A/N at the end of the story

Disclaimer: Not mine. Spoilers for Seasons Six and Seven.

My office...

These are the first words that come to Hotch's minds after her, well, confession. No, actually it wasn't a confession. It was a question. What if... But it doesn't feel like a question. It feels like a bullet that went straight through his skin and exploded in his heart. He isn't able to phrase an appropriate answer at the moment, but he won't let her leave. That much he is sure of.

"My apartment...," he eventually says, the words a hiss between his clenched teeth. They are not at work, and he is in no position to give her an order albeit that's what he wants to do right now. Give her an order. Stop dating this other man. Undo it – if she really slept with him.

Hotch is staggered by the intensity of his anger. Especially since he was the one who gave her mixed signals in the past. Perhaps it's because he poured out his heart to her and told her that he wasn't interested in other women. That was a big deal for someone like him. And when she told him that he had to do more than this, he thought that despite her reserved, even unapproachable, behavior, it was only a matter of when and not in general. Apparently he was wrong.

He expects Emily to back off, to try to leave, but she doesn't. Wouldn't it be such an awkward situation, it would almost be funny how she follows him seemingly obediently to his apartment. Probably it's the guilt that causes her to swallow down her usual back talk.

Jack spends time with Jessica, and the apartment greets them with a reproachful silence that makes the situation even more uncomfortable. They walk into the living room, and Emily sits down, obviously expecting Hotch to take a shower first. What he doesn't do. Instead he is standing in the middle of the room, looking down on her.

She doesn't like it; he can tell by the look in her eyes that changes from wary to defensive. However she doesn't stand up either because that would mean admitting that she is in the inferior position. At least if you reduced the whole situation to their posture. Aside from that Emily Prentiss is anything but inferior no matter what happens.

The situation is similar to the one when she was here after her nightmare. When he rejected her. The memory of the rejection tears at Emily's heart, and suddenly she misses the burning sensation of alcohol in her throat that somewhat took the edge of the pain back then.

It's much too early for alcohol, but they both dumped their only half emptied cups when they left the coffee shop. "Well, since we're here now and didn't finish our coffee, what do you offer as an alternative?" Her question is meant as an attempt to ease the tension; however her words fall on deaf ears. Hotch doesn't react, and Emily realizes how confused and hurt he must be.

"Please, let me explain...," she begins hesitantly, trying go figure out what to say. Emily didn't mean to throw that question right into his face. Granted, she waited for him at the coffee shop to tell him about her date and how confused she is and that she doesn't know what to do. But it all went downhill when she noticed how pleased, no simply happy, he was to see her. She was literally stupefied by her blindness. All these weeks she had been thinking that it was him who didn't want to give their relationship a try, who refused to give her more than this, when in fact she had been ruling out every possibility for him to even get in touch with her. How can she be so capable as a profiler at work and such a wretched failure in her private life?

When she told him that she gave thought to his concern how a relationship would affect them in the field, this was true. It cost her some sleepless nights, but she forced herself to think it through and came to the conclusion that his concern is justified. A relationship would affect them in the field, would put them in jeopardy. You don't draw your weapon and walk right into an abandoned warehouse to arrest a serial killer without fearing that your lover right beside you might be harmed or worse. It would be impossible to block out these thoughts. They got a first glimpse at the eventual consequences when she walked into the basement alone. Emily understands why Hotch was worried and that his behavior was nothing but an unwanted aberration of his usual professional self. Nonetheless this is nothing they can allow or even tolerate to happen again. Fortunately there were no dangerous situations lately. The next one is already waiting for them somewhere though. That's for sure.

And that's why she dated. Let alone that she believed by mistake at that time that Hotch didn't really want to give their relationship a try. Hence she said yes when this nice guy whom she had seen repeatedly in the supermarket approached her and asked her out. There was simply no reason not to date. Dammit, she didn't even know until a few minutes ago that Hotch's relationship with Beth didn't go beyond flirting.

Emily realizes that Hotch eventually said something. When he registers that she apparently was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear it, he repeats his words, "You don't have to explain anything." Then why does he sound so devastated? "You dated. I dated. And we both did it with good reason. Nothing to explain."

Well, except perhaps the answer to her question.

He is closing himself off. Emily is an expert in doing this, and she fears that he does the same right now. His seeming calm combined with his devastation. She's afraid that he's giving up, resigning himself to his fate. How could they screw it up so badly?

"Don't you want to know?" she whispers. Don't you want to know whether I really slept with someone else?

Hotch fixes his gaze on her, and in this moment Emily is hit by the recognition that he is not giving up at all. Instead he has pulled himself together for what he's about to say.

