Thank you so much for all the comments on the last chapter. It was such a tough one to write that knowing people thought it worked meant a lot. Whirlgirl, thank you as always. Thanks to overkalix, too - bear with me, Alan will get the chance to explain himself very soon.
Chapter Ten
Penny lay staring at the ceiling, aware that the room was steadily getting lighter, but unwilling to risk waking Scott by shifting position so that she could see the clock. She'd have to make a move soon, she thought. Parker would bring her an early-morning cup of tea at seven-thirty and he couldn't find her room empty.
She blinked back the tears that threatened to fall as she wondered why she'd let things go so far. Oh, it wasn't that she hadn't wanted to sleep with Scott - she'd dreamed of it happening for over a year now - but she'd never expected it to happen like this. It had been... not a disappointment, exactly - a night with Scott Tracy could never be that - but it had been an act of desperation, not one of love. They'd shared a bed many a time on missions, but whenever she'd imagined what it would be like to wake up next to him after their first real night together, she'd pictured them smiling at each other, totally at ease with the situation, even laughing about the length of time it had taken for them to get together. She'd expected that before it happened she would have declared her love for Scott and he would have told her he felt the same way, that they'd be together for the rest of their lives.
But this... Penny had always prided herself on her self-control, but right now she thought she knew what it must feel like to be a teenage girl waking up in a strange bed after too much alcohol the night before, wondering what on earth she'd done and what the consequences would be. She didn't even have the excuse of being drunk. Not like Scott. When he'd first started to kiss her she'd tasted the whiskey on him and realised that he was far from sober, but she hadn't been able to stop him - or herself. Not when he so obviously needed the comfort only she could give him.
At the time she hadn't regretted it - she'd needed it too. Tin-Tin had been a good friend and she still couldn't believe the girl was gone. But now... What would Scott say when he woke up? Would he be embarrassed? Pleased? What would the others say if they found out? She hoped no one had heard them, only slightly reassured by the knowledge that only Virgil's room bordered Scott's and the middle Tracy could easily sleep through an earthquake, even when he wasn't concussed and finding refuge from his misery in his bed.
Scott stirred and she held her breath until he stilled again. What was she going to do? She couldn't stay there forever. Trying to get her thoughts in order, she wondered once again whether she shouldn't just make a run for it. She just couldn't face the awkwardness that would ensue if they talked right now.
Deciding she had to get away, she tried to slide out from under his arm, but the movement woke him and she rolled over to hide her face in the pillow as he pulled away and sat up.
"Penny?"
Surprise - even shock - in his voice, but nothing else, she thought. Not entirely sober yet either, by the sound of it. It was as bad as she'd anticipated. Turning back over, she immediately grabbed for the sheet that had been pulled away as Scott had sat up. Wrapping it tightly around her, she tried to smile at him, studying his face intently for any sign of his feelings. What she wanted was a smile, some look of affection in his eyes, but all she saw was confusion.
"I thought I'd been dreaming," he said, rubbing a hand over his face then looking at her again. "Penny, I... er..." He stared at her, his bewilderment only seeming to increase. "I guess we..."
"Yes, Scott. We did."
"Oh." He floundered for something to say and Penny found herself sympathising. She didn't know what to say either. Was now the right time to declare her true feelings? If she didn't, would she get another chance?
"Scott-"
"Penny-"
They stopped and laughed awkwardly before falling silent again. So this was how it was going to be, Penny thought. No declaration of love from him - she'd had just the tiniest hope that it would work out that way - just embarrassment and uncertainty.
There was a sharp tap at the door and the pair looked at each other in horror as Alan's voice came floating through.
"Scott, you awake? I really need to talk."
Penny couldn't help cursing the youngest Tracy even as she pitied him for the way his voice sounded so young and lost.
"Al, wait a minute!"
But it was too late. The door slid open and Alan stood staring at them, his expression morphing rapidly from misery through shock and finally into absolute fury.
"Scott? Penny? "
"Alan, wait outside," Scott told him, keeping his voice low in the hope that Alan would do the same. "Let me get dressed and we'll talk, okay?"
"Oh, don't bother. I'd hate to interrupt you." He stared at Penny, his eyes full of hurt. "How could you?" he asked.
Penny would have blushed, but she was already scarlet, clutching the sheet to her chin, unable to look at either man.
"You couldn't resist, could you?" Alan snarled, taking a step closer to Penny. "You saw your chance to get your hands on Scott and you took it. Well I'm glad Tin-Tin's death was good news for someone."
"Alan!" Scott began to throw the bedclothes back, desperate to get his brother out of the room, but then realised that his lack of clothing would probably just make everything worse. "Penny didn't-"
"Oh, shut up, Scott! I thought you cared about Tin-Tin. You've got a funny way of grieving for her, you know that?"
"What's going on?" Virgil stood uncertainly in the doorway and Scott groaned. Penny would have liked to pull the pillow over her head and leave the brothers to it, but she was frozen in place.
"Get him out of here, Virg," Scott ordered, but even as Virgil grabbed Alan's arm only for his brother to pull away, John and Gordon came running into the room.
For once in his life Gordon was lost for words, staring dumbfounded at the pair in the bed, whilst even John, who prided himself on expressing as little emotion as possible regardless of the situation, stood there wide-eyed and open-mouthed.
"Look at them!" Alan shouted - not that anyone was looking anywhere other than at Scott and Penny. "They-"
"Al, come on!" Gordon seemed to have snapped out of his initial shock and was pulling his brother away. John and Virgil moved to help him and within seconds, they were gone.
The door slid shut and Scott leapt out of bed.
