Author's note: Ack. 2 months (bordering on three). I'm so sorry. Life got a hold of me. There was school and work and life and Liar Game and Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days (although that's a totally different story altogether). It was the end of the semester here so you can imagine all the work I have to do just to get good grades in a number of subjects (I did get good grades in case you were wondering, probably because my professors were working magic on them). Mother Nature wasn't much of a help either. You've heard of the strings of typhoons hitting our country, right? Well, our house was one of the casualties. It's not as bad as the other places hit, though. Our first floor was just flooded with about 2-3 feet of water. It subsided after a few hours unlike some places which are still submerged until now. The whole time I was only thinking Leptospira, leptospira, Leptospira! Must. Not. Set. Foot. In. Water. I can be paranoid like that. But I'm fine now, it took a week for things to get to normal, making us one of the lucky ones. A few of my friends houses weren't affected at all. They were sleeping the entire day thinking it was just normal rain. Big surprise when they woke up. But now everything back to normal so I'm really glad.
Anyway, another excuse I have for taking so long is that I sometimes write part of the fanfic on any piece of paper with me when inspiration strikes. Yeah, I'm analog when it comes to things like that. I've written down what would have been the tenth and eleventh chapter of this story on sheets of paper. You know those pens whose ink smudge when it gets wet? I like those pens because I think they're very professional. I wrote them all using that. Little did I know that a flash flood (that's what it was basically, even if the levels were a bit too low, in our place anyway) would come our way. All I'm left with are blotchy sheets of paper stuck together. And no, blowdrying does not help. But it was good thing actually, I was able to change the course of the story to one which I found was more to my liking. A new improved version. I hope the story becomes much better and I hope you guys will like it. I enjoyed writing it so I hope you enjoy reading it too. :)
Thank you to those people who put the story on alert and added it as one of their favorites. Thank you for the reviews as well. You're all so kind. :D
To Staricise, I'll be getting to that in a while. It might be a really really really really long while though, haha.
Hey Kinomoto1995! I live in Quezon City in the Greater Manila Area (Are there other cities with that name in the Philippines?). Where do you live? I'll be putting in a lot more days so I really hope the primer thing helps. It sure helps me, haha.
And to anonymous, dearie, thank you for your valuable input. I thought about what you said when I rewrote the chapters and I tried to work on it. I think I'm getting better, think being the operative word. And anonymous is such an awful name, if you'd like, you can just tell me a name I can address you with and I'll use that. Anything but anonymous. Thanks again for your suggestion. It really helped.:D
And as usual, the "Dates Primer":
April 2: Touya and Kaho meet; Syaoran and Tomoyo meet; Eriol and Tomoyo meet; Syaoran goes to see the Kimura's; Touya and Yukito discuss Touya meeting Kaho;
April 3: Death Anniversary; Syaoran and Sakura first meet;
April 4: Li sisters bother Syaoran about mystery girl;
April 5: Sakura and Syaoran meet again; Touya gets call from greatgrandfather
Title: Memories of a Heart
Rating: T
Full Summary: Sakura lost her first love in a tragic accident three years ago. Syaoran's life was saved by a heart transplant operation three years ago. A chance meeting by a grave marks the beginning of a love that will heal her, and a love that will transform him. They say that there are two types of memories, memories of the mind and memories of the body. Will memories of a man's love remain in his heart even when it beats in another person's chest?
Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to Satsuki Igarashi-sensei and all the wonderful members of CLAMP. The only things I gain from the writing of this fanfic are emails from the fanfiction bot. Some which make me very happy. :D
-oOo-
Tomoeda, Japan
Penguin Park Café Street
Sidewalk in Penguin Park
4:00 PM
April 5, 2009
Xiao Lang could not imagine himself in a weirder position. He had escaped from his life to forget the girl who had constantly tormented him and now here he was, technically on a date with the said girl. His life was really something. He had suggested she accompany him for a while and she happily accepted. Although that was only after he assured her he had no ill intentions towards her. She had told him she would introduce him to an afternoon of normalcy. It was a welcome Lang wanted to escape his life even for just a while. When she had proposed that, he had jumped at the opportunity.
