Notes:

Okay guys!
I'm all settled here in my new home and I believe, after writing this one, that this is going to be the final chapter. It's not like... a 100% certainty... if i get inspired along the way, I will update, but not as frequently. This has been an epic journey writing this tale. I feel like it's taught me a lot about my own ideas concerning love, relationships, and even life. Thank you so much for reading it and going through this with me.

Despite all catastrophic fantasies, the semester ended and summer arrived with an overwhelming profusion of blooms, smells, and sunlight. In hindsight, Eren could hardly believe he had stressed so severely over his academic duties; but, wasn't it always like that? Only once the essays were handed in and the deadlines were met did a person regain the perspective necessary for making light of these things.

Eren decided to take the summer off. It was only two months, he told himself, and he needed to recuperate after his breakdown in the spring. He surely wasn't going to finish his degree anytime soon, so what was a difference of one semester?

His parents greatly approved of the decision. They were no strangers to their son's fragile constitution and they had the greatest sympathies for his struggle. If anything, they were the kind of wealthy parents who doted too heavily upon their offspring rather than levying upon him the lofty expectation to match their own successes. Eren was their only child and they were quite content to spoil him silly with the fruits of their labours. Perhaps, because their gift-giving wasn't used as a substitute for love, but more so as an added bonus, Eren had turned out well. At least, that's what everybody told him. Eren had a slightly different take on the whole thing.

Eren was, in his mind, a walking stereotype of a coddled rich boy. He had everything so he sought nothing. Motivation was a foreign concept to him. Sure, he did things—school, music, vacations—but mainly out of habit, not because he had any true passion for them. His band, for all intents and purposes, was broken up. It had been almost two months since they had even jammed, and Eren was pretty sure his drummer and bassist were both playing in new projects. Eren suspected it, but he couldn't be sure, as he hadn't been out in the scene for almost just as long.

He wasn't sure what had happened. When he traced it back, it seemed like his social life had greatly faded ever since his latest bout of illness. Something appeared to be thieving his motivation to do anything. He no longer wished to even see his friends. Whenever he went out for lunch with Mikasa or Armin, he felt distracted and detached. He could have asked himself what the cause of it was, but part of him was afraid of the answer. It seemed pretty clear, given that the only time when he didn't feel like crawling under a rock was when he was hanging out with a certain special somebody.

It was high noon and the sun beat down like a laser. The sky was a diluted baby blue, unalloyed with even one cloud. Eren lounged on a picnic bench under a tree, savouring the shade it provided and watching as Levi roasted vegetables. The two of them had decided to spend their Sunday at the park cooking food campfire style. Eren just hadn't anticipated how hot it would be.

"How can you even stand there?" he asked deliriously, fanning himself with a hand. "The fire is so hot, I can feel it from here."

"Drink some water." Levi pointed to his backpack, which was resting on the red gravel next to Eren's foot. "I filled it with ice, so it should still be cold."

"Thanks, Levi."

Eren sipped the bottle and continued to watch the older man. Levi wore a black t-shirt and black jeans with a black belt and black boots. His black hair hung in his face, falling over a pair of black aviators. He stood in the direct sunlight turning pieces of zucchini and pepper on the grill, which was quavering the air above it with its heat. Levi appeared completely impervious to the temperature.

Eren, in contrast, was clad in breezy shorts and a tank-top and was still sweltering. The heat seemed to have made its way up his body into his head, intoxicating him with an odd delirium. Much like somebody who is stoned out of their minds, he was perfectly content to sit and observe this sexy man doing sexy things. Doing anything himself was out of the question.

"Here," Levi said, handing Eren a paper plate. "Serve yourself some lunch."

"Do I haaaveto?"

"Fucking brat." Levi took the plate and stalked back over to the grill. "What do you want?"

"I dunno... why don't you decide."

Levi served Eren a couple pieces of everything and returned to join him at the bench. Eren picked up a mushroom and immediately dropped it back onto the plate. "Ouch!"

"Careful," Levi cautioned, spearing a tomato with a fork and blowing on it prudently.

