Chapter Ten: A small out burst
the moment was stopped when he hissed and pushed himself backwards clutching gently at his arm that had been squished between them.
"Dammit!" He whispered sliding to the floor and Boeing over his arm. "What the hell is wrong with me?" He snapped more at himself. "Usually I just ignore pain, why can't I this time."
"Darling calm, you usually are fucked up and not really self conscious after there visits this is the first time you are, so you are going to feel all the pain, do you want to get some pain killers?
"I can't." He gritted his teeth rocking himself a bit in a pathetic attempt to comfort himself.
He would love pain killers love to take the edge off for a while but he didn't dare allow himself. He was too afraid to fall off the wagon and get back into drugs. Painkillers were gateway drugs. He didn't want to go through the shakes and the pain of withdrawal where he spent days wanting to rip himself apart.
He didn't want to lose John, because who would stick around a druggy. But Jesus the pain. He whimpered a bit.
"Sherlock I'm getting you pain killers I'm a doctor, I'll make sure you don't take too many" he got up
Sherlock opened his mouth to argue but the look John shot him had him snapping it closed again. Well he supposed it would be alright as long as he didn't have access to them. He waited patiently and took the pills handed to him obediently kissing John in thanks.
Standing he moved towards the window still cupping his aching arm. He stared longingly at his violin that he wouldn't be able to play for at least six weeks and felt anger boil within him. He cursed and kicked his music stand, it was times like these when his aspergers peaked through and he just had no control of his anger.
"I hate them! I hate him!" He spat as if their faces were right there to defile.
"Sherl calm okay" he murmured from the couch slightly worried
"What's there to be calm about? I can't play! I can't do anything like this! Can't do a case because I can't chase down the criminal." He heaved the angrier he got. "They've won! They've crippled me again so they've won again!"
"Sherlock I'm here amn't I!"
Sherlock was too far in his rage, he didn't hear his lovers words. Instead he paced and swore kicking things in his way.
It was like the world was falling all around his ears. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? Why did they have to come make him miserable all the time!
He got up picking sherlock up "Stop!"
Sherlock blinked confused knocked from his fit when John's serious eyes met his. He bowed his head in shame.
"Sorry." He muttered unhappily that his condition had gained control of him again.