Tales of the Chocobo Kind: ff13
Chapter 10: Layoffs
Tidus arrived on time today, since there was literally no other cars on the freeway to get to the farm today. "Bye sweetie! Have a great day!" his wife Yuna told him and cranked the gas pedal to get back to her school on time. Tidus felt great! He was on time, he remembered to put on sun screen, he remembered to eat breakfast, and his wife made him a homemade sushi for lunch!
Tidus went into the house and into the kitchen to put away his sushi lunch. He opened the fridge with the fridge key, but saw that there was practically no space left inside, he started moving some toothpaste out of the way until Snow saw what he was doing.
"EXCUSE ME," Snow said, as slammed the fridge door shut, "The fridge is for residents ONLY! And PLEASE don't be touching other people's BELONGINGS!"
"Aww come on Snow, don't you remember what Princess Celestia said about 'Sharing is caring'?" Serah interrupted.
"Well Tyedus wasn't very CARING when he shoved my toothpaste away!" Snow said accusingly. Snow was still paranoid that nobody was on his side, and that he would never win.
"I can't leave my sushi outside though!" Tidus tried to protest, to no avail.
Outside, Hope and Vanille were at the ticket booth waiting for customers to arrive. Lightning saw through the security camera that Hope and Vanille weren't moving a muscle for quite a long time, and went outside to investigate.
"Why aren't you two making me any money?" Lightning asked the two teenagers.
"But nobody's here!" Vanille defended herself, "nobody has come yet!"
Snow saw this as an opportunity, "You know sis, statistics show that most people only visit chocobo farms twice a year, on Feed a Chocobo Day and on Halloween!"
"Why Halloween?" Lightning asked him.
"SHE TALKED TO ME! I AM REAL! I EXIST!" Snow said with pure joy.
In the distance, three people were walking towards the ticket booth. "Don't screw this up!" Lightning told Hope and Vanille, and went back to the security room to do pilates.
It was the three teenagers from the day before! "Welcome back!" Vanille told them. "Still trying to win Kairi's heart?"
"You know it!" the silver haired boy said. "Three children's tickets! And I'M paying this time!"
He handed her $15 from his fanny pack.
"Have fun you silly kids!" Vanille said as she ran to the gate to let them through.
"You know them?" Hope asked.
"Of course! I know my customers like my seashell collection, prom is in 5 days and Kairi still doesn't know who's gonna be her prom king, Sora's filthy rich but Riku thinks he might be able win her heart. He told me he's been working the graveyard shift at the junkyard to afford to take Kairi to prom, but doesn't want to sacrifice his friendship with Sora. Sora's been emotional lately so Riku is trying to decide whether or not Kairi is worth it."
"You sound like my mom talking about her customers at the beauty salon," Hope commented.
Two hours later Noctis arrived from his hair appointment. "Where's all the customers?" he asked Hope and Vanille.
"IDK! Me and Hope have just been sitting here playing MASH, Hope's gonna live in a cardboard box with 8 children." Vanille answered.
Noctis entered the house and saw Lightning doing pilates in the living room. "Do you know there's only been three customers all day? And that we're losing money by paying for everyone's wages today?"
"WHAT?" Lightning said, and quickly turned off her pilates video. "I haven't been paying attention to the security cameras."
"Why don't we send some people home? You choose, have fun with it," Noctis suggested.
At that moment Tidus walked in to check on his rotting sushi. "Tell me why I shouldn't lay you off RIGHT NOW Tidus," Lightning cornered him.
"For one I was on time today! And I've been following those teenage kids, suggesting them to spend more money on chocobo rides and greens to impress that red haired girl! That Sora kid is LOADED!" Tidus answered.
"Why don't you go home Tidus, we don't need your help around here today," Noctis did the honors.
"B-b-b-but, my wife can't pick me up till she gets out of her afterschool tutoring class, I'm gonna be stuck here regardless!" Tidus tried to protest.
"Sucks for you!" Lightning laughed at his face, "Come on Noctis, lets go lay someone else off."
"My pleasure."
Next they went to the shuttle, which was driving at glacial speed. "Yo can you please go slower! Kairi's getting car sick!" Sora yelled at Snow and Fang.
"I'm sick of you kids thinking you can boss us around just cus you're the only customers here today!" Fang snarled back.
"Hey no talking back to the customers! They pay, they stay. Why don't you call it a day Fang, we don't need you around here," Lightning told her, trying not to burst out into laughter.
"B-but?"
"Are you sure about that Lightning? Isn't Fang a little more 'professional' than Snow?" Noctis asked her.
"Snow owes me way too much money, no way I'm letting him take day off and sit around racking up my Netflix bill," she said. They then approached Sazh, who was napping at his chocobo ride station after losing sleep from the false fire drill last night. "Sazh, I am not paying you to sleep on the job, you're layed off for today."
Sazh was so disappointed, he looked at his hands, knowing that those were the hands that had to tuck his son in at night. He shed a tear. He was glad he saved Snow's dinner from last night, today was that day, today was that struggle.
Next they went to the ticket booth, where Hope and Vanille were eating nuts they spilled off the ground. "Vanille, I know you rang up our only customers for today, but you're no longer needed. Say your farewells and leave," Lightning told the poor girl.
"Nooo! But I'm a better addition to the team than Hope is!" she tried to protest.
"She has a point," Noctis told Lightning; Noctis was truly the voice of reason.
