"Okay, so picture this…"
The words she spoke presented as a distant whisper in my ears, drowned out by the sound of my heart thudding ever faster with each passing second, I registered none of her speech, my sole attention locked onto the sorrowful expression on her face.
Eventually noticing her lips stop moving, my mind returned to some level of coherency; a million thoughts and questions buzzed through my brain but when I opened my mouth to speak the best I could do was form one, barely audible word.
"Erica?"
My lack of response to her ramble had clearly made her slightly anxious as her previously hopeful expression turned to one of concern and defeat. But she seemed determined that I hear her.
"Callie, I'm so sorry, for everything… The way I acted- I understand if you never want to see me again but I couldn't stop thinking about you, from the night I left-"
"Stop." I cut her off, silencing her with a raise of my hand. I was beyond confused; how was I supposed to feel about this? If I was honest with myself, seeing her didn't make me feel anything, I wasn't angry or upset, I wasn't happy or excited, I was completely and utterly indifferent to the woman standing before me, the woman, who, only a few short months ago had been my world, or so I thought at the time. Looking back, I realised my feelings for Erica were never genuinely as strong as I had fooled myself into believing, I had wanted so bad to love and to be loved in return I had convinced myself that she was it; but surely, if that was the case, I'd be feeling something right now?
"You're back?" I broke the silence I had created.
She nodded her head in affirmation. "I'm back."
We stood in silence for a further few minutes, evidently neither knowing what to say. I had never expected to see her again and had never thought about what I would say to her if I did; what really was there to say? Deciding we couldn't stand here like this forever I spoke.
"What is it you want from me Erica?" I hadn't anticipated the sadness and vulnerability in my voice, I no longer had strong feelings for her, but she had hurt me bad, rejected me; I felt helpless.
"I miss you Cal, I just want to talk, clear the air…" She paused as if contemplating how to continue, "and then, just-… we can see from there."
I nodded my head without reason, confirming that I was listening, but my mind was blank.
"Can I come in?" She asked when I didn't react, her expression hopeful.
I thought about it for a moment; I had loved her once upon a time, and whether my feelings had been truly as strong as I had made myself believe and time had merely faded them, or whether I had fallen into a complacent pattern with no higher expectations of love, it didn't really matter; whatever my previous sentiments were, there was a familiarity there, a foundation for another chance at a future. I knew where my true affections lay, and it certainly wasn't with the blonde on my doorstep, I knew even considering letting Erica back into my life would be settling, but that's life, sometimes you just have to grin and embrace the hand you're dealt. I stood aside, gesturing unenthusiastically for her to enter.
"Where did you go?" I questioned meekly as we sat at the breakfast bar, having already run out of small talk; I was in no mood to entertain another awkward silence, there was an elephant in the room and it had to be addressed. I was feeling a little more confident in the conversation as I felt the faint effects of my second glass of wine.
"Europe." She stated plainly before taking a sip from her own glass before continuing. "Well, for a while- not straight away." She seemed frazzled, unsure of where to begin, inhaling deeply, she began again. "The night I…" She paused self consciously.
"Left?" I aided and she nodded apologetically.
"The night I left, I just got in my car, drove for hours aimlessly. I contemplated coming back, really I did, but I just couldn't; I was too stubborn. So I went home, packed a bag and went to the airport without a plan or destination, I looked at the board and bought a ticket for the next available flight, New York, so that's where I went. I didn't stay long though. I called some friends I knew were working overseas and explained that I wanted to get away for awhile and they were very obliging; I had temporary offers from some of the best hospitals in Europe; but, well, you know how I feel about being in the sun for too long so I decided to go somewhere where the weather was more bleak, somewhere like Seattle, only a million miles away."
"Where did you end up?" I couldn't help the eager curiosity that plagued my voice, I had always wanted to do that, hop on a plane, go on some crazy, unplanned adventure.
"Ireland." She laughed and I couldn't help but grin; she had once told me how Ireland posed no interest what so ever for her after experiencing a rather traumatic encounter with a charging cow escaped from a slaughter house, upon visiting the country as a child. I laughed along with her at the memory of the tale.
