As always, this took me longer to get to you than I had wanted. If I had my way, all I would do was write and update for you all, but, unfortunately, I have summer classes that have to come first.

A HUGE thank you to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter! You guys keep me wanting to update :)

Hope this was worth the wait!

Enjoy!

Chapter 10

The pen was mocking her.

So much so that she had to resist the overwhelming urge to pelt it across the room.

Addison probably would have just done it too if it wasn't for the fact that it had no desire to go pick it up afterwards.

Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd wasn't an easily intimidated woman. She was a force of nature in the OR and never accepted anything less than perfection from herself in every aspect of her life.

She made A's in high school while still managing to juggle multiple extracurricular activities. She studied her ass off throughout college and med school. She was completely dedicated throughout the entirety of her residency which enabled her to quickly climb to the top in her chosen field.

Failure was never an option. Never even a mere possibility.

Yet, somehow, she had managed to fail. The weight of the pen in her hand and the papers in front of her were practically screaming it back at her.

She was getting divorced.

And as soon as she signed next to the red, daunting arrow, the proof of her failure was going to be official.

A sharp movement in her abdomen caused her hand to fly to the side of her stomach. Her long fingers rubbed gently against her unborn child's movements in an attempt to sooth it.

'It.' Her nose scrunched up in displeasure.

She hated referring to her baby as an 'it' but she had yet to find out the sex. With Derek never around and acting so disinterested, it was easier for her that way. If she didn't know the gender, then she could justify not being able to pick a color for the nursery or narrow down baby names. She could pretend she was just as busy as her absent husband.

It was easier to reject the logical thoughts in her mind that reminded her that she could just go with a neutral color for the nursery, pick out boy AND girl names, or that she worked in a hospital with hundreds of doctors that would be more than happy to take 2 minutes out of their day to give her a quick ultrasound.

It was easier to conveniently forget all of that than to finally acknowledge that what was left of her marriage was crumbling around her.

And now she was staring at divorce papers.

The baby kicked against her hand again and she smiled sadly down at her large, pregnant belly.

She had known as soon as the stick turned blue that the baby did not belong to her husband. Mark had been "visiting" frequently and Derek hadn't touched her in months.

She really hadn't meant to cheat on her husband. I mean, who actually plans that?

But she was lonely and Mark was there. It wasn't an excuse but it was the only explanation she had.

When Derek took her back after she followed him to Seattle, she promised herself they wouldn't get that bad again. She wouldn't allow him to hide in his work and she wouldn't allow herself to be okay with it anymore.

Except that was exactly what happened.

Counseling didn't work, his looks of distance and disgust worsened, and she didn't even want to remember their awkward attempts at sex.

So when Mark started visiting to try to fix things with his "brother", it was all too easy to give in again.

She had honestly considered telling Derek the truth about the baby's true parentage. But the night she had planned to tell him had been a rare night Derek had decided to actually come home from the hospital.

He had staggered through the doorway and Addison would have liked to have been surprised by the pungent smell of alcohol wafting off of him, but she wasn't. It had been like that for awhile now. In order for her husband to come home to her, he had to down half a bottle of scotch first.

Before she even had a chance to begin the speech she had been rehearsing for the past 2 and a half hours, Derek grabbed her and kissed her hard. Not knowing what else to do, she allowed his rough kisses to continue and his usually steady hands to fumble with the buttons on her shirt.

It was quick, desperate, and Derek fell into a deep sleep moments afterward. The experience had left Addison with a nagging feeling of emptiness, but as she lay awake that night, an idea started to form.

Mark Sloan was not the man she wanted to raise a child with. In a perfect world, she and Derek would be back to feeling the way they did during the beginning of their marriage. Derek had always wanted children, but she had wanted to establish herself in her career before adding kids to the mix. Maybe a baby would be exactly what they needed to get Derek reinvested in their marriage. Derek wanted a family and if she could be the one to give it to him, perhaps the stinging looks of disdain would finally end. Maybe this baby could fix everything.

Except it hadn't.

Her pager interrupted her thoughts and jerked her back to the present.

Scowling alternately between her pager and the offending papers, Addison angrily scrawled her signature along the thick black line beneath Derek's.

It was over.

She had failed.

Still sporting the ridiculous grin his conversation with Richard had produced, Derek strode happily into the patient room where Meredith was helping Mr. Levangie's daughter get him into the hospital bed.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Levangie," Derek greeted with an easy smile. "I trust Dr. Webber has been taking good care of you?"

"Blondie here's been great," the man replied with a slight quiver to his voice. Derek reached out to help move some blankets so the two women could ease the shaking man into bed a little easier.

Once Mr. Levangie was situated, Meredith turned to the four interns grouped behind her. "Who's presenting?"

"Edward Levangie is a 63 year old man admitted for pain management for dyskinesia. He's been stable since this morning and responding well to his meds," a nervous looking red headed boy spoke up. He hadn't taken his eyes off Meredith the entire time and Derek didn't particularly care for the way the intern was looking at his resident.

He didn't care for it at all.

"Jamie," Meredith called on another intern, "possible treatments?"

"For Parkinson's disease? Uhmmm…Deep brain stimulation has shown very-"

"Not for Parkinson's," Derek snapped, causing the girl to jump slightly. He almost felt bad for startling her. Especially since his quickly souring mood wasn't the girl's fault. He just did not enjoy working with interns. Especially interns that spent their time ogling his….Meredith.

