A/N: Hello everyone! I have done something "slightly different" with this particular chapter in which there's something added written from Maura Isles' point of view… somewhat "an experiment" on how a potential story titled: "Maura's Memoirs" set in this particular "Rizzoli & Isles" universe.
Please leave your thoughts in the reviews!
Story setting around episode 4: "She Works Hard For the Money."
I've about given up! Although it causes some conflicting feelings in the human, Detective Jane Rizzoli is very close to agreeing with me.
These erratic, impulsive actions that Angela Rizzoli has recently displaying are causing us both concern. Any explanation or reasoning regarding Angela's view is to either get back at Frank for some argument or disagreement they had, not to mention that whole car deal and dealer fiasco! Our human mother even mentioned something about merely trying to get her husband's attention. Could our human father possibly be ignoring, or worse, neglecting his mate?
Jane rumbles her own sigh. "It's like they're in two separate words." The detective sighs again as she resumes another set of "triplets," in which she accomplishes various numbered sets of pull-ups, push-ups, and sit-ups. While intense workouts might help clear most human minds, it actually revs Jane's (and mine) up. The detective has found these "thinking workouts" to be highly effective in putting all of our thoughts in order, especially when involved in a major or multiple cases. Even though most of the current major cases have pretty much been dealt with, there's a few loose ends left for Detective Rizzoli to resolve; including some extra details she believes are necessary.
We both utter a growl as Jane's hands suddenly release from the pull up bar. Thankfully the detective manages to land properly on her feet and we collectively stare at Jane's limp, numb, and practically useless hands. The human would remove her weightlifting gloves, but her fingers aren't able to function.
I struggle to muster through my haze of anger and try to be there for my counterpart. Anytime either, or both, of us experience an issue like this, I primarily feel anger. And, given my instinct-driven nature, the rationality is nearly extinct whenever anger's rage kicks in.
I jump along with Jane as we suddenly feel cooler air hit her hands along with what feels like thousands of pins and needles surging through the fingers and palms… and, in a sense, my paws too. Our vision looks up to behold our Human Friend, Dr. Maura Isles gently pulling off the second glove. Through the human's perspective, I notice Maura adorned in workout attire, designer fitness clothes most likely, but at least not heels and a dress. Wait… didn't the medical examiner have meetings all afternoon? Why is she here instead of attending them? Hopefully Dr. Isles didn't…
"It's nearly 8 pm," Maura says simply as her eyes remain focused on massaging Jane's hands.
My symbiant and I metaphorically look at each other in disbelief. "8 pm?" we repeat to each other. "Could we really have been working out for 4-5 hours?"
The detective manages to find the lone clock in a dark corner only to discover it not functioning. Its hands stuck… at the same exact time that Jane's hands had slipped. "So, what quit on us that would cause your hands to slip?"
Jane only rumbles her annoyance and instinctively tries to retreat per habit when it comes to her hands.
"You've likely overdone it," Maura's voice gently intrudes as her fingers continue their massage and stretching Jane's hand.
Overdone it? How could that have happened since we seemed to have started not that long ago? How could we have lost track of time?
"Detective Frost told me you were here as he was leaving when I came up to the squad room to drop off some results for another case." The ginger blonde releases the detective's primary hand and gently takes the opposite within hers, beginning to apply her massaging techniques. "I was going to wait until you either called or…"
"Sorry," Jane's voice interrupts and mine combines with hers. "We truly lost track of the time."
Our friend simply nods but says nothing, anticipating either of us to say something further and not wanting to interrupt. And Dr. Isles has every right to considering we just interrupted her moments ago. I can't help but feel my temperature rise along with Jane's in our newly-realized shame.
"Do you…" Jane gingerly flexes her left hand as her opposite remains limp on Dr. Isles' dining table. "Do you ever wonder… if maybe… at how your life might've turned out had you actually done something different? Like… not doing one thing or maybe should've taken another pursuit… or path in life than the current one?"
My Human Friend steadily regards us as she takes a slow drink from her wine. She seems content to remain silent and allow Detective Rizzoli talk. The ginger blonde nods in response to my symbiant's inquiry and a brief silence lapses within the dining room.
After some "scientifically-based encouragement" by Dr. Isles at the BPD gym, we had come back to her den and very reluctantly accepted the doctor's assistance in the detective's meal. Naturally, Jane and I were (and still are) extremely frustrated over this setback with our hands and paws. This, along with our being on the Boston Cambridge University campus for most of the case's duration, has caused Jane (more than me) to be especially considering the choices of our life(ves) thus far. I'll even admit, along with Jane, to my admiration of the University's Library. While my symbiant may view it as some lost opportunity, I believe it isn't.