Now here he was, walking a mundane sidewalk headed for places he could only imagine. Sakura, as the girl had introduced herself, was walking two steps ahead of him. She was describing everything around them. She was taking her tour guide position seriously. She kept pointing here and there happily chatting away. She wasn't aware that Xiao Lang wasn't listening. All Xiao Lang was doing was committing Sakura to memory. Xiao Lang himself wasn't aware of this. After listening to her for almost fifteen minutes, Xiao Lang was sure he could pick out her voice from a noisy crowd, he could recognize the cadence her steps usually took, her silhouette, the subtle elegance and grace with which she moved, the way her hair moved in the wind - he remembered everything. She even smelled like cherry blossoms, exactly like her name. He was looking at her with a particular expression. He didn't see that the people who saw them only smiled at the sight of the two of them. Xiao Lang was not aware that he was looking like a smitten fool as he gazed at her. He wasn't thinking about anything but her.
He was mesmerized.
Sakura abruptly stopped and looked back at him. Xiao Lang immediately rearranged his expression.
"I asked you a question," she said pointedly.
"Oh, did you?"
"Mou, Syaoran, I'm doing my best as your guide here. You need to meet me halfway. Were you even listening to the things I've said?"
"About?"
Xiao Lang smiled at the exasperated look she gave him. He was finding everything about her amusing. He had initially cursed the feelings that rose out of him at the thought of her. But now, standing beside her, those feelings were welcome.
"You like teasing me, don't you?"
His smile grew even wider. "I find you fascinating." Xiao Lang looked away as he realized what he had just said.
"Uh huh, you probably never spent any time with commoners so you're amazed now that your in the presence of one. We aren't exactly what you thought, am I right?" Sakura crossed her hands on her chest.
Grateful that she had misconstrued what he had said, Xiao Lang let out a sigh of relief. He looked back at her and saw the angry look on her face. It wasn't mock anger, it was real. She was obviously insulted. Xiao Lang hated himself for it. He immediately sought to fix things.
"I apologize. I did not mean it in that way. I'm afraid you took my words the wrong way. It's just… you're so different from anyone I know. Being with you is… refreshing." He felt the heat pool on his cheeks and hated himself for blushing. He didn't understand where the urge to please her had come from but he hated it because it made him say things he would have never said otherwise. It was the first time he understood what hate meant.
Sakura looked at him for a while longer and smiled. "Okay, I get it. No need to beat yourself up over it. I may have overreacted a bit just there."
"You had every reason to be offended. I… I've never been in the company of anyone… outside my circle. I'm afraid my social skills do not deserve merit."
Sakura laughed at his answer. "You're so uptight! Relax!"
"But -"
"Listen, I said an afternoon of normalcy, right?"
Xiao Lang nodded.
"Then you can stop talking to me that way. It's way too serious. We aren't in a meeting. We're in Penguin Park. You don't have to think of what they'll say. The people in Tomoeda are all nice anyway. You'd have to be a mass murderer before they condemn you." She said all of this with a smile.
He couldn't help but smile back. "All right then."
"Are you feeling hungry? You said you left everything you had right?"
It was only when she mentioned it that Syaoran realized he had not eaten anything since the day before.
"How much money do you have with you exactly?"
Sakura laughed again. "I'm not a pauper. I can afford a decent meal, you know."
Xiao Lang shook his head. "It has nothing to do with that. The last meal I ate is dinner yesterday. I'm starving. The amount of money on you will determine how much I can fill myself."
"We can always just go to my house, you know. I'll tell my dad I picked a homeless person off the street. He's sure to give you a hearty meal then."
"Haha, very funny. I have a bit of dignity in case you haven't noticed."
"Oh my, so you can be sarcastic! All I thought was that you were a straight-laced businessman not intent on enjoying the simpler things in life," Sakura said with a laugh.