Eren took a fork and did the same. The mushrooms were delicious.

"I have some news."

"Mmmm?" Eren intoned through his mouthful.

"I got a letter in the mail today inviting me to participate in a show."

"An art show? Levi, that's awesome!"

"It's nothing too serious," Levi said, reaching for the water. "Just a college exhibition. They're commemorating the institute's best in a group show spanning the past ten years. I guess I qualified, given I was the recipient of the painting scholarship in my third year."

"What? You never told me that!"

"It's nothing, really," Levi said, adopting a somewhat pained expression. "I'm just telling you because the opening is in a couple weeks. I was wondering if you'd like to go."

"Of course!"

Levi seemed satisfied with Eren's response and quickly changed the topic to something else. Even after a year and a half, the older man eschewed talking about himself for too long. Eren sometimes wished Levi was more forthcoming with these things, but after time, the boy had come to accept that getting to know Levi was like eating an artichoke. You had to take your time, otherwise you risked missing things along the way.

Eren was happy for Levi. The artist had worked so hard, not only on his art, but in his life in general. It was about time he received some recognition. Eren was excited to attend the opening and to meet some of Levi's old college friends. It sounded like an interesting date. He knew all of these things were true, so the fact that he was suddenly feeling downcast was extremely mysterious to him. It was a sunny day. He and Levi were enjoying lunch in the park. The robins were singing, the kids were playing, and a mother goose was crossing the bike path with an entire hoard of goslings behind her. Eren loved birds. There was absolutely no reason to feel sad at this particular moment.

With that in mind, Eren did his best to ignore the feeling. He hoped Levi might attribute his malaise to the heat. They finished their lunch, and with Herculean effort, Eren dredged up some of the contrived excitement he usually kept reserved for his friends.

"Come on!" he yelled, grabbing Levi's arms and parading towards the wading pool.

"What the fuck—?"

Once they were close enough, Eren seized Levi around the waist and wrestled him until the two of them went tumbling downwards, hitting the water with a resonant clap. Levi sputtered, wiping hair out of his face, before fixing Eren with what could only be referred to as a death glare. Eren swam away as quickly as he could, but he only made it a couple paces before strong hands gripped his ribs and began tickling him with merciless resolve. Eren writhed and hollered, splashing water in all directions like a fancy lawn sprinkler. Eventually the two of them emerged, their clothing plastered to their bodies and their shoes squelching with every step.

Eren kept his eyes directed ahead of him. He knew that one glimpse at Levi's waterlogged appearance would send him into fits of laughter, and he didn't wish to goad Levi's wrath any further. In some ways he felt better. It was a classic tactic of his—whenever he began to feel sad, he would defer to ridiculous shenanigans. The resulting hilarity was certain to make him forget.

The only problem was that Eren had never used this tactic with Levi before. It felt oddly deceptive to conceal the way he was feeling from the older man. But, how was he supposed to tell Levi how he was feeling when he didn't really know it himself?

The next day the two of them woke up early and Eren went home. Levi had to work. Eren had asked if Levi wanted to hang out afterwards, but Levi was busy. The artist needed to spend the evening combing through old portfolios to select the pieces he wanted to display in the show. Eren tried not to feel stung, but as he walked to his car, he couldn't help hanging his head a little. It was another beautiful day. The early morning thunderstorm had left everything fresh and glistening. Usually Eren would've rejoiced in it, but as it stood, every beautiful thing he saw was another reminder of Levi's absence. How could Eren properly enjoy these wonders without Levi at his side?

Eren went home and tried to busy himself. He took a shower, rearranged the furniture in his room, and went on a small walk around the property. The gardens were in full bloom and the grass had been recently cut by the landscapers. He sat down on a stone bench beneath a vine-strewn bower and listened to music on his phone. He made a little statue out of twigs.

Maybe I should call Armin, he thought, scrolling through the contacts on his phone. Although, he might be at work.

Eren suddenly began to cry. It was a very gentle sort of weeping. He didn't sob, but tears poured steadily from his eyes, dropping into his lap in silence. Part of him was glad that his parents were away at work, but part of him also wished there was somebody there to comfort him. He felt completely and utterly alone.

