A/N So firstly I want to thank everyone for their reviews/comments, they really mean a lot.
This chapter is quite dialogue heavy because I think these girls have some stuff they need to talk about. Hope you don't hate me for dragging out the build up just a little longer. I swear there will be a pay off.
Quinn woke slowly; her eyes adjusting to how bright the yellow of Rachel's bedroom walls were in the morning sunshine. Maybe that was the secret to the girl's perpetual perkiness. As the rest of her senses came back from what had been a very deep sleep she realised she was still wrapped around Rachel, her arm around her stomach and their legs entwined. She rather liked being the big spoon. She tried not to move too much not wanting to disturb Rachel but also wanting to revel in the moment. She breathed gently in time to the slow rise and fall of the other girl's chest. She felt peaceful. Is that what love was, was it this sense of complete and utter peacefulness? Quinn wasn't sure she was ready to think of Rachel in terms of love just yet but she was ready to admit that in that moment there was nowhere else she'd rather be. She pulled back slightly so she could get a better look at Rachel as she slumbered. She realised this was perhaps the first time she'd known her be quiet for this long. She'd grown to like hearing Rachel ramble about god knows what but in this silence she was finally able to watch her without the blush that would inevitably rise every time Rachel caught her doing just that. The brunette was stunning. In the peace of sleep, her face relaxed, her mind off in some dream world, Rachel was breath-taking. Quinn couldn't resist, she planted a small kiss on back of her pyjama-clad right shoulder, marking the space her own. If she could wake every morning her face resting against that shoulder she imagined she might find herself just as perky as Rachel. She nuzzled back into the embrace that she had held for the last eight hours but the movement seemed to rouse Rachel from her dreams.
"mmmm, comfy." Rachel mumbled still hazy from sleep.
"Me too. Let's just stay like this for a while."
"Ok."
And with that both girls went back to sleep for a while.
They finally woke again at 11, Rachel turning in Quinn's arms and watching as she scrunched up her face in an attempt to open her eyes. Opening them one at a time Quinn looked at Rachel, so close she could kiss her.
"Hey," Quinn said quietly
"Hey."
They both stayed like that for a moment, just looking at each other.
"Your room's bright, how do you cope with it?"
"I'm a morning person, I like the brightness." She reached up and pushed a lock of hair behind Quinn's ear. "I'm assuming you don't like mornings."
"Just one of the many things you're going to learn about me Berry."
"What else?"
"I don't feel human until I've brushed my teeth."
"That means you have to get up though."
"You're noticing my new-found dilemma."
"Well I don't want you to feel inhuman." Rachel started to pull back.
"Maybe I'll just have to learn to cope for while." Quinn tightened her hold on Rachel, not letting her get up.
"five minutes and then we're getting up. Have you seen the time? I never sleep this late."
"Ok, five. But you aren't allowed to count it down to the exact second."
"But then how will I know it's been five minutes."
"You won't." Rachel pouted a little. "And that's ok sometimes. You need to learn to relax."
"I thought that's what I was doing."
"Then do it." Quinn pulled Rachel closer until her head was in the crook of Quinn's neck.
Eventually Rachel shifted and looked up at Quinn.
"That has to be five minutes."
"Were you counting?"
Rachel looked down again.
"Maybe a little."
"Fine. Let's get up. But you're making me breakfast."
"Why do you think I wanted to get up? I have a culinary feast planned for this morning."
Reluctantly Quinn let Rachel go and watched as she got out of bed and grabbed her robe off the back of the bedroom door. She smiled to herself. She had it bad.
"You can use the bathroom first; I'm going to get started in the kitchen."
Rachel walked out the room and Quinn threw her head back and sighed. How the hell had it got here already? Only a few days ago she'd just wanted to be friends again, hoping her gift would put her back in Rachel's good graces. Now here she was lying in the girl's bed with a goofy grin on her face. The last night had been intense, she'd been so scared of telling Rachel her fears but it had felt good to get it out there. And she'd meant every word. She knew that this was more than friendship, the way she'd clung to Rachel this morning was evidence of that, but could it really be more? She liked the idea of this, of waking with Rachel, of holding her and listening to the light snoring of her morning slumber, but could she do all the other things a relationship involved? Could she do this, out there in the world, with everyone watching? She latched onto Rachel's words from last night and hoped she'd meant them. They would just play it by ear, do what felt right, no pressure, no labels, just feel it out. Somehow she still couldn't shake the fear she was going to end up breaking Rachel's heart. And that was the last thing she ever wanted to do.
She sat up and ran her hands through her sleep-tousled hair.
