A/N: -waves- Hey to all the new people who have just joined the ride, and thanks for putting me on alert!

The knots twisted, turned and pulled at her stomach. It made her feel sick, and coiled up inside. The tightness around her heart squeezed and she felt like she had been tossed up into the air with no safety net to land on. She had jumped. Leaped in fact and now her act of impulsiveness was backfiring. She was nervous and stood there wringing her hands for a good couple of minutes after he left. The silence of the bookshop, apart from the constant ticking of the clock made her safe haven feel eerie. Her body was tensed, and was preparing itself for an attack. She felt like she had stepped over into no man's land, vulnerable and waiting for a war to emerge from the other side. She was the solider with no armour, and Edward was the bomb that was going to explode in her face. All her instincts told her to run, leave before he came back. She had time. She could do it. Marcus would come back, she would smile and make a quick getaway. Her chest felt tight and she clutched at her heart as it raced. The heart that was wrapped was beating, and yet seemed to be pumping nerves and fear through her veins. Why did she do it? Why did she accept his invitation? It was so unlike her. A person, she hardly knew, and she was going with him to an unknown location. The inevitable failure was looming and she could feel it.

In an attempt to slow her heart, measure her breath and calm herself down she momentarily closed her eyes and focused on the ticking of the clock. She breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth. A calming ritual she regularly practiced. Her heart stopped pumping as fast and the tension in her hands was released slightly. She flexed her fingers and the ache that remained in her palm reminded her of the way she had been clenching her hand tightly. Fingernail imprints burned onto her skin. Her own mark. A reminder that she wasn't normal.

The bell above the door was hit, the sound startling her.

"Bella…what are you standing there for?" Marcus exclaimed as he stepped into the shop and untied the scarf from around his neck.

She stood there awkwardly, the knots still twisting and pulling from inside her. It felt like the ties from her stomach were directly linked to her heart and was tugging painfully.

"Well, never mind, you can go for lunch"

He walked over to main desk with the reserve books still piled up. With the arrival of Edward, all thoughts of work had gone out of the window.

"This pile looks about the same size it was when I left it" Marcus joked and Bella instantly felt bad.

"I'm sorry, I got distracted"

Marcus waved her off with his hand and plonked down heavily into his favourite chair.

"It's fine! Was only messing with you kid"

Bella nodded and slipped on her favourite jacket with the fur collar.

"Wrap up warm, its cold out there! You can take my scarf if you like"

She gave Marcus a small smile in gratitude and wrapped it round her neck. It was warm and soft against her skin. She stepped outside the shop and gasped as the cold air hit her. It pinched at her face and she instantly felt her cheeks blush with colour. Her hair whipped around her, becoming tangled in front of her eyes and she brushed it off impatiently. She quickly looked both to her left and right and breathed out when she could not see Edward anywhere nearby.

Unbeknownst to her, Edward was nearby and had been waiting across the road for something to do. He had stood up when he saw Bella exit the stop and for half a second, deliberated waving and making his presence known. However, this thought faded when he saw her intention to flee. At first, he was hurt that she planned to skip out on him and then slightly annoyed. She had not said no and yet at the time there seemed to be an air of hesitation and nervousness about her that he could not put his finger on. Determined to find out an explanation but not to be mad, he quickly crossed the road and followed Bella walking away with her head down. Attempting to shield herself from the wind. For a moment, he felt a bit guilty at following and did not want to come across as a stalker, but he thought he was owed at least a reason for her bailing not five minutes from her agreeing to go with him.

As Bella walked, she thought the knots in her stomach would untie and release her from the turmoil she had been suffering. In fact, they got worse as she walked away in order to avoid Edward. She crossed her arms over her stomach in a bid to get rid of the pain. She chewed on her lip at the rising feelings of guilt. An emotion she had not felt for a while. What would he think of her now? Her throat tightened at the thought of him being mad, and never seeing her again. What was wrong with her? Despite her feelings, she continued walking even though somewhere inside her body she protested.

"Bella!"

She stopped short and froze. Her breath catching as she heard his voice call her name. Panic rose up again and her stomach hurt even more. It hurt so badly. She wanted it to stop hurting. She turned slowly, and saw Edward quickly walking towards her. The knots pulled and fear gripped her like a vice. She wanted to bolt. To run as hard as she could, but her feet seemed to grow roots and tied her to the ground. Her breathing was harsher, and her eyes stung as she awaited the confrontation that was about to transpire. She couldn't do this.

