Legna's words are scattered so deeply throughout this story that I could never recognize them all. She was integral to this chapter - in particular to Bella's talk with Angela.

I own Al the Kickboxer and a Twilight calendar that has been opened to September since I bought it. That's all.

In Which Bella Could Use a Valium

I woke up much calmer than I had been the night before. By the gray haze of a Seattle day, things seemed much more reasonable, much less calamitous. What a difference eight hours could make.

My gym had a Sunday morning kickboxing class, so I jogged in the drizzle to the gym. I spent an hour sparring with Al, a 6'2 family law attorney, who kept me on my toes and let me work out my residual anxiety.

I was just getting out of the shower back at home when my phone beeped. I was surprised to see the little screen lit with "Emmett Cullen."

haven't found phone. getting a new one. big plans today? – jwh

The newly tranquil me grinned in my steamy bathroom.

Hi :) Going to meet Angela for lunch now.

girl talk?

I chuckled at the implied and inferred discomfort.

I am sure it's on the agenda. Don't worry, she likes you.

i hope so. have fun.

You, too. Later, gator.

Angela was waiting when I got to the diner.

"Well, you look better than you sounded yesterday," she laughed as I slid into the booth. "I kept scanning the news last night, positive we were going to hear some story about the small town Police Chief's daughter who tried cliff diving off the Space Needle without a parachute."

"I'm good, today. Got a lot of sleep and I've got a clear head."

When the waitress came, I ordered decaf.

"No high-test?" Angela was looking at me suspiciously.

"Ugh, I had enough caffeine yesterday to last me the week."

"So, spill already! I won't forget you left me hanging like that." Angela leaned forward.

I wasn't sure how much to tell her. The little, sticky white paper that had been wrapped around my silverware occupied my fingers. We'd start small.

"I slept with Jasper." Saying the words out loud for the first time made it seem suddenly more real and my stomach lurched. Whether from remembering the thrill of his touch or from the anxiety I couldn't quite shake, I wasn't sure.

Angela sat back, looking... triumphant? "I knew it."

I blinked at her a couple of times, temporarily mute. "You knew it? What do you... You're not surprised?"

"Hell, no, I'm not surprised," she scoffed. She pulled out her cell phone and started typing.

"Ange, what are you doing?"

"Ben and I had a little bet. I'm just letting him know he's cooking me dinner tonight."

"What did you bet on?" This couldn't be good.

"I was convinced you were going to tell me you finally hooked up with Jasper, but Ben thought that maybe Jasper had just asked you on a date."

"Uh, yeah, we got a little ahead of ourselves on that one."

"That's one way of putting it." She closed her phone. "And, I think Ben was just being optimistic about your virtue."

"Well, he's about six years too late for that," I muttered.

"That's what I told him."

"Angela!" I gasped. She winked at me and we both burst into laughter.

"Tell me why you weren't surprised," I demanded once we'd calmed down.

"Bella, please. The only thing that surprises me is that it took you..." she made a show of counting on her fingers, "three months to get around to it."

"Huh?"

"I take it you hadn't been catching the looks he gives you?"

"What looks?"

Angela sighed dramatically. "Come on, Bella. They were so blatant that even Ben noticed, and he's about as observant as a dehydrated starfish. He even asked me what was going on with you when we left your place, last month. After the little concert."

I was gaping at her.

"And don't even get me started on the way you were looking at him! I was positive you were going to call me the next day to have this lunch. In fact," she mused, "I wasn't even sure we would get out of there before the clothes started flying."

I was speechless again. And kind of tingly.

I had always considered myself to be fairly perceptive about people. Edward had always said that I was much more observant than he gave me credit for. But Jasper was turning out to be an unexpected enigma. Or maybe he was just better at hiding himself from me.

"I really had no idea."

Angela waved her hand. "Well, no matter now, huh? I need a couple of things, here. Details about what happened. And why were you so wound up when you called?"

Before I could start, our lunch arrived and I was momentarily spared dishing the nitty-gritties. But I couldn't put it off forever. I picked some dangling sauerkraut off my sandwich and decided to go with a ten-cent, mostly true version.

I told her that he had come over later than usual and I had been worried about him driving home so late, so I had demanded he stay over. In the morning, I'd brought him coffee, and one thing had led to another, and...

"Damn, that must have been good coffee," she giggled.

"It was pretty good..." I trailed off, remembering the first taste of Jasper's mouth against mine.

"I don't want to gruesome details, because I'm not a boy, but it was, uh, okay?"