I'm such a child, Eren lamented, gripping his knees with both hands. Nothing has changed. Everyone else is out there doing grown-up things, while I'm in exactly the same place, playing with sticks and dirt in the back yard.

Eren phoned Armin and got no answer. He texted Mikasa and she replied that she was doing research for Erwin for the rest of the day. He scrolled through his contacts for a couple more minutes before tossing his phone into the grass.

I'm tired of this. All anybody ever does is take care of me. My parents take care of me, my friends take care of me, and Levi takes care of me. I'm such a fucking burden.

Eren stood up.

That's it. I'm going to get something going of my own.

He picked up his phone and made his way back into the house. Ten minutes later he was upstairs in his room, bent over a couple sheets of tablature with his guitar in his hands. Fifteen minutes later he was staring out the window, and once a half hour had lapsed, his guitar was on the ground and Eren was sprawled on his mattress, crying once again.

Maybe I should've taken summer courses after all, he thought blearily. But what's the god-damned point? I don't give a shit about it. I don't know what I'd do with a degree if I had one.

The sun slowly drifted lower, closing the distance between itself and the horizon, and Eren's parents eventually returned home from work. Eren could hear them cooking downstairs. After a moment, he roused himself from his horizontal position and washed his face in his private washroom. Thankfully his eyes weren't too puffy. He modeled a smile in the mirror and, judging it to be adequate, made his way to the kitchen for dinner.

The two weeks leading up to the opening that flew by for Levi drifted like glaciers for Eren. Eventually the night of the show arrived and Eren picked Levi up at his apartment like he said he would. Speaking to Levi, Eren felt like an Ent attempting to fraternize with a human. Their conversation seemed cast in a sticky, psychological fog. Levi existed in the world of people, movement, and life, whereas Eren presided over a land where time passed as slowly as it might for an ancient tree. Their disparate worlds were bound to engender some sort of disconnect.

Thankfully, Levi seemed too nervous to notice.

"Fuck, I don't know why I do these things to myself."

"What things?"

"Things that result in socializing," Levi groaned, covering his eyes with a hand. "Painting, getting my work in shows, going to work, breathing, living..."

"Awe, it won't be so bad," Eren said lamely, taking Levi's hand. "It's only one night. I thought you were excited about it."

"I only agreed to do it because it could further my career as an artist. I don't mind serving, but it would be nice to be able to do less of it some day. There are going to be curators there, and fellow artists, as well as industry officials, and—" Levi's sentence petered off into a low, guttural sigh.

"You also said there's going to be wine there," Eren said, raising an eyebrow.

"Thank fucking Christ."

Eren parked on the street and the two of them entered campus throughout a series of plus-fifteens. Both of them were too wrought-up to even hold hands. They made their way up an enormous set of stairs and into the lobby where the opening was being held.

The hall was absolutely packed with people. There was such a wide range of styles and ages Eren had a hard time classifying the crowd in any way. A couple dressed in a suit and dress stood near the hors d'oeuvres, chatting it up with an older woman who looked to Eren like she could've actually been homeless. He found out later that she was the dean. There were hipsters, ravers, goths, and emos, alongside hoards of rather plainly dressed businesspeople. Really, the only kind of person Eren didn't see was a jock.

Levi hurried them to the bar, snatching a champagne from a caterer along the way. Within the first twenty minutes the artist consumed at least four drinks, after which he appeared to relax somewhat. Eren sipped a glass of pinot noir noncommittally. He had never suffered the same social anxieties as his older counterpart. He almost found it comforting to be in such a large crowd of people. Their energy filled him up, making him feel less hollow and alone. He stood at Levi's side, chatting good-naturedly with Levi's old professors and colleagues, and finding them all quite interesting. He supposed anything would be interesting as long as it involved Levi in some way.

After a while a man in a navy-blue jacket and bright pink jeans came up and shook Levi's hand, asking Levi about his future interests. Eren surmised he must've been one of the aforementioned industry officials, so Eren wandered off alone to look at some of the art.