Jane Rizzoli doesn't need a fancy piece of paper to declare or legitimize her intelligence. Even Dr. Maura Isles remarked in a similar manner at least a day (maybe a few) ago during a quiet moment in the morgue/lab. Our Human Friend complimented us on how bright my symbiant is and how well she knows and can interact with human beings. Though our specific nature is very keen on certain knowledge, it's vastly different than a person's who's college educated.
I personally don't see much at BCU that would be deemed "a missed opportunity." Hell, I see it as time better spent elsewhere than Jane Rizzoli attending that particular so-called educational institution. If you had believed the raven-haired detective was puzzled and even annoyed at the so-called parties she and Detective Frost encountered at the sororities and fraternities, my reactions are indescribable! Thankfully the cop's feelings and mine didn't clash too severely.
Don't get me wrong; I don't have anything against humans forming communities and similar groups. Quite the contrary, it goes against every fiber of my nature specifically to be anti-community or anti-group.
While my specific wolf nature has differences to those of the wild, 100% wolf… with no human nature to share in a single being, typical wild wolves in nature's TRULY REQUIRE a sense of community in order to survive. Pretty much the only time a wolf would break away from the community of the wolf pack and be out on their own would be either- to search out for their own mate and eventually form a new pack, or the wolf has reached the end of their life and in old age is seeking out a place away from the community to finish out their final days. *1
While Jane and I don't live in an actual wolf (or werewolf) pack- we're the only werewolf to our knowledge among both family and friends- we've always had a sense of community. It wasn't too long ago we (and Dr. Maura Isles) learned of at least two other werewolves in existence. One of them is our mysterious friend as far back as when Jane Rizzoli was in Junior High School: Alison "Al" Grey-Wolfe.
I had often suspected Al to have been like me and Jane… a werewolf, but it wasn't until fairly recently that my suspicions were confirmed. I wish words were adequate to describe how it feels to have all of those feelings and beliefs finally, actually, confirmed!
The relief… the elation of knowing that you're not crazy or delusional! The realization of you're being right all along even with a part of yourself's rationality trying to tell you otherwise. Even though my human symbiant never really agreed or disagreed with my feelings, preferring to remain neutral… as objective as possible… I feel the detective most likely agreed with that part of me wanting to think Al was like us. There were just so many compelling indicators that it would be against common sense or logic.
But still, even though we felt a sense of relief, even joy, at finally knowing Jane and I are NOT the only werewolf in existence, it still seemed… a frustrated rumble utters as words now become no longer adequate.
Jane smiles a greeting as we see Natalie being wheeled towards the main doors behind us by her parents. Even though we're barely inside the hospital, Jane and I are creeped out by the common, weird antiseptic smells that often occupy such buildings. Although I have no specific memories that can match equally to what my symbiant's feelings in response when we were hospitalized by what Hoyt inflicted were, I know my own feelings would be similar, if not more intense, had I been aware at the time.
The mated humans… er- parents, sense the detective's wish to speak privately with their daughter. *2 They smile at Jane and they go to load the extra personal effects into their vehicle and also pull their car up to the main doors so Natalie won't have to walk so far in the parking lot.
Jane gingerly wraps her still-tingling, and numb hands around the wheelchair's handles and gently proceeds to wheel Natalie closer toward the exit. I can sense the young girl's fearful edge as she nervously debates within herself on whether or not to ask the intimidating cop about certain things.
"I'm NOT intimidating!" Jane automatically growls at my thoughts.
Her snarl has a subtle edge, but I boldly project my own memories of various persons, not just perps who've encountered the tall, raven-haired, werewolf detective.
"So, when do you return to school?" Jane simply asks Natalie instead of rumbling back in on our continual debate.
"I don't," Nataliereplies simply. "I can't pay and… I can't do what I was doing. Ever."
We sense extreme relief along with regret emit from the BCU student. Relief for having been freed from the oppressing, and depressing, resort and regret to what she felt she had to do in order to maintain her tuition expenses. Regret that she's going to have to end, put her college education on hold and get a regular job. We also detect fear of how much Natalie's parents know of her actions and situation.
While she understands the necessity of her parents having to know the facts surrounding why their daughter suffered from a gunshot wound, the shame still wells up within her. She logically understands on an intellectual level that she'll eventually overcome this shame, but at the present moment it feels unbearable.
I can't help but grin indulgently as the detective hands Natalie the brown manila envelope and instructs her to open it. Sometimes it's great being stuck in a shared existence with a human being!
