Whew! Sorry it's up so late... like, really sorry. I feel like such an ass. Anywways, all the problems preventing the posting have been hammered out, and I'm not moving myself from this chair until I have another chapter typed. Anywhooooo... Enjoy!

Happy Birthday, Little Sis

Kenny hated his job at the convenience store… he really did.

Every school night from 7 till 12, he stood behind that stupid fucking counter and dealt with assholes and drunks. He sold smokes, lotto tickets, chocolate bars, and occasionally pumped gas for the odd elderly nighthawk. Every so often, he would play the shoulder to cry on for some poor sap that lost his wife or play hero and stop a would-be robber. It had even cost him his life once.

But he needed the job to support both himself and his siblings. Besides, when he took the late shifts, he got to meet some interesting people.

Monday nights were usually among the most interesting. Stoners stocking up on munchies for the week. Girls coming in for a chocolaty little pick-me-up after a bad weekend. Some folks also came in because the dopey little store was known for selling smokes and booze to minors, especially when the "amiable blond with the blue eyes" was working. Kenny knew what it was like to really need an alcohol or nicotine fix, so he had no problems selling it. Plus, he usually got tips, and any pocketable change was a bonus.

For the next two days, Kenny had opted to take double shifts, meaning that he would get little-to-no-sleep until Wednesday. Sure, he could sleep through his classes, especially math and English, but his teachers all had pesky habits of waking him up.

Glaring at the clock on the wall, Kenny willed the time to go faster. His second shift was about an hour from being over, and he still had to shower in the staff bath, run home, see Karen off to school, then jog the half hour to his own school because the bus would be long gone, knowing his luck. Fucking bus. At 4 AM on a Tuesday morning, the last thing Kenny wanted to do was think about school.

As the overtired teen propped his feet on the dingy counter from his less-than-comfy folding chair, yet another of South Park's homeless stumbled through the door and vomited on the cracked tiles.

Scratch that, Kenny thought as he reached for the mop with a sigh. THIS was the last thing he wanted to do.

Tuesday passed much the way Monday had for Kenny. A couple of drunks passed out on the floor, the odd puke puddle, and of course a handful of minors looking for their drugs of choice.

But at $10 an hour, it was more than worth it.

Kenny felt overly proud of himself as well as so exhausted he could cry as he tidied up in his last 20 minutes of work for the day (he had taken Wednesday night off). His wallet was stuffed full of $239.85 in under-the-table pay and tips.

One of Kenny's coworkers came in for his shifts, and after a quick shower, the blonde grabbed a "fresh-baked" cinnabun wand was out the door.

By the time Kenny made it home, he was wheezing like a man four times his age. After smoking (both cigarettes and weed) every day for almost 8 years, he didn't expect any less. As quietly as possible, he snuck in through the garage door and up to his room, making sure to avoid the extra-creaky floorboards. He flipped open his phone and smiled – 6:45. Karen would be up in 15 minutes. He set the bun on his old cluttered desk, flopped onto his mattress, and waited.

An hour later, all 3 McCormick children were standing at the bus stop. Karen nibbled away at the cinnamon bun while both of her brothers smoked.

June 8th was one of the few days a year that both Kenny and Kevin walked their sister to the bus stop, and probably the only time they ever really waited with her. Usually they dropped her off with her friends and left for either a day of school or a day of sleeping, depending on which boy you're asking. But June 8th was different. June 8th was Karen McCormick's birthday.

"11, huh?" Kenny asked as Karen jumped onto Kevin's back.

"YUP!" She shouted, wrapping her long arms around her eldest brother. "I'm almost as old as both of you!" the normally withdrawn girl was more than excited, it was a combination of breakfast (which she rarely got), the actual date, and having both of her brothers with her.

Before the lanky blonde could reply, a familiar voice shouted "hey", followed by the thumping of footsteps on the sidewalk. Three sets of piercing blue eyes turned toward the noise at once, and three smiles appeared at the same time.

There, running up the sidewalk, was Ike Broflovski, with his brother walking calmly behind him. Karen jumped off Kevin's back and met the black haired youth part way up the sidewalks in a giggle-filled embrace. The three boys smiled fondly as their little siblings chatted excitedly. Ike handed Karen a cupcake and the two sat on the curb to eat it. With a sly, knowing smile at the still-approaching redhead, Kevin bid Kenny farewell and slipped away.

"Bebe dumped me." Kyle shrugged as he stood beside Kenny, his orange scarf shifting as his shoulders heaved. "She said me a text that said she was 'doing Clyde' and that it was over between us. Can't say I'm surprised, though." The redhead shrugged again and smoothed some wrinkles in his top. "But it doesn't really matter.… Say, how are things with Red?" Kyle stopped his steady stream of nervous chatter and looked up a Kenny, who had been watching the smaller teen with an amused twinkle in his eye.

