my hand as he makes the rounds talking to people. I like the statement. I'm his and he's mine.

After a while of talking and laughing with strangers, easier with Mark there, Anjali is forced onto a table by two 6th years who're notorious for getting fire whiskey. In general, we're a pretty calm house, but sometimes people get a little crazy.

"Um, okay guys," she calls from the table, "I think it goes without saying that we've got the best team in the school and that we're going to slam Hufflepuff into the ground tomorrow, but…" I can't hear the rest of her sentence over the cheer that echoes across the common room. "Anyway, I think we all need to get a good night's sleep and be ready for tomorrow, team, so let's go."

Groans replace the cheers as she jumps off the table and heads for the stairs. "Night, babe," Mark says before planting a peck on my cheek. It's not a full blown kiss, but it's nice.

"You too, Wilson!" Anjali says when she reaches the foot of the stairs. For the first time, I notice Jones curled on a couch with a cup of butterbeer in his hands.

"I will, Patel, cool off," he replies in typical Jones fashion.

"You better." Maybe Teddy's advice can stretch to here too. Maybe talking will help.

"Hey," I say sitting next to him.

"Hey," he replies quickly.

"Are we okay?"

"As individuals or as an institution?"

"Both."

He looks up at me and raises his hand. He gestures between us, "yes." He points at me, "yes." He points on himself and stops for a moment, "I'll be fine."

"Really?"

"Yes. Stop worrying so much." He stands and places his cup on the table. "You heard the woman. Night."

"Good night." I can't help it that I worry about him, but maybe I should stop. I don't know. I'll need to work on that.