A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Had writer's block :( but here is the next chapter for you guys!
Casey stares into the contents of her scotch and swirls the liquid around in the glass before she takes a knowing sip. She savors the slightly tingling burn that she feels as the amber colored liquid makes the slow slide down her throat. Sighing heavily, she deems that she enjoys the feeling, so she decides to down the rest of the scotch in the glass.
She knows for a fact that Alex is still probably upset about what happened at that club with Connie, but in Casey's defense, Alex is the one who ran out on their wedding. Casey is the one who was ready to get married that day. She was standing at the altar with a wide smile on her face ready to officially spend the rest of her life with the woman she loves so much, and vise versa. But then Alex just had to go and mess everything up.
"Fuck you Alex…" she mumbles before she reaches forward and snatches an unopened beer bottle off the coffee table. The cap is on too tight, and after several failed attempts of trying to open the faulty object, Casey angrily hurls the bottle against the wall, not caring that it explodes in a liquid mess as glass shatters to the floor.
"Fuck this…fuck everything. Why is everything so fucking stupid!" she shouts angrily into the nothingness of the empty apartment. "Damnit Abbie, why'd you have to die!? Can't you see what I turn into with out you?! Can't you see that all of this is because you're dead, and you aren't here to talk me out of all of my shit decisions?! Why aren't you here! We've always promised that we'd be there for each other regardless whether or not the other needs it. But I need you NOW Abigail, I need you! I need you here! I feel like…I've lost more than my best friend! You were like my sister Abbie, we were like sisters! And now you're gone! Damnit, why wasn't I there!? We didn't even spend that much time together right before you died, all because I was so caught up in my love life, and I was being so fucking stupid about every little damn thing that was going wrong! I took my time with you for granted and now you're gone! You're fucking gone, and I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye or anything! At your funeral, it was closed casket, and I didn't even get to see you! All I know is that you are my best friend, my sister, my reflection, and now you're six feet in the ground and I can't hug you anymore just like we would hold each other during one of our talks! You get rained on day in and day out, you see the sun rise and set, you go through the changes of the seasons, and you can't do a damn thing about it because you're in a box in the fucking ground! I can't keep living like this! I need you here! No one gets what's happening on the inside of me. No one can know EXACTLY how I feel about everything that's going on right now. It's not fair! That bastard shouldn't have taken you away from all of us, away from Serena, away from your daughter, away from me. It just wasn't fair! There is not a day that goes by that I don't wish that I was me bleeding out in that cellar. That it's me that's buried in that cold box of death! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! I deserved it! You didn't deserve it! You were supposed to have a family and you are supposed to be here watching that beautiful little girl grow up to be an amazing woman. You are supposed to be here! But you can't and it's all because that fucking bastard decided he was going to take you away when he had absolutely no right to do that! I hope the asshole is rotting slowly in hell!" Casey pauses to her self before she starts laughing menacingly. "You know that's so fucking hilarious because if I died right now, I bet I'd be sitting right next to the bastard that killed you. I would be sitting right next to him and you know what? I bet I fucking deserve it."
A loud series of banging causes the rest of Casey's rant to die on her lips. She takes a large swig straight from the scotch bottle before she gets off the couch. She steps over the trashed and broken bottles that litter the expanse of the apartment as she makes her way over to the door. Quickly undoing the locks, she swings the door open, not giving a damn if it was her fucking mother on the other side. "Who the fuck do you think you are knocking on my door like-"she pauses when she slowly begins to recognize her intruder. "JJ?"
JJ raises her eyebrows and forces herself not to gag as she can literally smell the alcohol radiating off of her ex lover in vibrant waves. She matches Casey's cold stare, but internally winces when she sees the loss, anger, and jaded clouds in the usually vibrant green eyes. God, it's even worse than Alex made it sound.
Remembering what she is there to do; JJ shakes her head before she pushes past the angry redhead and storms into the apartment. As soon as she steps into the living room, she freezes in horror when she realizes that the apartment is literally in shambles.
