AN: Sorry for the wait! But thanks again for anyone who is reading/reviewing/favouriting/following!
Chapter 10
Kurt was sitting in his third tutor session with Sebastian and his marks hadn't gone up, although he hadn't had another T. He wasn't sure that his potions skills were improving in the slightest, which meant that he would have to keep coming to these sessions. This thought filled him with dread.
It wasn't that Sebastian was a bad teacher, indeed he was far better than Snape ever was, it was just Kurt hated potions and just didn't understand it.
Surprisingly, Sebastian had not told anyone else in the year about tutoring Kurt potions and clearly he wanted to keep it a secret too. Also Sebastian hadn't been condescending or mean whenever Kurt did not understand something, which Kurt had expected him to be, although last week Sebastian had become pretty frustrated.
Kurt had just been unable to grasp the differences between the Draught of Living death and a normal Sleeping Draught.
'But the Sleeping Draught has more Valerian roots than the Draught of Living Death and I thought they were the main ingredient in inducing sleep?' Kurt had questioned confused.
'No, the Powered Root of Asphodale makes the Draught of Living Death more powerful as well as the sophophorus bean.' Sebastian had, at first tried to explain the reasons patiently.
'But the recipes are so different.' Kurt had stared at his textbook, a frown creasing his forehead, 'how can they produce such a similar effect?'
Sebastian had groaned and had, for the first time, given Kurt a look that was extremely patronising. 'What did you do? Miss the first three years of potion class?' When Kurt had looked nonplussed Sebastian had explained, 'flobberworm mucus and essence of wormwood have very similar properties. Also, when the correct spells are used on the water and salt solution it has similar properties to the lavender.'
'so why don't they just use the same ingredients?' Kurt just did not understand potion makers sometimes.
Sebastian had groaned and looked at Kurt in disgust, 'because, idiot,' he had spoken as though talking to a very stupid child, 'they are different potions. And when it says 'last indefinitely' it does mean last 'for a prolonged period of time' it means the drinker will sleep until the potion is reversed. In that sense it is completely different from a general Sleeping Draught. So although the effects seem similar they are actually very different.'
After that Sebastian had looked at Kurt hoping for some sign of understanding however Kurt had just shrugged confused. Sebastian had then groaned, slumped in his chair and muttered how he couldn't understand why Hummel wasn't as clever as he was.
This week, however, they were looking at Golpalott's Third Law, something Kurt had written an essay on earlier in the term and gotten a D. It was one of the hardest topics taught at Hogwarts and wasn't a question of rope learning like the majority of the other things but a question of understanding the theory.
'Wait,' Kurt muttered, frowning at the textbook and making Sebastian raise an eyebrow in anticipation, 'do you mean that you have to find an extra ingredient after working out the antidote to both parts of the compound poison which can make it bond,' Kurt looked down at his textbook again, 'near-al-cha-chemically?'
'near-alchemically.' Sebastian corrected automatically, smiling at Kurt's attempt, before pausing and realising that Kurt had just understood Golpalott's Third Law and started to clap slowly. 'fucking finally Hummel, took you long enough.' However, Sebastian was smiling and Kurt also looked pleased with himself.
Along with Sebastian not being patronising or condescending meant that they weren't at each other's throats the whole time; they were getting along quite well. There was still the same trading of insults but they weren't constantly threatening to duel each other and Sebastian wasn't constantly degrading Hummel for being muggle born. Kurt found it slightly disconcerting, but he was planning to go along with it for now.
'Well if someone had just said that in the first place, I would have got that ages ago.' Kurt rolled his eyes, exasperated at how simple the potion law really was.
'What do you think I've been saying to you all evening?' Sebastian said, laughing at Kurt's annoyance.
'Yeah and I got it this evening didn't I?'
'After over an hour.' Sebastian said as though this was far too long a time to spend understanding one of the most difficult theories of potion making.