Dr. Maura Isles smiles as I pantingly approach her. The M.E. is sitting in a yoga cross-legged position just off the main trail of Blackstone Park. *3 The ginger blonde has likely spent the time I've used in continuing to run, after the doctor was finished with her own, by meditating. It always amazes us both how our Human Friend always manages to continually fill her time… by making every minute truly count.
I wonder if that's why some people will say derogatory things behind her back? Are they trying to divert their so-called (if they truly feel anything) "guilty conscience" over squandering their own time? Sometimes Jane, and I as well, feel the same way and we'll always try to keep the anger within or vent it out on our own. I hope Maura has never seen my anger and frustration at myself over comparing my expenditure of time to hers.
Dr. Isles opens up a canvas collapsible bowl and begins filling it with water from a gallon jug. She chuckles at my moan of pleasure as I begin to lap down several gulps. "I surmised you would need some water," she runs a delicate yet strong hand through my fur and along my spine, "after continuing to run for that long after me!"
I only rumble a small growl as I continue to drink. However, the M.E. continues to stroke my fur and spine; no doubt her actions are releasing some type of body chemicals that will provide some benefit restorative wise to my body.
"Would you like some more?" Maura inquires after I stretch my body and shake out my fur.
No, I transmit to her thoughts, thank-you though. My eyes catch a glimpse of Jane's workout clothes (neatly folded by Maura) near the doctor. My few thoughts project my intention to our Human Friend and I take several steps away from her, putting the necessary and appropriate space between us.
It seems to require more of an extra effort between Jane and me to shift than earlier after the detective was finished with own running. Could it be from the lingering issues Jane's been having in her hands? Now that I think about it, I don't actually recollect feeling anything in my front paws during my own personal run. My vision shifts to regard the paws in question and both Jane and me struggle to see past the extreme, emotional response that still practically haunt us on a daily basis.
"Try to relax," we hear our Human Friend's gentle voice softly encourage. "Sometimes intense focus will actually detract or hinders one's self from the goal."
We gaze looks back up to Dr. Isles who actually has my symbiant's shirt in her hands and lap with the pants alongside. I struggle to not overly dwell on speculating what our body shifting looks like appearance wise. Even Jane is wondering that herself.
Our collective memories, as well as our individual ones, recall the "ripple effect" that would occur over either my or Jane's body whenever the transformation takes place. Dr. Isles has also remarked about seeing this effect prior to our near fatal encounter with Charles Hoyt.
We feel a wave of calm somehow project into our thoughts as Jane and I struggle to not react to everything behind that retched name. Maura's eyes simply convey their own smile as our eyes meet. The ginger blonde says nothing aloud or within our thoughts, but only smiles as Jane and me continue to striving for a calm and serene state of mind.
A sudden, burning surge erupts through my abdomen and I fight to suppress a yelp in pain. The near-painful, vibrating numbness settles in throughout my body and Jane and I struggle to actually embrace, welcoming this discomfort… one of the indicators our body transformation is actually working… taking place.
A moan rumbles out as my upper body slumps forward onto the ground as I feel my shoulders shift in alignment. My eyes stay focused with Maura's as she continues to remain sitting across from me. While a part of her yearns to close the gap between us in hopes to comfort but her rationality and scientific knowledge of my combined existence with Jane Rizzoli help in the scientist's restraint. Nevertheless, I'm personally touched by this level of care emitting from Maura Isles.
The numbness becomes an itching and I grind my teeth together as I focus on keeping my body still. The M.E.'s fingers nervously fidget with my symbiant's shirt as I feel her struggle in keeping her personal anxieties at bay.
My field of vision shifts, indicating Jane's specific eyesight has now taken over as a brief and sudden chill greets my overall senses. But this chill is short-lived as more of the detective's human senses take over while mine settle back into the secondary role. Our collective vision looks down at the rippling paws as they slowly change to human hands, the near unbearable tingling returning as the numbness intensifies as Jane's fingers unfold and start to "solidify" in appearance.
The raven-haired Boston Police Detective sluggishly lifts her head as we feel our Human Friend's gentle hands assisting Jane upward into a somewhat "sitting" position.
"I-I… s-sorry," my counterpart struggled to speak as the medical examiner threads the detective's arms into the shirtsleeves.
Neither of us understands, I interject thought-process-wise, understand why… we're suddenly so… tired.
"It's okay…" Maura quickly assures as she reaches for the rest of Jane's clothes. "…you, both of you have been through a lot lately. And both of you are certainly exhausted from running individually!"
