Eventually, everyone had returned downstairs. I'm not quite sure what Alfred and Ivan had done with Audrey and Sasha upstairs, and honestly, I don't think I want to know.
I'd like to say that everything had returned to normal, but I don't think "normal" is exactly possible around here anymore. Arthur was still wearing that stupid hat and had started talking animatedly to thin air, and Gilbert kept looking at me and muttering stuff under his breath. I could probably guess what the supreme Lord Dumbass was saying, but I really don't feel like it.
"So!" Audrey said. Great. Time for another moronic idea. "First of all, we have to force a shot down Sash's throat."
Sasha did the most glorious spit-take that I have ever been privileged to see. Her chocolate milk went everywhere. "Wh-what!"
"Every time Madge and I spend the night, Madge'll have a single shot, and you'll just have some peach brandy, that hard lemonade shit, or cranberry juice and vodka. Like, half a glass," Audrey replied. "So I'm always stuck here with two sober people all night. If I try to force Madge, she'll beat me up." Damn straight.
"AND I WON'T?" Sasha yelled, her eyes narrowing.
"You'll try," Audrey said, shrugging. "But you don't take karate."
Sasha gaped at us. This is turning out to be an interesting night. "But…But I don't…"
Ivan placed a shot of vodka in front of Sasha. "Drink some vodka, defender of men," he said with a wide smile. Damn commie bastard. "It is very good, and I drink more than this all the time." Damn drunk commie bastard.
"I really don't drink anything like this," Sasha muttered.
"Don't drink that un-awesome shit!" Gilbert yelled. "Good German Bier is better any day!" He threw an arm around Sasha's shoulders and taking a drink of his beer. Is everyone here an alcoholic? "Ignore that Vergewaltiger, Mädchen!" Thus speaks our supreme Lord Dumbass. Everyone bow down to his wisdom.
"Kolkolkol…" Ivan said, his purple fairy aura appearing. Seriously, doesn't he get tired of that? "Kaliningrad, it does no good to insult me. She is my comrade." According to you. I don't think anyone else here agrees.
"I'm so sure," Gilbert replied, snorting. He went to sit on the couch, though I noticed that he made sure to sit as far away from me as possible. Wimp.
"Just do it," I said, sighing. "It's one shot." Okay, so maybe I'm not exactly being the most responsible person, but it's the only way to get everyone to shut up.
Finally, Sasha grabbed the glass and drank it, coughing as she swallowed. "Oh, geez."
"NOW WE DANCE!" Audrey yelled, turning on the TV where DDR was waiting. She looked over at Sasha. "Who's first?"
"I'm just…gonna eat some Oreos…" Sasha said. Yeah right. She probably just wants to stare at the guys. Jesus.
Audrey turned her gaze on me. Idiot.
I crossed my arms. "HAHA, no."
"Okay, fine," Audrey said, looking around for her next victim. "Oh! Hey, Iggy! You look like you could do some dancing! You can verse me!"
Arthur clearly didn't like this idea. "Actually, I would rather – AH!" Sasha had gotten up, grabbed his hand, and started dragging him to the mat.
"You can do this, Arthur!" Sasha said. "You're England! Surely you can dance well!"
Arthur stared at Little Miss Insane before smiling. "Heh, alright, love." He tossed the stupid hat onto a nearby chair. "It's on!"
Sasha backed away to give Audrey and Arthur room, and they started the song.
I have to admit, Arthur turned out to be a pretty good dancer. He was easily beating Audrey, which was hilarious. I'm pretty sure Audrey wasn't expecting that.
"Player 2 wins," the game said, and Arthur grinned and bowed, first to Sasha, then to the rest of us. Always the gentleman, I suppose, even if his grin was a little goofy-looking. We clapped and cheered for him. All of us except for Audrey, of course.
"I blame you," Audrey said, pointing a finger at Sasha. "It's your fault."
"How is this my fault?" Sasha protested.
"You encouraged him," Audrey replied. Logic fail if I ever saw one, but oh well. This is amusing. Audrey drank another shot and glared at Sasha. "He would've lost if you weren't all 'Oh, Iggy, I believe in you!'"
"I never said that," Sasha muttered.
