Chapter Nine: Just Keep Driving

"Santana? Wake up…"

I grumbled a half-protest at Mia's voice interrupting my sleep, but the memories of last night returned, and with them my voice fled. I gulped down the lump in my throat, but couldn't do anything about my stomach churning. I kept my eyes closed, trying to fall back asleep and forget everything, but then something poked my arm.

"Come on, wake up. What time did you guys stay up till last night anyway?"

Her voice faded with the last words, and I risked peeking out through my lashes to see her walking away to the other side of the room.

"I don't remember. It was late though. Maybe you should let her sleep."

I slammed my eyelids shut again as Brittany came into view.

"She can sleep in the car, we need to start driving."

"Santana!"

Quinn's bark made me sit up straight before I even realised what I was doing. She smirked at me from the end of the bed, and I swore at her under my breath as I tumbled out from under the sheets. I did my best not to think too much as I moved to grab some fresh clothes, keeping my eyes trained on the floor and sidling into the bathroom without making eye contact with anyone.

I rinsed my face and the sleepy fog began to lift from my brain, allowing me to think somewhat clearly.

For once, alcohol had not numbed my memories of the night before, although I wasn't sure if the strong sense of nausea was a direct result of the schnapps or just the events it had caused. Because there was no way I would ever have let that happen if I was sober. I just got caught up in the moment. That was it. And it was probably the same for Brittany too. Almost certainly. It hadn't been serious. It had just been a stupid moment after a good night and I should notbe freaking out over it. I should definitely not be hiding in the bathroom when I'd finished changing five minutes ago so I didn't have to face her. Or Mia. I wasn't sure who exactly I was avoiding.

"Santana, have you fallen asleep again?" Quinn yelled, accompanying her shout with a bang on the bathroom door.

I pulled the door open fast, so her hand went straight through the space the door had been occupying a few moments ago and she almost fell into me. I shoved her lightly to one side so I could walk out, sparing her a withering glance and hoping I was doing okay at keeping up my normal attitude. She rolled her eyes and didn't seem to notice anything odd, and the rapid beating of my heart slowed a little. I started to make my way across the room, but then found myself opposite Brittany, and it went straight back to pounding. I met her gaze for just a few seconds before I managed to pull my eyes away, staring at the worn carpet again as I moved to pick up my bag and stuff the dirty clothes in the top. I opened the door without glancing back, and only realised when I stepped out of the room that I had just buried the car keys in my bag, somewhere inside my hoodie. I pulled it out again and over my head, finding them in my pocket.

I made it to the car and into the backseat without having to talk to anyone, dropping the keys in the front seat for Brittany. Stuffing my bag in between my feet I wrested a blanket out from behind and wrapped it around myself, pulling it up to my nose and closing my eyes just as I heard Brittany's voice get loud enough to hear properly when she hopped up into the car. She was talking to Mia about some singer and I wondered how she could act so carefree. It was like nothing had ever happened. Had I completely misinterpreted what had happened? No, because she'd said sorry last night, and looked very sorry for those few moments I looked at her earlier. And she should be sorry. She'd tried to kiss me!

Except even though I kept repeating that in my head, in time with the rumbling of the car as we drove off again, I couldn't convince myself to be angry. Who could be angry at Brittany? She was just so… I couldn't even think of the right words, that would do her justice. God that sounded sappy. I should not be sounding sappy over Brittany. She was my friend. Nothing else. Mia's friend, too. And anyway, this was me! Santana Lopez! Santana Lopez doesn't get sappy.

"So how was the movie last night?" I heard Quinn ask. She was sat in the front seat next to Brittany, and my ears immediately focused in on their conversation.

"It was great! Finding Nemo!"

"Ah, well I'm glad she didn't drag you to one of those disgusting slasher films."

"Oh, no, I wouldn't like that. I watched one with Artie before, when we first started dating. I think it was just because he wanted an excuse to hold my hand. I… uh, don't think Santana wanted that."

