A/N: Scholarship deadlines are approaching and I'm frantically trying to fill them out and applying for colleges. As I have said before if I have not said already, real life takes priority before fanfic life. I apologize for that but updates will be coming. Just like this one. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I keep saying I will stop saying this, but I can't. I'm bounded to a contract. I don't own Xenosaga. Nor Wilhelm.

Rubedo: Well, I tried that cliff jumping idea…didn't work.

Wilhelm: Parachuting is not an option.

Rubedo: You think you're all that because of your damn Compass, don't you?

Wilhelm: Well, duh. What else would I be?

Rubedo: A guy who has no life.

Wilhelm: That's what you are.

Rubedo: You know that's a lie…but…at least I'm real.

Wilhelm: Touché.

Rubedo: Bizzurn baby!

To…rdsullivan: I guess you want me to update all the time, right? But that could be dangerous for two reasons. Reason number one, Rubedo would have to drop school and become a desolate hobo with a laptop. Reason number two, you would die of laughter. Now we wouldn't want that, would we?

Welcome to Wilhelm's World of Wonderful Fortunetelling! Ever wonder if there are questions that can't be answered? Well, here's the place to have them answered! That's right, Wilhelm is the number one fortuneteller ever and he puts all talk shows and fortunetelling businesses to shame! With a 100 percent chance of answering questions, let's get those pesky questions answered! (Funded by private donations provided by Vector, Ormus, and Hyams. Don't mind the enormous space and flashy lights.)

What is the meaning of life?

I won't say 42 because it's the obvious answer. The meaning of life…is to live like me.

What happened to the rest of the animal kingdom in Xenosaga? Did humans forget to bring some critters w/ them from Lost Jerusalem?

Well, of course. We're saving the human race because we're more important…gotta continue the legacy of Earth…not start another Noah's Ark.

If you could meet any famous historical figure, who would it be and why? And what would you do to him/her?

Gandhi, because there is no way a person can be that pure. I would do stuff to make him mad and see him unleash Hell's fury.

What's your favorite color?

Red, because it will be the last thing I see when I murd…I mean an accident takes a Yaoi fan girl's life…

What would be chaos ideal dream?

For KOS-MOS to be real. You can't kiss androids or else your tongue will be stuck to their lips. Plus they taste…metallic.

Where would Shion and KOS-MOS go on a shopping spree?

Second Miltia lingerie store. I hear their ratings have gone tremendously since Miyuki started to work there.

What's MOMO's best "miracle" she's ever given?

Resurrecting dead characters when they die. It gets rather annoying when you're in a boss battle and she's the only one alive…

If Sephiroth made a band, who would be in it?

Obviously me. The others would probably be either my Testaments…but I've heard they've actually tried for the musical fame but failed…or Sephiroth clones…but you know how they turned out. I doubt they or Cloud can play drums real well. Well…except Loz. He might be able to. I'd put money on him.

So they basically made all of the obvious couplings evident EXCEPT Jr./MOMO. Did they due this merely so fans of that coupling such as me would tear out our hair in grief?

Yes. They did it SPECIFICALLY for you. You should feel famous.

Though she's a scientist, has Shion gotten slightly dumber as the story has gone on? I mean, she couldn't even freaking tell who Roth Mantel actually was...

It's Roth's blonde hair (not revealing who he is because of spoilers). It makes you a dumb blonde when you look at it. For Shion, the effect is doubled…wait tripled, she's a natural blonde. Her brown hair? Dyed.

Okay, be honest: we all know you can supposedly see everything, but did you yourself expect the last little "surprise" Kevin had in store for you?

Of course I did. Had to make the game be more interesting and play along with Kevin's surprise else I would end all life…again. I don't think people can enjoy the game if they're dead.

About your arm…did that hurt? It seemed you were fine with it.

Of course I was. If your arm was cut off, you could just get it repaired…technology is starting to advance into the mechanical arms section. For Full Metal Alchemist fans, automail is almost here!

What are you made of since blood was edited out of the original Xenosaga Three?

The Northern Lights. And the Southern. And the stuff that disco balls are made out of.

Why does Yuriev have 669 clones of himself?

Because that's how many women turned him down. Each time he failed to ask one out, he just made another one to pick up another woman. The variants were pimps while the other ones just committed suicide because they were too similar. Poor Yuriev…

Why does Citrine have a gun under her armpit? Wouldn't it hurt her just trying to grab it?

Well, it explains how her gun does a lot of damage…stink bullets are quite strong. And it might mess up her inner clothing. Maybe that's why she always acted so…mean.

How did Joachim and Juli hook up?

A strip club. Joachim was having a blue light special. I apologize for my choice of language.

Will Jr. ever grow in stature? I want him to be taller!

I really hope you're a girl…but maybe he might grow…though if he…ahem…MOMO, their babies would probably be midgets…so…drink milk Jr. Lots of it. Or go with the second option, TURN ON YOUR GROWTH POWERS DAMNIT!!!

What about MOMO?

Since she is programmed to be short, just rewrite her programming. Just make sure you don't mess with her other programs or else Jr. will go Red Dragon on you. And let me tell ya, you don't want a dragon chasing you. Especially since they can fly.

Will we really have flying cars in the future?

Depends on if humans (specifically Korea and/or U.S.) decide to kill us now or later with their hidden stockpile of nuclear explosives.

Will stim-cell research be possible as well? I want a clone of myself! Or at least regenerative powers…

Don't worry. You could always be like me and not feel any pain at all when your arm is cut off. Then again, you're human I'm not…why don't you become a scientist when you grow up? I'm not very good at explaining divine miracles…

I need help with creating a story. Where do I start?

First off, good job in selecting me for ideas for your story. I'll put you on my favorites list later…but anyways, you should start off with an ode to me for being an inspiration…I'm also very rich and own everything you can imagine. Next, just think of a genre you want to write in…whether humor, adventure, or romance. Those seem to be the big ones right now. Or go with being different and work with genres that people don't regularly do like supernaturals and mysteries. Read other people's stories to get a good idea of how they write and just kind of develop your own idea from there. Rubedo did it.

YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL!!!!

Write an ode to Rubedo too.

How dare you tell them to write about me just to save you from my wrath…too bad it worked…

I knew it would.

I heard that we can actually revive dinosaurs…is that true?

Actually it is. If you're studied cells, all you have to do is make a cell totipotent again. Seriously, no lie. Why, if it is a lie…I'll give you the Testaments as payment for being wrong. Finally…a way to get rid of them…

How do the wings of the Durandal work? They're not attached yet float around the ship no problem!

Something that defies the laws of physics using the theorem of a zero gravity field and repelling gravity using a quasar pulse. So if you walk on them, you will fly.

You just made that up, didn't you?

You want the Testaments for you being right?

No. I want that piece of turkey you stole from me when I was out hunting for purple-eyed yetis!

So. All's fair in love and war.

Oh yeah…I totally forgot about that we're warring against each other…

The reason why is because you're always losing.

Shut up…

Who do you think is better…Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert?

Colbert…the guy knows how to rock.

How does the U.M.N. work?

Take two cans…attach a string between them. Now go to different planets across the galaxy. That's how.

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A/N: Whew…these questions are so hard to manage…I somehow set my filing cabinet on fire and ended up losing all of them so I had to ask Wilhelm what to do. These are his questions…not really. He just went around town asking random questions to random people. Dead serious. Some hobo tried to mug him too. Remember to send in those questions if you want them answered! I'll make sure to manage them better next time…