He found it all pleasant to look at, but there was just so much of it that it was difficult to take in. There were sculptures, statues, big sewn shapes, paintings that protruded off the wall, wooden structures, hanging lights, and floor pieces. Eren pottered down a line of paintings and paused in front of one that showed a strange industrial scene. There was a pod in the centre, green and fleshy, tightly bound up in a lattice of rusted wire. All around it the city stretched on, derelict and empty, and a series of abandoned cars lined the road, their windows broken, tires deflated and headlights smashed in. The pod seemed to scream for mercy, imprisoned in this lonesome hell by a overseer who had long since forsaken it to its solitary doom.

Eren was amazed to find his eyes welling up with tears. He turned away quickly, almost walking straight into Levi. Eren feigned a coughing fit, taking the opportunity to wipe his eyes on his sleeve.

"So you found it, then," Levi said bluntly, patting Eren's back to quell the boy's bogus coughs.

"Found what?"

Levi paused, staring at the painting. It took Eren a moment to realize whose name was printed on the card beside it.

"That's yours?"

Levi smiled sarcastically. "Yep. I'm sorry to say that it is."

Eren was momentarily speechless. It seemed ridiculous that, amongst all of these dozens of pieces, he had been drawn to Levi's work without even knowing it.

"B-but," he stuttered. "That's incredible."

Levi was silent.

"I mean, I..." Eren trailed off, willing himself to look at the painting once more. As much as Levi didn't know how to accept compliments, Eren didn't know quite how to explain how he felt about Levi's creation. For one, he was in awe of Levi's talent. He'd seen a few of Levi's pieces, but never anything like this. He was also flabbergasted at just how strongly he could relate to the little green pod; however, he didn't want to think about it just then, lest he burst into tears in the middle of the lobby for all of Levi's colleagues to see.

"Well, I'm done here if you want to go."

"So soon?" Eren asked. "It feels like we only just got here."

"We've been here two hours."

Levi went to get their coats and Eren followed reluctantly, swirling his glass between his fingers like a spinning top. He didn't want to leave. The art show was a strange sanctuary from the real world. The warm light, the odd guests, the bizarre objects scattered about... it made Eren feel less alone in his childish eccentricities. The moment that Eren stepped over the threshold back into the real world, he feared the spell would be broken.

It was.

They made their way into the night, where the cool air washed away Eren's daydreams like a harsh cynic. The cement pathway was lit with wintry fluorescent lanterns. The leather seats in Eren's car squeaked against Levi's leather jacket with garrish realism. Eren drove back to Levi's apartment and left his car in the stinky parkade, after which the two of them took their habitual shower. Eren went through the motions willingly, all the while suffering the pains of an enormous weight in his chest. His heart was heavy as they shared a final glass of wine, made love, and even after Levi whispered, 'I love you,' switching off the light, rolling around and wrapping his arms all around Eren.

Eren couldn't help but think of the green pod, wrapped so tightly in its rusted wire casing. He felt sorry for it, trapped so inexplicably by the dead city in its midst—almost as sorry as he felt for himself. It had never occurred to him that the pod might have actually chosen to be there. Perhaps part of it enjoyed its lonely imprisonment. But if Eren was the pod, what exactly was it that jailed him?

Morning came and the two of them decided to go to the mall. It was a rainy Saturday and the stores were crammed. Levi needed art supplies. Despite all his grumbling it appeared as if the art opening had inspired him. He bought canvas, paints, and stretchers, hurling them into the shopping cart like a madman. Eren suspected he wanted to get out of the cramped store as quickly as possible. Eren paced up and down the aisle, rubbing at the floor with his shoe. His spirits greatly matched the day's meteorological conditions.

The parking lot was grey and dismal. They sprinted to Eren's car and loaded the purchases into the trunk, all the while being pelted with bullet-sized raindrops. By the time they made it to the front seat their clothes were saturated with water. Eren started the car and the windows immediately fogged up with moisture.

"Well..." he began aimlessly. "What do you want to do?"

