AN: I'm sorry about how long this chapter is but I have a lot to say.
After everything that had happened in the past few months, Jean reckoned she shouldn't have been surprised when she suddenly became very ill, but as someone who rarely experienced any form of ill health she was thrown and, if honest, a little pissed off. Falling ill couldn't have come at a worse time for her. It wasn't as though she could allow herself the luxury of resting with two children and a bed bound husband to take care of, neither could she entrust everything to the care of Cal who already did so much for her family. Unfortunately, she just had to keep marching on.
Atticus had been allowed home the previous week and thankfully wasn't a demanding patient. Other than asking for the newspaper or a drink of water, Jean discovered he was actually quite content to stay where he was. She was more than relieved for this. She was feeling more exhausted than ever with running after Jem and Scout, helping Cal with the house, and being ill all at the same time. By the time she crawled into bed each night she felt as though she'd ran from Maycomb to Montgomery.
After Jem and Scout left for school was usually when Jean would get started on any laundry that needed to be done, but that morning she felt so completely drained and it wasn't even nine in the morning. Rather than do her usual chores, she instead threw herself down on the bed next to Atticus, folding one arm across her eyes in the hope she'd fall asleep.
"You alright?" He asked, glancing away from his newspaper. "You're being ill an awful lot."
Jean only groaned in reply. "I reckon I picked up somethin' in that hospital. It sure isn't as clean as the one in Montgomery." She said, and felt Atticus reach over and take her hand.
"I'm sorry. It's my fault."
Jean lifted her arm away from her eyes, looking at Atticus in exasperation for a few moments. When she was sure she wasn't going to vomit on him, she pulled herself back up on the bed, put her arm around him and rested her chin on his shoulder, breathing in the familiar safe scent that was her husband.
"Will you stop sayin' you're sorry." She said, kissing his cheek. "Nothin' that you've apologised for has been your fault, especially not me being ill. I've been ill before and survived. It's not the end of the world," she teased him.
"It's my fault that..." he began again, but Jean cut him off.
"Enough," she berated him gently. "You keep apologising and I won't give you that medicine you like so much."
"Have I told you that I'm sorry?" He replied, laughter in his eyes when he looked at her.
oOo
On the day that Tom Robinson's trial was to go ahead, Atticus had been out of bed for five days. Jean was nervous that a case of this magnitude would be too much for him so soon, but Atticus insisted he was perfectly fine to be in court. Despite his persistence in assuring her he was fine, Jean couldn't help but nervously watch him as he sat at the table that morning. Dr Reynolds had prescribed painkillers for any lingering pain Atticus may still be experiencing, but Jean noticed that he'd only taken a few, always saying that the pain wasn't that bad. As she watched him carefully that morning she couldn't miss him wince every so often.
"Are you sure you're alright, honey?" She asked, watching him grimace with every small movement.
"I'm fine." He replied simply, reaching out to affectionately shake her knee.
Jean continued to stare as he turned his attention back to his paper. She knew damn well he was in pain and was trying to act as though it wasn't bothering him. He had a long enough day ahead of him without being plagued by pain that could be very easily remedied. Setting her coffee cup down, she went and retrieved his painkillers, taking two of the small pills from the box and filling a glass with water.
"Men," she muttered to Cal who was getting breakfast ready for Jem and Scout. She heard her chuckle softly in response and say something which sounded like "always think they know best'" and went back to Atticus. "Take these." She said firmly, placing the glass and pills in front of him.
He sighed and looked over his glasses at her. "Jean, I don't need 'em. I feel fine. Besides, I can't risk falling asleep in court because I've taken some painkillers." He pushed the glass away from him.
"They're ibuprofen. Drowsiness isn't a side effect." She smiled triumphantly and pushed the glass back towards him.
He continued to peer at her. "I don't need 'em, I'm not in any pain. Where's the sense in taking painkillers when there's no pain to kill." He pushed the glass back.
Jean sat forward and folded her arms on the table as though she were interrogating him. "Atticus Finch, I've been your wife for twelve years. I can read you like a book and I see you twitching and wincing every time you move. You may have the biggest case of your career today, but you aren't leaving this house until you take these painkillers. Even if I have to strap you to that chair and force them down your throat." She quirked an eyebrow at him. He glared at her as he lifted the pills and put them in his mouth, never breaking eye contact as he took a drink and sat the glass back down. "There now. Isn't that better?" She cooed at him like he was a child and reached out to pinch his cheek.