"Red?" he echoed, stuffing his hands into his shorts pockets. "She's been ignoring me lately, actually." The simple statement contained no emotion – like a comment on the weather. Kenny looked up the road to see the familiar old school bus chugging its way up the street towards them. He leaned down, kissed the top of Karen's head, and wished her a happy birthday before walking towards yet another bus stop with Kyle. "It's nothing major." The uninterested teen yawned and hoofed a pebble out of his way.

Kyle, who had just realized that he was as close to alone with Kenny as he had been since the blonde's over-enthusiastic display of… affection? Lust?... felt a little flustered. "Well… maybe you should talk to her?" he suggested, casting sidelong glances at his friend. "And if that doesn't work, we can think of something in art."

"Not going to school." The blonde corrected, that goddamn mischievous spark flashing in his eyes as he pulled out a Native smoke and an old Bic lighter. It was that kind of look that made Kyle want to both strip and pull his sweater closer at the same time. Damn teenage hormones…

"What do you mean, 'not going to school'?" the smaller boy spat, trying to control the unwelcomed bulge now pressing against his skinnies by doing the best imitation of his mother that he could muster. "School's important, Kenny." Still indifferent, Kenny just shrugged, indicating his verbal role in the conversation was over. "Could you at least tell me why you're not going to school?" Chancing a full-on look at Kenny, Kyle realized the other teen had been watching him for a while. The look seemed so calculating, so… analytical. It made his (so totally not) freckled skin crawl.

Kenny merely smiled, and the creepy feeling that had Kyle on edge not 10 seconds prior disappeared. "It's Karen's birthday. I've been working doubles to get her something. I even showered at work, dude." He ran the hand that wasn't holding his cigarette through his hair by way of emphasis and Kyle laughed. "And as for school being important? In the immortal words of one of my all-time favourite lead singer slash guitarists… 'School is practice for the future. Practice makes perfect. Nobody's perfect… so why practice?'" Oh, how Kyle loved and loathed that shit-eating grin.

"So that's why you've been clean these last few days?" he snorted, giving Kenny a playful shove.

The blonde laughed and bumped Kyle in return. "Ow!" he rubbed his upper thigh where he had hit Kyle. "You have the BONIEST fucking hip."

In response, the grinning redhead pointed towards a small collection of multi-coloured studded belts resting loosely on the accused hip. "That, and I know how to choose stylish yet practical accessories." Kyle almost walked straight into the bus stop sign, causing Kenny to burst out in that deep, booming laughter that always ended with one sharp, barking cough to which Kyle would say "smokers' lung".

"Hey…" Kenny leaned against the signpost, regarding Kyle with one of those looks that says he has an idea the petite redhead probably won't like. The glint in his eye slowly wormed its way down to his mouth and tugged his lips up into one of those dreaded Cheshire cat smiles. This definitely was not good for the smaller boy. "Skip with me." It was more of a command than a question, warranting a disapproving scoff from his friend.

"'Skip with you'?" He snapped, orange hair moving slightly in the calm breeze. The familiar red tint began to colour his ears, and Kenny settled in for a long-winded rant. "Why would I skip a perfectly fine day of classes? You know how my parents feel about that. You know how I feel about that! I mean, sure, I don't have any tests today, or any projects due… but I might miss something important." The blonde smiled his sly grin once more as Kyle slowly talked himself out of going to school without even realizing it. "But Bebe and Clyde are at school… and I've been so stressed lately and-" he stopped abruptly and looked up at that goddamn smirking face. "You just let me convince myself to skip with you." Kenny simply continued to smile and nodded. "Never let someone call you stupid, McCormick." Not waiting for a response, Kyle started walking towards the mall, not bothering to acknowledge Kenny as he fell into step beside him.

The two had worked their way through the vast majority of the mall and had nothing to show save for tired legs and empty stomachs. Kyle was starting to get antsy.

"We're not finding anything, Ken." He huffed for what must have been the 22th time in the last hour. "Why don't we just… I dunno… go somewhere else?"| He jogged to catch up to Kenny, who had kept up his pace.

"We'll find something, Ky." The blonde's saint-like patience was beginning to wear out, and his ever-present sex drive had begun to gnaw at the back of his mind.

Kyle ran his hands through his hair and scratched the back of his head. "What kinds of things does she like?" he ventured, curious green eyes scanning lightly-tanned features, noting the small signs of tension. Clenched jaw, slightly furrowed brow, and that look in his eye that said his mind was racing.

At first, only silence answered Kyle's question as Kenny thought. "Stuffed toys. Animals, pillows, sweaters that are too big for her, and sweets." He counted each item on his fingers as he spoke, wagging his fingers at his friend when he was finished.