"I don't care." His voice is quiet but strong. A decision. He made a decision. Emily's thoughts start to race. It's... flattering that he seems to accept that she had sex with another man, wants her so much that he doesn't care or at least pretends not to. That's what this is about, isn't it? Albeit if it is, if this really is the moment that forces them finally to stop beating around the bush and confess what they are to each other, then she wants him to know the truth.

"Hotch...," she starts, but he won't let her.

"I said – I. Don't. Care," he repeats determinedly. Emily never would have expected such a reaction from him, and basically that was the point when she asked him that question. To get a reaction. During their talk at the coffee shop she was angry with herself that she had read him wrong, angry with him that he had waited for her to let him in instead of taking the lead. She could have spared herself the whole damn dating thing, the whole confusion. It could have been so easy. He was so happy to see her, and she felt so guilty, having to tell him about her date, a date he somehow had induced because of all his talk about being distracted in the field, that she somehow wanted to throw him off balance. Admittedly childish and immature. She did it all the same and said these words that she knew would cause a visible reaction. Emily can't deny that she knew her words would hurt him and is reminded of his behavior in the basement. In a way she mistreated him now just like he mistreated her then. And even if retribution – or rather a correcting wrongfulness – was not what she had in mind, it might have achieved a balance that they need in a weird way.

"I didn't sleep with another man," Emily says, and she can see the immediate relief in his eyes. No matter what he told her, no matter how surprisingly fast, serious and clear his decision was. "I went on a date, but it didn't go beyond flirting. I couldn't..." She couldn't stand the thought of another man touching her. Therefore she ditched her date. Handsome and nice wasn't enough – he wasn't Hotch. "I'm not interested in other men," she mirrors his earlier words. "I have no solution yet how to handle this, us, because you're right – it will affect us in the field. However I want to be with you. Just like you want to be with me." She stops. It sounds so weird, and yet so good, to say this aloud.

There is only one thing left to clarify. "I know it was wrong to sting you with my question. Blame it on my confused state of mind. I'm sorry," she closes her speech, sparing him the details, why she did it and how wrong her estimation of the whole situation was, for now. This can wait.

Hotch's already dark eyes darken even more if that's possible, and Emily is irritated. Shouldn't he be happy? Shouldn't they both be allowed to be happy now? That would be a first for them.

"So I think we're even," she jokes guardedly, getting increasingly insecure when he doesn't answer. "Aren't we?"

Since they haven't moved, Emily has to look up at Hotch, simply has no other option when it comes to their different positions. And eventually she nods to herself, realizing what is going on. Apparently an apology isn't enough. So be it.

"So what's my rebuke?" she asks with a hint of defiance.

Of course she noticed the similarity of his choice of words when he kind of asked her to follow him to his apartment so that they could talk in private. My office... He said that to her more than once in the past when there was a reason for him to reprimand her. At least from his point of view. Most likely there wasn't one single occasion she didn't talk back. Not because she is undiscerning but because she has a reason for what she does and wants him to understand. My apartment... The rules, at least the ones they obey at work, say that this is his choice of words before he reprimands her. This is not his office though. The rules don't apply here. Actually there are no rules in a situation like this. Be that as it may, Emily knows after all that Hotch won't let her get away with it that easily. He wants to rebuke her first, and she is absolutely insecure what she thinks about it and how she is going to react.

His calm and at the same time intense stare starts to get unsettling. Hotch's shirt is still soaked with his sweat, and his hair is a little ruffled. Nonetheless even sports can disarrange Hotch's outward appearance only to a limited extent. Yet enough that his appearance is different and this, combined with the awkward circumstances, somehow makes him different. More like the man Emily shared a bed with and less like her Unit Chief. Dangerous. Unpredictable.

Just when she thinks that her reprimand is that he won't talk to her anymore, he reacts. "Stand up," he says with a quiet edge in his voice that sends shivers down her spine and that causes Emily to save the back talk for later and to wait and see instead what kind of special rebuke Hotch has in mind for her...

To be continued

A/N: I couldn't do it. I couldn't let her have sex with another man and I think most (or all?) of you agree with me. So now Emily has to deal with Hotch's rebuke. Hmmm... what could happen next? I have two words for you: It will be hot and steamy. (At least that's the plan, and I hope my muse plays along.)

I know I sound like a broken record by now, but it's important to me, and I'll say it again and again. Thank you for the alerts and the reviews. I love to read your thoughts about how the story progresses. Believe me – writing is fun but sometimes also hard work and reviews are the reward.

And with this, I'm off to write some more. In the meantime leave a review please, please, please.