A/N: I got 5 quick reviews all concerned about Erik and Meg. I couldn't leave you hanging for a week wondering so I am posting this the same night as the last chapter. Take heart, Erik will redeem himself in time.
Chapter Ten
The Angels Wept Tonight
Upon returning to her cabin Meg stripped off every stitch that remained of her tattered garments. Taking them and wadding them between her hands, Meg opened the little portal then tossed the garments out into the churning ocean. As she watched the wind billow them about then let them drift down into a watery grave so too did Meg release some of her heartbreak.
For a few sinful moments she thought to climb through that portal herself then plunge into those churning waters after her clothing.
As the garments had left her hand Meg's subconscious mind began to bury the details of the last hour one by one in an attempt to protect her from something that had begun to crush her spirit. Her mind would keep it tucked away until such time her psyche felt safe to reveal those hidden memories to her. The human mind is a wondrous thing.
Meg wrapped her robe around her naked body then went out into the hallway to make her way to the bathroom. She did not notice the dimly lit passageway. Nothing really registered as she put one foot in front of the other automatically. Once inside the small room Meg set about cleansing every miniscule part of her body thoroughly. This too she did with no real thought for the process.
In a daze she scrubbed her skin until she bleed in places. She dunked down in the frigid water covering every aching inch of her. She had not even waited for the water to warm before entering the tub.
Mechanically she climbed out of the tub letting the water drain. Meg watched it with unseeing eyes as if the water carried away what had happened. Once every drop of water had drained Meg wiped the tub dry.
Once that had been accomplished Meg removed the towel placing it in the hamper. Wrapping her robe around her shivering shoulders Meg returned to her cabin.
Going to her dresser she pulled out the top drawer removing a stiff, cotton nightgown. She avoided any that were even remotely daring. She donned her thickest gown, the cotton one like her mother had made her wear while in the dormitories of the opera house. The one that left only her hands and face bare.
Climbing into bed Meg fell into a deep healing sleep, her mind seeking comfort in forgetfulness. By morning the night for Meg would be as if it had never happened.
Meg woke feeling unusually refreshed. She stretched groaning as she felt aching in all her muscles. She must do some warm-up exercises today or she would not be ready to take to the stage again. They would be in England within the month if the weather held and the winds were kind.
She dressed quickly joining everyone for breakfast. Noticing that Erik had not joined them Meg's heart jolted then settled into its normal rhythm. She had felt uneasy about seeing him but didn't know why.
Raoul told everyone to beware of Erik today if he even left his cabin. He had thrown the poor cabin boy against the wall when he had simply knocked and inquired if Erik would have breakfast in his cabin or join everyone else.
That set the pattern for the next two weeks. Erik secluded himself once more as if he had returned to his underground home. He stalked about at night. Food became a necessary nuisance. Everyone stopped inquiring about his health when he nearly strangled Raoul who had gone to Erik's cabin upon Christine's request. Raoul had simply inquired if he felt well. Before Raoul knew what had happened Erik had him pinned down on the floor with Erik's hands wrapped around Raoul's throat.
If Antoinette had not come along down the hallway and heard the scuffle Raoul may well have died at Erik's hands. Only Antoinette's assurances that nothing remotely like that would ever happen again had kept Raoul from slapping Erik in irons. He clearly had some mental instability.
Antoinette tried her best to draw Erik out but he seemed even more agitated in her presence. For the first time in their association Erik could not look Antoinette in the eye. She knew he hid something from her in the tormented depths of his green eyes. The animosity that Meg had felt toward Erik seemed to have evaporated into thin air. In fact Meg seemed overly cheerful these last two weeks. The same amount of time Erik had crawled into deep despair. Antoinette knew the two circumstances intertwined, she just did not know how they fit together. Antoinette left him wallowing in his enforced misery. With Erik that was all one could do at times.
With only one more night at sea before they reached England's shore Erik stalked the night shrouded deck. Every night he tried to outrun the demons that chased him in the daylight hours then followed into his dreams.
Not even the peace of the starlit sky could soothe Erik's torment. He constantly cursed himself back to hell from whence he came. Every kind gesture the others made toward him only rubbed salt into an already festering wound. He had defiled Meg in the worst way a man can. He had no excuse that would take the burden from his black heart and soul.
At this moment no one could hate Erik any more than he did himself with possibly the exception of Meg. Erik gazed into the night sky wishing upon every star he could harness time so he could turn back the hands of the clock. Perhaps he would even go back so far as to when he was still in that cage being beaten nightly. Yes he deserved that. He deserved every lash that had ever crossed his back and more.
If he thought Meg would accept his offer he would lay bare his back and even provide the most lethal of whips. Erik knew he had been unreasonably harsh toward everyone even criminally negligent but he could not take their inquiries about whether or not he felt ill when Meg had remained silent when her very soul must be withering under the weight of what he had done to her.
He could only surmise that Christine had spoken on his behalf with Raoul as the man had not placed him in irons for attacking him. He had known since the next day of his attack on Meg that she had not said anything about his heinous behavior that night on deck. He could fathom no reason for her silence. His conclusion had been he had fractured something inside Meg leaving her somewhat debilitated.
Erik prayed as he never had before that Meg did not end up carrying his cursed seed. How much more cursed would a child of his be if it were to be conceived in such a violent manner? The odds were not in his favor that Meg would be without child. They had been together twice without any form of deterrent.
Meg he knew would not take his charity but Antoinette would not mind using his funds as she had risked her very life every time she had delivered one of his notes to the different managers over the years. As long as Antoinette remained unaware of what had transpired between Erik and Meg she would be willing to let him subsidize her and Meg when they reached England.