I heard Quinn laugh loudly at the suggestion, and my stomach clenched. I couldn't see my hands, but I could feel them joined under the blanket. I thought back to last night, and imagined reaching over the car for Brittany's hand…

Santana, stop!

I jerked in reaction to my own internal thoughts, and a second later someone's hand was in mine. My eyes opened quickly, and I found myself looking into Mia's smiling face.

"You okay?"

I nodded once, not trusting myself to speak.

"Go back to sleep, it's hours before you have to drive again," she suggested, squeezing my hand.

I nodded again, closing my eyes and turning my head away from her to lean against the window. I could feel her hand in mine still, somewhere under the blanket, and when my mind drifted off again, imagining it was Brittany's instead, I felt the pit of dread in my stomach intensify.

This could not happen. I would not let myself mess things up with Mia again just because I was having a few daydreams about some other girl, especially one I barely knew. But I could hear her laughter tinkling gently in the front of the car, and when the goosebumps rose on the back of my neck I got this feeling that it wouldn't be as simple as just ignoring it. Maybe it would be best if I tried to distance myself. Although that could be difficult when we still had a few thousand miles to go… Brittany's words from last night began to play in a loop in my head.

Just keep driving, just keep driving…

"Hey, Santana. Santana?"

I blinked several times, Mia's voice filtering through hazy thoughts of casinos and swimming pools. Had I fallen asleep again?

"We're getting some food, do you want me to get you anything?" she murmured. I felt her fingers brush a strand of hair back from my face, and turned my head without thinking about what I was doing. Her hand dropped away. "I'll get some cereal bars or something, okay?"

She pulled away and a few seconds later I heard the car door slam shut to my right. As I became more aware of my surroundings, I heard the others' voices as well.

"Tina! Tina, did you hear the news?"

"No, what?"

"Hey Brittany, aren't you coming?"

"I'll be there in a minute."

Her voice was loud, and with a jolt I realised she was still inside the car with me. My eyes snapped open and I reached out for the door handle, slipping it open and stumbling ungracefully out of the car, the blanket that had been wrapped around me falling to the floor. I stooped to pick it up and stuff it back inside, slamming the door shut and hurrying after Mia, who was watching me curiously. I pressed my lips together into a smile when I caught up with her, running a hand through my hair to try and tidy it a little.

"Sorry. Don't want you getting those disgusting honey oat bars again though."

"They're good!" she protested.

"Oh please, I had enough rabbit food in high school. I need some real food to keep me going."

Brittany's voice called after us, shattering the momentary normality of life with Mia and making all my worries bubble up again. Mia glanced back, and lifted a hand to my arm to bring us both to a halt.

"We should wait for Brittany."

"Why?" I replied, quicker and sharper than I had intended.

She frowned at me. "Because she's calling?"

"Well I'm hungry, and she's taking forever. Wait if you want, I'm gonna get some food."

I pulled out of Mia's light hold, walking into the Walmart we had pulled up at without glancing back. My heart was beating fast, and knowing I was acting weirdly was not making it any better. I had to get a better grip on myself! This was ridiculous!

I pushed thoughts of Brittany and Mia to the back of my mind, again, turning down one of the aisles without bothering to check what it was. Great. Frozen section. This was going to be useful. I didn't reverse, though - I didn't want to risk running into Mia and Brittany. Both of them at the same time was definitely too much to handle right now. I walked to the end and turned, this time paying attention to the signs and finally making my way towards one labelled snacks. I picked out a jumbo bag of chips, realising too late I hadn't got a shopping cart, then as an afterthought grabbed some pasta salad as well. Despite what I'd said to Mia, I wasn't entirely opposed to the idea of eating healthily. But Coach Sue's many diets had put me off cardboard-tasting cereal bars for life.

