Know Thy Enemy as Thyself
Yet again, the Full House Gang had lost a battle and yet again, they returned home to lick their wounds. Of course; only one among them needed such treatment, this time around…Lucy. While Lynn was jumpy upon feeling the touch of antibacterial fluid, the wee Goth remained still.
"Wow" Jackson called out in amazement, "I wish I had your kind of calm resolve when I get my ouchies treated." Upon realizing he said the term "ouchies" in front of Lori, Jackson quickly covered his mouth in embarrassment. But much to his relief, she was too bothered by the battle to even notice.
"I don't really mind" Lucy murmured, "the pain is a way to remind me I'm still alive." Everyone, young and old, shuddered at the creepiness of her choice of words. To change the subject, Lisa brought out a large manila envelope and placed it upon the table.
"Family, friends…I regret to say that once again, we have had our collective buts kicked" the child genius stated. Her elder and younger sisters groaned softly; some even murmuring "thank you, Prof. Obvious." "Because of this, I feel the time has come to do some studying" Lisa added.
Upon hearing this, everyone let out loud groan of displeasure. "LIIIIISAAA!" groaned Lana, "it's Saturday; after the beating we just got, we deserve a break!" The other sisters all grumbled in agreement but were quickly silenced, when Ace raised his hand.
"Normally, I'd be siding with you ladies" he stated, "but this is the second time these guys have defeated us and I'm sure Lynn would agree to not wanting a third defeat." Lynn couldn't help but growl softly; to her, three outs meant the end of the game and he hated losing (almost as much as Lola did.) "The sooner we learn all that we can about these crooks, the sooner we can all chill out" Spade decreed.
With that in mind; everyone, begrudgingly, agreed to the terms and Spade gestured for Lisa to proceed. "In my hand, I have an envelope containing all the information I could find on these strange felons" she explained, gesturing at the envelope. Upon opening it; the family split up a series of pictures, police files on all the places that were hit, files on the recent string of robberies and one large image of a chessboard.
"Um…Lisa, I think the computer thingy printed a toy pic by mistake" Leni interjected, to which the wee genius gave a soft shake of her head. "It was no mistake, dear Leni" she stated, "our previous encounters with these strangers led me to think of a familiar pattern." Their curiosities piqued, the family all asked Lisa what was the pattern she saw.
She then directed their attention towards the pictures on the table. "Notice anything familiar between the Chess game and the criminals, everyone" she asked, hoping they'd see it too. Everyone observed the images closely, for several moments.
Finally, Lucy spoke up in saying the criminals attire seemed to resemble the game pieces. "That is absolutely correct, my grim kinfolk" Lisa cheered with a small smile, "more than that…it seems that these criminals are all making movements based on patterns found within the game." She went on to explain how their first meeting was against a group of pikemen and two bishops.
"All due respect, honey; what does that have to do with anything?" questioned Mrs. Loud. She was then asked to look at the armor of the pikemen in one photo and then, at the photo of the chess game. At first, the family matriarch saw nothing out of the ordinary…until she glanced at the warriors' helmets.
Then, she noticed something interesting regarding the shape of the armor they wore. After taking a moment to observe the chessboard photo, it all became clear. "Those pikemen or…whatever they are, they look just like the pawns in the game" she exclaimed.
Lisa gave her mother a broad smile, not only happy for her deciphering the clue. She was also happy at the fact that someone, other than her knew about the game of Chess. "No offense, brah; but that all seems like a whole lotta nothin" Luna mumbled.
"I can assure you, Luna that Mother's revelation holds more than you think" Lisa muttered softly. Then, she began to explain how like medieval pikemen; the pawns' purpose was to fend off attackers or keep prisoners (i.e. the other game pieces) at bay. "As we saw at the casino, the 'pawns' that attacked were holding down the residents within" explained the child prodigy.
"What about those guys in the robes with the big hats" questioned Leni, "those would be known as the bishops, dear sister" grumbled Lisa softly. "In Medieval Times; they were tasked by their leaders, either a king or the Pope, to manage a local church…or stifle any kind of unrest among the community that went against the holy law." Some of the team was able to understand, while others (namely Leni, the twins and Lily) stared blankly in confusion.
"But that was a casino, not a church" Jackson interjected, "what would they be doing there?" Lisa went on to explain why her previous description reflected a medieval bishop's purpose. Their place on the chessboard was to keep all the pawns in line and organize proper structure amongst the pawns.
Everything slowly became much clearer for the team, by now. But there were some things left unchecked or unmentioned about the matter. "Do you think these guys have something to do with the robberies and kidnappings" questioned Spade.
