"Man seeketh in society comfort, use and protection." - Sir Francis Bacon
Swift keys. The flow of her fingers against them reminded her a lot of who she'd been before Patrick Doyle's death. She loved playing her piano. One of favorite songs had been Fur Elise by Ludwig Van Beethoven. It was the song of her youth. The song she'd learn to play as a child. A song that brought her back to her childhood and how alone she'd felt. A song that reminded her she wasn't alone anymore. She had Jane. But, now she didn't have Jane. From strangers to friends. But one incident turned them from friends to strangers. Jane wasn't the same, nor Maura herself. They knew nothing of each other but their prior selves.
The honey-blonde took another swig of her wine as her right hand graced the keys, swiftly. She sighed, bringing her left hand back to the piano. Nights like these, she only wished for a companion. A friend. A lover. Maura knew her song was coming to an end. She didn't want it to end. She didn't want her memories with Jane to end. When it was time for the last few notes, the doctor slowly passed over them, starting the song all over again. This was all she had of Jane. This and a obsessively barking dog in the living area. Between notes, she heard her front door open and close. She looked at the clock then sighed. Angela was home. Maura's fingers stopped as they were and she pulled herself from the bench. Her wineglass in hand with her. To say she was drunk was an overstatement, but she'd definitely been feeling the effects of the wine in her system now. She licked her lips as she carefully strolled to her living room. She took a seat on her couch. The side of it that she usually sat on, anyway. Right about now three months ago: Jane would be beside her with a beer in hand, cheering for a team that she never really affiliated herself with.
"Beethoven." Jane said from Maura's kitchen. The honey-blonde jumped at the voice. "Sorry." Jane dropped her eyes.
"It's fine," Maura didn't look at her. She just stayed glued to her seat. "I thought you were Angela."
"She's here..." The brunette waited for Maura to turn around. She'd been right earlier; Maura couldn't even look at her anymore. "I'm just here to pick up Joe."
"Maybe you should eat." Maura rose from the couch, still unable to turn around. She walked across her living room to inspect the plasma that had been muted. "I made dinner for your mother."
"Oh," Jane looked at the back of the honey-blonde. Her features also seemed different. More toned. Like she'd spent the entire three months of her absence training. "Where did you go, Maur?"
The medical examiner felt her another wave in stomach upon hearing her nickname. "I can't tell you,"
"Why not?" The detective wanted to go to her. She wanted to look at her right in the eyes but something kept her where she was. Normally she disregarded heeding warnings from her body but now she took the hint. The way Maura didn't look at her made her feel almost unworthy to be around her.
"It was somewhere for me." She finally turned to Jane. "If I tell you and I leave again, I'm afraid I won't have a place for myself. You'll find me."
"You plan on leaving again?" The words fell from the brunettes tongue. "I don't think there's anyone else I can kill that you're related to, Maura." The words stabbed at Maura's chest. She was right. There wasn't anyone else for her to kill. Her brother was dead. Her father was dead. Her mother could be dead but due to an entirely different circumstance.
"I do plan on leaving again." The words were said carefully. Because she didn't want to give Jane the wrong impression. This time she wasn't running from her. This time she wasn't so angry that she couldn't even be in the same city as the detective. She was leaving because she needed to see her mother.
"Please," Whispered Jane. "I won't hurt you again." The words were so low that Maura couldn't hear them. She only knew that Jane needed her so she sat her wineglass down and walked to her best friend. "I didn't want to kill him. I didn't want to do it. He wasn't supposed to be there, Maur." The brunette sunk to her knees, so Maura accompanied her.
"Shh," She wrapped her arms around the taller woman. "It wasn't entirely your fault, Jane. I've come to realise that. I'm not angry with you, anymore. I promise. I'm just hurt. I'm not hurt that you did it, I'm hurt that you had to be the one to do it."
"Please don't leave, again." I can't protect you anywhere else. The brunette continued in her thoughts.
