Chapter 12
The first Day
You wouldn't think that a vampire could have anxiety issues, but here I am, nearly hyperventilating on air I don't need, standing in this too-big closet. What to wear, what to wear. I didn't want to stick out, so I chose a pair of slim jeans, tucked into rugged yet sophisticated-looking boots. On top I wore a plain white thermal undershirt with a pale blue sweater, and my black fur-trimmed parka finished the look.
"Hair up or down?"
"Down is how I prefer it, but either way, I'm sure you'll be stopping some hearts today." Edward responded with his perfect smirk. I glared at him in response.
"Up then, in a bun… .Now where was that blush Alice bought me? I hope I can get it right." I mused more to myself. I was really missing Alice right now, she would probably be layering make up on my face right now while spouting off reminders of how to be human at a mile a minute. Annoying as she is, I still loved her. I missed her, missed all my family. Especially on this day, I felt naked being shoved into a world that I didn't know how to handle. Or did I have it backwards? Could the world handle me?
I knew I had taken all the precautions necessary to help me deal with being stuck, all day long, in the middle of warm, blood-filled bodies. We hunted late last night and into the early morning. I felled a bear, two elk, and a deer; far more than was necessary. Now my body seemed to slosh with each movement, the feeling was at most unsettling. I guessed this was the closest I would ever come to a stomach ache in this body. My mind was flooded with memories of my family's advice to me. Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and Esme, all giving me tips on being human. If you need to hold your breath, at least let your shoulders rise and fall is if you were breathing. I concentrated on the memories that I had of being around humans. The memories were painful, so vivid they ignited a fire in my throat. I focused on how I overcame them. Focus. Determination. "I can do this." I spoke aloud.
"Of course you can." Edward replied, his arms wrapping around my waist, pulling me close.
"You'll come with me. You and Nessie will drop me off right?" Edward chuckled over the worry in my voice.
"You will do fine, but yes, we will drop you off. After your classes I'll pick you up and you can take Renesmee home. Tanya can bring me home after my classes." I nodded my approval at the plan. My jealousy over the attraction Tanya had for Edward was long gone. She was there for our family when we needed her the most. She was one of the strongest voices to speak out in our defense. I could feel nothing more than gratitude and respect for her now.
The drive to the campus was over an hour even at our speedy pace. I spent most of the ride in quiet contemplation while Edward named all the different trees we passed to Renesmee. Jacob was still asleep when we left, obviously he didn't have the first-day-of-school-jitters like me. I wondered if he would even make it to his first class on time.
The university was sprawling, half of the main campus surrounded by a forested area, and the other half seeming in the heart of Anchorage. I could swear that I heard the sound of thousands of heartbeats, pounding in my ears as Edward parked the Volvo. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and searched out another sounds to focus on. The rap music that blared with distorted bass eight cars down would work. I turned to Edward, his hand reached up to stroke my forehead, his warm fingers applying slight pressure along my brow. I could feel the tension there, and he no doubt could see it. Just then, a hot little hand clutched my shoulder. Renesmee's face mirrored the concern in Edward's.
"It's ok Mommy, you'll do brilliantly." She flashed me her dazzling pearl white smile and I couldn't help but return the expression. I kissed her on the forehead and gave one final kiss to Edward before unwillingly getting out of the car. It was still early morning and the air was crisp and fresh. I reveled in it while I could.
It felt like déjà vu as I searched the map for my first class, English 101. At least English was something that I was good at, and hopefully it would be a smaller class. I walked at a too brisk a pace, hoping to get to class early. I thought it might be easier to have my classmates filter in slowly, so that I could register and simultaneously attempt to desensitize myself to each new person. Being bombarded with a classroom full of temping scents did not seem like a good idea.
As soon as I opened the doors to the English building I met the scent. It burned its way down my nose and to my throat. I choked back the venom and began taking short, shallow breaths to test my resolve. My pace through the halls slowed as I tested myself. I thought of anything and everything to take my mind off of the burning in my throat. I thought of that stupid rap song, and the lyrics that now replayed in my head. I began to think of Edward, our home, and our bed… no, put down the phone Bella. I placed the phone back in my purse and began scanning the doors for number 213. 211…212…213. The door stood ajar, I stopped to focus on the sounds coming from inside. Only two heartbeats, two people. One was shuffling through paper, the other, tapping impatiently. They both sat on the right side of the classroom, one on the very back row, and the other on the front. It was easy to tell who the overachiever was. She was shuffling through her folder, organizing and reorganizing. Everything on her desk at perfect right angles…well…perfect to her eyes at least, though two of her pencils were off by more than five degrees. She had her glossy brown hair back in a pony tail and wore not a stitch of makeup. Her appearance and demeanor told me she was here for one thing and one thing only. The boy in the back was slouched in his chair, foot tapping on the linoleum. His weathered backpack sat on the desk and his head rested in his right hand, an unamused expression fixed on his face. I saw his eyebrow lift in approval at the sight of me. He instantly straightened his posture and ceased his insistent tapping. For that at least I was thankful. I sat on the left hand side on the last row, as far away as I could be from my other classmates.