"That is my theory…but how nice of you to mention the previous crimes, Sir" murmured Lisa. With that in mind, she brought up a log on the not too recent weapons vault robbery. "I've printed out copies of this log for all of us to review, just to inform you" Lisa stated, while handing out papers.
The next half hour was spent in studying the log. Checking it over to see if anything appeared familiar or out of the ordinary. Alas, nothing of the sort seemed to be found; just some military grade steel, night-vision technology, computer chips containing data for plasma shields and parts from a broken mind-control device. Upon glancing at the final item, Spade raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"Anyone other than me notice something about a mind-control device being among the weapons vault inventory?" he asked. This revelation caused nine of the ten sisters and the parents to cast glares Lisa's way, which made Spade confused. After sweating under her family's glares for a minute or two, she let out a sigh of defeat.
"Long ago; before you came to join our household, Spade. I…made an invention for the local police force" Lisa murmured. Curious, Spade asked why this specific invention would warrant such cold glares from her family. To answer him, Lisa presented a set of blueprints; one that showed schematics for a plate of some kind.
"This doesn't seem too much of a concern" Spade stated, "many people in this world have plates in their heads." Lynn Sr. shook his head and said what he was looking at wasn't really a metal plate. "Apparently; the mayor asked Lisa to help them calm down the prison riots that have been happening, in the past" he explained.
Spade felt concerned about the matter of the riots. But wondered what Lisa attempted to do to change it all. That was when the young genius revealed that the plates were actually behavioral modification devices. With this revelation, the young detective soon felt a fraction of the Loud Family's disdain well up inside of him.
"You mean to tell us you made a device that can forcefully change how people feel?!" Jackson Keane roared with outrage, "how was I supposed to know altering human emotions was considered 'illegal' in this world" Lisa grumbled. "My invention would've done away with all the barbaric thoughts within criminal minds and make them into model citizens again!"
Rita cast a scolding glare at her young daughter, proclaiming that her idea was both morally and scientifically immoral to perform. "Apologies, Mother" Lisa groaned in exasperation, "but as the saying goes; if one wishes to make an omelet, they must break a series of excretions from the domestic foul." After taking a moment to erase Lisa's…crude description of a chicken egg from their minds, Lynn Sr. went on to say all the devices were later confiscated and disposed of.
"But not before each and every one of them was taken apart, piece by piece" added Rita. "Okay; I guess we're good, then" Leni chimed in, to which everyone questioned why she would think thus. "Well…even if the baddies stole Lisa's thingy; they can't do much with a bunch of broken parts, right" she asked.
That was when everything began to seem a little clearer. Someone, they didn't know who, was kidnapping innocent people and using modified versions of Lisa's device on them. Furthermore, it seemed all the more possible that these Chess-themed felons might have been behind it all.
But a few pieces of the puzzle had yet to be put in place. Spade scanned through the pile of photographs, once again and spotted one of Lord Reginald. "Tell me, why include this photo among all the other pictures and pieces of information you've collected" he asked. That was when Lynn Jr. jumped up and proclaimed that "Sir Fancy-Pants," as she called him, was the culprit all along.
"Come along now, Lynn" Rita murmured, shaking her head; "you should know better by now that the guilty party isn't always the 'most obvious' person in the room." The others murmured in agreement, making references to the popular and clichéd "the butler did it" trope seen through much of popular media. "Besides, Lord Reginald is a high class member of English society" Lisa added, "why would he, of all people, stoop to such low levels?"
"Well…what do we even really know about this guy" Lynn retorted, "all Lisa said was he's a historian and an archeologist. Other than that, what else do we know?" Everyone felt moderately divided by what they've just heard. On one hand, Lisa was right in saying that committing petty felony was often beneath people of Mr. Barnum's stature.
On the other hand, however; no one in the family, not even Lisa herself, knew the lord on a personal level. As such, he might've suffered some form of financial issues or social backlash that pushed him over the edge. But they had no evidence to prove such a claim.
"There must be someone who could help us" murmured Leni, who was staring at the pictures absent-mindedly. After a few moments of staring at the items on the table, no one seemed to know of an answer. That is, until an idea came into Rita's mind.
"What about that other high-class fellow that lives outside of town" she said suddenly. Spade and Jackson stared at her in confusion, while the Loud Sisters all bellowed with disgust. "There's no way we are asking him for help, Mom" Lori growled, "remember what he did, last Spring; he splashed Lana by driving over a puddle while she was walking Charles!" added Leni sadly.
As the sisters all began voicing their disdain for this unknown individual. Spade silently raised his hand high, catching their attention. "Sorry, everyone….but who is it that you're so upset about?" he asked, curiously; to which Rita answered by saying a simple name, Lord Tetherby.
