Disclaimer: I do not own the Super Smash Bros. series, nor do I own any other characters/series/mentioning of real persons that may appear. The only things I own are the OCs and the plot, really...
A/N: BTW, in case you're wondering...the insane little rants at the beginnings of the recent chapters are actually important...but more about that will be revealed later, so please don't let it annoy you if it does...
Twiddle...twiddle...twiddle...twiddle...twiddle-dee...twiddle-dum...twiddle-do...twiddle-don't...TWIDDLE!!!
Kirby...you blew it up...you blew it up and you don't care...hoo hoo hoo...thank you...thank you so much...you spaz...
"TAKE THIS!! AND THIS!! AND SOME OF THESE!!! AND MAYBE A FEW OF THESE TOO! AND POSSIBLY A QUARTER-POUNDER OF THIS!!! WE'RE HAVING A DISCOUNT TODAY ON THESE!! AND-"
Solid Snake gave Kirby a light kick in the back. "He's unconscious already; cut it out."
Oh," Kirby stared down at the bloody, swollen mess that was once poor Teddie's face, "Sorry about that, man..."
Samuel Aran, who had finally been able to win Snake's trust (for now), walked over and picked up a rather bulky envelope lying at the bear's feet. Inside of the envelope were three pairs of what appeared to be reading glasses. Sam raised an eyebrow incredulously.
"The hell are these things?!" he asked aloud.
"Put 'em on! Maybe they do something freaky!" said Kirby, smirking to himself.
"Why would they do something freaky?" Snake inquired.
"Well, uh...since everything else around us seems to be all freaky and shit, I just...I just figured-"
"Dammit, even my Codec isn't working..."
"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!!"
Sighing heavily, Sam reluctantly placed the glasses on his face. Almost immediately, he let out a gasp of shock. "Holy crap, these things let me see directly through the smog...and it's not even burning my throat and nostrils anymore either!! It's amazing!"
Being a 'man of the world', Snake was obviously suspicious of this statement. "Hmph...give me a pair, and let me try 'em out..."
Sam tossed the soldier a pair of light-blue specs, and in a few seconds, Snake was nearly about to shoot himself in the foot. "My god, they DO work!!" he exclaimed.
"I guess you can have the last pair, Kirby..." Sam remarked, holding them out to the pink puffball.
Kirby crossed his arms with an indignant look. "I dunno...glasses make me look fat. Also, I don't have ears, so they can't stay on without simply breaking all laws of physics and saying that they don't fall off because they don't fall off, which doesn't make a lick of sense to me, personally..."
"JUST WEAR THEM! It's your fault that the bear that took time out of his own busy schedule to help us save the day is in a catatonic state right now!!"
"Okay, okay! Geez...pickin' on the little guy as always..."
Once the three of them had finished becoming accustomed to their new eye-wear, they finally rushed out of the dirty alleyway, only to come to a halt yet again. They were surrounded by what appeared to be a large mob of rotting, undead corpses, A.K.A. zombies. One of them happened to be carrying an over-sized cleaver and wearing a giant pyramid-shaped helmet, as well.
"Dammit," Snake cursed under his breath, "I knew we shouldn't have spent 30 minutes standing around in that alleyway doing nothing...!"
"Zombies?! I mean, okay, it might make a bit of sense, but still...WHY'D IT HAVE TO BE ZOMBIES?!!" Samuel whined like a little bitch.
"RUN FOR IT...OR BLOW THEM ALL DOWN!! EITHER OPTION IS FINE!!" Kirby roared before pouncing at the nearest zombie with his Final Cutter blade.
Snake tumbled forward, and threw a pair of grenades at two rather large zombies, blowing their bodies to pieces. "WHERE WOULD WE RUN TO?!" He proceeded to shove the barrel of his pistol against the melted face of another zombie and fired twice. Several more zombies were easily felled by his powerful spin-kick.
"I DUNNO! I WAS JUST TRYING TO ACT COOL!" Kirby replied, despite knowing full well how rude it was to talk when you were chewing on a mouth-full of zombie flesh.
"These blasted things...so disgusting! They just keep coming!!" Sam cursed as he sent about ten zombies flying at once with a charged-up Power Beam shot.
"Stop whining!" Snake chided the blonde man as he tore a zombie's head clean off.
Suddenly, before Kirby had the chance to make a rather witty remark, the ground began to tremble violently. The vibration was so strong that Snake was nearly knocked off-balance. The remaining zombies halted their snail-like pacing, and turned their undivided attention towards the opposite end of the old road. The shaking grew even more prominent, and a loud trumpet-like wailing filled the air. The zombies then proceeded to take on a sort of Nazi-esque stance, even going so far as saluting...at least, the ones that still had hands did.
"W...What's going on?!" Samuel shouted over the tremor.
"I-I think something's...something's coming!!" Kirby cried nervously.
"Damn...this is gonna be a long day..." sighed Snake.
As soon as Snake had spoken those words, the trembling stopped. There was a short pause, and then something gigantic came crashing down from the sky right in front of them, sending up a thick cloud of dust in the process. When the dust cleared, Kirby and the others were made momentarily speechless by the hideous monstrosity that now stood before them. The other zombies were still standing in salute.
The monster in question mainly resembled a gigantic black rat, except it had four equally huge, rotting, dark-green human arms sprouting out from its sides. The left side of the rat's face was torn wide open, revealing the shattered bloody skull that laid underneath. Its gaping mouth was filled with several rows of razor-sharp teeth, and a forked tongue. Oddly enough, a tiny African parrot was perched atop the creature's furry head.
"I am Kaevin, the ruler of the zombie populace that inhabits this city..." the parrot stated in a scratchy voice.
Kirby couldn't believe his eyes. "Whoa! That hideous rat-thing is talking through that bird!!"
"What the hell are you talking about?!! My name is Eugene, you pink bastard!" the rat suddenly spoke up.
"EEP!!"
"Anywaaaaaay...as I was saying before being rudely interrupted," Kaevin threw a nasty glare in Kirby's direction, "I am the ruler of all of the zombies that live here, and I must say I am quite displeased with you three so far...quite displeased indeed. Not only did you come to this city uninvited, but you've actually gone and killed a large number of our people. That, my good sirs, is damn dirty murder you're committing!! I DON'T LIKE DAMN DIRTY MURDER!"
"Uh, well, to be fair...they were already dead in the first place..." Sam pointed out.
"SILENCE! As one of the five masters that rules this accursed ghetto of hell, I will not let your deeds go unpunished! My personal guard here, who earlier on introduced himself as Eugene, will devour your pathetic, fleshy, non-rotting bodies!!!"
"OH, BUTTER BISCUITS!!"
Eugene reared its head far back, and let loose a terrible, booming screech. Just as it was prepared to pounce, Kirby and Snake spun around and began running away as fast their legs (and round oval-shaped red feet) could carry them. It took Sam a little bit longer for him to do the same. It took even longer than that before the zombies realized that they were supposed to be CHASING AFTER the homicidal intruders.