"You're a devil from hell, Jean Finch." He tried not to smile as Jem came walking in, looking towards his father as he took a seat.
"Mornin' son," Atticus greeted him as Jean ruffled his hair.
"Mornin'," Jem mumbled as Cal put his plate down in front of him. "How are you feelin', sir?" He asked, looking apprehensively at his father. Ever since Atticus had returned home from hospital Jem had asked him everyday if he was feeling fine. He never stopped worrying about him.
"Like I was just sayin' to your mama, I feel just fine. Don't be worryin' about me, son." He reached out and patted Jem's hand as Scout joined them at the table, smiling brightly and chattering away animatedly about what she was going to do that day.
Jem looked warily from his father to his mother but ultimately decided to say no more on the issue. "Tom Robinson's trial starts today, don't it, Atticus?" He then asked.
"It does. I'll be in court all afternoon so I won't be home for dinner," he looked at Jean as he spoke.
"Cal, will you be able to handle these two rascals on your own?" Jean leaned back in her chair to get a better look at her.
"Won't be a problem, Miss Jean. I'll be sure to keep 'em busy," she stared fixedly at Jem and Scout who looked towards each other in horror. Cal was always thinking of creative ways to make sure they were "kept busy".
"Are you going somewhere?" Atticus asked his wife with a raised eyebrow.
Jean looked at him in disbelief. "You're a nightly foolish man if you think I'm not gonna sitting front row in that courtroom supporting you."
"Jean, you're still ill. I don't want you making yourself worse."
Jean rolled her eyes. "This is from the man who was shot and had a concussion. Don't try and argue, Atticus, I'll be sitting right there behind you no matter how many times you tell me not to."
Atticus opened his mouth to argue but thought against it and instead placed his hand over hers which rested on his leg, a silent indication that he was truly thankful for his wife's support. There were so many people against him on this trial that having his strongly supportive wife sat behind him may be a small comfort.
"Mama, can we go with you?" Scout piped up innocently as she ate her breakfast.
"No, baby, I don't think that courtroom will be the best place for you today. You just stay here with your brother and do whatever Cal asks you to," she instructed her daughter who nodded contentedly, clearly not really caring if she could be in the courtroom or not.
"But Mama!" Jem quickly spoke up. "I wanted to go watch! I want to see Atticus win his case!" He turned to his father in the hope that he would agree that he should be allowed to go. He'd never missed a case of Atticus' and always enjoyed sitting with the crowd behind Atticus' chair watching his father do what he did best.
"Jem, I don't want you in that courtroom today, please. Do as your mama says and stay here and help Cal," He echoed Jean's earlier words.
"Atticus, you always let me and Scout watch your cases!" Jem continued to plead as Atticus shook his head.
"This one is different. I don't want you in that courtroom," he said again firmly. "I'm going to go and get everything together," he said, indicating that the conversation was over. When he had left the kitchen, Jem turned to Jean.
"Mama, please can I just sit with you for ten minutes! Please, Mama!" Jem continued to beg his mother.
"I'm sorry, Jem. Neither your daddy nor me want you in court, so you're just going to have to stay at home." She reached out her hand to ruffle Jem's hair only to have him pull his head out of her reach. A little stung, she retracted her arm. "Well, I'm going to go and see your daddy off to work." She sighed and followed her husband out of the kitchen, Scout's command of "stop bein' mean to Mama" making her smile. She reached Atticus just as he was getting ready to walk out through the door and placed her hand on his arm.
"Are you sure you want to be in this courtroom today?" He asked as she wrapped her arms around him. "Things might get a little ugly."
"I'm a big girl, honey, I think I can handle whatever will be said," she said wryly. "As for wanting to be there, yes I'm sure. I want to support my husband in the biggest case of his life."
He sighed quietly. "I'd be lyin' if I said I wouldn't like you to be there. You do have a way of making me stay calm," he admitted.
She gave him a squeeze. "If I don't see you before you go in, I want you to know that I believe in you one hundred and ten per cent. I know you're going to fight tooth and nail for Tom's innocence. I'm so proud of you." She stretched up to kiss him.