These words trigger a rumble from me and it escapes from Jane along with her own exhausted chuckle. The cop's hands intercept the M.E.'s and Jane clumsily finishes dressing on her own.
"Thanks Maur," she manages in a near whispered tone while failing to suppress a yawn.
"You're welcome."
Silence lapses between us and Jane keeps her eyes averted, still shy regarding the brief exposure of her bare body. Despite all of Maura's past assurances, my human counterpart is still constantly and extremely self-conscious of anyone seeing her nude. She's tried explaining it to me countless times, but the human never feels satisfied and I can only go along and convey what understanding I can. Human nudity has never really been an issue for me… hell, I'm a wolf! In a sense, I was born with my own "clothes" and so; I can't really understand what the issue is. Sometimes Jane will pose the scenario of my whole fur being shaved off and would quote: "…then come back to me and still say: 'What's the big deal?' Maybe you'll understand better being a 'naked wolf!'"
When comparing to Dr. Isles' attitude (and others) regarding the nude human body to her own, Jane Rizzoli could be considered prude, but she really isn't. With our combined dynamic and its included extreme personalities, the detective's sense of modesty appears to be prudish/victorian attitudes. So, my attempts at conversing with Jane haven't put a dent in her resolve and I doubt Maura (an actual medical doctor for crying out loud), can get through to Jane Rizzoli, then no one can. At times like this…
"You better not!" Jane growls at me. "Aside from the obvious, we're NOTHING at all like Ma!"
I fail to suppress my snarl in response. My thoughts then become interrupted by another rumble of the detective's.
"It's not denial!" Jane's words are accompanied with a mental punch.
A minor rumble is my only response as I continually withdraw on a collective plane so my thoughts can be more my own and less intrusive. It's often a snarling "bitch fest" between us lately during these shifts in-between and after individual workouts and runs.
Jane half groans and half growls as she forces her exhausted body more upward into a sitting position with a massive huff.
"I imagine you're… both of you, are hungry." Our Human Friend offers out a hand to help the human symbiant to her feet.
An exhausted, overly eager and collective growl from us is the only response, to which the M.E. chuckles.
"Does Chinese sound good?" Dr. Isles inquires after gathering all of the items into a tote bag.
Another exuberant rumble escapes the detective's throat and my voice combines with the human's. "ANYTHING sounds good to both us right now!"
We rumble indulgently at our human friend's laughing response to our reply.
"So," I sleepily hear Jane speak to Maura, "what was it like working on a live victim?"
"Terrifying," Maura's answer after some pause stirs me slightly. "And exhilarating!"
I collectively detect the doctor's subtle jab emotionally as she realizes (a little too late) of the detective's even far more subtle sarcasm behind her inquiry. I can't help but personally smile as my memories also recollect at least two separate occasions the medical examiner treated a "dual" live patient! *4
I begin to sleepily drift out again as a small silence resumes between the two women. Even though I've been dozing within Jane ever since we've left the park with Maura, a part of my mind will always retain a form of consciousness/awareness and I'm still able to hear their conversations.
Jane's the first to break the silence. "I applied to BCU."
I sense Maura's simultaneous surprise and non-surprise at my symbiant's revelation. A near-awkward emotional feedback then follows as the doctor replies. "It's very difficult to get into."
"I got in," the detective promptly interjects with a ripple of pride with her shy grin.
Puzzlement quickly dominates the swelling admiration in Dr. Isles. "Why didn't you go?"
"Wanted to be a cop!"
My ears perk up at the long pause before Maura replied. "What's the real reason?"
Jane swallows and explains how the finances weren't able to make that opportunity a viable option in her life in which I start detecting an unusual cluster of emotions within our scientist friend as she comprehends (as well as a perceived glaring reminder) the vast differences between her own upbringing and lifestyle to ours. This always triggers a sense of awkwardness for Maura… which I personally don't like.
There's no reason for Maura… (wait, what is her middle name?) Isles to feel that way! She possessed the same amount of control over how her life started as me and Jane… zero, zilch, nada. When you think about it, who would choose the setup like mine and Jane's?
Okay, some might… but most likely wouldn't!
Maura shouldn't feel inadequate for not fitting in simply because of her upbringing or how she perceives the world differently than most. Hell, Jane (and me) didn't fit in as pups and sometimes still don't, at times, today.
Maybe that's why we get along so well. Two very unique women… and a wolf, finding their own methods and lifestyle. Something special had to occur in order for us to have this close (mental?), near "telepathic" I guess, connection we have. It also causes me to wonder if Maura occasionally wonders, or wishes, if she were a werewolf like me and Jane.