The next aisle was full of candy. I was about to step into it, but then I noticed the giant boxes of Nerds to my right and paused. I wasn't sure what had happened to those Nerds last night. At one point Brittany had mixed some in with my drink with the intention of turning it purple, but it hadn't worked. I bit my lip to stop myself smiling at the memory of her sparkling eyes and bright grin as she dropped in one after the other - and then I felt a stab of guilt, and the smile faded. This wasn't right. I shouldn't be so entranced by this girl when I didn't even know her properly. I never randomly started daydreaming about Mia's smile when I was busy with other stuff. So what was so different about Brittany?

"Santana!"

I wasn't sure if my heart leaped into my throat in excitement or dropped into my stomach in terror when the object of my thoughts appeared at the other end of the candy aisle I had stopped next to. She walked quickly towards me, and I barely had the time to turn around and try and walk away before she was next to me, reaching out to gently grasp my shoulder.

"Santana, please."

I scowled at the cartons of milk just a few feet away, refusing to look at her but unable to make myself walk away from this situation entirely. She seemed to take my silence as acquiescence, and started to speak.

"I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry, I don't know what I was thinking, I-"

"Be quiet!" I hissed, spinning to glare at her. She visibly drooped, staring at me with an expression of such dismay that I had to look away again.

"I... sorry-"

"Do you want the whole store to hear?" I snapped again, crossing my arms against my chest. The bag of chips almost slipping out of my hand. "Forget it. Don't say anything. There's nothing to say."

"I was just drunk, and I thought..."

"Don't think, either! It didn't happen, okay?"

Her lips were quivering, but she nodded, this time not saying a thing.

"Good," I replied shortly, taking another step away from her. Her expression was tearing at me, making me angry at my own words, and I didn't know what to think. I spun, intending to walk away, but she spoke again before I could.

"We... we can still be friends, right?"

I turned to look back at her, swallowing the lump in my throat as I nodded. "Sure. Course. Why wouldn't we be?"

She sniffed and gave me a wavering smile, and I turned to walk away before she could say anything else that might grate at my insides. I made my way rapidly to the checkout, standing in line and glancing back every so often to make sure Brittany hadn't followed. She was nowhere to be seen, but I still twisted my head every couple of minutes to check she hadn't snuck up on me to try and continue that conversation. Talk about cornering me… I reached the till after about five minutes of waiting, handing over just my chips and pasta salad since I'd forgotten to pick anything else up. Never mind. At least this way I could get back to the car before that others and pretend I'd fallen asleep again. Then there wouldn't be any chance for further awkward conversations, with Brittany or Mia or anyone else.

I was walking out of Walmart when someone fell in besides me. I swivelled, ready to snap, but then saw it was only Tina and shut my mouth quickly.

"Why aren't you shopping?"

"Already got food, and I lost Quinn in the book section."

"So why aren't you buying books? You and Quinn talk about them enough."

She shrugged, a gentle smile flitting over her face. "I read a lot of the classics Quinn loves when I was younger. Too busy nowadays, but it's still good to talk about them. Anyway, thought I'd come out here and enjoy the sunshine."

"Whatever floats your boat," I replied briefly, my footsteps slowing when it occurred to me I couldn't get into the car until Brittany arrived with the keys anyway.

"Are you okay?"

I frowned, glancing across at her. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem more... uh..." Her face twisted, and I could tell she was trying to think of a way to say what she was thinking without insulting me. She was always kind of odd like that. "-More brusque, than usual. And Brittany's upset too," she added quickly, like it was a simple afterthought.

I kept my eyes firmly on the gravel as we walked together, wetting my lips with my tongue. They had suddenly got very dry. It must be this ridiculous Texas weather.

"What are you talking about? She's fine. She was joking around all this morning in the car."

Too late I realised I had given away that I hadn't actually been asleep for the entire journey, but either she didn't notice or just didn't want to comment.

"I know her pretty well. Maybe it's not obvious to everyone, but I can tell she's upset about something."

I wanted to argue that she wasn't the only one who could tell when Brittany was sad, but stopped myself just in time. That would be extremely counter-productive given my last words.

"Well what's she got to be upset about? We're on this awesome road trip."