"Rachel freakin' Berry."
Rachel had already made a good start on the pancakes, the eggs were ready to go in the pan and the veggie sausages were starting to brown nicely. She hummed to herself as she pottered around the kitchen. Was this what it felt like to really be with someone? She knew she had to resist jumping the gun, they weren't in a relationship. But being the romantic (and if she was honest, slight fantasist) she was it was heard not to imagine what it would be like to get to do this all the time. Make breakfast for her girlfriend. She pushed the idea, the word, aside. She had to be strong for Quinn, had to be patient. She told herself it might not even go there and she'd promised she'd be ok with that. And she really did think she could be. It would hurt, there was no denying that, because waking in Quinn's arms had been the happiest moment of her life to date, but as long as she never lost Quinn she could cope. She couldn't believe quite how much she'd grown to need Quinn in such a short space of time. It was as if as soon as they'd really seen each other they were drawn like magnets. From the first day they'd really talked, seen the girl behind the high school façade, this moment had been inevitable. Maybe it wasn't so surprising it happened so fast, wasn't love meant to be like that? There she was again, projecting. She needed to dial it back, just go at Quinn's pace. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to hope that Quinn would realise how perfect they were together.
Rachel looked up when she heard Quinn come down the stairs.
"That smells good, what are you making?"
"The works."
"And what is the Rachel Berry version of the works?"
"Pancakes, eggs, sausage."
"That doesn't sound very vegan," Quinn said, confused.
"Well the sausages are veggie. And you have to promise not to tell, but I tend to forgo my veganism for breakfast. I really love scrambled eggs."
"Your secret is safe with me. Can I help?"
"Just set the table. The cutlery is in that drawer there." Rachel pointed with her spatula at a drawer behind her.
"Cool."
They ate breakfast in a comfortable silence, smiling at each other between mouthfuls of food.
"This is really good Rach. I should eat breakfast here more often." There was a slight glint in Quinn's eye, a small raise of the eyebrow.
"I think you should too," Rachel returned the flirty tone, "And thank you. I tend to make Saturday breakfast for my dads."
"So what's the plan for today?"
"What makes you think I have a plan?"
"You always have a plan Rachel."
"Well I was thinking we could go for a walk, I love days like this, so cold and crisp. And then I thought we could just veg out and watch a movie of your choosing."
"My choice?"
"Yes Quinn. I am capable of allowing others to make decisions." She noticed the look on Quinn's face, "Sometimes."
"Well I feel honoured. Let's get ready and go for this walk."
They both got changed into warm clothes, wrapped themselves in scarves and coats and headed out into the cold but bright Ohio day.
Quinn instinctively reached for Rachel's hand and Rachel put up no protest but did her best to hide the smile on her face.
"Your hands are freezing, here" Quinn placed their linked hands into the pocket of her large coat. Rachel felt a warmth that wasn't coming from her newly ensconced hand but straight from her heart.
Quinn wasn't sure what made her do it; she knew what a coupley gesture it was. But play it by ear was her new mantra and it just felt right. They walked for a while, Quinn having so much she wanted to say but so scared of breaking the little bubble they had constructed for themselves.
"The sky's so blue today. I love days like this." Rachel was staring up at the sky, hardly looking where she was going.
"When did you know?" Quinn asked tentatively.
"That I liked blue sky's?" Rachel was a little confused. Quinn squeezed her hand.
"No, dummy, girls. When did you know you liked girls?"
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"I suppose when I was around 13. It just sort of occurred to me. Like when it gets to 5 o'clock and you suddenly remember something you were supposed to do all day. I just knew all of a sudden. Then things started to make sense. Ways I had acted around certain girls, things I'd thought but had dismissed at the time, Finn."
Quinn looked down at the sound of the boy's name. Rachel continued.
"I finally understood my love of Dirty Dancing."
"Huh?" Quinn looked at her, it was her turn to be confused.
"When I was about 8 my dad let me watch Dirty Dancing for the first time."
"Isn't that a little young?"
"We weren't all brought up in repressed conservative households Quinn. My fathers had issues with violent movies, but a little skin and some dancing, that they were ok with. Plus anything I didn't get they would just tell me I'd understand when I was older. Anyway, dad had a bit of a thing for Patrick Swayze so we used to watch the film quite often. But I used to watch it even when he wasn't there, but not all of it."
"The final dance, right?"
"Not at all. It was the sequence where he teaches her dance, the Hungry Eyes bit. I would watch it over and over; I nearly wore the tape out. I thought I just liked Patrick Swayze, like Dad. But once I realised I was gay it all made sense, I didn't like Patrick Swayze I kind of…well…I wanted to be him. The way he held her, that moment where Baby and Penny danced together. Let's just say even at 8 I think it had quiet an effect on me."