A slightly-amused rumble escapes Jane's throat as I sense Maura feeling similar to me at the moment. The two women resume speaking, this time regarding the girls of Boston Cambridge University and having to resort to the extreme measures to simply pay for what I think are ridiculous, exorbitant costs of a higher education.
"I wonder what's going to happen to Natalie?" Maura seems to think aloud.
"She's going back to school!" I believe some of my own inflection emphasized Jane's own as I too feel the resolve in our collective thoughts.
The relief and admiration begins to emit from the M.E. as the detective discloses the deal Boston PD made with the university's bursar's office regarding the desperate female students under Lucas' oppression. I sense Maura's admiration expanding with her better understanding, as she's more familiar how the college's administration and operations than us.
I can't help but smirk at Jane's discomfort regarding Maura's reaction to the detective's remarking how she believes Danielle's father should only know how much she really loved him… How Danielle truly wanted to succeed and requite all her mother and father's efforts for her to chase her life's dreams.
And, to be fair, what constructive purpose would it serve for Mr. Davis to know what Danielle felt she had to do in order for him not to lose his sense of pride in his daughter? Rationally, he wouldn't be less proud of his daughter when everything is boiled down to what truly matters. So, naturally Jane and those involved with that particular aspect of this case saw no point in disclosing that particular detail. Plus discretion is one of the primary aspects contingent on BCU allowing those girls returning to school on their dime.
"Okay, where's the wine?" Jane sighs, hoping it'll get Maura to stop with the "mushy talk."
However, the doctor's endearing speech continues and the detective's beginning to feel a blush creeping into her face. Knowing my human symbiant as well as I do, Jane won't allow herself to blush.
"Let me know if ya need me to take over," I somewhat smirk again as I metaphorically roll over.
Jane just makes a face- both at me and at Maura. Since the tactic of trying to divert the M.E.'s attention to the wine didn't work, the detective actually considers my suggestion. She nudges me in possibly trying to do a partial shift and I begin to concentrate my individual efforts into our collective one.
We flash our unique teeth at our Human Friend as Jane reaches for the wine bottle. Maura gasps as she notices the indistinct and rippling effects taking place in Jane's hand. However, it's short-lived as the fatigue of my overall exhaustion breaks through my focus.
"Jane!" Maura exclaims as my symbiant nearly falls forward as some of my own exhaustion effects the detective's energy.
"I-I'm… ma… a'right!" Jane grunts out as she catches herself and after several moments, forces herself to sit back up.
"Are you okay?" Dr. Isles comes up beside Jane and checks her pulse.
Detective Rizzoli naturally tries to resist and pull away, but the emotional feedback from Maura strongly instructs us to stop… wait, was that a growl I heard in our friend's throat?
The ginger blonde beats us by speaking first. "Are you feeling nauseous or dizzy?"
Jane and I both actually take several moments, truly taking a really extensive inventory of our own individual natures.
"Na… not really," our combined voice answers after several moments. "Just… tired… and… and…"
Neither of us can really interpret this peculiar sensation with our individual thoughts, let alone articulate it to each other. Could Maura possibly sense it? I hope she's able to because I doubt either of us could explain it, even partially, in any coherent way.
We hesitantly look up into Dr. Isles' eyes and I just as nervously convey my own feelings instead of projecting the actual question. Our friend's hazel eyes carefully study ours for several long moments. Jane especially strives to keep herself still and her mind quiet as I continue to project my emotions toward the scientist.
Another few long moments pass before Maura takes a graceful, deep breath with a slow nod. "This feeling," she inquires, "this sensation of you… both of you are trying to restrain. What would literally happen if both of you were to let go?"
The question scares both Jane and I, almost terrifyingly so. Neither of us truly knows what would happen if we did let go. Most of the time, Jane and I experience anger and nearly rage. While neither of us is particularly angry at the moment, we do feel annoyed at our friend who didn't immediately stop with what now seems like a trivial issue. Did any of this frustrated annoyance possibly start brewing into anger? Could this feeling we've been struggling to hold back actually be a proverbial dam to all of our anger and rage? Would it all transform us into some type of creature like the Hulk who's driven by all of their anger and rage?
"I believe the two of you should let it go… release it." Maura's voice filters into our hearing.
"What?!" An equal rumble sounds along with my exclamation. "No way…"
"Vuk," our friend carefully takes the detective's hands into hers. "I know it seems daunting."
Jane momentarily contemplates exactly what the term 'daunting' means… Our collective, as well as individual, exhaustion has practically clouded our minds.