Tina shrugged again as we reached the car, moving to lean against it in the direct rays of the sun. I stood next to her, dropping my bag between my feet and staring across at the front of the store, so I would be able to spot the others when they returned.

"Maybe Artie still. I don't think so, though. I'm not really sure. I thought she might've said something to you last night about whatever it is. She's been acting weird since we were at the Grand Canyon, but she won't tell me why. She always tell me why. And she's been talking so much with you, I thought she might have told you instead."

For a few seconds I felt relief that the events of last night hadn't been the cause of Brittany being upset - but then my stomach dropped when the thought popped into my head that maybe she'd been thinking about it before.

Looking over at Tina I found her face creased with worry. I shrugged apologetically.

"Sorry, she hasn't said anything to me." And technically she hadn't. But that didn't mean I didn't know what was wrong. "I'm sure she'll be fine once we get to New Orleans. She's probably just tired of all the travelling."

"I hope so," Tina agreed with a nod. The frown on her face smoothed out into another smile as she lifted a hand to wave. I looked away from her, back towards the store, and found Brittany, Quinn and Mia approaching. Quinn was grinning and lifted a book up into the air to wave back. Brittany was hanging behind the other two, and next to me I saw Tina's smile fade when she noticed as well.

But then the car clicked open behind me and I remembered the awkwardness from earlier, so I quickly turned and opened the door to climb back in before the others had even reached us. I rescued the blanket from the floor and pulled it over me again, kicking the bag of food under the seat in front. I could hear some discussion on the other side of the car and noticed Brittany and Tina both standing by the driver's door. Tina was holding out her hand, and Brittany appeared to be arguing with her. It only lasted a few moments, then she dropped something in Tina's outstretched hand and turned to pull open the other door. I met her eyes and quickly looked away when she shuffled in next to me. I couldn't feel her next to me, but then Quinn's voice floated into the car as well, complaining that she didn't have enough space. A few seconds later, Brittany's leg knocked against mine. I tried to gulp away the lump in my throat, but it didn't work.

Mia and Tina were chattering in the front seat and Quinn was probably absorbed in her book already, but there was a heavy silence right next to me. I twisted in my seat so I was curled into the corner, closing my eyes and willing myself to sleep, but it was impossible with her leg brushing against mine. The blanket shifted and I thought she was going to pull it away, but then I just felt something brush my pinky. My heart leapt into my throat at the gesture, but as her finger moved again to hook through mine, I was suddenly reminded of my earlier thoughts; of what it would be like to properly hold her hand.

I snatched my hand away, pulling it into my lap. I heard a quick intake of breath next to me, and I pressed my forehead against the window. Already I was breaking my agreement that we could be friends. Could I not even manage that?

New Orleans couldn't come soon enough.

Somehow, I fell asleep again in the car. I didn't know how. One minute I was curled up as far away from Brittany as I could get, and the next I was being shaken awake by Mia, the door open next to me and the rest of the car empty. She smiled fondly down at me, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

"We're here."

"We… what? But…" My brain struggled to catch up and work out the reason we couldn't be in New Orleans yet. "I haven't driven at all…"

"Brittany did your driving. She said you did hers yesterday."

My stomach turned at the reminder, now with a double mixture of guilt; first for almost kissing her, and now again for pulling away. I shouldn't have done that.

"I… where are the others?" I mumbled, slipping out and peering about the hotel parking lot. This place was huge - and fancy huge rather than just having a pool stuck between buildings. Finding accommodation in New Orleans had been a little harder than we'd anticipated, so we'd had to spend a bit more.

"Inside already. Well, Brittany went to the shop across the road, but she'll be back soon. Come on."