"I continued on and went to France, but that was more of a vacation really, made a short pit stop in Germany and then, came home."
"When did you get in?" I enquired, only now noticing her lack of luggage.
She fixed her gaze on the glass in her hands but decidedly looking up to meet my eye answered, "Two weeks ago." She exhaled, her voice sounded ashamed. "I know, I know, I should have called sooner but I hadn't really worked out a plan on whether I was going to stay or not, I didn't want to see you and confuse things even more before I knew what I was doing."
I pursed my lips into a thoughtful pout, contemplating the information. "No, I get it." I told her honestly.
A relieved smile swept across her face. "So, where does this leave us?" she braved, gesturing between her and I.
A momentary wave of panic swept through me, I wasn't expecting that issue to be addressed so soon. Looking at her blankly for a few minutes, she appeared to understand, placing a warm hand on top of mine.
"You don't have to answer right away Callie. But please, at least consider an us again?"
I closed my eyes, trying to keep the emotions and tears that were building within me at bay, nodding my head. She seemed satisfied with my response, removing her hand, I opened my eyes.
"Well, it's getting pretty late…" She noted, looking at her watch. "I should go."
In a moment of what I can only describe as temporary insanity, I reached out and grabbed her arm as she rose from the bar stool. "Wait."
She looked at me expectantly. I couldn't explain or comprehend why I had done it, maybe it was just that piece inside of me that hated to be alone, that was slowly rotting away with each rejection I faced. Too much had happened in the past few weeks and right now any kind of company was appealing. "Stay… I mean, it's late, and raining."
She looked surprised but obliged none the less. I gave her one of my old, oversized t-shirt and pajama shorts and cleared the storage boxes off Cristina's bed. I was nowhere near ready to jump into anything with her, she had broken a piece of my heart that had not yet fully healed, and right now, the rest of it belonged to someone else, so sharing a bed so soon was out of the question. She didn't appear to mind, in fact, she seemed quite pleased with herself and her small victory.
After bidding our goodnights, I moved to my own room, noticing Mark's absence for the first time this evening; checking my phone I was happy he at least had the decency to let me know he wouldn't make it; some emergency to do with burn victims.
My sleep was restless, my brain was working 90 miles an hour. I couldn't process my thoughts clearly, I was a mess. Why did this keep happening to me? Was it so much to ask for, to be happy without any drama invading my every waking moment?
Deciding that four hours was the best I was gonna get, I climbed out of bed as the clock read 6:30am and began raiding the cupboards for breakfast supplies.
Meanwhile…
"Pick up, pick uuuup." I whispered to myself, silently pleading with the recipient to answer her phone.
"Arizona?" A sleepy, disoriented voice answered.
I smiled at hearing the familiar speaker, "Teddy, hi. I kind of need a favour?"
"At 6:30am, this had better be good!" She answered, irritated but with a air of playfulness.
I smiled in anticipation at how she would react to what I was about to say. "I'm at the airport, I need you to come pick me up."
Silence filled the line.
"Teddy? You still there?" I asked, slightly concerned by the lack of response.
Another brief moment of silence passed before she spoke again, "You're back?"
"I'm baaaack." I sang cheerfully down the phone in the hopes it would wake her up and invoke a little enthusiasm.
"And you can't get a cab becauuuse?" She questioned, following quickly with, "Not that I'm not happy you're back, of course I am, but it's 6:30am."
"I know, I'm sorry." I offered, only half apologetically. "But the cab line is like… a mile long!… And I really gotta see a girl about a kis
A/N: I hope you guys don't hate me for my little stunt with Erica being at the door instead of Arizona? ha ... but as you can see, our favourite blonde is most definitely back now! :) I tried to get this up yesterday but the site seemed to be down, so I have gotten up especially early this morning so I could get this here before I go to college:) ... I'm not sure I LOVE how this chapter turned out, I can't stand Erica so hate writing for her and I sorta think I rushed the Arizona part... but I'll let you guys be the judge!
Also, I've started a new story which I'll be posting this morning as well if any of you wanna check it out :)
Thanks for reading :)x