"I know you're fearful," Maura speaks simultaneously aloud as well as in our thoughts. "However, if this is an issue the two of you have been contending with for some time, then eventually you'll have to confront it."
The doctor's thumbs gently caress over the scars on the back of the detective's hands. "It's better that you permit feeling this in a controlled environment such as this instead of continuing to repress it to a breaking point."
"You have to admit it… she has a good point." I tell Jane reluctantly after contemplating the M.E.'s words and feelings for a short while.
My symbiant wordlessly agrees and shares her own feelings, which I've likewise been feeling; however, for me they're more on a subconscious level. Now that Jane's thinking about that one particular issue, my same fears also rise to the surface.
"We can't be overreacting," Jane says after a few moments. "These are just as legitimate to Maur's point."
I only rumble my agreement and after a little bit we combine our voices. "W-What if w-we lose control? W-We might hur-hurt you!"
Maura's hands gently tighten their grasp on Jane's. "I don't believe either of you will hurt me," she tries reassuring. "I'm not afraid… how long have we been friends, Vuk?" Her fingers loosen briefly before tightening slightly once more. "I'm willing to assume the risk and I DO acknowledge there's a degree of danger when a being's sense of control is in question."
I growl with continued uncertainty and the detective, at the moment at least, seems inclined along with my feelings. However, Jane's likely…
"Are you sure, Maura?"
I rest my case, your Honor…
"… neither Lupine nor I are certain what might happen… if… if…" Jane shakes her head, unable to finish as the nervous fear of trying to imagine what would occur.
"Again, what better place than here…" the scientist pauses for several quick moments. "Would it be better if we went to a park?"
The detective automatically shakes her head. I'm in total agreement. "No, it wouldn't be the… same… I dunno, is any of that making sense?"
Maura smiles as she shakes her head slightly. "It's okay, I think I understand."
My human counterpart returns the nod as we both continue to ponder whether or not we should let go of these particular feelings. Could we truly experience some form of relief or freedom, as I've been sensing from Maura? Or is it the opening to a proverbial Pandora's Box? If Jane and me allow ourselves to view that particular aspect, would we never return?
"Maybe it would be better to think of it as a vaccine?" Maura's words cause Jane's head to tilt very similar to mine, intrigued. "Vaccines are actually developed by using certain parts of that harmful substance. By exposing the body to those minute amounts, it enables the body to develop its own immunities to that toxin."
I humph an intrigued sigh as more clarity is experienced by Jane and me. We doubt that our Human Friend will ever stop surprising us and always be a continual source of wonder.
"However it occurs by you two letting go… be it physical or emotional," Maura continues as she gradually releases Jane's hands. "Try to keep that particular mindset throughout whatever transpires."
Her eyes continue to convey their smiling effect as we seriously continue in contemplation. "When you think about it," Jane somewhat thinks out loud to me. "When have we either felt 100% certain of any particular issue?"
I shrug. For me, there are several time and I display them collectively. While Jane acknowledges my point of view, the human disagrees.
"I meant both of us completely agreeing!" The detective considers herself to be clarifying with a subtle, growling edge.
I rumble back with an eye roll. I know what my symbiant meant, but as much as I wanna deny it, at least Jane Rizzoli admitted it 'aloud' to me.
"Okay," Jane huffs out a sigh and breathes deeply again and I struggle to not actually cringe out a growl.
There's a brief and heavy pause between each of us and we hesitantly combine our voices. "W-Would you mind if we m-move to the live-living room?"
"Of course, not." Maura graciously rises from her seat at the counter bar.
I struggle to keep from nervously growling as the two women round the couch's back. As we glimpse the low table positioned in front of it, Jane and I both agree with this particular thought of mine.
"M-Maur," our voice speaks again, "i-it would prob-bly be best for you to sit on the couch." Jane's hand slightly gestured in its direction. "T-That way, you'll have kind of a barri-er just in case…"
Our vision looks downward as our voice trails off… the apprehension is nearly overwhelming us. It's not too late to back out, is it?
A gentle hand grasps the detective's shoulder, causing us to nervously glance up into the medical examiner's eyes. Instead of fear or apprehension there is only care and genuine affection in her eyes. We stretch out our higher senses and all of our Human Friend's feelings match what we see in her eyes. If there's any apprehension within Maura Isles, she's so far been able to hide it in the deepest recesses of her being beyond our (and especially mine) ability to detect it.
"It's a wise and prudent suggestion," the scientist assures and I notice her eyes while looking in Jane's. They're also taking a subservient pose in respect to my specific nature. "And I completely agree with it."