"Bella!" he called again, and as quickly as she blinked he was in front of her. She looked up at him, and felt enclosed and trapped within his gaze.

Edward cautiously lifted his hand and placed it on her shoulder, murmuring words of reassurance as she realised she was speaking out loud under her breath. Her panics becoming real and obvious.

"I can't do this…I can't do this"

"Sssh Bella, it's ok"

His eyes were filled with worry and concern. Why was he looking so worried? She couldn't breathe and her arms were aching from the way she was holding herself tightly.

"Bella look at me!" his fingers held her chin gently, as he tilted her head so he could look more directly into her eyes.

"You need to breathe. Focus on me…that's it"

Bella listened to his soothing voice, and as she looked into the depths of his green she found her throat releasing slowly, and the air rushed down into her lungs. Her gasps lessened and the arms around her middle relaxed in their effort to hold her. The knots stopped pulling and the panic faded into a dullness that lingered. She realised both of Edward's hands were cradling her face gently, and the smoothness against her skin made her want to close her eyes and rest her head for a while. He looked as her as if she was precious and breakable.

But that's what she was to him. Edward saw a woman before him, who was scared and vulnerable like a child. Her eyes wide and filled with glistening panic. She looked so small. It was natural he felt so protective of her. There was a permanent fear in her eyes that contradicted the wall she tried so hard to keep up.

"Are you ok?"

Bella inhaled and exhaled slowly then nodded. Slowly, Edward released his hands from her face and she missed the warmth as the cold hit her cheeks again.

"Yeah…I…thanks" she stuttered, words failing to express how she felt right now. Her guilt and gratitude all mixed into one.

Edward nodded, satisfied that she was now calm and over her panics.

A short silence passed over between the two of them. The wind ripped through Bella's hair and she quickly tugged it behind her ear.

"I'm sorry" she blurted out quickly.

"For running out on me?"

Bella nodded, the shame making her feel sick again.

"If you didn't want to, you shouldn't have said yes"

It pained him to say it because he had really wanted to go with her. He wanted to get to know her. The woman with hard exterior that seemed to fail in his presence.

"No…I…did, I just…I"

She had wanted to go with him. She wanted to feel normal for once, to escape the clutches of her fear and anxiety and to be spontaneous. She wanted to be out of control and throw herself into the unknown instead of planning her days. But it had all backfired. She wasn't prepared for the fire that was waiting on the other side of the line she had jumped over. But she couldn't explain this to Edward. He wouldn't understand. She was too complex, to damaged and had wrapped herself so tight it would be a challenge to unravel herself.

"I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that" Edward said regretfully.

But she didn't want him to regret it. For a moment before the knots over took, the surprise of him asking evoked a feeling of sweetness.

"No…it's just…" she sighed before continuing "me".

Edward frowned at the blame for herself. She was obviously a very reserved person, and his offer for a drink had obviously been some sort of shock. She had reacted in fear, and the response of this reaction was to run. He only hoped she would soon stop running, long enough for him to catch up.

"Look, we can forget this ever happened. And I won't come by the shop again –"

"No!" she said quickly, cutting him off. The thought of never seeing him again made her throat tighten again.

Edward gave her a small smile and in return, she blinked.

"Do you still want to go for that drink?"

Again like before, Bella hesitated. She didn't want a repeat performance of what just happened, but Edward was here. He could keep her calm and grounded. He had that affect on her. But the reminder of what had happened earlier, the knots, the panics made her want to run again. She had jumped before and look what had happened.

Edward must have been able to recognise her indecision.

"Hey" his fingers touched her chin gently again "It's just a drink"

But to her it wouldn't. It would be her letting the barriers down, giving up the fight. Unless she could keep up this wall, just for the moment. Just for this one drink. Keep everything locked up and close to her chest. The only way she knew. She couldn't afford to let him in. He could tap on that wall, and look through it, but he would never come crashing through. She couldn't let it happen. The thought of exposure was her living nightmare.

Edward smiled, unaware of her thoughts "Come on"

With the armour locked into place, she nodded and avoided looking in his eye.

And the two of them started walking, the one more resistant than the other.