"I did wonder why you wouldn't shut up about Dancing With The Stars that season," Quinn said with just a touch of a laugh. Rachel swatted at her with her free hand.
"Hey. I'm opening myself up here."
"I know. Thank you for trusting me. I didn't know if you would anymore."
"You apologised Quinn and I believe you."
"Good, cos I meant it. And I'm sorry."
"I told you, your apology was enough."
"Not for that. For before…for everything." Quinn was looking at the ground again.
"Quinn…"
"No. I need so say this. I've been kinda awful to you Rachel, the names, the online comments and stuff. I know I never actually threw a slushie, but that doesn't mean I wasn't complicit."
"Complicit?"
"Yes Rachel I know big words, I told you. Stop derailing me, I'm trying to say I'm sorry."
"You don't…"
"Yes I do. I made your life so much harder than it had to be. I'm still not sure why I did it. I think maybe I was jealous of you."
"Of me?" Rachel sounded incredulous.
"Yes of you. You're so…you."
"Huh?"
"You never get scared, you never back down. You just be yourself and you don't care what people think. I've always been so scared of my reputation, of being who I was supposed to be. But you? You just be you and that scared me. But I should never have acted the way I did and the fact that you're willing to forgive me, well that makes me want to earn your forgiveness even more and prove that I don't want to be the person I used to be anymore."
"I know you're not that same person." She said it with complete sincerity. "And I do care what people think, Quinn." Rachel's voice got small.
"But you don't let it get to you." Quinn stopped and turned to face Rachel, taking her other hand. "You keep your head up and you don't let what people say change you. You're so brave and that just made me feel like such a coward, so I lashed out. And I'm sorry."
"I'm not brave Quinn. If I was brave I would have come out by now." Rachel was still talking at an almost whisper.
"Oh Rachel, don't you see how brave you already are. You put yourself out there and told me even though you must have known I would probably be a jerk. Coming out is massive and taking your time with it doesn't make you any less brave." She let go of Rachel's hand and lifted the girl's chin up so she could look in her eyes. "You amaze me Rachel and I'm glad I finally got the chance to realise that."
They looked at each other for a while, standing so close in the cold Ohio air
"Me too," was all Rachel could say. She felt that pull that was at once so unknown and so familiar. She could almost feel Quinn's breath on her face, the touch of her hand on her chin. She knew what this was, what she wanted.
Quinn felt it too. What had just been a move to try and force Rachel to see she meant every word she was saying was now something else. She felt the electricity from the hand still holding Rachel's in her pocket to the one under the brunette's chin. Just the slightest movement and they'd be kissing. She'd be kissing Rachel Berry. Her stomach flip-flopped at the thought. She swallowed heavily. Then she realised she was in the middle of Franklin street, not far from where her 6th grade piano teacher lived. Anyone could see them. She stepped back, letting go of Rachel's chin but keeping hold of her hand. She may not have been ready to kiss her but she didn't want to let her go.
Rachel breathed again; unaware she had been holding her breath at all. Part of her wished she'd taken the initiative, just reached out and kissed the girl. In that moment, both of them lost in the other's eyes it could have been so right. But she also knew it was still too soon. Quinn had to be the one to dictate this. Rachel may not be very experienced but she knew that a kiss between them had to be on Quinn's terms. Rachel squeezed Quinn's hand to reassure her that she was ok; that she knew now wasn't the time.
They started walking again.
"Have you ever kissed a girl?" Quinn knew the question was a little more weighted now than it would have been ten minutes ago.
"Not yet. But that doesn't make me any less certain of my sexual orientation. I mean I look at Carey Mulligan or Blake Lively and I know it's not the same as when I look at Jake Gyllenhaal."
"Wow, even Jake. You must be gay." Quinn smirked, glad some of the tension was gone. "And a thing for blondes too."
"I suppose I do perhaps have a type." They were flirting again and it felt good.
"Anyone at school caught your eye?" Quinn knew she was treading a fine line. On one hand she didn't want to know, but she was intrigued.
"Not really. Maybe one or two girls that I might have looked at for a little longer than I should have."
"Perved on you mean." It was said with a laugh and Quinn hoped Rachel knew it was in jest.
"You could say that. Amy Richards does have a very pleasing rear end."
"I can't believe you just used the phrase 'rear end' when talking about checking out girls. If ever there was a time to say 'ass' it's then."
"Fine. She has a great ass."
"She kinda does.