Her grasp on Jane's shoulder gently tightens before releasing it entirely and graciously making her way over to the sofa. The doctor just as daintily lowers herself into a sitting position and we both happen to notice Maura very accurately position herself precisely where the centerline would be if one were to cut the table in half.
I can't help but be amused at this, along with Jane. Whether this was intentional or pure coincidence (if there is such a thing), we can't tell. Perhaps this might be an action on Maura's part in hope's expectation of diffusing tension and conveying her comfort unto us.
Jane (along with myself) exhales in a sigh and finally lowers herself to the floor with her back nearly touching the wall below the windows… our subconsciously trying to put as much space between the two of us and Maura as possible. My symbiant huffs another sigh after folding her legs and settling as comfortably as possible on the floor.
"Don't try having any expectations of what to do or anticipate anything specifically." Dr. Isles encourages from across the room, her hazel green eyes calmly, and steadily, holding ours. "Simply breathe and allow yourselves to let it all go…" her voice trails off briefly as she inhales in her practice of yoga. However, her eyes remain open instead of traditionally closed.
"Sh-Should we close our eyes?" we ask with some hesitation as Jane's exhaustion wears extremely thin.
Keeping her features unchanged and her eyes resolutely, but gently locked with Jane's, Maura responds. "If you feel comfortable in doing so. Again, both of you do what puts you at the most ease."
I feel Jane's slight nod as our vision gradually darkens when the detective's eyes close. The human briefly wonders if she just felt her body tremble as we both focus on finding that 'center-ness' the two of us have developed ever since Jane and me struggled to re-unify after I awakened from that nearly year away because of what Hoyt did.
"Remember," our Human Friend's voice speaks softly so that Jane doesn't feel inclined to open her eyes. "True control exists between rage and peace… the true aspect of serenity." *5
Jane exhales as I recall the feelings experienced when we heard Maura first say those words. This seems to give us both some form of an anchor as the detective and I collectively focus in this centered state and begin to allow ourselves to release our collective and individual holds on this barrier.
Nothing seems to happen for a while. Jane and I both struggle to keep from quitting or thinking about various other things we'll both 'multi-task' on a mental level. *6
"Try to relax," Maura's gentle instruction seems to speak verbally and in our thoughts as well. "Again, don't try to have any expectations for any outcome…"
I quietly release the urge to rumble as Jane struggles to not automatically groan herself. I force myself to keep my own mind clear so that it won't distract my symbiant. We collectively focus again and force ourselves to relax rather than tense up.
Some type of heavy feeling starts to settle within us as both of our exhausted states somehow seem to merge. The detective feels the sensation of her body falling forward, but realizes her body is still properly sitting in normal gravity. But this heavy sensation intensifies so much that it overwhelms both of our individual senses. As a result, we barely hear Maura's concerned call as Jane collapsed to our den's living room floor. I try to project my thoughts in assurance to our friend, but something unusual surges through our being.
It seems as if thousands of ants are marching through our being and their trails are blazing an intense burning sensation throughout. Exhaustion takes over and somehow Jane and me slip into a deep oblivion.
~Addendum some years later based from the writings of Dr. Maura Isles' personal journals and memoirs~
According to Jane Rizzoli and Vuk, they experienced an intense and a myriad variety of sensations before the exhaustion overwhelmed them both. They later informed me that they experienced the deepest form of sleep they had ever known. In fact, both of them have disclosed being deeply shakened by what I've described.
After Jane's body collapsed upon the detective's apartment living room floor I tried calling out to them both, fighting against every urge to rise up from the couch and rush to my friend's side. Neither Jane, nor Vuk, can recall hearing me calling out to them and I, too, cannot be certain of detecting Vuk's attempts to project her thoughts to me at that moment.
"It took everything I had to remain seated," I would tell them later. I believe the Werewolf Detective sensed my emotional feedback reinforcing those words. In fact I was concerned that, had I stood up, it likely would've been perceived as a threat.
Jane's body became a completely blurred human shape before losing all cohesion to indicate any resemblance of a human… or even a wolf form. This caused the detective's clothes to entirely tear and rend up as this indistinct form started to darken in color. Darker than Jane Rizzoli's hair… even far darker than Vuk's pelt.
It still fills me an awe of wonder and excitement… and terror.
This incoherent form then started to rise, appearing to stand up in a bi-pedal method as a human would as the features began to take on more distinct features as the darker than the darkest of midnight fur unruffled in a flourish. This creature's fur was much thicker than Vuk's. There appeared to be thicker tufts of fur at its "elbows" and along the sides of its wolfish face and at the base of its large, canine ears. It's claws… (or talons?) were longer even than Jane's fingers! Their keen edges were clearly visible enough to indicate how sharp they are, sharper than any known edge, razor or surgical or otherwise!