"Now you're teasing me," Syaoran was a bit shocked when he realized it. No one had dared to talk to him in such way. You were always spoken to with reverence if you were the soon to be head of a globally powerful company.
"Got it in one, Syaoran. You only noticed it now?"
"I'm afraid so. You're the first person to speak to me in that way."
"Yikes! You're that important?"
"I thought we were sticking to normal for the afternoon?"
"Oh, right." He saw her smile once more. "Whoops! You're hungry! I forgot. You easily distract me you know."
Xiao Lang simply smiled at her.
You can't even begin to fathom how you distract me.
"Right, let's go to the Cat's Eye Café! I found out this morning that they just opened a week ago. Let's try out the food there." Sakura pointed in the general direction of the café.
"Are you sure the food is any good?" Syaoran asked with a raise of his eyebrow.
"No, baka. I told you, it's my first time going there." She walked back to him and grabbed his hand. "Come on, let's go." She started pulling Xiao Lang to the café.
His thoughts were consumed by the feeling of her hand in his. Xiao Lang didn't care where they went. He would willingly follow her anywhere.
-oxoxoxoxoxoxoxox-
Tomoeda, Japan
Cat's Eye Café
Seats near the eastern entrance
April 5, 2009
4:38 PM
Sakura gaffed at the amount of food in front of her. "You've got a healthy appetite, I see."
"Please bear with me, I haven't eaten since yesterday."
Sakura had only ordered a cup of coffee after she had heard Syaoran order dish after dish after dish to the waiter that attended them. She couldn't even name most of the food in front of Syaoran. She shuddered at how much their meal would cost her. She allowed Syaoran to order whatever he wanted. She scolded herself for not looking at the prices before she offered to pay for their meal. He took her words seriously. She knew she would regret offering to foot the bill, she was thinking of trying to explain her predicament to her father and Touya once they bust her out of paying all of this but decided against it. She had to solve this on her own. Syaoran had a more than healthy appetite. She was wondering where all of the food would go when Syaoran's voice broke into her thoughts.
"If you can't pay for it just leave it to me," he told her with a mouth full of pesto.
"I thought you didn't have any money with you?" Sakura asked incredulously.
"I have a little over a thousand yen left. I used the train this morning, you know." He answered her matter-of-factly.
Sakura's answer was a hiss. "Riding the train has nothing to do with this! You plan to pay this with a thousand yen? This meal looks like it's at least 40 times that!"
"I was thinking it would be 70 or 80 times, actually. Anyway, it was you who suggested we eat here," Syaoran pointed out.
"Don't try to be cheeky with me, Mister. And also, I didn't expect you to order a week's worth of food."
"I asked you how much money you had, right? You told me you could afford it. Had I known, we could have eaten in a fast food place somewhere. I detest fast food, although in all fairness I have never eaten it before, but due to the circumstances I would have had conceded," Syaoran answered with a shrug.
"How am I going to pay for all this? I'm too embarrassed to ask my brother or dad for help." Sakura gave a heavy sigh. "Dishwashing duty here I come."
"I told you not to worry about it. I'm eating most of the food anyway so let me handle it when I'm done."
"You know what? I don't believe you one bit."
Syaoran answered her with a smile. "I was trained to make people trust me, you'll see in the end. Just relax."
"Uh… that doesn't sound at all relieving."
Syaoran just shrugged and turned his attention back to his meal. Sakura looked at him as he ate. He was wolfing down everything in front of him. Sakura guessed from what she had observed of him that he was probably a very rich cultured person. Seeing him now, all cares for how he looked thrown to the wind, Sakura couldn't help but smile. The thought of what caused him to run away from his job kept nagging at Sakura's mind. His emotions were so erratic. One minute he kept teasing her, the next minute he's serious and brooding, and then the next minute he's kind and apologetic. She didn't get him at all. She didn't know why but she found she was interested in him. Sure, he may have been the personification of drop dead gorgeous, but Sakura instinctively knew that that was the shallowest layer of what he was. She didn't know how to explain it but all she wanted to do was peel out all the layers and see what he was really like. She couldn't forget the look on his face when she reminded him about his work. Judging from the expression on his face that was the one thing he didn't want to talk about.