"Then get her one of those pillow pets, a snuggie, and a bag of candy." The redhead shrugged as he stared through a shop window.

"Don't you have to get the first two over the phone?" the straw-haired boy asked, confusion written clearly across his face.

"Now there's someplace in here that sells that stuff," pulling a few curls back into place, he turned back to Kenny, who had leaned against a wall and was now staring at the ceiling.

"'As Seen on TV'?"

"Indeed."

"That store was fucking awesome, Kyle." Kenny admitted as he tied the final bow on Karen's gifts. "And this weed?" he pointed the joint in Kyle's direction, "is even better." He took another drag of the sweet drug and held it out to his friend.

In response, the recoiling Jew tightened his scarf over his nose and mouth. "You kidding, dude?" he demanded, his voice muffled by the orange fabric, causing Kenny to giggle at the role reversal. "What?" he snapped, feeling absolutely not even the tiniest bit high. Nope. Not at all.

Still giggling, the blonde wagged the joint at Kyle. "You. You've got-" snort "-your voice. Muffled. By-" snort "-orange!" he fell back onto a pile of dirty clothes and smiled, his faded Metallica shirt riding up to expose pale, slightly bruised, stomach. "It's like when we were younger. 'Cept… you're me… so that means… I'm you. Holy shit." He paused to take another long puff. "I just blew my own mind."

Feeling more than a little irritated (and still absolutely not stoned in the slightest), Kyle threw a suspiciously crunchy wad of clothing at the snickering stoner. "You are not me. I wouldn't sit there killing my brain cells."

"Yet here you are."

"… Shut up."

A long stretch of smoke-filled silence passed before Kenny took a final drag of the joint and snuffed it out against his grubby converse. With a sigh and a stretch, he looked over at Kyle, who had wrapped his scarf around his entire head (safe for a small gap over his nose and mouth that went unnoticed by the stoned blonde), and smiled. "You're high, aren't you Kyle?" he purred, rolling onto his stomach. When all he got was a groan in response, he laughed. "Kylie's stoned, Kylie's stoned." He chanted as he crawled the boy, who had opted to lounge on his bed.

"I might be a little stoned…" he conceded, pulling the scarf away from his eyes in time to see a blonde mop crawling across the squalid room. "You try to rape me again and I'll kick you so hard in the balls that you'll piss blood." As emphasis, the young Hebrew one shoe-clad foot and pointed it at the prowling teen.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Kenny pinned Kyle's legs and slowly began to crawl up the redhead, his eyes cloudy with drug haze and lust.

"Wait a sec! Whoa! Hey! H-he-hey!" Blue eyes focused on now-entirely uncovered green ones as the depraved teen leisurely crept up the increasingly alarmed Broflovski.

"Now, now…" he cooed, placing kisses along his inner thigh. He grabbed both of the redhead's wrists in one hand and slowly pushed them above his squirming friend's mop of ginger locks. "Weed makes me horny~" he whispered, using his free hand to unwind the scarf and toss it on the floor.

"E-everything makes you horny!" Kyle snapped, his heart hammering against his ribs, and some more… sensitive parts straining against his jeans. He wanted Kenny's heart, not his body (even though it is one Helluva body), and this certainly was not how he was going to get it. He wanted to be emotionally important to the blonde who was currently kissing hi – Holly sweet Moses Kenny McCormick was kissing him. He gasped at the sudden realization – or, it would've been a gasp if his mouth hadn't been captured by Kenny's. As it stood, the blonde used it as an opportunity to slip his tongue into his stunned friend's mouth. He ran it over every surface he could – teeth and flesh no longer safe from his exploration.

Kenny only pulled back when he heard voices on the main floor. "Karen and Kevin are home," he breathed, licking the side of Kyle's face and nipping his earlobe. Pushing himself up off the bed, he looked at the redhead. "Coming?" he asked, grabbing the presents and heading for the door.

The flustered teen simply flipped him off and stood up. "I'll be down in a bit, dickhole." He snarled, picking up his scarf. Kenny just laughed and headed downstairs. Fucking prick… Kyle seethed, fixing himself in the smudged and cracked mirror, I'm not his goddamn girlfriend. He traced the spiderweb of cracks from its centre – probably caused by a bottle or a fist. Or Kenny's head… Hoping to shake the horrible image from his mind, Kyle joined the McCormicks downstairs to celebrate Karen's birthday.

I actually love this chapter so much it hurts. I can't not laugh when I read "Holy shit I just blew my own mind". It's impossible for me.

REVIEW PLEASE! (even though I no longer deserve it for my shitastic updating) OH! OHOHOHOHOHOHOH!~

THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO REVIEWER #40 - ylraM