Chapter four
Rogers was back at Blood Gulch. After he then came acquainted with the base. When he got to his room he was surprised to see they everything was still there just dusty, he then went to the communal computer and look at his e-mail not surprising at all there was no new messages from any of his family just over a few hundred spam emails. He then left, to regroup with the rest of his team and saw that Grif was still screaming. "Is he still screaming?" Rogers asked Simmons.
"Yep"
"What has it been two-three hours."
"Yep."
"Rogers, help Donut get four sniper rifles." said Sarge.
"Yes sir. Come on Donut." They then took off.
"Crazy huh we're back at Blood Gulch."
"Yeah it is, I never really liked this place to tell you the truth."
"Me either."
"Well Donut, I would of rather lived at that god forsaken beach, I mean all I have here is bad memorys. I mean at the top of the base is where I got pushed and knocked out by Tex and chipped a tooth and in the armory I got shot in the foot and all they had for meds was a lollipop that Grif ate."
"That sucks."They got inside and went deeper into the base, Rogers waved away spider webs while Donut freaked out if a single string touched him.
Hey what was the pass code for the armory again was it 5-5-5 or 6-5-6."
" 5-6-7."
"Thanks." Donut said opening the armory door. They then got the sniper rifles and went back to Sarge.
"Good work boys." Sarge said taking a sniper rifle.
Back with the blues Vulcan just came back to regroup with her squad. "Where were you guys? Why didn't you follow me when that scream happened?"
"We just assumed that Church just got mad." said Tucker.
"Well I didn't find anything."
"What the fuck was that."Church said reappearing.
"Hey Church." said Tucker.
"Isn't anyone going to ask me what happened to your body Church?" said Church
"What happened to your body Church?" everyone asked in unison.
"Hell if I know, all I know is I was sitting there talking to Gary."
"Wait why did you make us ask what happened to your body then?" asked Vulcan.
"Wait is Gary the bomb?" asked Tex.
"No that's Andy, Gary the computer."
"I don't even know your names half the time." said Tex
"I know my name you can ask me if you forget, by the way he's Church."
"Yes anyway as I was saying-."
"He is the mean one."
"Thank you Caboose."
"See he is the mean one, now he'll just stare at me until I stop talking. Then when he think I stop talking then he will start talking again."
"Ok I was talking to Gary."
"See I told you so."
"God damn it!"
"Twenty buck says that he have a stress induced ghost heart attack." Laughed Vulcan.
"Anyway I was talking to Gary about the great destroyer, who I thought Tex was. And that's when I turned around and I saw."
"Saw O'Malley?" asked Caboose.
"No it wasn't O'Malley If you can let me finish, I'll tell you."
"Yeah Caboose shut up."
"Tucker you're interrupting too!"
"Me I'm just trying to punch up the storyline check this everyone I'm super horny from the robot killing." Tucker said impersonating Tex. "Hey Tex I super horrny too maybe I can take off your wet armor and I'll let you do what you want to me." Tucker said impersonating Vulcan.
"Church I'm going to kill him." Vulcan said with her eye twitching. But it seemed Tex beat her too it. "Tex may I please.?"
"Be my guess." Tex said lowering her battle rifle. Vulcan then punched Tucker in the gut and he shut up. "So what did you see?"
"I was a big thing."
"That's it! I wasted five minutes for that." said Vulcan.
"My story had big thing too."
"One more sex joke Tucker and I'll make you a women with my gun." yelled an angry Vulcan.
"This is all I know, it was slimy and had lots of teeth."
"Kinky."
"You have five minutes to run." Vulcan said loading her gun.
"What that wasn't even a joke."
"You two cut the shit, like I said I left my body behind it was dead weight."
"Well the body pulls it weight, you're the deadweight." said Vulcan.
"Is that some joke?"
"Ha some monster scared the crap out of Church."
"It didn't scare the crap out of him. It scared the soul out of him." laughed Tex.
"Oh it's Church." said Tucker. "His soul is made out of crap."
"He makes a point." smiled Vulcan.
"See even Vulcan agrees with me."
"Are you guys done making fun. Well for all I know it's in there chewing on my body."
"Well let's go get this big thing." said Tex. Vulcan then followed the group to where Church last saw the beast and while they're doing this Tucker was making sex jokes and doing his bow chicka bow wow wow's.
Back at red base it was Roger turn to shoot at the screaming dummy. He missed Grif just by a hair. "Hey you went out of turn." said Sarge. He then explained the very confusing line order. All Rogers could think of that this was better then watching his favorite team slipp space play Grifball. He just then took another potshot at Grif.
"Fine I'll come down." yelled Grif. Rogers couldn't it but he took a couple more shot at Grif. "Hey dick head I said I was coming down."
"Sorry didn't hear yeah." After Grif came back down Sarge then order the men to stand outside of red base.
"Alright we have to stay out sight and be prepared for anything."
"Sir?" Rogers said raising his hand.
"Yes Rogers?"
"You know that me and Donut went into the base and no one was there. I mean except rats, Grif's room house a horde of them."
"Or that what they want you to think. As I recall you went in there alone. Maybe you're a blue and we're walking into an ambush."