I nodded. I couldn't spill anything embarrassing if I kept my mouth shut.

"And it will be happening again?" She was looking a little uncomfortable.

"I think so."

"So, we're talking like a boyfriend-girlfriend thing here?"

"Yeah... we didn't use those words, but we talked about it and agreed we wanted to explore it further."

Angela nodded and took a bite of her sandwich. Was that it? I was relieved but needed to check. "I didn't know how you'd feel about us getting together."

"Bella, I think it's great – you haven't dated anyone for awhile, and he seems like a really good guy. He obviously cares about you, which is what I care about."

I smiled at Angela's words, but the little voice in my head, which had been quiet since yesterday at work, suddenly spoke up. It reminded me that Angela didn't have all of the information... would she still think he was a really good guy if she knew what had happened on Friday? What had been happening for two weeks? Or would she step into the role that I knew Charlie would be playing if he knew I was involved with a guy with a drug habit?

Angela had been wonderful when I had talked to her about Jasper a couple of months ago. She had warned me to be "cautious," but that was it. Would this change her mind?

I looked up at her from the napkin I was shredding and she was watching me, her expression questioning. I knew I had been quiet for too long.

"Ange-" I stopped. Jasper said he trusted anyone I trusted. Angela loved me and would only want what was best, and she was fair and would be open-minded. Conversations with Angela, if anything ever went wrong with Jasper, would be severely hampered if I didn't feel I could talk to her about this part of who he was.

"Angela. When Jasper came over Friday night..." Fuck. I could feel the tears forming again. All of the crying was irritating. I closed my eyes and took a couple of centering breaths, liked I had learned to do in a yoga class I took with Renée a few years ago.

"Bella?"

I opened my eyes and Angela looked as worried as she sounded.

"He was high," I finished.

"What?" Her eyes were already widening.

"When Jasper came over on Friday, he was high. Heroin. He..." I spilled it all. The panic and pacing, the phone call to Jasper's house and the conversations with Emmett and Rose. The relief, the fear and sadness, the long night. I even went into more detail about Saturday morning since she would be able to understand better now. I told her what we had talked about before and during breakfast.

Just like before, she listened to the whole thing without interrupting. But when I was done, the look on her face was much more serious than it had been two months ago, when we sat at this same table and I talked about the boy who was just becoming my friend, not the boy who had just become my lover.

I put down the fork I'd been spinning and focused on Angela.

"Bella. I'm going to ask you the same thing I asked you last time, but I want you to really consider your response this time."

"Yes, Counselor Weber." Angela had really missed her calling when she decided to be a teacher.

"What do you want?"

I stopped to think. Really think. My answer was at least partially the same as before. I wanted – needed – to know Jasper was okay. I wanted to be his friend. But I wanted to be more than that, now.

"I want to spend more time with him. I want to get to know him better. I want to be there for him when he needs me. I want to make sure he's okay."

"Do you think he can be there for you?"

"Yes," I didn't hesitate. He had listened to me talk for hours, over the past three months, and he always seemed interested in what I said. Without a word to me, he had setup my visit with Phil. At the time, it had seemed like an unbelievably thoughtful gift from a friend. Now, I thought it had probably been a romantic gesture, too.

He'd already shown that he didn't like to see me cry, which was one of my big, if not strange, criteria in men. I should have known it would never work with Mike when he had failed to comfort me one night after I had gotten into a rare and distressing shouting match with Renée. In front of Mike and Phil, no less. Mike had let me cry all the way back to the dorms, dropped me off with a kiss to the cheek, and gone back to his room. I couldn't see Jasper ever letting me just cry unless it was what I wanted.

I had no doubt that, regardless of his own issues, he would care about me unconditionally. I was startled how effortlessly the thought came to me; I didn't even question it.

"You know that he needs a therapist, right? A real one? You aren't equipped to give him that sort of help. Just because you're his girlfriend doesn't mean that you're responsible for his mental health."

"I know, Angela."

"And you know the relationship might be tough, right? Do you have an answer now, about what you would do if he started using again?"

She had me pinned in the witness box, but it was a fair question. "I would call Emmett or Dr. Cullen."

"Are you going to do that now?"

"No. I have to trust him now or I'll never know if I can trust him later – and he won't know if he can trust me."

She nodded and twisted her straw through the ice cubes in her drink.

"Bella..."

I waited.

"I wish I knew it would be okay."

I knew what she meant. At best, it was a crapshoot. At worst, a freight train, destined to derail and end in fiery wreckage. "Me, too."

"And you know you can always talk to me, right? Even if things aren't okay?"