"I...I have to." Maura pulled away to wipe the falling tears from her friend's eyes. "It has nothing to do with you, I promise."
"I find that a little hard to believe." Jane joked, quietly. She looked up into hazel orbs. Maura had been slightly more elevated than her. It was because Jane rested on her legs and Maura rested on her knees. "Beautiful." Was all she she could articulate. "I'm so sorry." She frowned, looking down at her knees that collided with the honey-blonde's.
"For what?" The doctor bit her lip.
"I never really apologised." She sniffled. "I mean I did but I never really told you how sorry I truly am for it. I never thought I'd hurt you when I did it. If I could go back, I would."
"But you can't." The honey-blonde clenched her jaw. A habit she knew was bad but she couldn't help it. "So the best thing for us to do is to move on from it."
"Us." Jane echoed, emptily.
"Yes." Maura nodded. "Us." Her thumbs stroked the tears away from the brunette's cheeks. "We should start with feeding you."
"I'm not hungry." It wasn't a lie. She had a loss of appetite ever since Maura's departure. Most of her energy went to investigating. Investigating cases and investigating where the hell Maura could've ran off to. She looked up into the hazel orbs again. She could still see pain when she looked at her best friend but she saw something else now. Forgiveness?
"You should eat." The doctor pulled away, feeling the moment becoming too intimate for her to handle just yet. She helped Jane to her feet before letting go of the brunette. "I, I'm feeling tired." It wasn't an entire lie. She knew she only felt tired because of the wine but in about twenty minutes, she would be feeling excited.
"Okay." Jane numbly nodded. "I'll just grab a plate and go."
"Good." Maura forced a smile. "Please eat it, Jane. I'd hate to have to force it down your throat, next time."
The brunette laughed softly. "I don't think I'd have a problem with that, surprisingly."
"Don't make me have to do that, detective." The honey-blonde leaned against her island. "I would hate for it to level to that. You can be very messy. I don't want you ruining any of my dresses."
Are we flirting? Jane thought. No, no this isn't normally a flirty topic. "Maybe I'll just rip the dress right off of you."
"If you do that, I will kill you." Her tone was half serious half flirty. Jane couldn't decide if she should continue or leave it at that. She definitely took a leap of faith by continuing
"Maybe I could slowly undress you then?" The brunette smirked.
"I think I like that a lot better." Maura smiled. "Go, Jane. I'll be here tomorrow." She sighed, knowing that her words were nothing but true. She missed doing things with her time. This was why she worked. She could probably financially comfortably live the rest of her life without working but she didn't want to. She enjoyed spending her time doing something that did good. Something that served the public. It also helped that she was fascinated by the human body.
"Okay." Jane nodded, pulling a plate from the cupboard. "Tell Ma that I'll see her tomorrow." Maura agreed with a nod. She watched the brunette pack up the leftovers before looking at the honey-blonde one more time. She licked her lips and slowly walked over to her. The medical examiner's breath caught in her throat when she could smell the soft perfume radiating from the detective. She held her breath while Jane decided how she should say goodbye.
"Goodnight." The brunette licked her lips again. Longing and heat pooled in her stomach, rolling down to her center.
Maura nodded. "Goodnight, Jane." She held her breath again, the same effect washing through her. She could taste the perfume on her tongue. It wasn't that the perfume was strong, because it actually wasn't. That was one of the things Maura loved about Jane. She smelled so wonderful but one would have to be close enough to her to smell her. Or, if you were like Maura, you were sensitive to the smell. It was Jane's smell. She could detect that scent from feet away. Even in a crowd.
"Goodnight." The brunette whispered, her lips suspended only a centimeter away from the honey-blonde's. If she licked her lips now, her tongue would definitely press against Maura's lips. She could feel with Maura finally took a breath again. She smiled and moved her head an inch and kissed Maura's left cheek. She heard the doctor breathe in relief before turning around. Maura grabbed at the counter, trying to steady herself. She'd held her breath so long that she became lightheaded. Actually, for once she wasn't sure what the cause of this was. She wanted to believe it was due to holding her breath and all of the wine in her system. But, something – maybe the 'butterflies' Angela mentioned earlier – pulled her towards the conclusion of it being Jane. The smell of Jane. The look of Jane. The feel of Jane's lips against her skin.