She was looking at him but not really looking at him. She didn't realize she was staring. Syaoran looked up from his plate and caught her staring, he stared right back. Sakura didn't know how long they were just staring into each other's eyes.
I wonder what you're thinking now, Syaoran?
Sakura was forcefully wrenched from her moment of reflection by a person accidentally bumping into her chair. She tore her gaze away from Syaoran.
"I'm sorry, sir, madam," the waiter started to apologize.
"No, it's all right, really," Sakura reassured him as she gave him her best smile.
What Sakura didn'tknow was that Syaoran watched the scene in growing displeasure. He was angry that the girl would smile at a complete stranger is such a way and he was angry at himself for being angry in the first place. He couldn't explain it. She was just another person in the world. So what if he experienced such turbulent emotions since he had first seen her? She was just some other girl, or so he tried desperately to convince himself. He felt something stir inside of him the first time he had seen her. He didn't know what it was until now, but it was still something. He was still feeling it now and it was slowly getting stronger. It was eating at him and he knew it wouldn't take long until his whole being was devoured.
Syaoran had no idea his eyebrows were furrowed such that he was giving the waiter a slightly menacing look. The waiter chanced a glance at him and instantly froze. He hurriedly offered several apologies, bowed deeply and went on his way in a rush. Sakura looked back at her companion to comment about the waiter's weird behaviour but stopped when she saw her companion's expression.
"Huh, no wonder he was scared," she spoke out loud.
Syaoran seemed to snap to attention and his face muscles instantly relaxed. "I beg your pardon?"
"I was wondering why the waiter acted so weird and then I see you giving him a death glare."
"A what?"
"A death glare."
"Is that the Japanese vernacular these days?" he asked in a slightly mocking tone.
"To a certain portion of the population, yes. But that wasn't my point."
"Oh, what exactly was your point then? I was a bit struck by the way it was stated so please forgive me." He continued to give her that smug smile.
"I've known you for only a few hours and I already want to hit you," Sakura answered with a pout.
I want to hit me, too. Maybe then I can get my head screwed back on straight.
"I've already told you how you amuse me. I'm sorry. I haven't had fun since today. It's actually my first time teasing a person, if you believe me."
Sakura gave him an incredulous look. "Wow, you must be a natural then. You're so good at it."
"I really am sorry. You're kind enough to spend the day with scum riffraff such as myself and I treat you in such a way."
Sakura only stared at him, as if deep in thought. Being scrutinized unsettled him and so he ventured to grab her attention once more.
"Do I have something on my face?"
Sakura blinked twice and looked down at her cup of coffee. "No, nothing, I was preoccupied for a bit there."
"Yes, you were. I believe we left off with the uhm… death glare?"
She smiled at him in response. "I was saying you we're giving the waiter a scary look and that's why he left in such a state."
"I was? I wasn't aware," Syaoran answered nonchalantly. Or more accurately, as nonchalantly as he could.
Now I can't even control my facial expressions? Good going Xiao Lang.
"I was thinking of other things. I had no intention of scaring our young waiter, I assure you."
"You did look out of it."
Syaoran took the initiative in changing the subject. "Is coffee the only thing you'll be having? I've been eating so much and you've barely taken a sip."
"Ahaha," Sakura laughed a little shyly. "I think I have only enough for your meal so…"
"Didn't you hear me before? I said leave it to me."
Sakura only raised an eyebrow. "For a man who's lost and has no cash on him, you surely sound confident."
"My confidence stems from concrete objects, you needn't worry."
"I honestly don't believe you."
Syaoran signaled one of the waiters to come to their table. Sakura stared at him in shock . "Syaoran, I said I couldn't afford any more!" she hissed at him.