"Quinn Fabray!" Rachel exclaimed in shock.
"It's just a fact."
They both laughed.
"Have you ever…thought about…girls?" Rachel wasn't sure what answer she was hoping for.
"Not really. I mean I know when a girl is hot and I guess I've appreciated it but I've never wanted to, y'know, do anything before…" Quinn's words trailed off, she wasn't quite ready for this.
They walked in silence again for a while.
"Have you thought about telling your dads?"
"I know I will eventually but right now I'm not ready. I know they wouldn't care, obviously, but they'd be so desperate to be supportive to make up for all the people who weren't supportive of them. I think they might smother me a little. God I can see the PFlag meetings already."
"PFlag?"
"Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. It's a gay family organisation. I don't want to be part of the Berry family pride parade just yet. I need to have this to myself for a while, make it mine before I share it with them. Plus I like having something that's just mine. My dads know everything else about me. Maybe it's my rebellious teenage phase, but I like having a secret for now."
"That makes sense. At least you know when you do tell them it'll be ok. I've only kept secrets because I knew the truth would ruin everything."
Rachel squeezed her hand again. She looked up and realised they'd walked in a circle and were almost back at her house.
"Looks like we're back home. Decided what movie you want to watch yet?"
"I was thinking maybe Dirty Dancing." Quinn quirked an eyebrow.
"Hey! That's not fair."
"You said it was my choice."
"I'm totally deducting points for this."
"I think I'll cope."
They walked up the steps to Rachel's house both grinning like fools.
Quinn was settled on the couch while Rachel made popcorn again. She'd had maybe the best 24 hours she could remember in a long time. Curled up the Berry's insanely comfortable couch, a newly lit fire just starting to really burn she couldn't imagine being much happier. The whole house just felt so, well, homely. She knew her mom was trying to do better with their place now that her dad was gone, but every time she moved something she ended up moving it back because that's how her dad had liked it. Even though he was gone it still felt like he was everywhere. She looked at the mantle crowded with Berry family pictures, Rachel at different ages but in each one she could see the smiles of love coming from the girl's dads. Rachel was a lucky girl. She heard the girl in question returning from the kitchen.
"So are we really watching Dirty Dancing?" Rachel dropped into the sofa, placing the popcorn bowl between them as before.
"We really are. And if you're lucky I'll let you teach me the dance afterward."
"How do you know I know the final dance?"
"Don't you?"
"Well of course I do, but I don't see how you could be so sure I would."
"Because you're Rachel Berry. Now press play."
They watched the movie laughing at the bits that now seemed a little corny, Rachel providing a detailed commentary about the making of the movie.
"See by this point they'd filmed most of it already, so Jennifer Gray had to pretend she didn't know how to dance."
"This is your favourite bit isn't it?" Quinn poked Rachel gently in the side and Rachel blushed.
"Yes Quinn. This is my favourite bit."
Quinn watched as Rachel's attention returned to the screen, she was wrapped. As she watched Baby dance with Johnny, the two of them moving together on screen she saw Rachel gently bite her bottom lip. Quinn couldn't deny it was a bit of a turn on. She liked the idea of Rachel seeing herself as Johnny Castle, not that she thought of Rachel as being like a guy, it was more that she liked the idea that Rachel felt an affinity for the character, the guy who was tough on the outside but really just a sucker for love. The guy who didn't care what society thought and just wanted to stand up for the woman he loved and sweep her off her feet in front of everyone. It made her fall for Rachel just that little bit more.
The credits rolled on the final dance and Quinn saw Rachel try to secretly wipe a small tear from her cheek.
"Aww, Rach. Still gets you, huh?"
"It's just so perfect."
Quinn pulled Rachel into a hug.
"You're such a wuss." She held her for a few moments and then let go, still looking into her eyes. "So you wanna teach me that dance?"
"You were serious?"
"Of course I was. Though I'm not sure we're ready for the lift. Or that you could lift me."
"What makes you think you'd be Baby?"
"Aw, c'mon? You know you're totally Johnny Castle. You have been since you were 8."
Rachel grinned. How had this girl got so close so fast? This girl who'd called her names and laughed as she was slushied was now offering to help her live out her childhood fantasies. No one had ever understood her this well, especially no one she'd only really been friends with for a matter of weeks. She wasn't going to question it though. She took Quinn by the hand and led her toward the basement. She stopped just in front of the door.
"I have to warn you, um, my dads decorated the basement."
"I've been down here before Rachel, for your party."
"I cleared out some stuff for that. I didn't think we'd be going down here so I didn't bother this weekend. Please don't laugh."
