Chapter Ten

Jasper

I was shocked to hear that Carlisle and Esme were divorced although seeing the way he and Edward had always treated her I guess I shouldn't have been.

"So we're invited to the wedding and I'm going to arrange it all. Won't that be wonderful?"

"Will it? I seem to remember what happened the last time you arranged a party"

She scowled,

"That was a birthday party not a wedding. Anyway make sure you keep the date free."

"I'll try."

"Jazz you owe me this. Have I tried to force myself on you?"

"No."

"And you know I'm crazy about you. I put up with all your academic work, I even go with you when you do research so please, for me?"

She looked at me so beseechingly I couldn't refuse her, I just smiled and pulled her in to my arms. I truly believed she loved me and I in return loved her. I wished I could return the desire she felt, God knows it was there inside me! I had tried but each time a paralysing fear came over me, I just couldn't do it and I knew Alice was frustrated although I also knew she understood. So of course I would attend the wedding and I wondered how the others would greet me after being away from them so long. Had Rose forgiven me for forcing them out of Forks and making Esme unhappy? Would Emmett greet me the way he used to? I wondered if Edward would turn up, if he did he would be in for a rough ride from all of us.

Alice dragged me to Paris, Rome, and Geneva sourcing just the right things for the wedding but in all fairness to her I enjoyed myself. It was fun just relaxing between manic shopping trips and I felt more at ease than I had ever done in her presence. Our last night in Paris she wanted to stroll along the Seine by moonlight and I was happy to oblige, I enjoyed the envious looks I got from men we passed, Alice was indeed very beautiful. She held my arm tightly and chattered away gaily as always but I could feel the sexual tension building up between us once more. I wanted to make love to this beautiful creature but I didn't know how.

"Jazz, you know what the problem is?"

She woke me from my reverie,

"Sorry Alice?"

"You think too much. You should let your emotions lead you."

"Alice I wish I could but its my emotions that scare me the most. I know what I'm capable of."

"Then show me and if it gets too much I'll calm you. You know I can do that."

She was right, when I started to get angry which wasn't often any longer, she would come to me and soon I was awash with her calming influence but could she do enough to calm The Major if he broke loose?

"If you don't try you'll never know and that would be a tragedy."

Again she was right and as we walked back to our hotel room I determined to try. To see if I could but if so would she still love me afterwards? I knew we weren't mates but I doubted I could ever reach that degree of trust with another woman. Alice was willing to give me a chance and I should grasp it with both hands.

Alice

I understood Jaspers reluctance, truly I did but I knew if I couldn't break down this barrier of fear that he would never be able to find his true mate. I hadn't lied to him, I did find him desirable so this wasn't an altruistic act on my behalf and I admit I was curious to see just perhaps a glimpse of The Major in the flesh. I knew it was courting danger but sometimes I liked a little spice in the mix. Things had gone decidedly pear shaped in his future but I was sure it would untangle itself eventually although the way I had seen him meeting his mate was completely out of the question so I would have to find another way. For now though I would concentrate on myself and enjoying whatever he was willing or able to give. Once we got back he went through to shower closing the door as always but this time I followed him in and he hesitated then continued to undress slowly. I was naked and under the water before he finished and waited impatiently for him to join me. I knew if I tried to rush him he would just freeze so I waited and eventually he joined me, his eyes dark with the desire that his body was showing he felt only too apparently. I pulled him into my arms and as our bodies touched I heard his gasp of pleasure.

"See Jazz, it's not so hard after all"

He chuckled at my puny joke and kissed the top of my head, his hands stroking my back as he did so. I had hoped the rest of the night would progress equally as well but once I led him to the bed and pulled him down with me I saw a strange red glint in his eye and his hands became rougher, more urgent.

"Its OK Jazz, take your time, we have all the time in the world remember."

He stopped the flow of my words with his hungry mouth and it took some time to calm him, then he rolled away from me his fists clenched in anger at himself.

"I can't do this Alice, I'm so sorry."

I tried to pull him close to comfort him but he stiffened and refused to allow me,

"It's no good Alice, why don't you just find yourself someone else, someone who can appreciate you and give you what you so desperately want."

"What if its you I want? Would you let me go?"

I waited as the silence dragged out and he leaned up on one elbow looking at me,

"No"

"And that shocks you?"

"Yes, we're not mates so why should I feel so possessive?"

"Because you love me at least a little and because you are a man with a man's desires and needs."

"Then why can't I show you? Why can't I make love to you?"

"It will come, I promise you I've seen a time when everything will come right, just the way its supposed to."

"And in the meantime?"

"We wait"

I leaned over and kissed him gently then lay my head on his chest and felt as his body slowly relaxed, this was going to be more difficult than I thought!

The next day he was awkward and stilted with me then took himself off to hunt and I noticed the red glint flash in his eye a couple of times. That worried me because I knew it was a sign that The Major was closer to the surface than I liked. I knew I'd have to back off a little, give him space and I hoped he was able to find enough prey outside the city or he might be tempted to feed on a human and that wouldn't be helpful at all, not now.

I packed our things and when he got back he looked more relaxed. Seeing my searching glances he smiled,

"Don't worry Alice, I found enough prey. That is what was worrying you isn't it?"

I nodded a little ashamed of myself and he put his arms around me,

"I'm sorry I can't be the man you want me to be Alice but I did warn you."

If I couldn't break through his barriers then would his mate be able to? Or would it prove just too dangerous? I needed to see their future but frustratingly I couldn't, there were just too many variables.

"Yes but don't make it a self fulfilling prophecy Jazz."