Jackson let out a soft gasp of realization and revealed that this "Tetherby" was the heir to the Tetherby fortune. "His family are the one's who brought us the oh so fun playground game of tetherball" he murmured nostalgically. Spade took note of this revelation; thinking it might be of some use, later on.
Then, he asked the family why they feel such anger towards him. "He's one of those prissy stuffed shirts that live in the rich people territory, up near Huntington Manor" Lynn murmured venomously. "He also has a habit of picking on those of us who ain't rich like him" Luna growled.
Spade thought for a moment on how they could gain information from Lord Tetherby. Then, inspiration struck him like a blow to the head. "But it won't be any of us who talks to him" he stated suddenly, before rushing to the bathroom.
When he came out, a moment later; he was fully dressed in his Ace Savvy uniform. "Surely, 'His Lordship' wouldn't refuse assisting a hero in need of help" he said boldly, puffing out his chest. The girls couldn't help themselves in letting out a few stray giggles. But they were swiftly silenced by their mother, who also let out a giggle.
"This idea has…some possibility of success, Spade" Lisa admitted, "however, what will you do in the off chance he refuses to speak with you?" Ace thought for a moment and then said he would cross that bridge, when the moment arrived. With that, he hurried out of the building and up the pathway.
When he arrived at the estate, sometime later; Ace gave the door a knock and waited. Finally, it opened to reveal a rather short man with a stout physique, white hair, a matching white mustache, a fair complexion and a fancy suit.
"I'm sorry" murmured the man, "but I'm afraid it is much too early for All Hallows Eve for me to pass out candy to everyone in such outlandish clothes." Brushing off the small insult, Ace introduced himself to the man. "I'm actually Ace Savvy, you may have heard of me on the news?" he asked.
The man took a moment to think and then, it dawned on him. "Yes, you're the delightful buffoon Miss Mulligan spoke about o'er the past few weeks" he stated. Ace grumbled spitefully under his breath, offended that Mulligan would describe him to the public in such a way.
Pushing that thought aside, he shook the man's hand and got right down to business. "My apologies, Sir for disturbing you, Sir" he murmured, "but I came to ask you if this is the home of one, Lord Nigel Tetherby?" The man smiled and gave the hero a most gracious bow. "I am the man you seek, young hero" he stated, this gave Ace a faint glimmer of hope.
"A pleasure to meet you, Your Lordship" he said formerly, "sorry to intrude but I came to ask you something." Tetherby gave a weary groan and said he wasn't interested in making anymore donations to anyone. "No, Sir; it's not money I'm here for" Ace retorted, "I seek information."
With that said, Tetherby's demeanor slightly changed and he gave Ace the privilege to come inside. Upon arriving in the parlor; a butler approached the duo, offering them a tray containing small tea cakes. When asked if he desired one, Ace politely declined.
After Tetherby took a moment to sample his tea, he then asked the hero what he wished to know. "I'm certain you've seen the news, yes" questioned Ace, "aside from any moments of accidental mishaps my team and I have." The lord nodded and mentioned how "boorish" it was, seeing all those "ruffians" harass the people of Royal Woods that way.
"They claim that they want to 'change society for the better' in our town" Ace added, "they've destroyed so many properties already." "That's abysmal" murmured Tetherby, "if they truly wanted to change things…just buy out the businesses and remodel them to their desires." Tetherby let out a few chuckles but Ace, on the other hand was unamused.
"Oh, come now" chortled the lord, "don't be so stone-faced, it was just a little joke." Ace sighed and murmured how he had heard his fair share of poor jokes from his colleague, the Joker. "Moving along; while attending to the staff at the Ace in the Hole Casino, we crossed paths with someone you may or may not know of" Ace explained.
Upon mentioning the name of Reginald Barnum, Tetherby's interest was piqued. "Ah, I know of him" he stated, "but he's not among my associates around this neck of the woods." Ace felt intrigued by this and politely urged him to continue.
"He saved my father's life, during the Second World War" Tetherby explained, "while most people chose to relocate for their safety, he refused to leave his family's ancestral castle." This bit of information really caught Ace's attention. Perhaps the Loud Sisters were right in their speculation about him.
"Whatever became of his home" he asked, "was it destroyed from all the bombing…perhaps, raided by Nazi invaders?" Tetherby let out a chuckle; stating that while some soldiers did invade his home, it was a decision they'd come to regret. "Barnum's family comes from a long line of medieval nobles, from knights to counts" he explained.