"What's in there a wall of naked baby Rachel Berry pictures?"
Rachel didn't reply.
"Oh my god, seriously, is there like a mural or something?"
Rachel still didn't reply she just took Quinn's hand and led her down the stairs.
Along the right hand wall was what could only be described as a shrine. On the floor and the shelves that ran up most of the wall were trophies from dance and singing competitions. In between the trophies were photos of Rachel performing, certificates from exams, rosettes and framed costumes that Rachel must have worn when she could only have been about three years old. Quinn stood and gawped.
"They're quite proud of me, my dads."
"I can tell. How long did it take you to get this stuff down for the party?"
"Most of the afternoon." Rachel bit her lip, hoping Quinn didn't suddenly find her entirely lame.
Quinn moved forward and looked at some of the pictures; Rachel moved to stand just behind her. Quinn picked up one of the framed pictures on a shelf. Rachel was in a pink ballet costume holding a gold trophy, her smile missing a couple of front teeth.
"You were a cutie back then."
Rachel blushed, not sure how to respond to the complement. Quinn put the photo down and turned to Rachel.
"But then that shouldn't really be a surprise." Quinn played with her hands, looking at the floor. Finally she looked up and saw the biggest grin on Rachel's face, she returned the smile.
Rachel knew there was only one thing she could do, she pulled Quinn into her arms and gave her the biggest hug her small frame could manage. They both sunk into the hug, breathing together, holding one another up. It could have been hours or minutes, neither was sure how long they stood like that. Encircling each other, keeping each other together and letting themselves go, it felt a little like forever.
"So am I gonna learn this dance or what?"
Rachel let go and went to move some furniture to give them space, putting the soundtrack into the CD player. She stood in the middle of the room and beckoned Quinn to come stand with her. She put her right hand on Quinn's side and took the girl's right hand in her left. She shivered a little at the touch and pulled back.
"This is my dance space; this is your dance space." Rachel gestured as she said it.
"You've always wanted to say that haven't you?" Quinn smirked.
"Kind of." Rachel admitted.
She resumed the previous position, so aware of every inch of skin that was coming into contact with Quinn. She knew this was a little dangerous, that touching like this could end up with her making a huge mistake. But Quinn had asked and there was no way she could refuse.
Quinn felt the heat in her cheeks as Rachel held her, showing her the moves. Rachel felt so strong moving them around the room, taking her in her arms. She'd never imagined Rachel like this, as the strong one. But she liked it.
They danced and laughed for hours, holding each other close as if it was the most normal thing in the world, the song loosing all it's association with Sam and glee club. At one point when Quinn wasn't quite getting the steps right Rachel stopped them and placed Quinn's hand above her breast, over her heart, her won hand on top.
"It's a feeling, a heartbeat." Rachel said, drumming their fingers against her collar bone and speaking the lines as if they were memories from her own life. Quinn knew exactly what Rachel was doing, the moment she was living out and though she smiled as if she found it funny she hoped Rachel couldn't feel quite how fast her own heart was racing.
Rachel couldn't help doing it, that moment in the movie to her had always been when Baby had fallen in love with Johnny, when she'd realised who the man was in front of her. Though she played it for laughs she hoped Quinn could feel the pace of her heart and see how much this crazy, unexpected moment meant to her.
By early evening they were both exhausted and had the dance almost down pat. Both knew the day had to come to an end. Quinn had to go home to her mother so she could be there for church in the morning and Rachel had to catch up on her rehearsing. They were standing in the middle of the room, once again enveloped in each other's arms. These long hugs were becoming a habit. Rachel rested her head on Quinn's shoulder not ready to let go. She had no idea what Monday, school, had in store for them. How would Quinn treat her when they were back in the halls of William McKinley not holed up in the safety of the Berry house?
"I should go." Quinn's voice was resigned.
"I guess you should." They still didn't let go.
Eventually Rachel moved, knowing she had to be the stronger one still.
"Thank you Quinn. It's been an amazing day. I can't even…"
"You don't have to. I've had a really good time too."
She went upstairs to get her things and Rachel walked her to the door.
"So Monday…" Rachel said, hoping her voice didn't sound too desperate.
"Monday. I'll see you in class, ok?"
"Sure."
"And by the way, you've got some smooth moves Johnny." With that Quinn turned and walked toward her car.
"You're not going to start calling me that are you?" Rachel called after her.
Quinn looked over her shoulder as she got to her car.
"I think I just might. It suits you." And with that Quinn got in her car and drove off.
Rachel walked back in and leaned against the door frame sighing.
"Oh Rachel Barbra Berry, you've got it bad."