Disclaimer: I own nothing

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: They are both starting to let each other in, but Brooke's headed towards a downward spiral and Lucas isn't sure if he is the right person to help. The closer they get the worse things get, and they both start to wonder if they are really best for the other

Authors Note: hello darlings. So sorry it's been so long, I have had this chapter done for a really long time, but I wanted to get ahead a few chapters before I posted, which even after all these weeks I have only managed to write eleven, so I am sorry about all my long waits but hopefully something will inspire me here soon. I hope you all enjoy this next chapter, I person like it a lot and I hope you all do. Remember to leave your thoughts, they mean the word to me.

Also a BIG HUGE thanks to Lynn for Betaing this chapter! Love you tons hun.

When Your Dreams Died

Chapter Nine: If For Only

If you could consume her
Would you say you were finding your way out?
Is anything coming clearer
Smashing your mirror?
Still you can see you're guilty

It was just after seven now. The sun was just peeking through the small window in the kitchen of Brooke's small apartment as she sat at her chair at the kitchen table, her head in her hands. She hadn't slept all night and there were dark circles under her eyes to prove that. She was dressed in old baggy sweat pants and an over-sized tee shirt. Her hair pulled into a high, messy pony tail and her face rid of make up.

The night before was a tough one for her and when she thought back on it, most of her nights lately had been touch ones, but last night she did something she vowed to never do.

She broke down. She let words get to her and take down her walls causing her to fall hard. So after cleaning up the broken glass of the mug that she threw against the wall, she grabbed another cup from the carbonate and re filled it. She finishing the cup as she always did and refilled it again, letting that go on until the bottle was empty. Once that happened she fell into the comfortable numbness that she'd become accustomed too. Her world went fuzzy and she liked it. If only for a few hours, her drunken state had once again taken her away from everything. If only for a few hours nothing mattered, it was just her and her high and when it wore off the only thing she could think to do was make it come back again.

So here she was, seven o'clock in the morning, sitting at the breakfast table, the decision of getting up and grabbing the banana off the counter or the bottle in the freezer plagued her mind. That was until her door swung open and a more then frazzled Haley came bursting through, Jamie in tow.

"Oh thank god you are home" Haley breathed out setting down her arm full of stuff on Brookes table. "Listen, I know it is early and you probably have to work and I should have called but I got this call today about going in to this label that wants me to produce some stuff and I would normally pass it up but I have an amazing feeling about this, and again I know you are busy but…" Haley said all without taking a breath before Brooke cut her off.

"Haley…"

"Yeah?"

"Breathe."

Haley looked at her for a moment before letting out a breath, then looking to her son before she looked back to Brooke

"I can take him for the day; I was planning to take the day off anyway"

"Seriously!" Haley exclaimed causing Brooke to laugh.

"Yes, now go have fun being a rock star, Jamie and I will be fine, right Jay?" Brooke said looking down to Jamie

"Yep," Jamie smiled widely

"You are sure?" Haley asked cautiously

"Yep, it is really no probably, I was actually going to…" Brooke started before the door opened again, this time relieving Edward who had Brynlee happily sitting atop his shoulders.

"Brooke what did I tell you about locking your doors?" Edward started before spotting Haley "Hi, I don't believe we've met, I am Edward" he smiled sticking out a hand warmly.

"Hi, I'm Haley," Haley smiled, shaking his hand before turning to Brooke with a questioning look.

"Oh… um, this is Edward, he is Casey's dad, and he owns a café down the street"

"Oh, the café Lucas is always raving about?"

"Yeah"

Brooke smiled almost completely forgetting about the small blonde that had accompanied Edward.

"I am Brynlee" the four year old smiled as Edward placed her on her feet before she made her way up on to Brookes lap "I don't know who you are" she said with a shrug turning to Brooke for an answer "I don't know who you are either" she then said turning to Jamie

"I'm Haley, and that is my son Jamie" Haley smiled looking to Brooke, now more confused then ever

"Mommy is…" Brynlee started to ask Brooke something before she was cut off by a more then shocked Haley.

"I am sorry; did she just call you 'mommy'?" Haley questioned.

"She is my mommy…" Brynlee said a bit confused at the short light haired woman in front of her.

"Brooke…" Haley started before Brooke let out a sigh, lifting Brynlee off her lap.

"Bryn, why don't you and Jamie go to your room and you guys can play for a bit while I talk to Haley?"