She heard her friend leave without another word, Joe Friday towing behind her. The honey-blonde dropped her head to the granite counter top, slowly. She pooled a cave made from her arms and breathe carefully. The heat within her wasn't subsiding like she'd hoped for. Instead, it pulsed through her veins. She was afraid to move. The small woman nibbled on her bottom lip, contemplating her options. Either she could stay there all night if needed until the heat between her legs cleared or she could deal with the problem in her bedroom. A cold shower was definitely what she needed. A nice cold shower to match the heat that radiated throughout her. Maura's head snapped up when she heard her front door open. Her immediate thought was that the detective had returned to finish what she'd started. She wasn't sure if she was excited by the idea or frightened by it.
When she saw hair that matched her own she knew it was Angela. "Are you okay?" The older woman questioned, watching the younger woman attempt to pull herself together. "Did you two argue?"
"No." Maura bit. Right now, arguing probably would've been better.
"You look ill." The older woman brought a cool hand to Maura's forehead. "Sweetie, you're burning up. I hope you didn't catch something from wherever you went." She hoped it would get something out of the medical examiner. She too was in the dark about where the doctor had run off to. All she knew was that she ran into Ian, but that could mean anything. After all, Ian was a spy...according to Angela.
"I'll be fine." Eventually. "I just need some, ahem, I need a cold cloth." She requested, politely.
"Sure, sure." The other woman rushed to collect a cloth for the doctor. She thought Maura needed something more like medical attention but after all, Maura was the doctor. She could probably take care of herself better than any hospital. "Okay, I soaked it with water." The older woman said, handing the cloth to Maura. There had been so many places she needed that cloth to go but some of them would probably confound Angela, so she settled with bringing the cloth to her forehead.
"Thank you." The medical examiner relaxed against the island. Angela wasn't sure if she was thanking her or the cloth, so she only smiled in return.
"If I didn't know any better," The older woman was at the refrigerator now, opening it. "I would think you were in heat." She laughed.
"Feels that way." Maura mumbled. "I should get to bed." She looked at the older woman. "Thank you for the cloth." When she received a nod, she stalked off to her bedroom and locked the door behind her. This was the quickest she'd ever taken her clothes off. When her clothes made a pile where she stood, she didn't even bother to put them where they belonged. She almost ran to her master bathroom. Stepping into the shower before she even turned it on wasn't usual for the honey-blonde. The cold water hit her skin like a revelry. Jane. All she could see was Jane above her. She could hear herself moaning. But, she could only see Jane above her. She only wished she could turn the water to a colder temperature. She shouldn't be thinking of Jane this way. Especially when the detective was so hurt, right now.
When Maura decided that the shower was a waste of time, she turned the water off and got out. She dried herself then pulled her robe around her but didn't bother closing it. She would've felt comfortable enough to walk around her bedroom naked but she knew that if Angela knocked on her door, she would have to explain why it'd taken so long for her to answer it. The honey-blonde sat down on her bed, looking down at her phone. It was odd to be in her home again. It was odd to be around civilization again. It was wonderful to be around Jane again. At first, she was afraid. At first it was weird. Even earlier had been different. There was a shift in their friendship that she'd expected. But, it didn't take long for them to mindlessly flirt with one another. All they needed was to talk.
Maura grabbed her phone from her bedside table. She went to her recent calls. She saw Jane's name, immediately. Ever since her return, the only people she'd called was Dr. West and her mother. The call to Jane had been that day.
"Hello?" The detective's voice was dishevelment and shock.
Maura cleared her throat to find her voice. "I wanted to make sure if you made it home." The honey-blonde paused for a moment, feeling a need to explain herself much more. "You looked exhausted when you left. I was worried that you'd fallen asleep at the wheel."