"No I'm Rogers." He said removing his helmet. "See this is the scar, the one i got when I had to help you build Lopez." Rogers said pointing to a scar on his left side of his neck.
"How did that happen?" asked Simmons.
"Apart of Lopez exploded and a metal part cut me." Rogers said putting back his fire red helmet.
"You know we might be in there." said Donut.
"What?"
"You know past version of ourselves."
"That not how time travel work and if it did we be 800 hundreds years old which mean we'd be dead."
"I could live to be 800 I'm on this awesome diet." Donut said bragging.
"I keep telling you Donut those fad diets don't work." said Rogers. He never like Donuts fads, first there was the no sugar, no acid then there was the purdie chocolate bars.
"Is it that high fat, low fiber, liquid diet which you only drink bacon grease." asked Sarge.
"Nah that was just a fad, I only eat foods that begin with vowels."
"What did you have for breakfast?" asked Rogers.
"Eggs and Oreos, and for lunch I'm having asparagus and oreos."
"I've been on that diet for years, I had no idea I was so healthy I even cut out all of the eggs and I don't even know what asparagus is."
"Shut up!" yelled Sarge. Just then a tank drove by while Sarge was talking and Rogers was now worried and Sarges rambling seemed a lot less crazy.
Back at with the blues Vulcan stood ready to kill the monster. "You guys ready?" asked Vulcan.
"Hell yeah." said Tex. She then began to walk forward and Vulcan followed. Tucker then made another joke and was sent up front. As they walked into the base Vulcan was overtaken by a chill.
"I got a bad feeling, and I think something's watching me."
"You're just paranoid which is good in this case." said Tex. "Now get up there." As she slowly walked, she then heard some yelling she rushed up there to see the horrible beast and shot at it and ran back down frightened of what she saw. It wasn't like she seen before.
Back at red base Simmons told Sarge what he saw and Sarge treated him as if he was crazy. "Hey Rogers saw it so did Donut and even Grif." said Simmons.
"Donut impressionable, he'd agreed with anything you said. Hell he'd eat a spoon full of dirt if you told him it tasted like chocolate."
"That's not true is it?"
"Yeha Donut you should try." laughed Rogers. He watched Donut take off his helmet and shoveled a spoonful of dirt in his mouth.
"Oh god I ate a worm."
"Hahaha."
"What about Rogers?" asked Simmons.
"What about him?"
"He saw it."
"I don't know. I could of been seeing things I could have FTS. Future traumatic stress and saw what I wanted to see or the suits are leaking again and I'm hallucinating." Shrugged Rogers.
"Grif?"
"I'm with Rogers you might have FTS."
"No I don't. You just said that it."
"FTS." said Grif.
"Grrrrr."
Back with the blues Vulcan was with the squad waiting outside the gate while Church ranted on about his body and the alien. "Church hows about we stop bitching and start shooting that thing. We now know what to expect."
"It not that simple besides I could have taken him out if I hit I hit him a few more times." BItched Church.
"A Few more times?" said Tucker.
"I shot him like a couple times."
"I don't know I mean you're a pretty lousy shot. You also have a ghost gun."
"I'm with the broad here." yelled Andy.
"Fuck you Andy!"
"You hit nothing but the wall." said Tex.
"How would you know. You were running away."
"This is a long range weapon I have to be at a distance to use it properly."
"No you were running away." said Vulcan.
"Screw this. I work better alone." She then gave the group the middle finger and ran off towards the base.
"Tucker."
"Yeah Vulcan?"
"Twenty bucks says she kills the beast."
"Deal." Not even a minute went by before Tex came back as a ghost. "Pay up." Vulcan gave Tucker a glare as she got out a twenty dollar bill and gave it to him.
Back at red base, Rogers waited for Donut to let him drive the purple alien motorcycle. "Come on dude you have for twenty minutes." Rogers whinned as if he was a child.
"A few more minutes." Donut said driving off.
"It probably not fun anyways." he said walking off. He then over heard Sarge appoint Grif as his second in command. "Really Grif?" Rogers said over radio.
"Would you like to be second in command and have Simmons responsibilities?"
"No thanks weapons maintenance and inventory is good enough for me."He then saw Simmons come up to Sarge and Grif. "This is going to be fun."
Back with Blues, Vulcan and her squad were coming up with ideas on how to kill the alien. "Hows about we tape all of our grenades together."
"Vulcan, that didn't work when we tried it on the reds I doubt it will work now." sighed Church.
"Maybe Caboose should try talking to him." suggested Tucker.
"What would I say."
"Start on common ground like how you both killed Church."
"I actually like that idea." said Church.
"Really?" said Vulcan.
"Think about it. While our ambassador is either, A, eaten by the alien or B, digested by the alien you and I can sneak back and get our bodies." Caboose then made a gleeful squeal and ran off into the base.
"So do you think Caboose is going to die?" asked Vulcan.
"Probably." Then there was a scream. Vulcan held her breath as she ran towards it.
Back at red base Rogers just finished being the prison guard for Simmons. "You are hereby order to say two hundred yards for the red team at all time. Guard escort him off the property."