"Let's see how proud you are of me when the whole thing is over."
oOo
Jem's pleading and begging to go to the trial continued all morning and annoyed Cal so much she threatened to whip him even if wasn't ten anymore. Jean had calmly explained to him that the trial would consist of things he was too young to understand, things she and Atticus wanted to protect him from. It didn't matter how she tried to defend her actions, however, Jem still accused her of treating him like a baby and stormed off to his room. Not being in the mood to fight with her son, Jean gave up and left the house at a quarter to twelve to walk to the courthouse.
It seemed like everyone in Maycomb and two counties over was coming to watch the trial. She shook her head at the ladies dressed in their Sunday finery and the children lolling on the grass eating ice cream. To them, this might have well have been Mardi Gras and not an innocent man on trial for his life. The whole thing made Jean feel sick.
The courthouse was boiling hot as she entered and took her seat behind Atticus, reaching across the wooden barrier to place a hand on his shoulder. He glanced back briefly to smile at her before turning back to the papers in front of him. Jean sat and looked around the courtroom as she waited, ignoring all the people who tried to subtly look in her direction. She'd grown used to the dirty looks and comments of "there's his wife" or "she must be ashamed of him" that followed her around since Atticus had agreed to defend Tom. Quite frankly, Jean couldn't have cared less and let them think what they wanted. She had never been prouder to be Atticus' wife.
As she was glancing around, something in the coloured balcony caught her eye and she glanced up, her heart nearly stopping when she caught sight of Jem and Scout watching from above. Scout caught Jean's eye and her face immediately fell. Jean continued glowering at them as Scout poked Jem and he looked down at Jean, his eyes going wide at being caught. She shook her head at them just as the court clerk ordered everyone to rise. Turning back, she saw Tom Robinson had taken his place at the defence table, John Taylor was coming through to take his seat, and the trial was ready to begin.
She watched along with the whole courtroom as Heck Tate was the first to testify and recount for Horace Gilmer what had unfolded the night of Mayella Ewell's attack. She watched as Atticus got Heck to confirm that it was Mayella's right eye that was badly beaten up, which would be consistent with her having been attacked by someone that was left handed. She watched then as Bob Ewell and Mayella Ewell then took the stand, her eyes narrowing when Bob accused Tom of taking advantage of Mayella but she found herself feeling sorry for the girl, especially when Atticus tore into her to try and get her to admit what had really happened that night. When Atticus proved to the court and the jury that Bob Ewell was left handed and reinforced the fact that Mayella's injuries were on the right side of her face, Jean heard someone behind her whisper "what's he playin' at?"
It was after Mayella Ewell testified that Tom Robinson was called to the stand. He gingerly sat down and politely and respectfully answered each question Atticus asked him. Through his questioning, Atticus was able to clearly show how Tom was a gentle giant of a man that Mayella Ewell had ended up falling for. If the jury had trouble believing his innocence before, Jean thought that his testimony set it in stone.
After Horace Gilmer's questions came Atticus' closing statement and Jean sat up a little straighter in her seat. She felt her eyes begin to well up as he fought so passionately for Tom's innocence and indeed his life. If she had been one of the men in that jury, she wouldn't have thought twice about voting "not guilty" after listening to Atticus.
When Atticus had finished giving his closing remarks, the jury retired and court was then in recess. As people began to file out of the room, Jean motioned for Jem and Scout to come down from the balcony. She greeted them with raised eyebrows and a look of disappointment on her face. They may have disobeyed her, but she was finding it difficult to stay angry at them. She found that she actually wanted them to see their father fighting this case. She could only hope that they weren't too broken when the verdict came in.
As she looked at them, Jem refused to meet her eye. "I'm sorry we came down here, Mama, but I wanted to watch. You and Atticus never have a problem with us watchin' any of his other cases," he still stared straight at the ground.
Jean sighed as she watched them, her earlier anger at them completely gone. "Well, I suppose I can't be too mad at you. I was always sneakin' out to places when my mama told me not to," she said and Jem looked up at her with a smile.
"You mean we can stay?" He looked at her hopefully.
"If you both stay close to Reverend Sykes then yes, you can stay. There's no room for you pair of devils down where I'm sitting," she allowed, a half smile on her face.