"I think you were more worried about the dinner than me." Jane said, softly. It sounded like she'd adjusted herself on the other line.
"Well, I do want it to serve it's proper purpose." Maura shrugged with no regrets. "Once you eat it, you can fall asleep at the wheel all you want, detective."
The brunette chuckled on the other end. This brought a smile to Maura's lips. "I ate it already." Jane announced. "It was alright."
"Alright?" The smile was gone. That meal was one of her best. "Just 'alright'?"
"Okay," The detective sensed Maura's tone. "It was great. Jeez, give me some credit, Maur. I still have to be badass Rizzoli."
"By 'badass Rizzoli', I guess you mean you have pretend like you didn't cry on my kitchen floor?" Maura's tone was playful but her words were sincere.
Jane glared. "Did you just assume, doctor?" The brunette countered, changing the subject. "What happened to you? You came back tanned, toned, and assuming. Did you eat some weird fruit and have an epiphany from the God of Assumption. Did he tell you it's okay to assume every once in a while?"
"Jane, there's no God of Assum-" The medical examiner started just to be interrupted by a loud groan from Jane. The honey-blonde smiled. "I missed this."
There was a silence for a moment. "Me too." Jane finally said. Maura could hear the sincerity in her voice. But, she could hear the detective quickly recoiling, though. She sighed, understanding. She saw a side of Jane she was sure no one had seen from her. A side that she'd seen when Charles Hoyt was after her. It was the side no one knew existed. No one except for Maura herself.
"Dr. Pike told me that you disfavor assumptions these days." The small woman bit her bottom lip. She already missed hearing Jane's voice.
"Did he?" The brunette's tone seemed serious but Maura knew that Jane had a smile on her face. The doctor had been checking up on her. "Remind me to disorganize the morgue, tomorrow."
"Noted." Maura smiled. "What made you change your mind?"
"About what?" Jane yawned.
"Making assumptions...drawing conclusions...unprofessional convictions..." The doctor drawled on in a low voice.
"Oh." The detective shrugged, even though her friend couldn't see it. "I don't know. I guess it was another way I could be closer to you while you were gone."
Maura felt an ache in her chest. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"You came to me." The honey-blonde frowned. "When you needed someone to talk to. When I left, I'm almost certain you didn't trust anyone else enough to go to them."
"It's okay, Maur." Jane's voice was soothing. The hollowness comforted Maura, because that voice had been the only voice in the world that could soothe her. She missed her best friend. She missed her a lot more than she thought she did. The casualty of their conversation only made her feel even more guilty. Even though at the time, she thought she was leaving for a good reason. Maybe she was. If she wouldn't have left just to come back she wouldn't have had the time to realise how at home she felt in Boston. Maura never thought she belonged, anywhere.. Not with her parents. Not with her job. Not with Ian. But as soon as she landed in Boston, she felt it. She felt like she'd been missed. And she had been. She had a family here. But, she left them. And hurt her. The only family she ever really had and she hurt them. She had to remind herself that her absence was necessary.
"Would you like to have lunch tomorrow, Jane?" Maura offered.
"Huh." Jane huffed.
"What?" The doctor felt a wave go through her. She feared Jane would decline her invitation.
"Feels weird." The detective said, quietly on the other end. "We never used to really make plans for lunch. Well, we never asked each other. I mean, I guess we did. But it was more casual, you know?" Maura nodded, although Jane couldn't see it. "We would check in with each other when we wanted to grab lunch together. 'Hey what time are we getting lunch?' or 'hey, what do you want for lunch?' The only other time we really ever asked each other to lunch was when we first met."
"I remember that day." Maura smiled. "It was my first day. I met you in the elevator."
"You were wearing something I've only seen in the magazines Ma orders." Jane added. "You seemed lost."
"You asked me if I needed help." The honey-blonde smiled at the memory before her eyes. "I told you no. Only because I wanted to appear like I knew what I was doing and where I was going."