"Get the FUCK out! I can call the fucking cops on you!" Casey shouts angrily from where she is still standing at the door.
"Yeah, you try it. Honey, I'm worse than the cops." JJ snorts dismissively. "I'm an FBI Agent, and you are wasted drunk. Let's see who the cops believe."
Casey grips the door tightly before she slams it shut and stalks back into the living room fixing the blonde agent with a hard cold glare that SHOULD have intimidated JJ but sadly on Casey's part, it doesn't. "What the fuck do you want? Why the fuck are you here?"
"Did you make this mess?" JJ asks, extending her hand in the mess around the living room as she completely ignores Casey's ranting. Over the past few years, JJ's compassion has wavered, especially when it comes to situations like this. Garcia always tells her that she's pretty much adopted this hardass style of doing her job, but if it gets the job done, what's it matter? "Answer me Casey, did you make this me!?" she repeats again, slightly raising her voice in volume.
"So what if I fucking did?! It's not your business! I fucking live here, not you!" Casey shouts back viciously.
JJ clicks her tongue and shakes her head in disgust. "I have never seen you like this. Ever. When I met with Alex, and she told me what was going on, I honestly did not think that you were this bad."
Casey's eyes flash in anger and her nostrils flare like a bull about ready to charge. "So she fucking called you over here. Well let me tell you something Jennifer, I don't need a fucking babysitter."
"Could've fooled me. What's wrong with you Casey? You aren't like this. This person…hell, I don't even know what to begin to think. What's going on?"
"What's going on is I am so sick of people like you getting in my business, that's what's going on, and that's what's wrong with me. Why can't you just stay the fuck away?!"
"Maybe because you have a problem?" JJ scrutinizes as she invades the attorney's personal space, suddenly forgetting the fact that the woman wreaks of alcohol. "Maybe because we care about you?"
"Get out of my face Jareau." Casey releases a deadly growl as she feels all sense of personal space fly out the window.
"I'll stay in your face if I want to." JJ growls back before gives Casey a shove and she snorts humorlessly once again. "You know what you're problem is? You're scared."
"DON'T fucking push me." Casey replies angrily, hating the fact that the blonde just takes this as an initiative to shove her once again. "Stop it!"
"You're scared because you hate admitting that you're wrong." JJ continues on as she begins profiling her ex. "You hate admitting that you're wrong, and you're scared to admit that you need help." She concludes shoving Casey once again.
"I'm warning you Jennifer, stop fucking pushing me."
"Or what? You'll hit me?"
Casey clenches her fist angrily but simply flinches when the blonde pushes her yet again. "STOP!"
"Like I said or what? You'll hit me?" JJ patronizes as she begins to push farther. "Because let me tell you something. There's nothing that pisses me off more than someone who hits women, regardless of their gender. So if you're going to swing on somebody, swing on me, someone who can take you and NOT Alex."
"I don't know what you're talking about! I never laid a hand on Alex!" Casey shouts angrily, feeling like she's being falsely accused.
"Because the bruises that were on her face say other wise. I saw pictures, and I have confirmation from her friends. There was a bruise on her face from where YOU hit her Casey. As an officer of the law, and even more so a federal agent, I SHOULD have half a mind to arrest you for it right now, but as a friend and a human being, I'm more concerned for your safety. YOU hit her Casey, and there is proof of it."
Casey shakes her head as she feels tears starting to well up on her eyes. "No…NO! That's not true, I've never hit her! I would…I wouldn't hit her! Never! I promised!" she shouts in denial.
JJ's glare softens but only a little and she shakes her head once again. "You might not remember it Casey, but it happened. You hit her, and she's afraid of you. Did you ever stop to think that maybe that's why she didn't want to marry you? She's afraid of you Casey…"
This time, Casey allows her tears to fall. For the first time in probably almost a month, she has a quick glimpse of reality. "Oh god," she whimpers right before her stomach lurches. She spins on her heel and quickly sprints to the bathroom where she immediately empties the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Soon, as she violently wretches for a second time, she feels her hair being gather behind her, and a hand rubbing seemingly soothing circles on her back.