"Thank you, Mama!" Jem half shouted and turned to run back up the stairs with his sister.
"Scout," Jean called after her daughter. She stopped abruptly on the stairs and turned. "You listen to your brother." She bit back a laugh as Scout scowled at her. She didn't like listening to anyone never mind having to listen to her older brother. She could never accept that, despite his young age, sometimes Jem did know best.
Jean returned to the courtroom after that, half dozing off as she sat for what seemed like hours until Atticus and Tom took their seats behind the defence table. They were then followed by the jury. Atticus had often told her that when a jury convicted a person, they wouldn't look at them as they filed in.
This jury didn't so much as glance at Tom.
John Taylor quickly followed and requested that the jury foreman give his verdict. Jean's heart was in her mouth as he stood. "We find the defendant guilty as charged."
Jean's hand went to her mouth as her eyes quickly jumped to Tom, her heart shattering when she realised he hadn't even flinched; he'd known all along what the verdict would be.
Everything seemed to move at a quickened pace as Tom was led away again, Atticus following behind begging him not to lose hope as they still had the appeal. Tom looked back at him with eyes so devoid of hope it nearly made her cry. The courtroom quickly emptied and soon it was just Atticus, Jean, and the people on the balcony. As Atticus returned to the table and began putting his papers back in his briefcase, Jean approached him and gently rubbed his shoulder. He made no indication that he was aware of her presence and only continued putting things away. As he moved to walk down the aisle, he stopped suddenly and took her hand in his. She knew then that he needed her.
In silence they left the courthouse to wait for Jem and Scout under a nearby lamppost. Every few seconds, she would feel Atticus squeeze her hand. Whatever was going on in his head, he was grateful to have her by his side.
"Honey," she spoke up as they waited. "I'm so proud of you." She squeezed his hand a little tighter as they stood. "Do you know how long you kept that jury out? My love, that was an achievement in itself. You might not have won the case but you made them think long enough about the charges and who was making 'em. You might have took a baby step towards changing things here," she tried to comfort him.
"Tom has lost all hope. I could see it in the way he looked at me. He's completely given up," Atticus' voice was tight as he turned to look at her.
"He might have, but you haven't. You said it yourself that there's still the appeal. You can't lose heart now, Atticus, not now when there's so much riding on this appeal. You have to stay positive for Tom." She stretched up to kiss his cheek as Jem and Scout approached in the distance. As they got closer, she could see that Jem was crying.
"Mama!" He flung himself at her and wrapped his arms around her middle. "How could they do it? How could they do it, Atticus?" He turned his tear stained face to his father.
"I don't know, son, but they did. They've done it before and they'll do it again." Atticus answered straightforwardly and began to move past them to walk home, only stopping to once again take Jean's hand in his.
Jem's sniffling could be heard behind them the entire way home, but he made no indication that he sought the comfort of his parents, so both Jean and Atticus let him work through his feelings on his own. The one thing they had both been afraid of had happened. Their son had lost his innocence.
They had just reached home when the sound of a car approaching and tooting as it came caused them all to turn. Heck Tate was sitting at the edge of the pavement. His face was white. "Mr Finch, can I talk to you a moment?" He asked slowly, watching Jean and the children as he did so.
Atticus turned towards his wife who squeezed his hand and led the children to sit on the front porch steps. She put her arms around her son as best she could to try and comfort him. "Shhh, baby, it's alright." She murmured in his ear and stroked his hair. "Tom's gonna be fine. You don't need to cry."
Jem didn't reply and stayed crying quietly into her chest. Keeping one arm around him, she reached out and placed a hand on Scout's knee. Her daughter had been watching the whole thing with an alarmed expression but still remained unaffected by the days events. She had no idea why her brother was so upset. Jean could only envy her age and the blissful ignorance that came along with it. What she wouldn't give to have Jem at an age where he could go to bed peacefully untouched by what had transpired at the courthouse. In her heart she knew he wouldn't be the same after this.
As Heck Tate quickly drove off again and Atticus came back up the path with a somber expression on his face. "Honey, what's…" Jean began.