"You meant it. Are you in looooove with him? Do you loooooooove his hot English accent?" She grinned evilly at Sasha, though she can't pull off that evil look as well as I do.
Arthur spat out his rum. Spit-take number two of the night. Sasha should have fun cleaning all of it up. "What the bloody hell are you talking about?" he asked as he tried to clean the rum off of his shirt.
Oh, nothing. Just Sasha's obvious infatuation with all of the units. Except for Mattie, though. Poor guy always gets left out.
"N-no!" Sasha yelled, her face bright red. Of course, Sasha. You don't love Arthur. You love all of the units. It's your dream come true! Making out with hot anime guys!
My life makes no sense anymore.
"Sure you do! You love him! You wanna marry him!" Audrey sang, dancing around Sasha, her earlier annoyance forgotten. Seriously, I'm surrounded by drunk units and bipolar friends.
"Q-quit acting like a child," Arthur scolded, trying and failing at regaining his dignity. He's not the King of Failure Empire for nothing, after all.
"You wanna marry him," Audrey continued, completely ignoring Arthur. "You wanna have his babies. Or maybe you wanna marry Al? Or Ivan? Or maybe even the awesome Gil? You're in l-o-v-e loooooove!"
"BE QUIET!" Sasha yelled, jumping at Audrey and tackling her to the ground. Audrey was laughing as the two rolled around on the ground. I was quite content to continue watching, but the hero wannabe had to ruin everything by grabbing Sasha by the waist and lifting her off of Audrey. Damn super strength.
"The hero says you fellow citizens shouldn't fight!" Alfred said as he set Sasha down.
"Shut up, Al," Sasha muttered, crossing her arms and glaring at Audrey. Aw, someone's embarrassed!
"That was AWESOME," Gilbert said, laughing and falling off of the couch. Moron.
"Calm down, love," Arthur said, looking at Sasha. Not helpful.
"I think it's the vodka, da?" Ivan said, looking like he might start laughing. Bastard.
"Yes, yes, it's all good and hilarious, but could we continue the damn DDR?" I asked irritably. "I wanna go against Mattie next."
I won, of course. Matt's dance pad probably didn't even register his presence.
The DDR games went on for a while. Alfred and Gilbert insisted on dancing five rounds in a row to see who was better until Arthur and Mattie finally managed to convince them to give someone else a turn. Then Mattie and Arthur went up, which was probably one of the calmest rounds of DDR that night.
While I was watching Alfred and Arthur play while taunting each other, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out, glancing at the ID. Caleb. Big surprise. I flicked my phone open.
'You're not drunk, are you?'
I smirked before typing a reply. 'Of course not. I told you, I only have one shot.'
His reply came back quickly. 'That's still too much.'
I rolled my eyes. 'I'm fine. Quit worrying about me.'
His reply was even faster. Jesus, how fast did he type? 'I still don't like it.'
'You don't have to like everything I do.' I closed my phone with finality, sticking it in my pocket and ignoring the buzzing that came a few seconds later. I don't need to be preached to.
By now, Ivan had forced Sasha to have a third shot, and she looked like she was starting to feel the effects a bit. This is exactly why I only have one shot. "Now who goes?" she asked.
"I think it's Russia's turn to suck," I said, snickering. He hadn't had a turn yet, probably because he was terrible at dancing.
"If I go, then Sasha will go with me, da?" Ivan said. Dammit, don't ignore me when I insult you!
"Go kick his ass, Sash," I said. What? I can be encouraging when I want to be. I just don't usually feel like it.
Sasha finished her shot and hit her head on the desk.
"I want to see this," Gilbert said.
Ivan walked to the Player One mat. Sasha sighed and followed him. They chose their song and started.
Well, this should be amusing. I settled back, prepared to watch Ivan fail miserably. And that was when Ivan decided to start break dancing. In DDR. And was still managing to hit the buttons.
What nonsense is this?
Sasha stopped dancing, just staring at Ivan. Seriously, how the hell is this even possible? DDR isn't for break dancing. It's for people to make fools of themselves by attempting to hit buttons on a little mat.