"You said you started a new fantasy series, didn't you?" Levi paused. "I was thinking, we could stop by your house and pick it up, then spend the afternoon reading and painting—"

"Where?"

"Well, at my apartment," Levi replied, clearly taken aback by Eren's tone.

"I don't know," Eren said, staring at the steering wheel. "I might just want to go home."

"Is something wrong?"

Eren bit his lip, willing the tears away.

"Eren?" Levi asked, reaching over. The moment his hand touched Eren's, the boy burst into tears.

"No, I don't want to fucking spend the afternoon watching you paint while I sit there doing nothing!" Eren spat, pulling his hand away. "If you want to shove me off like that, I'd rather just go home!"

Levi's eyes were as wide as planets. "Wha—?"

"This is all your fault! Before I met you I was fine, but you've ruined everything!"

Eren dissolved into sobs and Levi stared. After a moment, he reached out and touched Eren's knee. "Did I do something to hurt your feelings?"

"No, I'm being stupid," Eren gasped, shaking in his seat. "I'm so sorry, Levi! These days I've been feeling like a useless piece of shit. I don't want to play guitar anymore, I don't want to see my friends, and I see no point in school. All I want..." he paused, catching his breath. "All I want is to be with you. It's horrible. You've consumed my entire life, but it isn't your fault. I should've never let myself fall this deeply in love with you."

"Eren..."

"You can't help me!" Eren blurted. "I don't want your help—or anybody else's. I'm through with being a fucking burden to everyone around me!"

"Eren." Levi reached over and took Eren's face, as he usually did in situations like this. "Why do you think I paint?"

"I dunno..." Eren whimpered, wiping his nose. "Because... it makes you happy?"

"I paint," Levi said softly, "because of you."

Eren fell silent.

"I paint because if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to survive you."

"What do you—?"

"I paint so that I don't levy the entirety of my love upon you. I paint so that I don't suffocate you under the weight of who I am."

"But—"

"Trust me," Levi continued with determination. "I have enough love for you to last an eternity. But humans aren't good with eternities. We're mortal, after all."

"I think I could handle it," Eren whispered.

Levi shook his head. "I wouldn't want to risk it."

Eren thought for a minute. Is that what he'd been doing all this time? Irresponsibly lambasting Levi with all of his love, without thinking about the harm it did? Even if it was true, Eren didn't know how to turn things around. Pulling away from Levi felt like pulling away from a black hole. He was so far past the event horizon, he couldn't even remember what it felt like to exist under regular galactic standards. But maybe... just maybe, if he wasn't alone in such a thing...

"What if there were two pods?"

Levi blinked. "What was that?"

"In your painting. What if there were two pods instead of one?"

Levi allowed himself a small smile. "I suppose that would make sense. I painted that image a long time ago, before I knew you."

Eren nodded. Without even knowing it, he'd come to understand something . Love wasn't all fun and games. Love could be a struggle. Love necessitated self-control. Eren could choose to live under the oppression of his love for Levi, or he could choose to temper it, but the latter option necessitated great discipline. Eren admired Levi in this respect. The older man, despite his rough edges, was incredibly wise. Eren wasn't sure if he could match Levi's exact temperance, but he knew he was going to try. At least it would be more palatable to him now, knowing that he wasn't alone in his torment. The love that he and Levi shared was a burden they bore equally.

It was Eren's choice whether he wanted to cultivate its fruits or merely suffer its hardships.

The two of them hardly made it in the door before Levi began stripping off Eren's wet clothes, tossing them carelessly on the kitchen floor, stumbling over a pile of shoes, their mouths entwined, and pressing Eren flush against the wall with his entire body.

"I know you said I couldn't handle it," Eren gasped, writhing slightly as Levi sucked on his fingers, "but I want you to show me."

"Show you what?"

"Show me all of your love, Levi." Eren gave Levi an imploring look. "Just this once. I want to feel it all, right now. Please?"

Levi stared Eren in the eyes with a dark intensity. "You sure?"

"Yes," Eren said softly.

"Well, I..."