The waiter came to their table and Syaoran immediately grabbed the menu. He scanned the menu fast. "The lady will have a serving of seafood marinara, penne, if you please. An in addition, a slice of apple pie and a watermelon milkshake." He returned the menu, nodded and then waved his hand in dismissal- the usual thing he does when he wants people to leave him alone. He was glad the waiter recognized his signals even though only those who worked close under him were aware of the meaning of his small gestures. The waiter bowed and left before Sakura could voice any protests.
"Syaoran!"
"Yes?"
"I said I couldn't -"
"And I said to leave it to me." Syaoran immediately cut her off.
"Ugh, if we can't foot the entire bill I'm leaving you to do dishwasher duty, do you hear me? Don't expect me to help." Sakura ended her angry rant with a small huff.
Syaoran chuckled. It was the first time someone was underestimating his abilities. Yes, he was lost and he was penniless. But he was still Xiao Lang Li. He knew how to deal with such matters.
"Leave everything to me"
-xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo-
Tomoeda, Japan
Cat's Eye Café
Seats near the eastern entrance
5:23 PM
April 5, 2009
Sakura wondered how Syaoran was able to eat everything he had ordered. Their table had a mountain of food but not it only had a mountain of empty plates and bowls.
He must have been really hungry.
She looked to the main counter to see Syaoran conversing with the manager. Sakura almost fainted when she saw the bill. Syaoran had immediately taken it and walked toward the counter. She wondered what lie Syaoran was telling the manager that he hoped would get them out of this tight spot. Sakura didn't have enough for even a fourth of what they ate. She kept studying the manager's expression to see if Syaoran was getting through. She started to get nervous when she saw the manager start giving Syaoran a dubious look. Syaoran was near the phone now, He was probably on speaker phone as he refused to touch the receiver at all. The manager started to punch in some things in her computer, after a few minutes, her face changed its set almost instantly. Sakura wondered at the sudden change in expression of the manager. The manager was all smiles now. She had looked like she was going to roast Syaoran alive but now she was treating him like a celebrity. She was bowing deeply as Syaoran walked back to their table. Sakura's jaw dropped and she wasn't able to close it by the time Syaoran returned. She only realized it when Syaoran gently lifted her chin with his hand.
"You're gaping like a fish out of water," he whispered with a slight chuckle.
"What did you do?"
He offered his hand to help her up and she took it automatically.
"I told you to leave it to me." He smiled at her.
"No, I'm serious, what did you do?" Sakura let him lead her away.
"I simply called someone to help resolve the issue," Syaoran with a shrug.
"It was my first time seeing it. Remind me never to doubt you ever again."
"Thank you." Syaoran stopped as they reached a stoplight. "Might I remind you that you're still my guide for the day."
"Oh, right! I totally forgot!"
"I thought you would."
"That was an insult, wasn't it?" Sakura asked.
"Depends on how you heard it." Syaoran answered innocently. "But I didn't mean it to be."
"Well, because of that stunt you did at the café, I'll forgive you, but don't think this is always the case."
Syaoran nodded and couldn't help himself from adding, "Yes, ma'am."
Sakura rolled her eyes at that. "Anyway, where would you like to go? There isn't actually much we could do in Tomoeda. There's the public pool, the amusement park and the aquarium, though I highly doubt you're into that."
Syaoran smiled at how right she was.
"You look like your deep in retrospection so I'm suggesting somewhere quiet, am I right?"
He looked her in the eye as she finished and was appalled at how easily she had read him. He was never easy to read. He had perfected his mask and showed people what he wanted them to see. That was until today though. He realized that in her presence he couldn't keep up the pretense he did every day of his life. Or more specifically, he didn't want to pretend. He wanted her to get to know him. He was even surprised to realize he liked the fact she could see past his façade.
"I'm fine with meandering in the park for a little while longer, do you find that satisfactory?" Sakura laughed as he asked this. "Did I say something wrong?"
"I'm the guide remember? We go where you wanna go."
"Is that how it works?"
"For the most part, yes."