"For spinal pain," he clarified in a slightly softened tone.

Already shaken from unintentionally upsetting her attending, the wide eyed intern fumbled for her pocket sized reference book, mumbling a stalled answer of 'Ohh's and 'Uhmm's.

Giving Meredith a 'You know this. I know you know this. Please answer so they can leave' look, Derek pleaded for her to jump in.

"Intraspinal catheter," Meredith interrupted her intern's fumbling, giving into Derek's silent pleas. "That way he can have constant pain medication."

"Excellent," he nodded, offering her a small grin of thanks. "Dr. Webber, pick one of your interns to prep the patient for the procedure and page us when he's ready. Mr. Levangie, if either you or your daughter have any questions, just have a nurse page Dr. Webber or myself and we'd be happy to answer them."

The doctors all shuffled out of the small room so the remaining interns could finish rounding with Meredith and Derek could check on a couple post-op patients. Derek's pager beeped from his waistband and he smiled quickly after taking a second to read it. As discreetly as he could, he reached out for Meredith's wrist to stop her before she could turn away.

"Page me when you're finished rounding," Derek hurriedly whispered in her ear. "I have something to ask you."

He pulled his face away from her head and shot her a quick wink before turning to saunter briskly down the corridor.

As if the feeling of his warm breath against the nape of her neck wasn't already sending her into a tizzy, did he really have to wink at her?

Really?

She had found other services and assignments for all of her interns but Meredith had still yet to contact Derek. She was leaning against the side of the nurse's station trying to work up enough courage to ask the woman filing charts to page Dr. Shepherd.

He had something to ask her.

For the past two weeks, as hard as it had been, they had been strictly professional. Neither of them talked about anything not having to do with neurosurgery and it seemed to be working for them.

To her surprise, she really like neuro and, according to Derek, she was good at it too. Sure, she had been great at cardio, but it was nothing like this.

She had always been so secretly jealous of Cristina. Not because she always stole all the good cardio cases or picked up on everything in the specialty so easily (although that would have been enough of a reason). But because of the sheer passion she clearly had for her job. Meredith could master every technique in the book but she could never imagine feeling that kind of intensity for a thoracic aortic aneurysm or a coronary bypass graft. The high she felt after any surgery was always there, but it paled in comparison to the sense of coming home she knew her new friend experienced while holding a heart in her hands.

But ever since Derek Shepherd had handed over his instruments to her during Katie Bryce's surgery, Meredith had gotten a glimpse at what Cristina experienced every time she touched a heart.

With all the conflicting emotions surrounding the messy situation with Derek, she didn't want to admit it to herself just yet, but, whether she admitted it out loud or not, Meredith knew she had found her home in neurosurgery.

"Meredith."

Her body shivered in response as Derek slid into the space next to her against the counter. "Did you finish with your interns?"

"I was just about to page you," she fibbed, not trusting herself to make eye contact with him now. He was too close and he smelled too wonderful. She couldn't be held responsible for her actions if she let herself look into his eyes.

"Would you mind following me? I'd rather we talk somewhere without eavesdropping nurses."

While his reasons made sense, the logical part of her brain was shrieking at how bad an idea this was. However, the other part of her brain that forced her into finally looking up at him, instructed her to just smile, nod, and follow him into the conference room across the hall.

So she did.

"Go on a date with me."

He had planned on opening with something a little more on the smooth side but his excitement seemed to have gotten the better of him.

"What?"

"Let me take you out to dinner tonight," he beamed at the mere thought of it.

"What?" Meredith repeated again, taken completely off guard.

"You know. A date," he explained slowly, smile still plastered to his face. "Real food, waiters, big chucks of carbs in a basket."

When her shocked expression didn't waver, he cocked his head to the side and gave her a look somewhere between pleading and hopeful.

"Wha...I…What happened to slow? What happened to waiting? You're still married, Derek."

"I handed Addison the papers this morning .That page I got after we finished with Mr. Levangie was her letting me know she signed them."

The relief on his face and in his voice was enough to make her want to do anything for him. Anything to keep him as happy as he looked right this minute.

"I'm free, Mer."

"You're not though," she said sadly. The logical part of her brain was taking over now. "She may have signed, but aren't you still married until it's finalized?"

"They just have to be sent back to our lawyers and processed, but for all intents and purposes, we are divorced. Please, Meredith. I've wasted far too much time being miserable in a marriage that neither Addison or I were happy in. I had forgotten what it felt like to enjoy coming to work, to be excited to wake up in the morning. You are the reason I'm remembering again. You, Meredith Grey-Webber, make me remember what it feels like to be truly happy."

He took a step forward and gathered both of her hands in his own.

"I can't tell you what will happen next year, next month, or even next week. But what I do know that we both have these inexplicable feelings for each other and we deserve to explore them together."

When Derek took a step closer into her space he heard her breath catch softly in her throat. He dropped one of her hands in order to reach up and loving stroke her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"What I do know that you make me happy," he continued in a hushed voice, looking deeply into her eyes. "All I'm asking is for one night to prove that maybe I can make you happy too."

His face was far too close to her own and his eyes were holding her gaze like a life line. Her mouth was still slightly open due to shock but, unfortunately, she was paralyzed from his proximity to do anything about it.

She couldn't say no to that face. She couldn't deny that face anything.

"Okay."

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