Title: Anathema
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Characters/Pairing: Emily/JJ
Genre: Romance/Drama
Summary: Some relationships don't take the conventional path. When an unsub threatens JJ's life, Emily pulls out all the stops to protect her, even if it means sacrificing her own life.
Anathema
fear
[fɪər]
–noun
1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
2. a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: an abnormal fear of heights.
3. concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for someone's safety.
4. reverential awe, esp. toward God.
5. that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid: Cancer is a common fear.
Chapter Ten
She wakes up with a throbbing headache.
The last thing she remembers is the screeching wrench of metal, the screams that echoed in her mind, even though she's entirely positive of the fact that she had not made a sound. The only other person in the car had been Hotch, and he screams about as often as Garcia takes a .45 down to the shooting range. About as often as Morgan wears a skirt to work.
Hotch isn't there with her, of that much she's sure. The Unit Chief isn't the object of this man's desires, and neither is she, really. She's just a way for him to achieve his desires. She hopes like hell that Hotch had made it out of the car alive, but she can't dwell on that for very long. She has other concerns.
Her hands are tied to a chair – a little tightly, but the knots aren't very professional. After all the slow days when Reid takes it upon himself to teach the rest of them Presdigitation and Escapism, she thinks, given some time alone, she could probably get out of them eventually. Time alone doesn't look like it'll come at any point soon, though. Through a barely cracked eyelid, she can see the man watching her.
Though she's as still as possible, he still sees that she's awake, and his lips widen into a smile. 'I can see why she likes you,' he says, in a lecherous tone. 'You're so much more...vivid in person.' He watches her reaction, and she tries her hardest not to let the fear show on her face. His head cocks slightly to the side. 'It almost seems a pity to kill you.'
There's a long pause, during which all she can hear is her own labored breathing. 'Not yet, of course,' he adds. 'Not until everybody's here.'
She can feel her heart thump a little louder at that revelation. There's only one word on her lips. One name. Emily.
She closes her eyes again, blinking back the pain that shoots through her torso and wonders – is there any way she could have possibly made this worse.
***
It's a lazy Sunday afternoon when Emily uses the "L" word for the first time. Lazy Sunday afternoons are a rare occurrence, and they're taking full advantage of it. She's curled up against Emily's chest, hair touching bare skin.
They're both out of breath – still recovering from what had started as an impromptu tickling match. The last case had hit them hard, and JJ had taken it upon herself to lighten the mood.
''love you,' Emily says breathlessly, which brings everything crashing back down again. JJ takes a couple of seconds to determine if what she'd heard had actually been what Emily had said.
There's a look of something approaching adoration on Emily's face – JJ doesn't need to have taken the profiling lessons to know that she'd heard exactly what she'd thought.
Emily's expression suddenly twists into one of horror. 'I'm sorry, Jayj. I didn't mean...' To say that out loud. JJ finishes the sentence in her mind, the words echoing.
Love.
She hadn't gone into this relationship expecting love, but she knows that if Emily, of all people, is professing her feelings – even accidentally – then they must run pretty deep.
The thought terrifies her. She's, admittedly, one of the more well-balanced members of the team in terms of personal demons, but that doesn't change the fact that she's a major commitment-phobe. Emily had been too, but evidently that's changed some time in the last twelve months. From that look of horror, she's pretty sure that the brunette hadn't planned on letting the words slip out any time soon.
It doesn't change the fact that the words are out there now. It's real – what they have is real – and for JJ, reality has always been that breaking point.
She feels herself pulling away – physically and emotionally, even though she's not entirely sure she wants to. She wonders if it would be different if Emily weren't her female co-worker. If Emily had been just another man that had taken her out, and shown her a good time. She's not, though, which is the problem at hand.
'I'm sorry.' She lets her arms cross against her bare chest as she slides out of the bed. It's an embarrassing five minutes as she searches for the clothes that had been scattered across the floor of Emily's bedroom. The other woman still hasn't said anything yet, though horror has given way to shock.
'JJ...' she says eventually.
JJ stands, fully dressed, and vaguely aware that the buttons of her blouse are misaligned.
'I...I'm sorry,' she repeats, in lieu of anything else. 'I don't...I can't...' She struggles, and hates herself for doing so. She's a Communications Liaison. She's always supposed to have the right words to say the right thing, to stop the situation from escalating. All of her experience had never prepared her for this. 'I need...space,' she settles on, finally, aware that maybe when she says "space," what she really means is time.
Emily nods, though it's painfully evident that she is not okay with what's going on. JJ doesn't blame her.
Maybe things will be a little easier if Emily hates her for it.