"Hope's mom will get suspicious if she sees his bank account balance stay the same, can't risk it, that woman is a nutcase, if she ever finds out Hope was getting paid below minimum wage, staying awake past 8pm and not getting three meals a day she would call the cops on us," Lightning reasoned with him.
The rejects met at the kitchen table for lunchtime. "Fang! Fill me in on the Kairi situation!" Vanille pleaded after she sat down with her salad.
"That Riku kid doesn't stand a chance, he just got a call from his bank saying his debit card was stolen, there's no way he can take Kairi to prom," she answered. "What is that rotting smell?"
"What rotting smell?" Tidus asked while eating his sushi. He spent years at the shores of the island of Besaid, his wife's hometown, but got so used to the smell of dead fish and barnacles.
"Yo Tidus, why don't you get out of here? I heard you play the ancient sport of Blitzball," Sazh asked.
"USED to play, they forgot to oxygenate the pool once, and I almost drowned, I woke up 2,000 years later, now I'm terrified of pools! Hey, I'm thinking of living in this house too, the 2 hour commute is way too much for my wife to handle," Tidus said.
"Don't, there's not enough beds and Lightning charges us for rent," Fang explained to him, although she really didn't mind the bed situation.
"What! Then why don't YOU guys get out of here!" Tidus asked.
"We're Pulse l'Cie! If the government ever finds out we'd be excommunicated, this farm is our only opportunity, our only salvation," Sazh said as he tore the chocobo greens to bite size pieces for his son.
Tidus never knew struggle, back in his day he was famous and had adoring fans, 2,000 years later he met his sweetheart that brings home the bacon, and cooks it too.
At that moment Serah barged through the door, "Hey guys! Taking your lunch break?"
"Nope! Your sis layed us off for today, so we got nothing to do, this is probably a good time to try to fix the toilet now that I think about it, say what's wrong?" Vanille asked as she noticed Serah's worried expression.
"It's those Kingdom Hearts kids," she answered, "they forgot to bring a lunch pail for Kairi, so that Sora kid offered my sis $500 to cook Kairi a gourmet meal, so of course that means I have to do it. That kid is LOADED!" Serah explained.
Tidus stood up, "Hey! This is our chance! We should cook this meal and prove to Lightning that we're not useless! That we're valuable team members!" If Tidus knew one thing, it was how to be part of a team; a blitzball team to be more specific.
"That's not such a stupid idea," Fang said, "what do we have left in the fridge?"
Sazh unlocked the fridge, "We got protein shakes, we got ketchup, we got bananas, and half a can of sardines."
"Eeeeww!" Vanille said, "Bananas are gross!"
"Sounds like a typical Zanarkand meal!" Tidus said, "Hey Serah, go take a break, we'll take care of this!" He walked to the cabinet and took out the blender, then proceeded to dump the protein shake, bananas, and sardines in.
"What are you doing!" Sazh said, "Have you no idea what's a gourmet meal!" Sazh took out the largest plate he could find, placed one sardine in the middle, one banana slice on the side, one blob of ketchup, poured one drop of the protein shake onto the sardine, and put one piece of chocobo greens in the corner. "Don't matter if you're serving the nastiest thing on the planet, it's all about presentation."
The rejects took the plate and went outside, they found the Kingdom Hearts kids carving Kairi's name on a tree with their keyblades. Riku turned and saw Tidus holding Kairi's meal, "Ew what's that?"
"It's one custom Zanarkand inspired gourmet meal, for her Royal Highness, Kairi Panettiere," Tidus kissed up, knowing that somehow, somewhere, Lightning and Noctis were watching his every move and deciding his fate.
Kairi took the plate and ate the sardine and banana slice.
"?"
"…"
"?"
"…"
"?!"
"It's ok," Kairi finally said.
"What!?" Sazh said, "I was so sure I had it right."
"This is great!" Sora said and handed Tidus the $500 dollars, "This is the first time Kairi's said anything all week!"
"It's all ogre now…" Riku started crying. Vanille and Fang came to him and gave him a hug, they knew his pain, they knew his story.
Tidus ran with the money and found Lightning and Noctis having a chat with Snow in the shuttle.
"I'm TELLING YOU Noctis, Lightning's only interested in GAY MEN," Snow tried to explain to Noctis about the time he thought he caught her reading Yaoi. "Take your beautiful heterosexual face ELSEWHERE."
"I'm telling you Snow, that was Serah, and you're just trying to deny it," Lightning shook her head.
Tidus boarded the shuttle and handed Lightning the wad of cash, "Look boss! Sora gave this to me, Sazh, Fang, and Vanille, because we made the meal for Kairi, it was us who saved the day!"
"Not bad, Tyedus," she answered. "Now go away."
Tidus got off the shuttle and saw Serah jogging up to him, "Did you do it?" Serah asked.
"Yup, but all I got out of her was, "Not bad, 'TYEDUS,' when will she ever say my name right?" Tidus put his face in his palms.
"That just means she's very pleased, but doesn't want you to think she cares! All she told me when I became the head of the cheerleading squad was, 'And?'" Serah explained, trying to make Tidus feel better.
Next time: The gang prepares their marketing strategy to attract more customers!
-end-
Gosh it was really weird not uploading on Friday as I always do :x Thank you all for your patience. THANK YOU CustomEyes, Mr. Francis York Morgan, and AngeloHeroOfLight for your reviews! :)
Personally I call Tidus "Teedus" so that's the correct pronunciation in my fic teehee…
I realized I never clarified that I live in the US so all money in this fic is in US dollars, even when they refer to Gil of Munny. See you all next time!