"God, Penny, I'm so sorry. I usually lock the door. I guess I was too... er... distracted last night. Alan shouldn't have said all that. He's not thinking straight. It's the shock of losing Tin-Tin... Penny?"
Penny just looked at him miserably. What could she possibly say?
Scott was hurriedly dressing. "Look, I need to talk to Alan. And you. Yes, you too. I don't... Oh, God. Penny, I don't know what to say. I'll see you later, okay? I'm sorry to leave, I know we need to talk, but I can't leave Alan like this, I just can't."
Then he was gone.
Penny numbly got out of bed and began to dress. She'd have to leave, she thought. Leave and never come back. She didn't think she could ever show her face on Tracy Island again. Creeping to the door she let it slide open then looked timidly out into the hallway, hastily making a run for it when she was sure it was all clear.
She barely made it to her room before breaking down. When, a few minutes later, Parker tapped on the door and announced that he'd brought her a cup of tea, she managed to pull herself together enough to call out that she'd just got out of the shower and that he should leave it outside. She hoped he didn't know - he'd have been in the kitchen, so just maybe he'd have missed the commotion - but one look at her face would tell him something was very wrong and he'd want to know what. She couldn't face telling him. When he hesitated for several moments before muttering his usual, Yes, Milady, she knew she hadn't been entirely convincing, but, faithful as always, Parker had done as she'd asked and left her alone. The gratitude she felt towards him made her break down again.
The tea was cold by the time she felt like drinking it, but she finished the cup anyway, before heading to the bathroom and splashing some cold water over her face. She was sitting at her mirror trying to cover her red, blotchy eyes with make-up when her phone rang.
Simon...
Full of guilt, she threw the phone onto the bed and buried her head in her hands.
It was another hour before she left her room. She'd been unable to stop herself hoping that Scott would come to talk to her, but he'd clearly decided Alan was more important. She wasn't surprised.
Grandma was in the lounge and Penny hesitated before going in. If the old lady had found out what had happened, she'd be mortified, but Grandma seemed unaware of the morning's events, smiling sadly at the aristocrat before turning her attention back to her sewing. Penny moved onto the terrace, letting the forced smile slip from her face once she was out of Grandma's line of vision. The sight of Scott and Alan sitting together on the beach didn't make her feel any better. The brothers seemed comfortable enough in each other's presence, so she guessed Scott had been able to pacify Alan, but seeing that their usual closeness had been restored just made her feel even more alone.
"Penny?"
John's voice made her jump and she turned, aware she was blushing again. She couldn't help looking back at Grandma in case she'd noticed.
"It's okay," John said quietly, "Grandma doesn't know anything." He smiled. "It's not the first time we've covered for each other when someone smuggled a girl in. Not that it's ever happened on the island..."
Penny knew he was trying to make her feel better, but the comment just served as a reminder that Scott had always had something of a reputation when it came to girls and the fact that John seemed to see her as just another member of a rather large group, hurt.
"John, would you fly me to Malaysia, please?"
"What? Come on, Penny, you don't have to leave."
"Yes, I do."
John looked at her in concern. "Look, I can see you're upset, but Al will be fine. Scott's calmed him down. It's not a problem, you know. Whatever you and Scott do is your business."
"Please, John. I can't stay here."
John did his best to persuade Penny to change her mind, but the woman was adamant. Her final exasperated declaration that if she didn't get herself to a doctor then John might find himself an uncle in nine months' time finally shut him up and, blushing as much as Penny, he agreed to prepare the jet.
Penny watched him go, wondering if the day had any more humiliations in store. She'd lied to John, of course. There was no chance of a baby. But she'd been unable to think of any other way to shut him up.
Now all she had to do was make her excuses to Grandma. Under any other circumstances she knew the old lady would have known she was lying, but she was still so shaken by Tin-Tin's death that when Penny informed her that she had to buy something suitable to wear to the funeral, Grandma just nodded and thanked her for everything she'd done to help.
Penny debated leaving Parker on the island. The Tracys needed all the help they could get right now. But he might find out what had happened and the last thing she needed was for him to make some misguided attempt to defend her honour by going up against Alan. Or worse, Scott. She could see the man was surprised when she ordered him to start packing, but he did as he was told without argument.
She'd really hoped to avoid talking to Scott before she left, and when she managed to get to the steps of the jet without seeing him, she thought she'd done it, but as she reached for the handrail, his voice stopped her.
"Parker, give me a hand with these bags," John said quickly, turning to whisper to Penny, "Talk to him. You can't just leave."
Penny would have run up the steps and taken refuge in the plane if John hadn't blocked her way, but she had no choice other than to let Scott take her arm and draw her away.
"Grandma told me you were going. Don't, Penny. I know you're embarrassed about last night, but it's okay. The guys understand."
They might understand, Penny thought. But do you?
"Look," Scott went on. "Last night... I just wanted to say... You saved me, Penny. I still can't believe I broke down like that and I didn't mean to take advantage, but thank you. You're a good friend."
Friend... There it was. What could she say now?
"I'm glad I could help," she muttered. "But Scott, I really do have to leave. Please, let go of me."
Scott released her arm and stood back. "Don't let this spoil things with us," he pleaded. "We need you, Penny."
We, not I... Penny couldn't take any more. If Scott had only given some sign that he had some feelings for her, however slight, she might have given in and told him straight how she felt. But Alan's comment about her taking advantage of Tin-Tin's death still hurt and she couldn't help thinking that he'd always believe it was true, that the others might think so too. Any relationship with Scott would always be tainted by that. She pushed past Scott and ran up the stairs where John was waiting to close the jet's door.
She didn't look back.