"What this is bullshit! Get your hand off of me. The tank was real it was real!" Simmons yelled at Rogers dragged him away. He then threw him and ran back to base.
"Sorry dude order are orders." Yelled Rogers when he got he heard Sarge say he was holding auditions for second in command.
"Rogers since you were escorting Simmons you will be in the contest."
"Alright so I'm against Donut."
"No you will be competing against Donut, a wrench and a skull."
"This is just weird. So what's the first contest?"
"An obstacle course with alligators."
"Welp nice knowing you Donut, because you'll be crushed."
"Hey I was suppose to be the one with great insults."
Back at with the Blues, Vulcan and Tucker were sneaking into the compound. "Are sure about this I mean it's Caboose." said Tucker.
"Yeah I know we just need to see if he's in trouble or if he swallowed his tongue again." As they snuck in they smelled something rancid. As they went further she saw Tex and Church talking to the alien."Shit that thing smells like week old dirty gym shorts top with rotting fish that was left in the sun for a month."
"Vulcan this my friend he has a cat named apples."
"Good to see your alive Caboose."
"Cool so it speaks English."
"Blagh blagh honk."
Back at red base Roger was laying on the ground exhausted of Sarge's contest. He just finished the talent part with juggling chainsaws he he quit because he tired of the nonsense. "Alright it's the third round of the contest and we only had one disqualification Dan Rogers. Rogers was leading in the obstacle course but lost and quit after his chainsaw juggling nearly cut off his foot which Donut took the lead. But then the skull took the lead in Q&A session."
"How was that even possible?" asked Rogers.
"Now Donut and the skull are tied and with the wrench in third place. next round evening wear."
Back with the blues
Vulcan was sitting doing basic maintenance on her gun. "Hey Caboose have any extra bullets?" asked Vulcan.
"Here you go." Caboose said handing Vulcan a pack of crayons.
"Can I see your gun." Caboose then handed his gun to Vulcan she unloaded it and found it full of crayons. "Hey Tucker look at this."
"What is it?"
"Guess what. Caboose gun was loaded with crayons."
"That's odd but give me an idea."
"Hey Tucker where is Church?" asked Caboose.
"He's trying to find a translator." said Tucker.
"I don't understand and I'm scared."
Back at red base Sarge was just about to announce the winner. "And the winner is...Donut."
"So what now we sent half the day playing games."
"Well if it isn't oveus we must rebuild red base and watch out for the evil mutant cyborg Simmons before he tries to kill us all!" Rogers sighed and spoke up.
"I'll take inventory weapons and food."
Back with the blues Vulcan was trying to teach the alien english with Caboose. Which felt more like trying to teach them both. "Jerkwad, jerkwad." she said pointing to Tucker who was trying to open a pack of crayons. "Let's start with the alphabet. Caboose you sing it while I talk to principal Church."
"What are you doing?" sighed Church.
"Teaching the alien and seems like Caboose english also." She said pointing to alien.
"K L M 46 Z." Sung Caboose.
"I think it's coming along nicely. Caboose now knows A is the first letter. So have you open the crayons yet?"
"No."
"Just use your sword." suggested Church. Tucker then activated the sword and the alien jumped up.
"Alien we talked about this. No biting." It then began to beat up Tucker kicking him and pistol whipping him. "Should we help him?"
"Nah."
Back at red base Rogers sat on the couch snoozing. "Rogers."
"Yeah Sarge." Rogers said dazed.
"I need you to on the lookout for Simmons."
"Sir he's as harmless as a puppy. I don't think we to look out for him."
"Just do it."
"Fine." Rogers grabbed his SMG and went topside. There was nothing, just Grif and Donut but then the tank was firing at the base. Rogers duck behind a large metal crate . "I guess Simmons wasn't crazy."
Back with the blue, Vulcan was watching as Tucker was getting beat up. "Help me ow."
"Can't Church tried to get it off but it's too strong just play dead."
"Vulcan get over here." yelled Tex She got up and came over towards Tex.
"What is it?"
"I found a way to translate what the alien is saying."
"Cool now we can get it to stop attacking Tucker."
"Why? So you can french him some more?" Laughed Andy.
"It was once and I was drunk! Besides at least I can kiss a guy. You can't make it with a japanese robohooker."
"Ouch."
"So what is going to translate the alien speech?" asked Vulcan.
"That would be Andy." said Tex.
"Crap."
"Thats right bitch. So say you're sorry or no go no the alien."
"I'm sorry Andy. My words were hurtful and I feel really bad."
"Apology "
"Wait I'm I the only one that thinks this is a bad idea." said Church.
"Church this is all we got."
"Yeah. But he's a bomb."
"You're a racist."
"Bombs are not a race."
"Shut up shisno."
"Screw it go for it." Caboose then pick the bomb and dropped it in front of the alien. "Andy tell him to stop hitting him."
"Alright. Blargh blargh honk honk." The alien then stopped hitting Tucker and Vulcan helped him up.
"God I'm going to die."
"Don't worry if you survived a rocket launcher without medical you can survive being beat up for two hours straight."
"Thanks. I guess." Tucker said rubbing his back.
"Basically he's pissed off."