Levi carried Eren into the bedroom and threw him on top of the duvet. He ripped off the remainder of the boy's clothing and hurled each piece over his shoulder. Eren was still damp from the rain and he felt the surface of the duvet sticking to his cold skin. Levi reached into the bedside drawer and it wasn't long before the duvet was clinging to Eren's sweat instead.

Levi lay on top of him in the simplest of positions, stomach-to-stomach, stroking Eren's hair back from his forehead and gazing into his eyes. After a time, ever so slowly, Levi began to move in and out, and Eren moaned, amazed at how quickly his body welcomed the sensation. The way Levi moved revealed just how well he knew Eren. He knew all the boy's quirks and sweet spots like the backs of his acrylic-stained hands. He knew them so well that neither of them had to think about it anymore. They merely clung to one another and savoured the feeling, chasing the unity that would be denied them in fullness so long as they lived their mortal lives.

Levi fucked Eren with desperation. He ran his hands over Eren's body, heatedly—the boy's hips, his waist, the side of his head—continually changing his grip, as though he could never quite get enough, as though he were afraid Eren might slip from his grasp if he failed to hold on in the right place. Sweat dripped down Levi's forehead off the tip of his nose, and his breath came in ragged gasps, but still he would not stop. He seemed inexhaustible. Eren had already come twice when he heard Levi moan, his body buckling with pleasure, but even after the orgasm ran him through, he continued to thrust, slower, trembling all over with exhaustion and desire. Eren was amazed to feel the artist growing hard almost immediately.

"This," Levi said, his voice cracking slightly. "This is how much I love you. I love you in a way that never ends and never lets me be. It destroys me. It maddens me. It keeps me alive."

"Levi," Eren breathed, arching his back as his body threatened to give over once again.

"I could fuck you endlessly and it would never be enough," Levi continued, tears beginning to burn in his silver eyes. "I could be with you every waking moment and still miss you. I want you. I want to so badly it hurts."

"Me too," Eren said, beginning to tear up as well. "I feel the same."

"Sometimes I don't know what to do. Then I realize, there's nothing I can do. I just have to keep loving you. There is no choice."

"Oh, Levi," Eren said under his breath.

"I know," Levi said, his voice low and precarious. "I know," he whispered once more, quickening his pace.

The two of them came, one after the next, like two fireworks exploding in the night sky. Eren grabbed Levi and pulled him downwards into an embrace, wrapping his legs around the older man's back. They held each another in the diluted light of the rainy room for what felt like hours, whispering I love you's like mantras. They spent the rest of the day there, dozing off just before sunset.

When Eren awoke the next day, he felt like he had been reborn. Levi left for work and Eren walked back to his car, gazing at the world around him with newfound fascination. Everything looked so different. The buildings, the streets, even the sky itself; it all seemed to throb with the power of what had happened. It was almost as if their love was a living entity, hovering above the clouds like a preternatural kingdom, shaking the earth with godly thunderbolts. He drove home quickly, eager to see what else had changed.

He picked up his stratocaster and ran his hand over its neck. The strings pressed into the frets pleasingly, begging to be shaped into scales and arpeggios and other intriguing musical devices. Eren obliged, running through the lead line of one of his favourite songs. It felt so great, he plugged into his amp and played for the rest of the afternoon.

He spent the evening journaling. Perhaps, he could get a new band together—one that could play the kind of music that would fit well at an art opening. Maybe he'd get good at jazz and make money playing corporate gigs. There were just so many options. Once he died, he hoped to live in the kingdom that drifted just above the clouds—ecstatic and singular as it was—but until then, he had a life to live.

Finally, the funk that had lingered with him since his illness had blown away. Levi's love streamed through him, not against him, carrying him onwards into the future. Certainly there were bound to be bad times, as surely as there would be good—but Eren was just grateful to know that he wouldn't be alone in either case.

He smiled, picking up his book. The next time Levi asked, he would be more than happy to spend the afternoon reading and painting at each other's sides. Really, it didn't much matter what they did—not when, even when they were apart, they were in many ways together.

END CHAPTER 10