I nodded, trying not to think too much as we headed inside the large building. It was increasingly difficult as I started to wake up properly, and it occurred to me that I had been asleep for far too much of today to be able to sleep properly tonight. If the situation was better, it might have been a good opportunity to try out that 'stay awake for 48 hours' part of my bucketlist. I wondered if anything was going to come of that, or if it would just end up stuffed in the bottom of my bag for the rest of the trip now I had pushed her away. Maybe it would be easier, anyway; pushing her away. I wouldn't have to constantly worry about thoughts of doing non-friends things like kiss…

By the time we had made it up to the hotel room, the sleepiness I had been feeling before had completely faded. I was wide awake again. My sleep pattern was truly destroyed. I slouched into an armchair, not really feeling like talking even though I wasn't tired. The others weren't being talkative either though, really. Tina was locked away in the bathroom, Quinn was now reading the last few pages of the book she'd bought earlier, and Mia was lying across one of the beds. She smiled across at me lazily, but I could see that her eyelids kept flickering shut. She'd be asleep soon. Quinn would either sleep or dive headfirst into another book, and Tina always seemed to take an extraordinarily long time singing in the shower. Which meant that when Brittany returned, it would basically just be me and her. And that would have been great a couple of days ago. Someone to keep me company while everyone else was being boring. But now it would just be awkward. I rose from the chair, digging in my pocket to make sure there was still money in there from earlier before speaking.

"I'm going to the bar. Anyone coming?"

It didn't surprise me when all I got was two shaken heads and a surprisingly appropriate burst of 'blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol' from Tina through the bathroom door. I shrugged and left the room, heading towards the elevator. It was already on our floor so I stepped straight inside, hitting the button for the first floor and leaning against the back mirror as it trundled downward. I'd noticed a sign for the bar on our way inside, and in a place this size it should at least have a decent stock of alcohol.

The elevator dinged and I straightened, preparing to step out - but as the doors opened, I came face to face with the very person I'd been trying to avoid. Brittany looked just as surprised as I felt. I stepped forward, trying to step past her without saying anything, but she moved at the last moment to block my path.

"I'm going to the bar."

"Can't you go in five minutes?"

I tried to think of a good reason to say no, but came up with nothing. She took my silence as agreement and stepped inside. Before I could protest again, she had pressed the button for our floor and the doors were closing. I backed up, leaning against the opposite wall and surveying the doors, willing someone else to step inside and break up the coming conversation.

I heard the rustle of a plastic bag and glanced across at her to see one being pushed at me.

"I got this for you. To… say sorry. Properly. Cause I didn't earlier, not really, and I need to."

I eyed the bag suspiciously, reaching out for it after a couple of seconds and peering inside. I felt my heart start to thump faster at the sight of the rubik's cube resting in the bottom. The elevator doors dinged again, but I slammed my hand against the button to stop them opening, then the button for the top floor. Brittany remained mostly silent as the elevator started rising again, but I could hear her breathing as I reached inside the bag to draw out the rubik's cube. She'd taken it out of the packaging and already scrambled the colours. I managed a few experimental turns before she spoke.

"That's not how you start, you need to-"

"Hey," I interrupted softly. I lifted my eyes to hers to see her watching me, biting her lip and her hands clasped tightly in front of her. How was I meant to not be friends with her? I was being an idiot. "Don't tell me."

"Okay," she agreed, just as quiet. The door dinged again, and this time it was her sending it back down to the bottom floor.

I held the rubik's cube tightly in one hand, managing a small smile. The corners of her lips turned up, then she broke out into a full grin.

"Sorry," I muttered. I had to say it. I couldn't have explained exactly what I was apologising for if she'd asked. It was a multitude of things. I just knew that right now I felt the need to apologise to Brittany, and that was all that mattered.

"Me too."

"Thanks for the rubik's cube. Awesome present."

She bit her lip, eyes flicking away to the doors before returning to shine at me. "You're welcome."

The sound of the doors rang out one last time, and this time there was actually someone on the other side - a rather grumpy-looking old woman who must have been waiting there a while. I reached out impulsively for Brittany's pinky and tugged her out of the elevator, warmth flooding through me again at just that simple touch. I wasn't exactly sure how, but last night had apparently been put aside and we were friends again. I just had to hope we could make it through the rest of the road trip without a repeat.