"No shit." Vulcan said under her breath.
"He say's he came to claim some type of thing and the teal one took the thing. And the thing is gone."
"Wait by teal do you mean Tucker?" asked Vulcan.
"Ya."
"That thing must be the sword. And it's right there."
"He says it only works for the hero who passes a trial at windmill and retrieves it from its resting place."
"Really?" said Vulcan.
"Yes really, now stop with your commentary."
"Alright. Geeze."
"Now you have to go with him and fulfill a prophecy."
"Fuck you." yelled Tucker.
"Ya well he's not too thrilled about it either."
"Sorry I'm not going."
"And if you don't go he'll destroy the base and kill everybody here." Everyone stood in silence of a minute before Church spoke up.
"Well have fun."
"Hey a quest, sounds fun." said Tex. After ten minutes of packing the alien began to describe where they'll be going.
"So we'll cross the burning plains, then the freezing plains."
"This is so dumb, i'm not doing this."
"News flash you don't have a choice."
"Ya you did pick up the sword." said Vulcan.
"Ya well I'm used to picking up things and not letting them get attached. I'm talking about women."
"Barely." said Vulcan.
"Don't worry we're not sending you all alone," said Tex.
"You're coming with, Tex?"
"Me? Hell is the first thing you dipshits have done that's actually sounds dangerous."
"Well I'm not going with Church." said Tucker
"Well I not going either."
"NO FUCKING WAY." Tucker said looking at Caboose.
"Don't worry I going too." said Vulcan. She always wanted to on a quest.
"Oh, I hope we meet a cleric along the way. None of us knows how to heal." said Caboose.
"Blarg."
"He says he's a healer." said Andy.
"Cool." said a gleeful Vulcan.
"Not really they eat their wounded." Vulcan face then turned to a horrid look.
"Welp I'm out."
"Sorry V. But you said you go."
"STFU Church." she said giving him the middle finger.
"UM ok, Tucker is the fighter, Chrunchbite is the healer, Vulcan is the apprentice mage and I'm the powerful intelligent wizard Morphumax."
"What am I?" asked Andy.
"You're the good looking and stealthy archer."
"HAha."laughed Vulcan.
"Well I'm going to fucking die." said Tucker.
Back at red base Rogers was standing behind cover while the tank and Simmons attacked. "I bet the blue's never had to deal with a team killer."
"Rogers go out there and draw Simmons fire." yelled Sarge.
"Look out." Rogers said tackling Sarge when a tank shell landed in the base and destroyed Sarge's chemistry set.
"Get off me." Sarge said pushing Rogers off. "I'm going out there to talk to him." Rogers nodded and went topside to look what was going on. Seeing that Simmons painted himself blue he ran down to the mess hall and made himself some popcorn for the show.
Back with the blues, Church was saying his goodbyes, Vulcan wasn't really listening but she was happy, Church was a terrible fighter, but then again they do need some for Caboose to kill. After a minute they began their journey, she turned on her Helmets playlist and the first song that played was some indie rock song she got for free.
Back at red base Rogers was with Sarge watching Simmons take Grif prisoner. "So Sarge we going to rescue Grif?"
"Why?"
"He's a fellow trooper." Sarge gave him a confused look and Rogers just sighed. "Never mind."
Back with the blues, After an hour or so Vulcan and her group came across the 'Burning plains' it wasn't impressive the area just looked like the area was napalmed a hundred years ago. Andy said that there was a creature in the area. Vulcan looked and saw the area was just a smoldering crater with a rock. THey then jumped down to face the beast but nothing was there. "Is it invisible?" asked Vulcan.
"No. Thats it, its already dead." The group looked and saw a cow skull.
"A cow? Didn't we run it over or something?" said Vulcan.
"I think so." said Tucker.
Back at red base Rogers was still with Sarge spying on Simmons. "How's it going guys?" Donut asked over the radio.
"Boring."
"Well, Simmons has had Grif for too long. He's probably torturing him."
"Like giving him a shower." said Rogers. After a minute Donut began to voice what should change around the base, so Rogers turned off his radio. But then Sarge shook him. "Ya Sarge?"
"We're going to have to rescue Grif."
"Sir yes sir." Rogers then holstered his gun. They then began to run towards the base. As they got closer Rogers saw that the area had no defences. "Well this is going to easier then I thought."
"Or maybe Simmons is waiting for us. Nah, Simmons is probably just busy torturing Grif."
"Weee."
"Sounds like Grif. It also sounds like he's having fun."
"Clearly Grif has become so stupid he's mixed up the yells for pain and fun." Rogers and Donut then walked in. They then saw Grif running around and Sarge then knocked him out.
"Sarge why did you do that?"
"Uh."
"Never mind." Rogers then quickly dragged Grif outside and ran up to Sarge to find he was knocked out then also, everything went black for him.
Back with the blues, After hours of walking Vulcan was ready to collapse, they found themselves in a swamp. She was just glad that they were setting up camp. She took off her helmet and pulled out a sleeping bag. She took a quick rest before Caboose shook her awake. "What is it Caboose?"
"Andy is about to tell us the plan. Alright I'll go wake up Tucker."