Sasha started laughing. "Heh…heh…HAHAHA, IVAN, THAT IS MORE AWESOME THAN PRUSSIA THINKS HE IS." She fell backwards, landing in a chair and sitting on poor Mattie. "Oh…oh…sorry, Matthew…I can't…I can't…" Sasha was having difficulty talking, she was laughing too hard.
Oh. I think she's drunk.
This sucks.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN MORE AWESOME THAN I THINK I AM?" Gilbert yelled, glaring at Sasha.
"I-it's okay, Sasha," Matt said quietly. "Um…are you okay…?" No, she very well isn't. don't ask obvious questions.
"HAHA NO I DON'T THINK SO, PFFFT." Sasha was laughing so hard that she was crying. It was kinda scary, actually.
"Defender of men? Are you feeling okay?" Ivan asked, leaning over Sasha. Seriously, you're just going to ask the same exact thing as Mattie?
"Yo! Calm down there, dude," Alfred said, his eyebrows furrowed.
"Love, maybe you should lay down…" Arthur said. Good, someone with something useful to say.
"Quit being so unawesome, Sash," Gilbert said, rolling his eyes. I will strangle you for being so useless.
"Haha…I think I'm drunk," Sasha said, giggling and falling off of the chair. No shit, Sherlock.
We all raised our eyebrows at each other. I sent a pointed glare at Audrey and Ivan. This was their fault.
"Oi, oi, pass me that vodka," Sasha said, standing up and grabbing the bottle. She poured herself another shot and drank it in one gulp.
"Maybe you shouldn't…" I said, easing the bottle out of her hands.
Sasha slapped my face lightly. I felt my eye twitch. "Hey…heeeyyyyyy…who do you think, thhhhhink…you are?" At that point, she fell onto the ground.
Why the hell do I have to be the mature, sober one?
"YES, FINALLY," Audrey shouted, pulling Sasha to her feet. "Now it's time for fun. IVAN!"
"Da, Audrey?" the commie bastard asked. He stopped poking Sasha's cheek, which he had been doing for no reason other than the fact that he was a bastard.
"I challenge you to a drinking contest."
I groaned. Were they trying to kill themselves? And Caleb was worried about me.
"Hey, hey guyzzzz?" Sasha slurred. We all turned to face her. "I lovez you guys." Oh shit. She's definitely drunk.
Sasha went over to Gilbert and hugged him. "You are awesome. And, and, aaaannnnd, Iggy?" She turned to face him. "You. You are so coooool. You should be an arg, arrrrg…"
Arthur looked as confused as I felt. His eye was twitching. "Wh-what?"
"An ARG. A pirate. Arg, arg…" Sasha covered one of her eyes with her hand before tackling Arthur. "Pirate you is hot. Hoooott. Hhhoooootttt-t-t…"
"Uh, Sasha. I think you've really had enough," Arthur said, trying to push Sasha off of him. Gee, what gave you the first clue?
"AND THE HERO!" Sasha yelled, leaving Arthur and latching herself onto Alfred's legs. "Dude, you're…duuude. We went to the moooooooon! Moooo!" She dissolved into another fit of giggles. Ivan moved to stand over her, and she looked up at him.
"Kolkol…defender of men, I think I should put you to bed."
"IVAN," Sasha screamed, jumping and latching onto his back. "You, hehehe…gosh, you're such an alcoholic. Bad Ivan. Bad." Aren't you one to talk?
Sasha tapped Ivan on the nose. "Heheh…You have. A. Big. Nose. It's huuuuuuuuge!" She suddenly fell off of Ivan's back, covering her mouth. "I think I'm gonna be sick." She ran for the bathroom, and we could all hear her throwing up.
I sighed and reached into my pocket, finally checking that text Caleb had sent me. 'That doesn't mean I don't have to worry.'
'I'm not the one you should worry about.'
His reply came quickly. Was he just staring at his phone waiting for me to respond or something? 'What?'
'Sasha.'
Caleb should find some contest for the fastest texters, he responded so quickly. 'I don't know if I should be happy that you're not drunk or worry about Sasha now…Don't let her hurt herself, okay?'
'I'm the mature one, remember? Someone has to take care of these idiots.' And considering the fact that the night was barely half over, I could tell that I had a hard job ahead of me.