As more students piled into the room, I tried projecting some type of barrier around me to prevent anyone from sitting to close. If only my shield worked that way, like a repellant to people. Two minutes left before class, eighteen people in the room including the professor. My throat was on fire, I had given up on slow desensitization long ago. Nothing seemed to distract me from the thirst. I tried everything, but instead my mind willed itself to torture me, picking out the subtle differences of scents that surrounded me. Choosing which one was more appealing. I lowered my head to the table, inhaling the scent of laundry detergent on my shirt. This gave me an idea, cowardly as it was. I brought my backpack off the floor, placing it on top of my desk, then placed my down-filled coat on top, and proceeded to bury my face into it. It was a pleasant reprieve. I surveyed the room while waiting for some audible signal for class to begin. Hearts stuttered and breaths caught in throats as my scanning glance met the eyes of all of the males, and some of the females, in the room. I immediately felt sick with the attention. I was sure Rosalie would revel in this situation, casually throwing her beautiful blonde curls over her shoulder and making her topaz eyes smolder. I wondered if she had ever sent any poor soul into cardiac arrest. I heard a throat clear, and my eyes immediately flickered to its source. A young man with brown curly hair stared back at me behind square-rimmed glasses. He sat turned completely around in his chair to …ogle. I glanced down at my wedding ring and began fidgeting with it, turning it so it would catch the florescent lighting. I glanced back up to see that he was still staring even after my more-than-obvious hint. Maybe I'd have a tattoo done across my forehead, 'I love my husband' with little hearts surrounding the text. Too bad needles couldn't penetrate my granite skin.
I buried my nose back into my coat and placed my arms over my head, wishing the world away. That's when the professor began class. She passed out the syllabus and then took out another piece of paper and a pen. I examined it more closely. Was she taking roll? I thought this was college; attendance optional. I groaned aloud.
"Tell me about it." The girl said next to me. "Have you looked over the syllabus? Attendance counts for twenty percent of our grade in this class. My friend told me not to take English with this professor, but I signed up too late, and hers was the only class open." She smiled a little smirk that raised her eyebrows. She had almond shaped brown eyes and curly brown hair. She reminded me instantly of Angela.
"I registered late too; guess that's what I get. I just thought that college would be different. Show up on test days and to turn in your papers and that's it." I jumbled through my response to her, trying to take as shallow breaths as possible.
"Oh, most of the other professors are like that, especially in the bigger classes. I'm Amber by the way." She said with a smile, extending her hand to me. Wonderful, I make a friend and two seconds later I ruin it. By some act of God, the teacher called my name. I raised my hand closest to Amber, to acknowledge the teacher, then tucked a lose strand of hair behind my ear before resting my hand back in my lap.
"Well, my name is Bella, obviously. Nice to meet you." I smiled a genuine smile, relieved. She withdrew her hand and turned to face the professor. I could gather from just this first class that the professor was a stickler for details and analysis of those details. This class would be a synch; work-wise at least.
Sociology was a full hour of classmate introductions. I had to fabricate my background information a little bit for that one. Somehow telling them that I was a happily married vampire with a half-vampire daughter and a werewolf best friend didn't seem like a likely story.
Trig was by far the most difficult for me. Lecture style; meaning over seventy students crowded into small chairs with fold-down tables. Luckily the hall accommodated for one hundred students, and I had somehow managed to have a glorious blood-free bubble around me. I hadn't taken a single breath in twenty three minutes, and the feeling was uncomfortable. Even with the absence of the scent, the blood still flooded my every thought. The room seemed hotter, and louder. Pulses formed a morbid symphony, and the heat seemed to build almost pulsating around me. I tried to focus on the professor, to make his voice rise above all of the turmoil in my head; but his monotone pitch melded into only a soft harmony compared to the melody around me. I glanced to my left to find a pale freckle-faced girl staring at me wide-eyed. I had seen several expressions today, mostly from the males. There was usually awe, lust, and hunger in their eyes. With the women it was usually a side-ways glance, a sizing up, an upturned nose, or a jealous humph. This look was different; as if she was looking straight through me. As soon as our eyes met, she averted her gaze. But for that one moment, I felt like she could see through all of my fronts and disguises. She became my distraction from the less-wholesome thoughts. I felt I had to know the source behind her strange reaction to me. Maybe I should talk to her after class. After all, this was my last class. But Edward and Nessie would be waiting for me.
I spent the rest of class plotting how to strike up a conversation with a girl I knew nothing about. I was still deep in thought when everyone began to gather their papers and books together to leave. I hadn't heard a word the professor had said for the majority of the class. I turned to my left to see the girl's back. She had already gathered her things and seemed in a hurry. In a flurry I shoved everything into my backpack and flung it over my shoulder while scooping up my coat in my right arm. I propelled myself forward out of the chair to stand only inches away from her. Her scent flooded my nostrils. A sweet-honey resinous scent. A strange but fantastic combination of masculine and feminine. A froze in place while combating the almost overwhelming urge to murder this poor girl. No! I screamed internally, a slow hiss escaping my lips. She turned around, her green eyes wary. I'm sure the expression on my face couldn't be inviting or pleasant, so I immediately looked away from her gaze.
"Um…hello" She said hesitantly.
I didn't dare take a breath, not now. I looked up to meet her eyes and tried to smile as warmly as possible. Her mouth opened slightly, like she was about to say something else, but then she turned and walked away.
Here I had just spent a half hour plotting how to start up a conversation with this girl, and the moment she speaks to me, I go mute. It wasn't entirely her scent that made my brain and body lock up. I had smelled many people who were much more appealing to me. There was something else I couldn't quite put my finger on about her. An enigma I had to solve.