"No!" whispered Andy. Vulcan got out of her sleeping bag and walked over to the group
"So, what's the plan?"
"Simple. We are going to use Tucker as bait. Then beat the shit out of the monster."
"Alright." They then waited for about ten minutes. Tucker woke up but Vulcan and everyone else stayed quiet. Then a figure came out of the shadow and the alien jumped it.
"Get off of me." said Tex. She then began to rant on how she was going to 'help' but Vulcan ignored it. She then began to yawn.
"Hey guys can we stop yapping and start napping we got a long day ahead of us."
"Yay the alien say that's a good idea." said Andy. Vulcan took off her helmet and went back in the sleeping bag. After a few hours rest she was awoken a some twigs snapping and saw it was it was some large fox looking creature it hissed and ran away. She then layed down and tried to sleep but was unable to so she started a cooking fire and boiled water and made pancakes. Caboose was the first awake once he smelled the pancake.
"Vulcan made pancakes!" he yelled waking everyone else up.
"Really you're making pancake." said Andy.
"Hey don't knock it. Vulcans an alright cook." Tucker said taking Caboose plate."
"Vulcan he took my pancake." Whined Caboose.
"Don't worry I'll make you one with chocolate chips and Tucker's with raisins." Vulcan said humming.
"What's wrong with her." asked Tex.
"She's happier when she cooks." said Tucker. After everyone was fed they made their way to the freezing plains. After a day or two they finally reached the freezing plains.
"You know that alien gives me the creeps." Tucker said pulling everyone to the side. "He stands over while I sleep."
"It probably nothing the only person you have to worry about is Tex." Andy then called for them and they saw the temple. Andy explain what Tucker had to do, but Tex left instead. "She crazy you know."
"Hey as long as she doesn't beat the shit out of me I don't care."said Tucker Vulcan watched as Tex turned invisible. She sat down and watched as Tex made her way into the temple. She then notice something.
"Its those idiots again, the flagites."
"Man, I hate those guys." said Tucker.
"Tex told us to be quiet." whispered Caboose.
"We're 300 yards away I doubt that they can hear us."
"I think I hear something." said a Flagite. Vulcan looked at Tucker and made the be quiet jester.
"It was probably Tex." said a not so sure then they heard the flagite screaming. "What the fuck are they deaf." Then a sniper round came towards Tucker. "That you heard?" Tucker then gave the middle finger before taking cover. Vulcan shot a a close Flagite before Tex took her kill.
Back at red base, Rogers found himself outside of red base with Donut waking everyone up. "What happened." said a groggy Rogers.
"I'll tell you once everyone is up. Now help me carry Grif and Sarge."
"Or I drag sarge while you drag Grif."
"Ok." After five minutes of dragging and not even being half way to the base Grif and Sarge woke up and Donut told the three what had happen. Rogers didn't believe any of it but he out right didn't care at this point. As long as he's alive, that's all that matters. Rogers rubbed his head and waited for Sarge's next orders but he went over to Grif.
"So what do you think happened?" Rogers asked Grif.
"I don't know and I don't head fuckin hurts and that I'll I care to know."
Back with the blues, Vulcan was hiding near a rock while she took fire from the flagites. She fired her gun at them but was still pinned down. Just then she saw the purple plane take off. She regroup and the doged to see that the alien was aiming for the flagite. Just then a stray rocket hit the plane. "Shit."
"Tex."
"Wyoming."
"Connecticut."
"SHIT!" The man in the white armor ran off and Tex followed him. "You know I think we should leave." Vulcan said pointing to a group of flagites rushing towards them.
"Agreed." Caboose and Tucker said in unison. They then took off, grabbing Andy. They then trekked their way back to Blood Gulch.
Back at red base, Rogers sat atop of Red base looking at the valley with Donut. He was looking out for Simmons and the Tank. "Hey." said Rogers.
"Yeah."
"You ever wonder why we're here."
"Because Sarge built a bomb and sent us forward in time."
"Oh right thanks." Just then Rogers watched as a poorly painted man came walking up.
"Halt. Who goes there?"
"Donut, Rogers it's me."
"Hey you need?" asked Rogers
"II want to talk to Sarge. I just found out some info. Wait why am I answering your questions?"
"Hold it." yelled Donut.
"What your problem?"
"Sarge told me and Rogers not to let anyone in the base and I'm pretty sure anyone means the enemy."
"I'm not the enemy."
"You attacked us with the tank." said Rogers.
"Besides your blue. There's kind of a theme here, you're blue, I'm red."
"More like pink."
"I have a gun." Donut said cocking it.
"I only dressed like this to trick the blues."
"You helped them." yelled Rogers. "You could've kill me."
"I also fooled them."
"You knocked me out."
"Once again to fool the ask Sarge, Grif, hell even Rogers."
"Yeah I know it's you and I'm not letting you inside the base." said Rogers. Just then Sarge came rushing in.
"What's going on."
"The enemy is trying to get inside sir." Said Rogers.
"Where behind Simmons?" asked Sarge.
"Simmons is the enemy!"
"Oh yeah. Scram blue."
"But I have valuable info about the war."