Erik prayed Antoinette never learned of his vicious attack upon Meg. Perhaps she could be kept in the dark long enough for Erik to secure Meg's future. If that meant finding a suitable husband so be it.
Tomorrow could not come soon enough for Erik. He needed to feel solid ground beneath his feet. He needed to find solitude and lock himself away for a while. He would never forget or forgive himself for what he did to Meg but he had to find a way to survive with the knowledge somehow.
A noise just down from Erik caught his ear. Slipping in the darkened farthest most end of the bow, Erik did as he had always done, he blended with darkness.
Meg sighed leaning against the rail. The fresh air filled her lungs reviving her after nearly falling asleep in the deck chair. The crew had best not let Raoul know one of them had left out the chair. Sudden rising winds could play havoc with any vessel in the open waters. Anything left out on deck that had not been battened down could easily get caught by the wind then slammed into something causing damage.
Leaning on the rail Meg looked down to see the moon's reflection wavering in the gentle swell as the yacht drifted along. The sails were always lowered at night. A gentle breeze caressed Meg as she lifted her head to gaze in fascination at the starlit sky. What she wouldn't give to be out there among them. They were beautiful from down here. How much more wondrous would they be up there among them?
Meg glanced to her right. She saw the man who had watch tonight walking around near the helm. It was the duty of whoever had watch at night to make sure they did not drift off course. A spin of the wheel every now and again set them right back where they needed to be. It looked simple to Meg but Raoul had explained the complexities that actually were involved in ocean travel.
Meg looked down to her left. The darkness at that end made her shiver and gave her a feeling of uneasiness. Whoever had night duty would not be able to see that end of the boat. Why this bothered Meg she couldn't find a solid reason as much as she tried. They were on a yacht, a private yacht. What could possibly happen with people sleeping just below and a man at the helm? Anyone on deck would be heard or seen sooner or later would they not?
Of course she supposed if the wind were blowing in just the right direction any sound would be carried away from the person at the helm. He could not see anyone on that end either. Meg knew that every so many hours someone walked the deck making sure all was well. Pirates were not as prevalent as a few years ago but they still searched for the unwary seeking easy prey.
"Meg." Erik had not been aware that his feet had carried him to stand just behind Meg. His voice had whispered her name before he could recall his brains command to speak. Erik felt vile even speaking her name.
Meg whirled around in startled surprise. "Erik, you nearly scared me to death. When will you ever learn to clomp along like the rest of us? You are the only person I know who could actually be as quiet as a mouse." Meg chuckled to let him know she did not mean any disrespect.
"Meg about what happened…I am…I am sorrier than I can say. If I could take it back I would. Why have you not said anything to anyone? You should have told them to lock me in chains."
"Erik what in the world are you going on about? What did you do since the opera house burned down that I should…" Meg recalled the day on the shore. So he was still going on about how sorry he was. Sorry Meg was not his precious Christine. Meg sighed hanging her head. Now she was thinking in catty terms about Christine who had done nothing wrong. Meg wished to forget it. Why did he have to bring it up again?
"Erik let's agree that what happened on shore that day was a colossal mistake. You regret it, I regret it. Let it stay buried in the past. I for one would like to begin again. We will be in England tomorrow. A whole new world will be opened up for us. Don't you find it exciting?"
The moonlight cast shadows on Erik's face. Even in the half-light Meg could see the sheer misery etched into Erik's face. Deep lines had been deepened on his forehead running under the mask. His mouth drew her gaze downward to see the grimace of misery etching lines along the sides of his mouth. Meg felt tempted to use her fingers to smooth out those lines. She did not know what he could have now to worry so much about. He had left nearly all his troubles behind him in France.
Hesitantly Meg laid her hand on Erik's where it gripped the rail beside hers. Erik's head jerked toward Meg surprised by her tender gesture. Erik glanced down toward where he could see the milky white of Meg's small hand covering the back of his much larger one. For whatever reason, Erik had been given a second chance with Meg. He would not be foolish and toss it aside with careless abandon.
How often had he, the Phantom, Erik ever had someone offer him comfort, friendship, or something as simple as a hand giving him a tender caress?
Erik turned his hand so he could clasp Meg's within his own. He waited with bated breath for her to remember something, to scream, to scratch and claw at him. She did nothing more than continue to gaze out over the moonlit water squeezing his hand gently.
Erik felt a tear slid down his cheek. If Meg had looked she would have seen the diamond sheen cascading down and wondered what had affected him so much. Surely not her, or her gesture Meg would have argued.
Some silent agreement passed between them. Meg did not know the magnitude of her gift to Erik that night. He prayed she did not ever remember what he had done and if she did it would not be until he had a chance to prove to her he was a man worthy of her friendship, for that was all he would allow himself. His love and lust for one woman had driven him to turn his lustful gaze on an innocent and take her to the gates of hell with him. He would not risk taking her into his hell with him again.
Meg had survived the only way she could. By locking away the memory it was for her as if it had never happened. Erik let her live in this make-believe world as it was the only way for him to keep his promise to himself to make sure Meg and Antoinette never suffered a moment more, whether it be in their careers, financially or in the pursuit of a suitable husband for Meg. Erik tamped down any feelings that thought engendered. Meg needed someone to be her guide and companion in life. Someone who could give her all she deserved. Erik would not let himself regret that it could not be he who filled that empty place in Meg's heart.
He would satisfy himself with watching her rise to the top to become a prima ballerina. She would have the best clothes money could buy. He would ensure by any method needed that Meg had an entrance into society. Once her prima ballerina status became established suitors would flock to Meg's door. That would have to be enough for him.