'Well, I still got it in one night.' Kurt said, not caring how long it had taken him. 'we can't all be as brainy as you are. My lack of potions skills are made up in my amazing fashion style.'
Sebastian felt slightly shocked at the backhanded compliment, but chose not to comment on it and instead he said, 'you mean your ability to wear women's clothing?' Smirking, he turned in his seat to look at Kurt properly.
'no,' Kurt folded his arms, raising an eyebrow, 'my ability to put together amazing outfits unlike someone else in this room.' He looked pointedly at Sebastian.
'are you insulting my fashion sense, Hummel?' Sebastian gasped, looking mock offended.
'Maybe,' Kurt grinned and then they both started laughing.
Kurt realised it was possibly one of the only times that he had truly heard Sebastian's laugh. Not his condescending, sarcastic laugh, his real one. That shocked Kurt enough to stop him laughing and it wasn't long before Sebastian had stopped as well.
'Shall we stop for the night?' Sebastian asked, awkwardly as the silence stretch too long. Not looking at Kurt, he began shuffling the papers they had been using into a pile and placing them on the desk.
Kurt readily agreed and after saying a stiff goodbye left the dungeons.
Just as Kurt entered the seventh floor corridor he overheard a fourth year saying 'Did you hear? Karofsky, the Slytherin, plays beater for their Quidditch team. He's gay.' There were gasps and shocked exclamations from the girl's friends and the first girl just stood there nodding, clearly impressed with the reaction she had gotten from her friends.
A momentary flash of shook went through Kurt. He had assumed, well known really, that Karofsky was gay but when he had heard he was dating the Slytherin girl Santana he had presumed, that Karofsky had just made a momentary mistake in kissing him.
Worry went through Kurt. Although the bullying had got a lot better this year, the school was still quite prejudice, especially Slytherins and Kurt was sure that the school would not take kindly to Karofsky coming out as gay.
Worry went through Kurt. Although the bullying had got a lot better this year, the school was still quite prejudice, especially Slytherins and Kurt was sure that the school would not take kindly to Karofsky coming out as gay.
Kurt went through the common room and as he passed the people milling around in groups he overheard that most of the conversations seemed to be regarding Karofsky and his sexuality. Kurt guessed it was such big news as Karofsky made it very well known that he hated gay people, often using Kurt to present this message.
He would have stayed to talk to discuss it further; he didn't want Karofsky to get hurt over this, no matter how rude he had been to him. But he was exhausted after potions; it was always draining, and so after rushing through his skin-care routine, went to bed, trying to push out any thoughts about Karofsky out of his head for the evening.
When Kurt woke up the next morning he was so grateful that it was a Saturday. Peering around the curtains of his four-poster bed he realised that it was already 10am.
He showered and dressed before going down the common room and seeing Mercedes. Together they went down to the Great Hall. The Great Hall was emptier than it was on a school day because everyone was coming in at different times and Mercedes and Kurt were the only two Gryffindors from their year there.
Once they sat down and started pulling numerous amounts of food towards themselves, Mercedes turned to Kurt and started questioning him about his potions lessons. Ever since Kurt had told her that it was Sebastian who was tutoring him, Mercedes had been expecting him to come running to her, complaining about how awful he was. But Kurt was forced to explain that he wasn't actually being that bad, in fact he could almost be considered tolerable.
Kurt was just explaining how happy he was that he understood Golpalott's Third Law when Sam walked over to them. Kurt thought it would be best to leave them alone, so after giving Mercedes a pointed look he left the Great Hall.
Kurt really was happy for his two friends. He was. It was just sometimes he wanted his own relationship. Rachel had Finn and Mercedes had Sam and seeing them in their relationships just illuminated his own lack of one.
Kurt closed his eyes, forcing him not to think about these things. He kept repeating to himself that things would get better when he was older, just like he had done when the bullying had got really bad.
Sighing, he took the secret passage up to the common room which was a lot shorter. It came out on the opposite side of the seventh floor corridor to where the staircases were, so not many people knew about it. Looking around first to make sure there was no one nearby, Kurt clambered out of the passageway.