"You're a traitor!" yelled Sarge. Simmons shook his head and sighed.
Back at blues base, Vulcan could see Blue base and was a little excited. She then rushed down and got a closer look. It wasn't much but it was kind of like home. "I glad to be back."
"Hey guys how's it going?" asked Church.
"Meh." said Tucker.
"Tex."
"Gone."
"Alien."
"Dead."
"And the quest?"
"Failed."
"I really didn't need to ask the question did I."
"I wouldn't say failed. But these guys screwed it up royal." Said Andy.
"What? We didn't do anything."
"Exactly. Tex did all the work and you got the alien killed."
"Hey you don't have to be rude."
"Shut up Vulcan." yelled Andy.
"Well is Tex ok?" asked Church.
"Probably." said Vulcan. "She going after what's his face. Wyoming that's it Wyoming."
"What why didn't you tell me this."
"Isn't this what she usually does."
"Beside we just got here." said Tucker.
"You could've just told me about Tex instead of your stupid failed quest."
"I won't say failed."
"Shut up!" yelled Vulcan. She then went inside and went to her bunks. She was happy to everything was still there just a little dusty. She went under her bed and pulled out a stash a twinkies. "Thank god these things can last forever." she said taking a bite out of it. Tucker then came in mourning.
"Can I have some I'm so hungry."
"NO! Get the hell out."
"Fine." She then heard Church call for her.
"What is it."
"Do you know what's wrong with Tucker?" asked Church
"No, he throwing up, moaning and really hungry. These seems like normal Tucker behavior."
"Well, just to be safe stay out here until we find out what's wrong with him."
Back at red base
Simmons was still trying to gain access to red base. "Do you guys want the info or not?"
"So no blues in the reds clubs." laughed Rogers.
"Ya man. Reds rule." yelled Donut. "If we let you we'll have to let in girls."
"And if we did we just be talking about reality Tv and cloths." said Grif.
"You just ruined my point dude." sighed Donut.
"The blues might stage an attack." said Simmons.
"With what a run down tank and badly painted traitor." laughed Rogers.
"Tell you get off all the blue and I'll let you inside the base."
"Done." Rogers couldn't believe his eyes Simmons got off all the blue paint in a blink of an eye. "So can I come in?"
"Fine." Sighed Roger. "Riddle me this how did change so fast."
"I'm shy."
"That explains why you where your underwear in the shower."
"I also only use the bathroom at home."
"TMI . Wait actually one more test you have to tell us the Password."
"Password."
"Damn it. Alright but Grif will escort you in I have given him orders to shoot."
"Wait why me."
"Because I said so,"
"Not a valid answer."
"Do it or i'll delete all of your show on the DVR. Starting with food sluts."
"Damn you." Grif then hopped down and left with Simmons.
Back at blue base
The guys fed up with Tucker and asked Andy if he knew what was wrong with Tucker. "Andy, what happened to Tucker on this little adventure."
"Yeah, he eats all my twinkies." said an annoyed Vulcan
"Not to mention he's moody as hell."
"How should I know? He was fine on the trip. Maybe he's sick from Vulcans pancakes." Laughed Andy.
"You leave the pancakes out of this."
"Alright, alright you two break it up. Now did he come across anything weird like plants or animals or the flu hell even porn stars?"
"Oh ya I forgot to mention. We invaded a secrete biological warfare lab run porn stars. Tucker licked all the petri dishes , even though we told him not to. Then he got thirsty so he drank everything in the test tube." Vulcan glared at Andy then he spoke again. "Oh come on you're surprised he's sick, I never seen the guy wash his hands, not once. One time I saw him pick his nose at the pay phone."
"He's not wrong." said Vulcan.
"Hey I'm just worried if this stuff contagious."
"Aren't you dead and also a robot?Why do you care."
"Hey I will have to look after you guys and that won't be fun."
"Hey I'll run clean up. 10 megaton tops."
"That will kill Tucker...I say go for it."
"Andy no. But you can't get sick so you go in tell us what's wrong and deal with the situation."
"Sorry but I go in I go boom. Now if you want a medical diagnosis go see a doctor."
"What did you just say."
"Go see a doctor. Do you want me to say it slower?" Church then turned his head to Vulcan and Caboose.
"Church no." said Vulcan.
"Vulcan give me your phone."
"Fine but I have limited minutes." Vulcan then pulled a old flip phone from her pocket and handed it to Church. Church called Doc and gave the phone back to her.
"Why do you have a flip phone anyways?" asked Church.
"Long story short I blew a lot of money on stocks and this was all I could afford after it." Vulcan and Church then went topside to wait for Doc. After an hour of playing uno with Caboose, Church spotted Doc in the distance and fired a couple of 'warning shots'.
"All right hold it right was a warning shot O'malley. Make any sudden moves and the next one go through your visor."
"Was it really a warning shot?" whispered Vulcan.
"No I was actually trying to hit him."
"I knew it you created this elaborate scheme to get us over here."
"No, not really we just need you to see what's wrong with Tucker."
"But first some ground rules." yelled Church.
"I'm not very big on rules." yelled O'malley.
"Yeah we notice." yelled Vulcan.