"Tom Robinson's dead," he said simply before she could finish, the tone of his voice conveying that he was struggling to believe what he had just said. Jean's hand went to her mouth and Jem's head shot up from her chest. "They were movin' him back to Abbotsville and Tom broke free. The warden fired at him to stop and Tom didn't stop. There were seventeen bullets put in him. Heck said Tom just ran like a crazy man," Atticus shook his head.
"Oh my God." Jean breathed out, her grip around Jem tightening.
Atticus only nodded slowly. "I'm going to out there now and tell his family," he sighed wearily and moved in the direction of the car house.
Jem immediately broke free from her hold and she could hear him running after Atticus. "I'm goin' with you, Atticus!"
She heard Atticus agree and both of them set off to break Helen Robinson's heart.
oOo
It was late when they arrived back. Scout had tried to sit up and wait with Jean but fell asleep in her lap. She'd asked many questions about what had happened that day with Jean answering them as best she could, but she was sure Scout still didn't understand. To her this was just a case that her daddy hadn't won.
Once she had put Scout to bed, Jean was then left to anxiously await the return of her husband and son. Should she have gone with them? Should she have left Scout with Maudie and gone to help Atticus comfort Helen? She knew that it couldn't have been easy for him. Helen would break when she heard the news and there would only be Atticus to try and put the pieces back together. A difficult task seeing as his heart was in pieces too.
About half an hour after Scout had been put to bed, Jean heard the car pull into the driveway. The doors slammed shut and there was silence as she heard them approach. Jem was the first to enter the house, throwing a glance to his mother before going quickly to his room. Atticus then shortly followed, shook his head slowly at his wife and tiredly went to their own room. Jean decided to go after her son first. He had just finished getting into bed when she creaked the door open and peered in.
At seeing his mother, Jem buried himself deeper underneath the duvet. "I don't wanna talk about that stupid trial, Mama! I never want to hear about it again!" He started crying again as she sat by him.
"I don't wanna talk about it either, baby. I just wanted to come in and tell my little boy that I love him and I'm proud of him. Today wasn't easy on you." She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his hair.
"I'm not a little boy anymore, Mama." Jem huffed but hugged her back.
"Baby, if you live to be ninety you'll still be my little boy," Jean found herself laughing slightly.
Jem stayed quiet and hugged her tighter. She could feel him trying to dry his eyes and kissed his hair again, knowing it would take more than a few hugs and kisses to make him feel any better about what he had had to witness that day.
"I love you, Mama." He then spoke in a muffled voice, pulling back from her chest.
"I love you too, baby." She rubbed his head. "Now, get to sleep. You've had a long day."
He hugged her once more for good measure, let her pull his duvet up around him, and watched her leave the room.
When she got to her own room, she found that Atticus was only beginning to get himself undressed. He worked with his back to her which made it difficult for her to determine where his mind was.
"How's Helen?" She asked quietly.
"She fell to pieces when she heard." She saw him shake his head. "I think that poor woman has just about been pushed to her limit. Her husband is arrested for something he didn't do, she doesn't see him for a year, then he's shot dead before he's given the chance to prove his innocence." He let out a shaky breath. "Tom's family are with her tonight but I don't know how she's going to get through this, Jean. I really don't know." He still hadn't turned to face her.
"Atticus," She called and made him turn to her. She took him in her arms and felt him bury his head in her neck, completely collapsing into her.
"I can't help but feel partly responsible." He whispered and continued to clutch at her. "If I had maybe fought that little bit harder he'd still be here. If I'd just tried that little bit harder…"
Jean pulled back and took his face in her hands. "Atticus Finch, you listen to me. If you'd fought any harder you'd have killed yourself. I can say for absolute certain that Helen doesn't hold you responsible and if Tom were here he'd say the same." She stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. "Atticus, he was terrified and fear makes us do crazy things. He probably thought he stood a better chance of being on the run. You can't blame yourself for what happened."
He stayed silent for a moment and she swore she could see him blink back tears. "I'll go out to Helen's family again in the morning," was all he said in response.
"I'll go with you," Jean said firmly. She felt him try and to break away but held on to him. "I've never been prouder to be your wife, honey." She whispered and kissed him.
As they climbed into bed that night, she could sense he was still upset and pulled herself closer to him. She rubbed his arm until he finally fell asleep some hours later, and she continued to hold him the rest of the night.