"You are so different from the people who are around me day in and day out. That's maybe why I can't keep my mouth shut around you," Syaoran said gently.
"I think the exact same thing." Syaoran looked at her and Sakura punctuated her sentence with a smile.
"Lead on then, Miss Tourguide."
-xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo-
Tomoeda, Japan
Penguin Park
Sidewalk near the Penguin Slide
7:54 PM
April 5, 2009
Sakura tried to remember when she had talked so much in the past three years. Syaoran was so easy to talk to. He never ran out of things to say. He had an opinion on everything. They walked from the café to Penguin Park and they spent the next two hours walking in aimless circles deep in conversation. Sakura got to see a different side to him. Despite his sometimes annoying exterior, he really spent time thinking about things. Although she found out a lot about what he thought about things, she never got a lot of information about what he did, where he came from, his family, or his friends. Whenever their conversation would stray to these topics, he'd immediately change the subject. Sakura also noticed that he tended to pause every now and then, seemingly lost in thought. She remembered his tone when he called himself scum in the café. Sakura was a bit surprised at what he said. She eyed him for a few seconds expecting he was teasing her again but he looked serious when he had said it. Sakura wondered why he considered himself something like that. And the way he had said it had disturbed her as well. It was as if he really believed what he had just said. She figured that Syaoran was keeping things bottled up inside of him and his escape from work, an action ending up with him playing truant for a day, must have been a desperate attempt to sort things through.
"Are you tired? We've been walking for more than two hours I think." Syaoran asked her as he gestured to the swings beside the Penguin Slide.
"Thank you." Sakura replied. They walked to the swings and were both grateful for the momentary rest.
Sakura mustered up all of her courage and asked, "If it isn't much, would you mind telling me why you skipped out on work today?"
Syaoran's expression immediately hardened. "Why would I answer that?"
"I mean, you've been generous with your answers up until now so I thought I'd ask."
"Why does it interest you, anyway?"
Sakura looked down at her feet. "I spent the last three years being helped by everyone around me. I was a zombie who only acted for myself. I never paid any attention to the them. I thought it might be a good change if I'd did something for someone else. I'm sorry if it was out of place, please forget I asked."
Sakura couldn't bring herself to look up. The silence between them was unbearable. They were talking so comfortably minutes ago and now everything was awkward between them.
"It… it was…" Sakura looked to Syaoran and was surprised that he was answering. What was more surprising was the expression on his face, it was such a mix of emotions that she couldn't tell what he was feeling. Syaoran didn't look at her as he continued.
"Everything just proved to be too much. I wanted to escape." After the first words were out, Syaoran's words flowed like a river. "I was already conflicted to begin with then my family brings more problems into my life. I blew up at them. I was unfair to them. I got angry at them when none of it was their fault. I was born to take over the company, nothing I wanted ever mattered. I had to put the good of the family above everything else. A puppet controlled by the Elders, They never cared what I thought, never cared what I felt. I simply had to do their bidding. Day in and day out. Morning, noon, night. Orders. Orders. Orders. Three years ago, I almost escaped everything. But no, they deemed it more proper to keep me locked in this worthless empty life I have. I wanted to die! And I almost did. But I was saved. Do you know how much anger I hold for that person? He lies six feet under the ground, the sanctuary I once craved for myself. I should be dead! He went and took that away from me. I'll never for- "
Syaoran's words were cut off as the pain of Sakura's slap registered in his mind. He looked up at her in anger but it drained out of him as he saw the tears falling down her cheeks.
"Why do you say such things? Do you know how much people try their best to live? They'd do anything, even live dishonestly just to get by. And here you are, gifted with everything and you simply throw it away. You think your problems would go away if you died? That's one of the most selfish things I've heard. Of course you'll have no problems. You're dead. What more can you worry about? You're beyond inconsiderate. Do you think the feelings of people around you are worthless? What do you take them for? What do you think they are? It's the people who are left behind who will have to experience the grief of your loss. Have you never lost someone important to you? Don't you understand how much it hurts? Here you are spouting words about wanting to die never once thinking of the people around you. I lost someone very important to me and I've only accepted it recently. I spent so long grieving and mourning. He had so many dreams he wanted to fulfill but now he can't because he's gone. And here you are, given a second life…"
Syaoran couldn't say anything and he continued to stare at Sakura's trembling form.