Even after what feels like hours of throwing up, she continues to heave until the remaining bile turns into nothing. She dry heaves for a few more minutes before she collapses against the bathtub. She draws her knees to her chest and begins sobbing heavily, her body beginning to wrack with violent sobs. "Oh god, what have I done!"
JJ digs around for a moment before she finds a hand towel and runs it under the icy water from the sink. She wrongs the towel a bit before she squats down and places it on Casey's forehead. "Shhh, calm down. It's okay."
"It's not okay Jen! It's not! I hurt her! I promised her I wouldn't, I promised everyone else I wouldn't! But I did! I-I didn't mean to Jennifer, honest I didn't. Oh god, look at me."
"Casey, shhh, it's okay." JJ coos softly combing her fingers through Casey's read hair. "It's okay, we'll fix this."
"How?" Casey looks up, her eyes already swollen and puffy from the amount of tears she's shed.
"I'll help you. Okay? I'll help you."
Serena Southerlyn's Apartment
"Mommy, how come you and Livia haven't hanged out anymore?" Sierra says with a small pout one day that takes her mother completely off guard.
Serena pauses from where she is washing the dishes but refrains from turning around to make eye contact with her daughter. "We've both been very busy Sierra. I suppose that we just haven't had the time." And it's not all a lie. Things have gotten a lot busier at the office what with Kim being out with the flu, but it's not all the truth either.
The truth is, Serena can't help but feel like things have been a little more than awkward between her and Olivia ever since the day that the detective decided to kiss her. Maybe she's been reading a little too much into it, or maybe she's not; Serena hasn't decided on which one it is yet. All she knows is that she and Liv desperately need to have a talk, but neither of them knows how to initiate it.
"Can we go see her then? I miss her…" Sierra adds in as she carefully climbs down from her chair at the table, and picks up her empty plate to take to her mother. "Please Mommy?"
"I don't know Baby…she might be bus-"
"Please Mommy?"
Serena looks down and deeply into the pleading icy blue eyes that match her own. With the pleading look that Sierra is giving her, she knows she's about to cave completely as a small smile appears on her face. "Okay, I'll tell you what…let me finish the dishes, and then we will go by and see Olivia okay?"
"Okay Mommy!" Sierra quips happily before bounding into the living room, completely oblivious to the fact that she practically has her mother wrapped around her tiny little finger.
Serena finishes doing the dishes and she soon moves back into the living room to find Sierra anxiously waiting for her. She chuckles before she ties both of the little girls shoes and takes one of her hands. "Come on sweetheart."
By far, this is most definitely not the way that she had foreseen that she and Olivia would be seeing each other on the given circumstances. But she knows that had she said no, Sierra probably would have thrown a fit, and four year old fits are just not something that Serena can put up with right now.
Sierra hums animatedly as the two of them make their way to the detective's apartment. Serena takes a much needed deep breath before she raises her fist to knock softly on the door. A few moments pass and there is no answer so she knocks again.
"Is she home, Mommy?" Sierra asks in a quiet whisper.
"I don't know Honey." Serena says as she raises her fist to knock for a third time. Just as her fist is about to connect, the door opens revealing Olivia in what look like work out clothes. "Oh my…" Serena gasps out as her eyes travel over the detective who is clad in a black tank top and black running pants. Her hair is tied into a ponytail, her body is slightly glistening and the tightness of the tank top perfectly accentuates her toned abdominal muscles, giving way to what's underneath. Long story short, Serena feels like the oxygen has been sucked out of the room.
"Hey there," Olivia greets the too with a warm smile before she slightly frowns upon seeing Serena's facial expression where she has her mouth open like a goldfish. "Rena, are you alright?"
"I think she's shy." Sierra whispers, giggles before she tugs on her mother's hand. "Mommy, Livia answered."
Serena blinks stupidly before a nervous smile forms at her lips. "I-I-I'm sorry…we didn't mean t-t-to intrude o-or anything…s-sorry…"
Olivia chuckles and moves to the side so the little family of two can enter her apartment. "Hey, it's no big deal. I apologize for my appearance but I literally just walked in the door from my run. I haven't had a chance to shower yet."