I thought this bi-pedal being wasn't going to be able to properly stand to its full, entire height… it seemed to keep on growing! However, its final height capped off to approximately seven point five feet and my heart felt to leap as it simultaneously kept increasing its rate of palpitations. My pulse continued to increase as its even darker eyes than either Jane's or Vuk's met mine.
All sense of time felt to completely cease. Minutes, hours, or even days could have transpired and I would have had no comprehension as this bi-pedal, wolfish creature's eyes continued to behold mine. I make every attempt to sense its emotions and even thoughts as I do with Vuk and occasionally with Jane Rizzoli. However, I have to avert my eyes, unable to discern if this confusion and fear is either truly its own or simply mine because I'm now uncertain of how my methods of looking in this creature's eyes will be perceived.
Would it still consider my methods of conveying respect as being actual respect or something completely different? Did it even view me with any degree of familiarity at all? And what of thought processes? Were they in any similar to Jane Rizzoli or Vuk, or something completely new? Was this an entirely different being with its own unique mind and thought and neural pathways?
Some peculiar feeling or sensation began tickling along the edge of my mind as this creature tentatively attempted to take a step. Before I could devote any time to analyze this peculiar feeling the creature fell, collapsing entirely onto the floor. The sound it emitted could've only had been one of pain before all visible detail indicators became completely blurred, once again loosing all cohesion.
I then stood up from the couch as this blurred form started shrinking in size. Even though I had no adequate scientific knowledge on this whole event, somehow… I still cannot accurately describe it now after so much time later… somehow I knew that my safety was in no way jeopardized.
My hand reached back and retrieved the Red Sox baseball themed blanket from the sofa's back. However before I could, this indistinct human skin colored form began to darken once more back to midnight black…
My initial reaction was to nervously anticipate the creature's return as black fur started coming into focus and clarity. But soon relief surged throughout my being as Vuk emerged and her body solidifying into distinct form. Although she didn't require it, I still draped the blanket over Vuk's body and gently tucked it about the sleeping wolf's neck. It was very possible for bodily transformation to occur in their sleep as it's happened in the past,so Jane would not only want to keep her body covered, but it would also ward off any potential chill. *7
I sat near my sleeping werewolf friend for quite some time, not knowing what to think. Again my sense of time lost of proper comprehension. I was aphonic and literally speechless. If I had been aghast at the sight of a wolf saving me from two assaults and to even witnessing an actual transformation of that animal to a human being… then there is no term in any known and yet to be invented language that would properly, let alone accurately describe the feelings I experienced throughout that event in the detective's apartment.
My fingers tentatively reached out and began stroking Vuk's ears in the way my friend always enjoys. Even in the utmost depths of her sleep, Vuk transmitted her pleasure into my own thoughts. This caused me to smile broadly as I continue rubbing and gently scratching those key areas of stimulation the wolf has strongly preferred. I couldn't resist the chuckle which escaped my throat as a deep, contented sigh emerged from within Vuk.
How much time expired as I remained sitting on the living room floor of Detective Rizzoli's apartment petting my Wolf Friend, I'm still unable to recall with any true adequacy, even after all of the time transpiring from that night to this writing. Also, in this equal amount of timespan, I have consistently reexamined that particular night innumerably. I've no doubt all that my retrospection in the future will yield the same monotonous results: zero.
However, as a scientist I can only continue to study with what little evidence and information I possess and hope any new, additional knowledge is revealed.
*1: From their book: "Wolves At Our Door" in which Jim and Jamie Dutcher literally lived among wild wolves for 6-7 years. When some of the original "Sawtooth Pack" members got old, it was written that those wolves "disappeared" and their remains would be found later.
*2: Literally couldn't find Natalie's last name… so, wasn't able to say "Mr. and Mrs. …?"
*3: Introduced in Season 5, episode 3: "Too Good to Be True." and Korsak says that it's a really big park. Also where Jane makes that flying leap to shoot the perp and lands extremely hard upon the ground, losing her senses for several long moments. Along with Frankie, it un-nerves me too!
*4: Chapter 8 of "Lupus Amicitia" & Chapters 3-4 (site chapters 4-5) of "Lupus Amicitia: Act II"
*5: Chapter 15 of "Lupus Amicitia: Act III"
*6: Part of my own experiences with ADHD… in which my mind will LITERALLY multi-task simultaneously! (cringing growl)
*7: Chapters 14 &15 of "Lupus Amicitia: Act III"