"Yeah, we have this system where we each clean on different days but I end up doing it." said Doc.
"Hey Doc I still see you're still swimming in that head somewhere too."
"You know I swear they're like a real life odd couple." said Vulcan.
"Now we are not." yelled O'malley.
"Why can't we just get along?" said Doc.
"Well don't get the idea of jumping into anyones heads. We turned off our radios, this is how it going to work. You're going to come in, you're going to take a look at Tucker,tell us what's wrong and leave."
"Hmm what do we get?" asked O'Malley.
"What do you want and I should warn you that Tex is not here."
"So what do you think they're going to ask for?"
"I don't know but they're about to talk so be quiet." whispered Church.
"We want something from you, but we're not going to tell what it is until we need it."
"That's bullshit we'd rather let Tucker suffer then do that." yelled Vulcan.
"Vulcan."
"Yeah?"
"Let me handle this."
"Also a $20 co pay fee is standard."
"Alright, fine."
"We want the $20 up front and in cash."
"Fine whatever. Caboose give me $20, no wait 30." Caboose pulled out his money.
Back at red base
Rogers was leaving base with Sarge, Grif and Simmons to Blue base. Rogers was still upset about Simmons being back in the squad. "Double time men." yelled Sarge.
"Why are we running again?" asked Rogers barely breaking a sweat.
"From Simmons intel the blues have reconnected contact with their command. They could be receiving reinforcements as we speak or even giving them new technology."
"Or there command been giving them the same generic order ours always gives us."
"Whats up with that? You know I swear it sounds like a pre-recorded message."
"That's what I wanted you to hear. When I talk to red command the intel they give us is vital."
"Like what?"
"Like where blue base is and the number of soldiers they got."
"Don't we tell them that though?" said Rogers.
"Yes command but command processes the raw data and gives us the key data not to mention the plans for the turning point in the I kept in Lopez."
"Or maybe reinforcements like Donut because he help so much." Laughed Rogers.
"Since you mention it where is Donut." said Sarge.
"He's over there talking to a rock." said Rogers.
"Grif, Rogers get intel on that rock ASAP. You'll need to go on recon set up a listenin-" Sarge was then cut off when Grif began to speak.
"Or I can just look through the scope. And it looks like he's talking to Lopez."
"Alright men get over there tripple time." yelled Sarge. Sarge began to run and the rest of the group followed. After a couple of minutes of running they made their way to Donut position. Donut!"
"Yes?"
"Where did you him?"
"Right here."
"How you talking to him? Do you speak english now?" asked Simmons.
"No."
"I took four years of Highschool Spanish. That's the best way to learn any language."
"What you two been talkin about?"
"Oh this and that, I asked for his name, where the bathroom was that kind of stuff."
"Ask him about the secret plans I stored on him." Donut nodded and spoke. Rogers doubted what said was what Sarge asked him to say.
"Looks like he's not talking."
"Lucky for us I built an over ride code just for this event. Lopez give me access to priority delta one." Lopez responded and Sarge spoke again. "Access code is access code." Then a message began to play in Spanish.
"What the Fuck?The kid sounds like Vic."
"This sound like Vic JR."
"Wait how did Vic have kids? I thought he had a vasectomy." Rogers turned his dead to Donut. And the message ended.
"Grif." whispered Rogers."I bet my bottle of scotch that this is just another generic message."
"Probably it is."
"Alright it's settled we'll steal the blues translating bomb." Before Rogers could respond the remark made by Sarge the group was taking off.
Back at blues base
Church was showing around O'malley while she kept a close eye on him at distance. She felt uneasy due to the fact that O'malley was near Andy. But O'malley left to see Tucker and a couple of minutes latter. Doc came up. "Ok everybody I'm going to give Tucker his physical now. Would either you like to assist?" asked Doc ever so kindly.
"That's just a fancy way of saying hold the vomit bucket." Laughed O'malley.
"Sorry I'm busy." said a nervous Church.
"Vulcan, Caboose?"
"I think it's my time of the month so yeah."
"I'm allergic to gross thing." Caboose said with a fake cough.
"Ok, bye."
Back with the reds Rogers was sitting on rock while Sarge looked at blue base with the sniper rifle. "What'cha you find sir?" asked Rogers.
"You won't believe but the blues have teamed up with O'mealley. Those dirty back stabbers."
"Isn't O'malley our enemy too?" asked Rogers.
Yes. No good two timers. Alright men let's get in there and acquire that translator so we
can figure out the message." Sarge then looked down the scope. "Alright I see the bomb it's next to Caboose."
"Which one is Caboose again? Is he the stupid mean one, stupid bitch, stupid annoying or stupid stupid." asked Grif.
"Stupid stupid." said Simmons.
"Hey Sarge since we can see them with a sniper rifle, why can't we just shoot them." said Donut.
"A sniper rifle is a coward's weapon. Hand to hand is a true soldier's weapon."
"Alright what's the plan sir?" asked Rogers.
"You guys stay here while me and Lopez steal the bomb." Sarge then left grabbing Lopez's head.
Back at blue base, Vulcan was waiting outside with Church for Doc to come back. After an hour Doc had come back. "Guys I figured out what's wrong."