"That's why I'm here, Ange."

"You'll keep coming back?"

"Yes, I promise."

She sighed and gave me a small smile.

We made small talk as we finished our lunches, talking about Ben and what classes we were thinking about taking in the fall. Conversation came back to Jasper as we were about to leave.

"When are you seeing him next?"

"I told him I wanted to wait until Tuesday."

"Liar," she smirked.

"Totally."

We walked to our cars and made plans for a double date on Friday. Angela brought it up casually as we were paying for our meal, but I could read the motives on her face as if they'd been painted there in henna. I remembered my promise three months ago to never again forsake her for a boy. I planned to keep it.

. . . . . . . .

I talked with Jasper for a few minutes that night. He had gone out with Emmett and picked up a new phone. We talked about dinner on Tuesday. I was slowly reaching the end of the Tex-Mex spectrum and was going to have to get creative if I didn't want to start repeating meals. We agreed on chimichangas, which I had somehow missed, and he said he'd text me tomorrow after I got out of work.

My performance at work on Monday was much improved. I was a little anxious the whole time, although I couldn't pinpoint why. This time, it only served to make me more alert. There were no misguided customer interactions, no knocking over of entire displays, and definitely no need for inquiries about the status of my uterus from fellow employees.

By the time 6:00 rolled around, I had made a decision.

I fumbled my phone out of my tote on my way to my truck, nearly dropping it in a puddle when it caught on the strap of my bag. I quickly scrolled through my contacts and held my breath through two long rings. I couldn't stop myself from smiling when he answered.

"Jasper."

"Bella?"

"It's Tuesday in Sweden."

. . . . . . . .

Jasper was on my doorstep ninety minutes later, Thai takeout in hand. He was freshly showered from the gym and, for the first time, I was aware that I always associated a fresh, clean scent with Jasper. I was definitely much further gone than I'd realized.

He dropped a small duffel bag in the hall and answered my raised eyebrow with a markedly casual shrug. "Just in case."

I directed him to the living room where I'd already set out plates and silverware. After grabbing drinks from the fridge, I joined him on the couch. I figured there was no point in being coy, and sat myself in the middle instead of on my normal end.

He grinned at me, his Khao Pad already open in his hands. "Hey," he said, holding his food to the side.

"Hey," I whispered. I ran my hand along his forearm as he touched his lips to mine.

"Sweden, huh?" I felt his mouth twist up in a smirk and I poked him in the leg.

We ignored the silverware and plates and stabbed at each other's plastic containers with cheap chopsticks. After we ate, we snuggled into the couch, me under Jasper's arm. The physical contact felt natural, even though it was still so new.

A couple of times I thought about talking to him about going back to his therapist, but the atmosphere was so peaceful – a big change from Friday and Saturday – that I couldn't do it. I promised myself I would bring up sooner rather than later. I didn't want to start our relationship with festering issues.

We spent the rest of the evening laughing at bad summer television and looking for Phil's name in ESPN box scores. At one point, Jasper asked for the name of my gym because he wasn't happy with his and wanted something different. I told him I'd bring him with me later in the week to get him signed up.

"You can come to kickboxing and I'll kick your ass," I only half joked.

Just before 11:00, Jasper detangled our arms and stood.

"Are you going?" I stood up quickly next to him. Why had he brought his bag in?

"I wasn't sure what you wanted?" He sounded atypically hesitant.

"Since you're here..." I shrugged, trying to make it nonchalant, and – I was positive – failing miserably.

"Well, all right," he said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling my back against his chest. "If you insist." I tipped my head to the side when he ran his fingers over my neck, moving my hair out of the way. His lips were cool against my skin and I felt goose bumps rise across my whole body.

"Cold?"

"No." I shivered before I could control it. He chuckled into my shoulder.

He gently pushed me toward the hall. "Shall we?"

I secured the floor and picked up his bag, tugging him up the stairs after me.

We entered my room and I put his bag on the bed. As I went to my dresser to pull out pajamas, I was unsure what to wear. Shorts and a t-shirt? Should I try to find something remotely sexy? I hesitated, staring into the open drawer before me, trapped between boring cotton and itchy lace. The pesky butterflies were back and were fucking with my decision-making.

A large hand suddenly reached into the drawer and tugged out an old black Pearl Jam t-shirt and a pair of yoga pants. I turned and Jasper pushed them into my chest.

"If you're debating whether or not to put on something frilly, don't. Just... be you."

I took the clothes and changed in the bathroom after brushing my teeth.

