AN: Sorry sorry sorry that I haven't been posting! Again, criticism much wanted. I attempted to use a semicolon in this one, and I even read an article on The Oatmeal to make sure that I used it correctly.
Doug hadn't gotten much sleep at all. Valentine had fallen asleep in the recliner around one in the morning and Doug had followed not long after, but he'd only slept for an hour or two. He stared out the glass door at the rising sun as he lied on his stomach. He wished he didn't have to see Chell in a few hours. He probably looked like crap. He sure felt like it.
There was a sudden sound that made him sit up. It was a distant voice shouting excitedly. Then he saw someone slowly falling from the sky with a parachute slowing their fall. It was such an odd spectacle that Doug wondered if he was dreaming it.
"No no no no no no no no no no no!" they cried just before they stumbled to the dry grass in the field.
Doug got up and hurried outside to see if the person was alright. He stopped a few feet away, though, when he recognized the ginger hair and glasses on the man. He looked up at Doug and grinned as he hopped up to his feet.
"Doug!" Wheatley cried out, hugging the other man. "I can't believe it! I'm back!" He held Doug out at arm's length. "It's me! It's Wheatley! I'm bloody human now!"
Doug stared at Wheatley blankly. Wheatley looked just as gangly as he had before he had become a core. He wasn't really sure how to react to seeing Wheatley like…this. He was wearing khakis and a blue sweater vest over a white button-up shirt; the exact outfit that he'd been wearing on the day that he'd been selected for the "artificial intelligence" project.
"Surprised, eh?" Wheatley asked, straightening his tie. "Well, it's me in the flesh. Get it? In the flesh? Because I have bloody flesh now!"
"Yeah, I get it," Doug said. "Uh, why don't you come inside? You can tell me just what the hell happened that made you human. Are you a real human? Not some kind of android?"
"That's right!" Wheatley said. "Just wait until Nora sees me like this! How is she, by the way? Good? What are you doing out of Aperture anyway?"
"Come on," Doug said, avoiding his questions. "We can talk when we're inside. I'm staying with a brother and sister in their apartment right now."
He led Wheatley back to the apartment while the new human rambled on about his skin and hair and teeth. Valentine sat up just as they came into the living room. She looked at Wheatley with confusion.
"Valentine, this is Wheatley," Doug said. "Wheatley, this is my hostess Valentine."
"Isn't he supposed to be a metal ball or something?" Valentine asked.
"I used to be," Wheatley said smugly. "But now I'm just as human as you are."
"How did that happen anyway?" Doug asked.
"Okay, I was just floating around in space, right? Just floating around when a woman appeared without a spacesuit! I couldn't believe it! She looked like she was Chinese or something. Anyway, she told me that she would make me into a human again so that I could reunite with Nora. Then she threw me back to Earth with a parachute."
Doug laughed at this. "Do you have any idea how absurd that sounds?" he asked. "Was she some kind of genie or something?"
"No! It really happened!" Wheatley claimed. "I swear it did! Now tell me where Nora is. You did bring her out with you, right?"
"Um, no," Doug said, all humor gone from his face. "I actually don't know where she is."
"What do you mean?" Wheatley demanded. "Are you saying you left her in Aperture?"
"I had no other choice," Doug said. "I searched for her for a year and couldn't find her. I left so that I could get help from…other people."
"How did you lose her?! What happened after I was shot into space?!"
"GLaDOS threatened us and we got separated while we were trying to run from her."
"Oh, fantastic! She's still alive, is she?! Why didn't you stay with Nora?! And what about the test subject?! I suppose you abandoned her, too!"
"GLaDOS let her go," Doug said. "In fact, I'm going to meet her for breakfast this morning."
"I don't need your bloody sarcasm right now, Doug!" Wheatley growled.
"First of all, there was absolutely no sarcastic infliction in my voice," Doug said. "Second, it's true. I ran into her yesterday."
Wheatley stared at him silently for a few moments before just saying, "Oh."
"What's all the noise about?" Spencer asked, shuffling down the hall and into the living room. He looked at Wheatley and stuck out his hand. "My name is Spencer, by the way."
"I'm Wheatley," the ginger said, shaking Spencer's hand.
"Wait, Wheatley? I thought you were supposed to be like a metal ball or something."
"He claims that a girl in space made him human and sent him down here," Doug grumbled.
"How else could I be back on Earth?" Wheatley demanded. "And human? Anyway, let's go see the test subject. If you're even telling the truth about running into her, that is."
"Okay, fine," Doug said, glaring at Wheatley. "I'll let you tag along. Just try not to kill either of us this time."