"I knew you were new." The brunette chuckled. "I could tell because everyone was staring at you. When I asked Korsak who you were, he said you were the new chief medical examiner."
"When I finally found the morgue on my own, you came down to introduce yourself."
"But you were being difficult." The detective smiled. "You told me you weren't into pleasantries."
"I had a terrible morning." Jane could hear the frown in her friend's voice. "I heard them call me Queen of the Dead."
"I heard it to." Jane frowned. "When we were looking at that vic's body out in the field a few hours later, I saw all of the techs staring at you like you didn't know what you were doing. That's when I asked you to lunch...over a dead body. It was a first for me."
"At first I thought it was out of pity." Maura laughed, slightly.
"You told me that I should focus on the case." The brunette ran her fingers through her hair. "So, I did. I asked you if you could tell the cause of death."
"And, I told you I couldn't draw a conclusion without a full body autopsy done." Maura stayed firm to her word.
"But there were bullet holes right in the vic's chest." Jane laughed. "Three to be exact."
"He could've died from heart failure." Maura defended.
"Yes...because of the three bullets piercing his heart!" The brunette chuckled. "Five years later and we're having the same argument."
"I'd heard of you. Lt. Cavanaugh told me I would have trouble with you."
"And here we are." The brunette smirked.
"Indeed." The honey-blonde agreed. "Here we are."
"I asked if you were sure about lunch." Jane continued, unwilling to let the memory go just yet. "You said yes."
"When lunch time came, I stayed in my office." There was that frown again. "I didn't like everyone staring at me."
"When I didn't see you in the cafe," She stammered. The brunette licked her lips. "When I didn't see you I the cafe, I figured I'd bring you down a club sandwich. I didn't know what you liked so I went for the fanciest one they had."
"It was still awful, Jane." Maura laughed.
"I know that now." The detective smiled. "You looked surprised to see me down there."
"I felt bad." Maura cleared her throat. "The sandwich was horrible but you gave it to me so I felt obligated to finish it. We sat there in silence just eating together."
"Then we just started spending lunch together." Jane shrugged. "It didn't matter what time or what we ate, we made sure we did it together."
"But there's one part of the story that you forgot." The doctor licked her lips. "I heard you telling them to be nice to me." She'd been referring to the entire precinct, basically. That day, when Jane had left Maura's office, she told the lab staff to be nice to her. She didn't think Maura heard her, and the doctor wouldn't have if she didn't go to the restroom when she had. But, Jane told everyone she could not to mess with Maura. Some of them still did but most of them didn't. Most of the station was scared shitless of Jane and she knew it.
"I had to," Jane retorted. "I didn't want them messing with you on the job. That could interfere with professionalism while we're out in the field and you know how I don't like my cases to be ruined." It was a lie. A boldfaced lie. Maura and Jane both knew it.
"Whatever reason, I'm glad you did it." The honey-blonde smiled.
"Yeah, yeah." The brunette dismissed through a yawn.
"Goodnight, detective." Maura smiled.
"No." Jane groaned, snapping her eyes open. "I...I just got you back."
"I'm still here, Jane." The medical examiner reassured. "I promise I will not give you cold feet tomorrow."
The detective couldn't keep back her laugh. "Cold shoulder, Maur. Cold shoulder."
The honey-blonde made a face. "Whatever expression it is, I will be here tomorrow."
"Okay." Jane frowned. "Can...can you stay a bit longer? At least until I fall asleep?"
"Of course." Maura made herself comfortable so that whenever she was ready, she could fall asleep herself. After a few minutes, she could hear steady breathing from the other end of the phone. "Goodnight, Jane." She started to hang up but brought the phone back to her ear. "I love you." She whispered but quickly hung up the phone just in case Jane had heard it. The medical examiner closed her eyes. She didn't expect tonight end so wonderfully. But, she was glad that it had. She was glad that she'd allowed herself to get close to Jane. She knew that they had a lot of ground to cover but for now, at this moment, her world was perfect.