"What is it Doc?" asked Church,
"You're not going to like the diagnose." said Doc.
"Well what is it?" asked Vulcan.
"Your friend is-.
"Dying?" said Caboose.
"How do I say this? Your friend is."
"Why did you pause?" asked Vulcan
"Just for dramatic effect. By the way he's pregnant."
"Wait, what?" Vulcan and Caboose said in unison.
"No really what's wrong with him?" Church said disbelief.
"No it's true, we found two heart beats. Unless he has two hearts he's pregnant."
"How is that even possible? I'm just going to shoot Tucker."
"No 're going to stay here and help him."
"What?" said Church.
"No one's ever seen this before and with heart and determination we can get him though this."
"We'd rather have an actual doctor."
"Fine come this for yourself."
"Alright." sighed Church.
"I think I need to stay here and guard this rock. From Tucker because I'm pretty sure that's how all of this started."
"What's wrong Caboose?" asked Vulcan.
"What if Tucker is contagious. I do not want get pregnancy."
"No one is pregnant and Caboose when this is done Vulcan and I are going to read a book that will explain this."
"I'd like that." Church then left and Vulcan followed.
Back with the reds
Sarge came back with the bomb as plan. "That's how you do it." bragged Sarge.
"Where's Lopez?" asked Simmons.
"I pulled the old switcheroo. Just like Indiana Jones, they never know." Rogers smirked, he was going to let Sarge figure it out on his own.
"You swapped Lopez for the bomb. permission to speak insultingly, sir."
"Permission denied. You're just jealous that you-. Damn it!" Sarge then ran and came back with Lopez a few minutes later
Back in blue base, Doc kept trying to convince Church and Vulcan was pregnant. "That's impossible last time I check Tucker was a dude." said Vulcan.
"But my gizzmo lights up green to indicate pregnancy."
"I thought it lit up green to indicate flesh wound and infectious disease."
"It lights up green for just about everything, see this green indicates high levels of anger stemming from repressed feelings of inadequacy."
"If that thing keeps talking bad about me, I'm going to fucking smash it."
"And this green indicates high levels of stress from the feeling of anger and annoyance." Doc said point the medical gun at Vulcan.
"He was spot on." shrugged Vulcan.
"See these tools can be confusing sometimes. That's why doctors have to go to school for so long, not that i'm a doctor."
"That's for sure with this conclusion." said Church.
"What conclusion." said Tucker.
"Congrats Tucker you're pregnant."
"It's not mine. I wasn't even in town that weekend."
"Tucker don't listen to him, man. He's a lunatic, he doesn't know what he's talking about." Just then Caboose came in screaming.
"Doctor help! My second best friend is dead."
"Caboose who's dead?" asked Vulcan.
"Andy. He's dead look." Vulcan quickly backed away seeing the skull. "DR. Doc please help him."
"Uh, I really don't know what I can do."
"First Tucker dies now Andy."
"There there."
"Don't encourage him." said Church.
"Tucker isn't dead. He's pregnant."
"It's not mine!"
"You're not pregnant!" In the confusion Church left to the outside. Next thing she knew Doc told her to boil some water. She did but when Doc began to take off Tuckers armor and she ran and hid in her room. Hearing the screaming which would haunt her dreams.
Back with the red, Sarge came back with Lopez and Andy began to translate the orders. Not to Rogers surprise the orders were generic as ever. "Well that is not surprising." sighed Rogers.
"Tell me about it." Rogers then saw a blue out in the distance.
"I think I see the tank coming towards us." said Rogers. The tank just kept coming and Rogers stood his ground.
"You two are idiots." said Simmons.
"Kissass."
"Rogers is right." said Donut. Just then a tank shell came towards them and Rogers took cover behind rocks with the rest of his team.
"I told you so." Rogers told to Simmons with a smirk. Sarge barked his orders and Rogers jumped up after grabbing the extra annmo from Simmons and fired at the tanks but missing terrible. Simmons jumped up and yelled.
"Those were just warning shot. Now we'll give you one chance to surrender."
"Why would I surrender?" asked Church.
"Because you're out number." yelled Rogers.
"Good one." said Grif.
"Bullshit dude I got a with tanks are never out numbered."
"Unless you have a rocket launcher." yelled Rogers.
"Do you have a rocket launcher." yelled Church. "No." Church gave them the middle finger and fired another tank shell at them.
"Son of a bitch." yelled the entire squad.
"Look guys I don't mean to be rude, but I got a missing girlfriend, a guys who's pregnant and a idiot who thinks his pet just died, and our worst enemy is hang out unsupervised at our base right now. So I really don't have time for this horse shit right now."
"Did he just say a guy is pregnant?" asked Rogers. What Rogers just heard didn't make any sense.
"I'll check." said Grif. "What was that part about the pregnant guy again?"
"HE'S NOT PREGNANT!"
"Yeah unless the alien impregnated him." Rogers stopped and thought god how unlucky that guy must be. Then he heard screaming from the blue guy just then when it seem like nothing could get crazier a ship crashed down and crushed Donut.
"SON OF A BITCH." yelled Rogers. He couldn't believe that just happened.