"Ok, Grandpa Eddy bought me a new Barbie, we can play with that" the curly blonde exclaimed before grabbing Jamie's hand and pulling him off in to Casey's old room.

"I should probably get going," Edward said, now a bit uncomfortable "I will see you later alright?"

"Yeah, thanks for taking her last night" Brooke said with a smile.

"Anything for my girls" he said with a wink "Nice meeting you Haley, if you ever want a good cup of coffee, just ask Brooke where to find me" he said with a warm smile before he made his way out the door and left Brooke alone with Haley.

"So do you want to start explaining why there is a small blonde child claiming you to be her mother?"

"Because I am?" Brooke said biting down on her bottom lip as she made her way in to the small kitchen to put on a pot of coffee.

"How?"

"Am I her mother? Um, the same way you are Jamie's?"

"Well how old is she, I mean she can't be older then…"

"She is four, and let's just call her… my welcome to the city"

"Why didn't you ever say anything Brooke? Four years and you never said anything" Haley said in almost a yell.

"What did you want me to do Haley, say it in one of four emails we have sent in the last four years? 'Oh hey Hales, how's life? Nathan doing alright? How about Jamie? That's peachy… oh p.s. I am pregnant…?"

"Yes Brooke, that is what you should have done, or picked up the phone… I mean my god how could you keep something like this from everyone?"

"Because… it was just… easier alright"

"How was it easier to have to do it all on your own rather than have the support of your friends, the people that love you…?"

"The people that love me? Haley you've called me maybe six times in the last four years… Peyton I haven't spoken in god knows how long… Lucas…"

"Wait… does Lucas know?"

"No, Haley no one knows, she just moved in with me three days ago"

"Wait… where has she been?"

"With my grandmother in Long Island"

"You have a grandmother in Long Island?"

"Listen it is a long story and you have a meeting to go to?"

"Shit" Haley said looking to the clock "I have to go, but we are talking when it is over, I want to know everything…"

Xxx

"And you are sure everything is alright? Because I can just cut my day short, alright well then I am just going to get some lunch then head back and I will be at your place no later then five? Okay, if you are sure…"

Haley rapped up her phone call with Brooke as she made her way in to the half finished restaurant to meet Lucas for a quick lunch before going back to the studio.

"Hey you" Lucas said with a smile, getting up and grabbing his jacket "You ready to go rock star?"

"Producer, thank you, and yes" Haley smiled.

"I was thinking the sandwich shop on fifth?"

"Yeah that is fine" Haley said with a small smile looking down at the phone in her hands with a weird expression.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing" She shrugged as the two made there way out of the building and out in to the busy streets of the city.

"Nice try… talk to me" Lucas said, rubbing her back reassuringly.

"I dropped Jamie off at Brooke's this morning and… does she seem different to you Lucas?"

"What do you mean different?" Lucas asked with a confused look.

"Like… sadder, or not even sad, just, stressed and not all together?"

"Yeah, I guess… she's been drinking a lot more…"

"What?" Haley said turning to him, some what shocked by his statement "What do you mean she has been drinking a lot?"

"I guess it really isn't that big of a deal, but the other day I had to go pick her up from some bar, and the next morning she was already drinking again, and then yesterday… I mean maybe I am just looking too much in to it…"

"What about Brynlee though, Brooke wouldn't just get smashed with her around" Haley said more to her self then to Lucas

"Wait you know about Brynlee?" Lucas asked turning to her.

"Yeah I met her this morning… wait, you know about Brynlee?"

"I met her yesterday"

"But Brooke said…" Haley started but shock her head instead "How crazy is that, that Brooke has a kid and none of us knew…"

"What?" Lucas said stopping dead in his tracks.

"Brynlee… Brooke's daughter, I mean god, how did she just have a kid and not tell anyone? I know we drifted apart, but to not even tell me. She is my sons godmother and yet I didn't even know that her daughter existed until a few hours ago" Haley vented, before realizing the look on Lucas's face was that of a face filled with confusion and just a hint of anger. "Lucas what is wrong?"

"Brooke… I mean… Brynlee is Brooke's daughter?"

"Yeah, I thought you just said you knew about it?"

"Yea, I just…" Lucas ran a hand through his hair frustratingly before looking to Haley with a sigh "Can I get a rain check on lunch?"