"Why is it that people like you are still alive while people who want so badly to live die? It's just not fair."
Sakura couldn't stop the tears from falling. She couldn't stop her words either. She tried to apologize for what she had just said but she couldn't get her voice to work. Anger and grief tore at her and she turned her back on a stunned Syaoran. The words he'd said had touched on scars recently healed and she couldn't bear to break down in front of him. All she did was run and go somewhere far away from him.
-oxoxoxoxoxoxoxox-
Tomoeda, Japan
Penguin Park
Swing by the Penguin Slide
8:22 PM
April 5, 2009
Xiao Lang could still not get over the shock of what had just transpired. He had blown up, letting all his darkest thoughts out. He couldn't imagine what made him say it all. After he started, it felt impossible to stop. All it took was a little push from her. He had no intention of saying anything, but when he had looked at her as she was staring at her feet, looking for all the world as if she was truly concerned about him, he let out the words that would be his undoing. All he wanted was to tell her things to make her understand how his life wasn't a bed of roses, he had no plans to tell her what he did. He had thought of those things, yes, but he had never had the courage to voice them all. He wanted her to know - to understand. But all he did was hurt her. He could read it all in her face as the tears cascaded from her eyes. She was trembling so much he had wanted to hold her, keep her safe. But he couldn't do that. He was the reason she was hurting. All he knew, his touch repulsed her. And why shouldn't it? From a person like him? He was never as disgusted with himself as he was at these moments. Of course she'd be disgusted with him as well.
"Selfish. Inconsiderate. Loss. Grief." He said the words out loud, trying to digest them all. Everything she had said was fresh in his mind. The way she had looked as she said them was forever burned burn into his memory. "Worthless."
The memory of her tears brought a fresh wave of self-loathing and remorse through him. Everything she said was playing over in his head like a broken record.
Why am I so worthless?
Xiao Lang buried his face in his hands and stayed like that for a long time.
She was worried about me and I hurt her.
"Xiao Lang!"
"Xiao Lang!"
He didn't even look up as he heard people calling him. He felt them surround him and still he would not rise. He felt hands on his shoulders as he recognized his sister Shiefa's voice.
"Thank goodness you're okay."
"We were so worried!" he heard Fuutie say.
"Don't ever do something that stupid ever again," Fanren added.
"Xiao Lang, are you all right?" He felt a hand gently cup his face as he heard Feimei's voice.
He couldn't find the strength to answer. They were worried and he needed to reassure them he was fine. The problem was that he was not fine. He didn't have it in him at the moment to lie to his sisters and tell them he was okay. Because he wasn't.
"Xiao Lang? is something the matter?" he heard Shiefa ask.
"He's not fine, sister"
"He's not even responding at all."
Do you think the feelings of the people around you are worthless?
Her broken voice resonated in his head and he knew he had to at least respond.
"I'm… I… I'm... sorry."
He could feel the relief of his sisters.
"Xiao Lang?" Shiefa asked once more.
"I just need a moment. My … my head is in a bind. Let me stay like… this for a while."
Shiefa smiled and held him close despite the awkwardness of the position. "As long as you need," she whispered into his ear.
-oOo-
Author's note: Well, that was a little too much drama for one chapter. Anyway, what did you guys think? I've finished the next chapter, I'm just going to type it. It'll be probably be up in a few days since I won't be able to type it in now. I have school stuff to do the entire day tomorrow. Not to mention I'm moving into a new house. So yeah, I'll be busy for a while. But just a few days at most. Argh, i'm babbling again. Anyway, that's the end of the chapter! Hope you enjoyed it. Reviews and Flames are always welcome. Until the next chapter! :D