That was when he heard it.
'Baby girl, where you at?
Got no strings, got men attached,
Can't stop that feelin' for long, no.'
Kurt knew that voice. Of course he knew that voice.
He felt as though someone had just punched him in the stomach. He looked around the corner of the little alcove where the voice was coming from and felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.
Blaine.
Blaine singing and dancing to Jeremiah. Blaine grinning like an idiot. Blaine getting close to Jeremiah. Invading his space. Clearly suggesting something intimate.
Was Kurt just being hopeful or did Jeremiah look as though he wasn't enjoying the song? Probably he was being hopeful.
Who wouldn't want Blaine Anderson to sing to them? Kurt felt something twist in his gut. He couldn't look any more.
He leaned against the stone wall, just out of sight of the two other boys. His breathing was becoming heavy and he rested his head against the stone wall, shutting his eyes, but immediately opened them again when the image of Blaine's happy face swam in front of him.
Kurt had known for some time that Blaine liked Jeremiah. But seeing this just made everything a hundred times worse. It made the wound that Kurt had slowly healing open again. It hurt.
He couldn't do this. He couldn't stay and watch as the person he loved –he was pretty sure that he did still love Blaine – serenade another boy.
Blaine's voice, smooth and beautiful was floating out of the alcove.
You makin' dogs wanna beg breaking them off your fancy legs
But they make you feel right at home, now
Pushing off the wall, he started walking quickly towards the common room. All the thoughts and feelings he had for Blaine resurfaced. Kurt felt like an idiot for ever trying to kiss Blaine.
Blaine. Who was so clearly infatuated with Jeremiah. Kurt had been able to see that from the way Blaine was looking at him. He had never ever looked at Kurt like that. He swallowed a couple of times trying not to let any tears fall.
What could Blaine see in Jeremiah? Kurt was suddenly overtaken with jealously. What did Jeremiah have that he didn't? How could Blaine like Jeremiah and not him?
Kurt realised that he had got back to the entrance of the common room on autopilot and muttered the password to the Fat Lady, entering the common room.
He was making his way over to the sofas by the fire when he noticed that the atmosphere in the room was different from usual. It was tense and people were huddled in groups, talking quietly. He rubbed his eyes quickly, just to make sure there were no traces of tears and sat by the fire asking some of the people in his dorm what had happened.
'It's Karofsky.' One of them started to explain and Kurt felt nervousness overtake any feelings of jealously he had been feeling a second before, 'he tried… he attempted to commit suicide. He's in St. Mungos right now.'
Kurt felt frozen with shock. For a moment he just sat there, trying to process the information.
Karofsky had tried to kill himself. To take his life. Attempted suicide.
The words felt bitter and harsh, even inside his own head. His hand automatically covered his mouth in an attempt to stop his lip from trembling. He couldn't believe it. But half of him could. Could understand. Understand the want, the need of it all.
Tears started falling down his face but he hardly noticed. Not bothering to excuse himself he rose from the sofa and walked out of the common room.
He felt sick. How could he have been so wrapped up in being jealous of Jeremiah that he hadn't even realised that Karofsky had attempted suicide?
It was because of the bullying and mocking that he would have gotten as people realised he was gay, Kurt was sure that was the reason. Anger and grief rose inside him. How could people taunt someone all the way to suicide? How could people do that?
But he was so thankful that Karofsky had failed. He did not know what he would think if he had died. Kurt felt sicker at the thought.
Tears were falling rapidly down his cheeks as he walked faster and faster. He didn't know where he was going and he didn't really care. He recognised the portrait of Barnabus the Barmey and turned to enter the Come and Go room before realising, through his upset state, that someone else was already there.
It took him a while to recognise the person in the room, who was pacing backwards and forwards, their robes flying out behind him. Even when he did realise who it was, he was still tempted to leave. That was, until he noticed the persons face and suddenly became much more concerned for them instead.