"Oh…I'm sorry…like I said, we didn't mean to intrude." Serena mumbles, faintly blushing. "Sierra just…she wanted to um…"
"Hey, if I can just hop in the shower real quick, I'm pretty sure I'll be a lot easier to talk to. Do you mind?"
"No, not at all. Take your time. We'll just wait here."
"Great, thanks. I'll try to be quick, I promise." Olivia states before she dashes off towards her bedroom.
Serena takes in a shuddering deep breath before she digs in her bag and pulls out a coloring book and a pack of crayons. "Here Cece." She says softly handing over the items, knowing just how to keep her daughter occupied.
In fact, Serena becomes so lost in her own thoughts that almost fifteen minutes later, she is startled by Olivia speaking to her.
"Gee, Serena, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." the brunette winces a little before she smiles warmly, slightly ruffling the occupied little girl's hair. "So you wanted to come visit me Kiddo?"
Sierra puts down her crayons and smiles up at her favorite detective. "Yep!" she squeals happily, wrapping her arms around Olivia's neck when the brunette picks her up. "But I think Mommy wanted to see you too." She whispers before giggling again.
"Is that so?" Liv replies with a smile before she puts Cece back on the floor. "Serena, can we um…maybe talk in the kitchen?"
Serena hesitates for a moment before she shakily nods her head. She casts a knowing glance at her daughter who has went back to coloring before she follows Olivia into the kitchen and out of earshot of Cece.
Olivia shoves her hands in to the pockets of her jeans and she studies the floor for a long moment before she actually says something. "Listen, Serena, I'm really sorry."
"What are you sorry for?" Serena asks curiously looking up from where her own gaze is fixated on the floor.
"About…the kiss. It was out of line on my part, and completely inappropriate and I'm sorry." Olivia explains quietly.
"Liv, I said that it was fine. It was really not that big a deal."
"Which is why you've been avoiding me for almost three and a half weeks now right?"
The tone of the detectives words startle Serena, and her eyes widen in shock. She knows that Liv didn't mean for the words to come out the way they did, but she also knows they only display Liv's emotions. "I-I haven't been avoiding you…"
Olivia raises her eyebrows and wraps her arms around her self. "Really? Because I feel like you have. Whenever I come to you for lunch or something, you always claim to be extra busy. I'm a detective Serena, I know that's not the case."
"I have been busy! Kim has been out and I've been working to-"
"Kim has had the flu for four days tops, you've been avoiding me for twenty one, and I know it's about the kiss. Did it really bother you that much? I've said I was sorry…"
Serena runs her fingers through her hair and sighs heavily. "I don't know Liv. I-I…it confused me okay? I mean…I don't want you to be around just because you feel sorry for me. I'm working on healing, and I want to move on, but I don't want anyone's pity."
"And I'm not pitying you." Olivia states softly as she steps forward and rests her hands on Serena's folded arms. "Serena, I care about you, a lot. I like you…a lot. I'm not around you because I feel sorry for you, I'm around you because I know that I feel something for you." she pauses but quickly continues when she sees Serena's mouth snap open, preparing to speak. "And I don't see you as Amanda's replacement. Even when she was here, things were…easier with you. I just…I like you, and I'm not going to lie and say I don't have any kind of feelings for you. Yes, I've done some thinking, and while I was going to propose to Amanda, her leaving made me realize that I don't need to let myself wallow in depression because she's not here. I'm not going to cry myself to sleep at night because she left when I tried too hard for her. I'm not."
Serena is quiet for a moment before she sighs and lets her head fall on Olivia's shoulder. "I don't know Liv…"
"Let me take you out…on a date. A real date.
"You don't think it's too soon?"
"We can move at our own pace…not anyone else's pace, but our own pace."
Damn, talk about JJ and tough love. Well, somebody had to do it right? Anyhow, sorry for the wait again, hope it was worth it. Leave your feedback!