"Yeah sure, but are you sure you are alright?"

"Yeah, I am fine… I just… I have stuff I have to do that I forgot about, but tomorrow?"

"Yeah, tomorrow is fine… you are scaring me though"

"I'm fine… I will just… I got to go; I will catch up with you later"

"Alright" She said with a small smile before he turned and disappeared in to the sea of people, leaving her to get lunch by herself.

Xxx

"Brooke!" Lucas yelled as he walked through the door of her home. The sound of cartoons blared through the small apartment and as he looked around the place had pretty much been turned up side down and Brooke was no where to been seen. Jamie and Brynlee where sitting on the couch watching the TV, each of them letting out a giggle or two every once in a while.

"Hey Uncle Luke" Jamie smiled as his uncle made his way in t the room

"Hey bud, where is Brooke?" Lucas asked

"She is in her room" Brynlee said to him with a small smile. It made him stop for a moment and look at the small girl in front of him. How could he have not seen it before, minus the blond hair that little girl was the spitting image of Brooke, right down to the dimples.

"Uncle Luke, are you ok?" Jamie asked

"Yeah" Lucas said, trying to break his gaze from Brynlee "Yeah, sorry guys, go back to your show I just have to talk to Brooke."

"Be quiet though, mommy is sleeping" Brynlee said placing a figure to her lips.

"Ok" Lucas said, hearing the little girl call her mommy was the conformation he needed and made him go in to her room that much faster. He opened the door and shut it, looking to her bed to find it empty before he saw the light on in the bathroom.

"She is yours?" He said not bothering to say hi or make small talk.

She took the Advil in her hand, taking a sip of water before turning to Lucas "What are you talking about?" she sighed

"Brynlee. She is your daughter, she is your god damn daughter!"

"Who told…"

"Haley said something to me thinking I knew which I should have. We have been talking for almost three months and you didn't fucking tell me you have a god damn four year old kid Brooke, what the hell is that? And where the hell has she been?"

"Lucas, I can't do this with you right now" Brooke sighed as she dug her fingers into her temple, rubbing in a circular motion trying to relieve the pressure of the headache that was building.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" He continued to push.

"Because" she huffed, pushing past him, going into her bathroom trying to find something stronger then the Advil she had just taken

"Because why, Brooke? What, was it not something you thought was important or something. Cause correct me if I am wrong but I would say having a child was pretty damn important… something that you most defiantly tell your friends!"

"Oh is that what we were Lucas, were we friends?" Brooke snapped pulling her head out of her medicine cabinet, and moving down to the cabinet under the sink.

"Yes, Brooke, we were friend, you knew that I would be there for you no matter what!"

Brooke let out a bitter laugh as she grabbed a bottle and stood up examining the back before she shook her head at him "That's just rich Lucas" she laughed again trying to open the bottle "You want to know why I didn't tell you?"

"Yes, I do"

"Fine… I didn't tell you because it was none of your god damn business, you were two fucking states away… and F.Y.I. we were never friends" She said pushing past him out of the bathroom again before he grabbed her arm roughly pulling her back to him.

"How can you say that Brooke?"

"Because it is true Lucas, I was never anything more then easy sex to you, Peyton had your heart the whole time and I was a fool to think I was anything more then a rebound. It was her before me, it was her during me, it was her after me, and then just repeat that all over again."

"When are you going to let that go Brooke?"

"Listen. I didn't tell anyone about Bryn, it was nothing against you. It is just that when she came, I needed to deal with it on my own, and as fair as I am concerned if we were such great friends, then why didn't you call… you and Haley are acting like this is so horrible of thing that I didn't tell you, but no one ever cared enough to ask…"

"So we are supposed to know to ask if you had a kid? Yeah I can see the conversation now, 'Hey Brooke, how are you, oh really? That's great, so had any kids lately?'"

"That isn't what I meant"

"Then what did you mean Brooke, because from where I am standing I don't see why there is a reason you wouldn't tell us about her"

"You just don't get it, do you?" Brooke chuckled bitterly

"No Brooke I don't get it, I will never understand how you could keep something like that from anyone"

"Well I did, so that is that, there is nothing anyone can do now" Brooke said pushing past him again. He let out a sigh knowing he was not going to win this fight he decided maybe it would just be better if he let it go for now. But before he did, he had one last thing he needed to know

"Who's the father Brooke?"

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