I walked back to my room slowly, nervous. Emotions and need had governed Saturday morning's hookup. It had been fast and impulsive. It had been wonderful, but it hadn't been deliberate. I was already aching for it, for Jasper – his simple touches on the couch had stirred up feelings I hadn't experienced in a long time – but would it be awkward now that were both fully cognizant?

I poked my head into my bedroom and he was sitting on the edge of the bed with clothes in his hand. He stood and kissed the top of my head. "Be right back."

I left the light next to his side of the bed on and slipped under the covers on mine. I was always particular about on which side of the bed I slept, and the "his" and "mine" were coming easily to me.

Clad in sweatpants and a t-shirt, Jasper was back in the room a few minutes later. We looked like we were dressed for summer camp, not our first real night sharing a bed. I was lying on my back with my shaking hands behind my head. The photo on my mirror had caught my attention and I was thinking that maybe I should get another copy printed and put it in a frame. Jasper joined me in the bed and snapped off the light.

He slipped his arm under my back and pulled me into his side. I curled into him willingly and fit my head into the crook of his shoulder.

"Why are you twitchy?" Jasper asked after a minute.

"Too much soda?"

"You drank water all night, babe."

"Um." I couldn't even think of anything lame to say.

"Hey." He rolled onto his side, displacing me, and looked into my eyes in the very dim light. "No need for nerves here, okay? We'll just sleep. We'll have plenty of time to 'get to know each other better' later. When you're not freaked out."

"I'm not freaked out!"

"Okay, okay." He smiled, rubbing my shoulder, and kissed my forehead. I scooched closer to him. Our chests were touching and with a small tilt of my head, I was resting my forehead against his neck.

Jasper was running his hand along my back, soothing me. In my semi-sleep haze, I tipped my face to him for a good night kiss.

"Good night, Bella," he whispered, kissing me softly.

"Night, Jasper." Instead of leaning back into the pillow, I ran my hand up his chest, tugging at his t-shirt as our kiss became less gentle. I pressed myself against him as he slid a hand into my hair, keeping my head angled back.

"What happened to 'good night'?" he murmured.

"I thought of a way to calm my nerves."

He slipped a hand under the bottom of my t-shirt and ran it along my stomach. I arched into his hand and wrapped my leg around his to pull him closer. I lifted up slightly and we worked together to untangle my shirt from my arms.

Jasper's hands skimmed my skin and I reveled in the feel of his muscles flexing under my palms.

He pulled me on top of him and slowly explored my mouth, my body, with his tongue and hands. I took my time enjoying the taste and feel of him. He was made of hard angles and soft skin and I fit against him like a Lego snapping into place.

Jasper reached for the condom this time and tomorrow I'd talk with him about whether or not we could eliminate the need for them.

He sat up and leaned back on his hands while I gripped his shoulders to keep myself steady. Easing myself down and onto him, I leaned against his chest, enjoying the heat of his skin, the feel of his deep breaths against me. I moved my hands to his neck, thumbs on his jaw, and braced the top of my feet against the sheets.

The second time was more powerful than the first.

Given the opportunity to think about it, to really comprehend what we were doing, while our feelings were much clearer than before, it only heightened the intensity rather than diminished it.

As I moved on top of him, and he raised his hips to meet me, I felt like I was burning, turning inside out. If it were like this every time, I'd be nothing but embers by the end of the first month.

We didn't break eye contact until both of us were so hopelessly lost we could barely breathe, let alone focus on something, anything.

He drew me tightly to his chest as I cried his name, my eyes damp with the strength of it. In a long sigh, his lungs released "Bella" as his body shared my pleasure. We held each other while our breathing evened out.

"Nerves better?"

I hummed affirmation and snuggled my back against his chest as we lay back down.

"Thank you," he said.

"For what?" I turned my head but couldn't see his face.

"For letting me into your life like this. I know that you might still not be sure, that this might be too much..."

I reached back and ran my hand up his neck, slipping my fingers into his hair. "I'm sure," I murmured.

"Me, too," he whispered.

His lips against my neck were the last thing I registered as I drifted off, his "thank you" reverberating in my mind, my heart. Cowboys strummed "Misty" in my sleep.

Erroll Garner wrote "Misty."

I posted a new fic a few days ago, "Embers: Spicy Sides from Fire in the Vein," which contains the E/B breakup outtake. Up next for Embers: Jasper's thoughts, post-birthday party, possibly later this week.

I finally head home tomorrow/Monday, and then I can start catching up. Chapter 11 will be up on Wednesday.