"His family had lived in that castle for generations and he was willing to defend it to the bitter end, like the knights of old would." The mood slowly became rather somber, after a while. "After the war; despite the allies' victory, much of Barnum's home was damaged and would require repairs" Tetherby explained.
"I imagine a man of his status could afford such repairs, right" Ace guessed but Tetherby gave a soft shake of his head. "He could afford it…but they were impossible to do, at that point in time" Tetherby replied. "Because of such circumstances, some English troops had to escort him off the premises."
Ace felt a knot of sadness tie up inside of him. He knew the feeling of losing one's home to Fate all too well. "Whatever…Whatever became of his family's home" he asked curiously, "it's still standing, if that's what you wish to know" Tetherby answered.
"But by now, it's probably a decaying shadow of its former self." Upon sensing Tetherby's sadness, Ace offered him a sympathetic ear. "I can empathize with you, Sir" he said with a small frown, "long ago, I once lost someplace I considered my home."
Tetherby smiled at the hero and thanked him for his kindness. That was when matters began to feel rather tense. The lord soon noticed Ace's discomfort and asked if he was well.
"Oh…yes, I'm fine" the hero assured, "but if you don't mind my asking…and please do forgive me, if this seems I'm overstepping any boundaries. Do you think Lord Barnum may be the one responsible for the attacks that have occurred recently?" At first, Tetherby felt slightly offended by such an assumption. But once he recalled the overall demeanor of the attackers, it made some sense.
"I can assure you, Sir; he is not involved in any way" the noble stated, "a man of his status, even in today's time, would not perform barbaric actions." Ace felt some ring of truth in Tetherby's words. But wished to know if he could ask Lord Barnum himself and where he may find him.
"You would have to travel quite a long way, my friend" Tetherby stated, "his new home lies on the northern side of Michigan." Ace thanked Tetherby for his services, gave him a bow and left the estate. After exiting, he retreated to a more secluded area of the grounds.
There; he reached into his belt, pulled out a device and turned it on. "Come in…girls, come in; this is Ace calling" he whispered into the device; he was greeted by mostly static, after that. He tried again and after ten seconds, a voice picked up.
"This is the Fortress of Solitary, may I ask who's calling?" Ace let out a shrill shushing sound at the speaker, whom he recognized as Leni. "Quiet…don't say such things out loud, when we're using the communicators" he instructed, "you'll never know if someone is watching us."
As the conversation went on, a spy was watching Ace from high in the trees; all while also speaking into a communicator of their own. "Do you see the whelp, spy" asked the voice, "aye…he seems to be speaking to someone on a communication device" the spy answered. "Tis one of his young compatriots, no doubt" the voice murmured, "should someone come to retrieve Ace Savvy; pursue them, find out where their dwelling lies."
The spy murmured in understanding and resumed its watch. After a half-hour's wait, Vanzilla arrived and Ace climbed aboard. Just as it began to drive away, the spy gave chase after the van.
After much running, leaping and occasional hiding; the spy noticed that the vehicle stopped before a large card house of some kind. "What manner of trickery be this?" pondered the spy, "could this some form of ruse to lure me into a trap?" Just then, two of the cards' suits began to glow and they slowly opened up; revealing a sort of gateway.
As the van passed through; the spy quickly moved in closer, just enough to get a clear view of the inside. There, he spotted a long pathway leading down into the ground. "Zounds, these mad fools must reside deep within the earth's center" the spy murmured, rubbing his eyes in shock.
Then, the doors slowly began to close; which meant the spy had to quickly move away. Though the way was shut, the spy had seen all he needed. Before departing, the spy placed a golden emblem behind one of the other "cards."
Afterward, he took out his communicator and quickly fled the scene. "Mission accomplished, my Lords" he murmured, "proceeding back to the castle now." Meanwhile, in the northern side of Michigan, the Black King was seen listening to his spy's report.
"You placed the tracker, spy" questioned the king, "yes, milord; they don't suspect a thing" chuckled the spy. Then, the connection ceased and he turned to face his "court." "The time is almost here, gentles all" he decreed, "soon, we shall dispose of Ace Savvy and his compatriots!"
The Black King's court all shouted loud praises towards their master. Then, the White King approached his "brother" and asked if he was certain this would do away with the heroes. "Even if they were to survive what we have in waiting for them; our numbers are too great now, for them to even attempt to defy us" the Black King chuckled.
After saying this, he stepped out onto a balcony and gazed down below him; here two large armies, one black and one white, stood in formation. Both eager to march out into battle and do their lords' bidding
(AN: For those curious; Lord Tetherby was a one-time character featured in the episode, Out on a Limo. He…wasn't, exactly a nice guy there)