Disclaimer: As before.

Author's Note: Here goes the Susan chapter, it's taken me absolutely ages to come up with a good idea for this, but I think I like the way this turned out. For some odd reason, I see to get inspiration for this story whenever I'm stuck in traffic – probably for the simple fact that I can't write it down, so sod's law, that's when I think of something good! I managed to keep all this in my head until I got home though, so here you go. Timewise, it's the latest of all the chapters, another couple of years after the wedding. By the way, I couldn't find Chuck's last name anywhere, so I've called him Chuck Martin for the sake of argument. If anyone knows it, please let me know, and I'll edit it in. (And please excuse the choice of highway, all I looked up was that there is Route 57 somewhere near Chicago, if it's not the right road that they would be on, then feel free to correct me) Also, sorry if you're waiting for another chapter of Back to the Beginning – I Do is being shown on Channel 4 tomorrow, so I want to watch it before I start writing, but the next installment should be up tomorrow night or the following day. And sorry for the immensely long chapter here, I just kept writing away and it's turned into something of an epic.

'Are we nearly there yet?' seven year old Janey Martin whined from the back seat of the family station wagon.

'Only another hour to go sweetie,' Chuck answered his daughter.

'An hour? An hour is forever. I need to go to the toilet.'

'No you don't,' he replied bracingly. 'It won't be long now.'

'I do,' she moaned, 'because Scott keeps elbowing me in the tummy.'

'Scott, stop elbowing your sister.'

'I'm not,' he cried out in affronted exclamation.

'Are too.'

'Are not.'

Cosmo, with his seniority of three years over his sister and brother, younger still, had thus far been keeping out of the argument with the headphones of his ipod embedded in his ears and a blank stare fixed on the passing Illinois landscape. When the row escalated into violence though, one of the headphones was pulled out of his ear, and he waded in as well.

'Hey, hey Dad, make them stop. Scott, stop it. Don't hit me. If you hit me, I'll hit you back.'

There was a loud wail as Cosmo's misplaced punch hit his sister, and the car was full of screams.

Susan groaned. This had been Chuck's idea from the start; his cousin had a cabin in upstate Illinois that he said they could use for a week, and Chuck had thought it was a great idea for a family holiday. It was destined to be a disaster from the start. It was now pouring with rain, half dark even though it was only three in the afternoon, with lightning flickering on the distant horizon just in the direction they were headed, and there was World War Three going on in the back seat.

'If you three don't stop fighting, I'm going to turn this car around and drive right back home again,' Chuck shouted. They all knew it was an empty threat. "Home" was now Richmond, Virginia, where she was a Professor of Emergency Medicine in one of the larger hospitals there. Now the children were older, and all at school, Chuck was working again; he'd recently finished a refresher course and was hoping to get back onto a flight crew soon, working as a paramedic in the meantime, until an opening came up.

'Good,' Cosmo replied to his father sulkily. 'No-one wanted to come on this stupid holiday anyway.'

Susan secretly agreed with her son, but she thought it wise to keep the opinion to herself. 'Don't talk to you father like that Cosmo,' she said wearily. She pretended not to hear him mumbling under his breath. 'Scott, Janey, stop fighting. We don't have all that long to go now, and when we get there, we'll go and get a pizza or something.'

As usual, the children did as she told them. She wasn't sure if that was because they were more scared of her than they were Chuck, which was likely, or that, being the worse parent, she resorted to bribery far more frequently, which was even more likely, but at times like these, she was grateful for it. It meant she could have a little bit of much needed peace.

She had felt the miles going by as they neared Chicago in her bones. They weren't planning on travelling through the city, but they would be skirting around the edge of it and she hadn't been back in a long time, so that was close enough, she decided, to allow herself to indulge in a little reflection.

Susan Lewis, resident, Chief Resident, Chief of Emergency Medicine. It had taken her a long time to get from one end of the journey to the other, and it had been a rocky road, but looking back, she had loved her time at County. First time around had been so long ago, half a lifetime away now it seemed, but she remembered it too well.

Her most overwhelming memory of County was Mark Greene. He was just… Doctor Greene, and always, always would be. First and foremost, he had been an amazing and inspirational teacher, and she was utterly certain that she would never have become the doctor she did without his tuition and guidance. He always knew how far he could push you, then go a little bit further, but never let you fall over the edge. And if you did, he'd be there to catch you. He lost his marriage, several years' worth of a close relationship with his daughter, all so he could devote more of his time, more of his life, to saving lives and more than that, to simply helping people. He was one of those sort of characters that, if you were really, really lucky, you might come across once in your life, yet she had had the honour of being close enough to him to say that she truly knew him.

She didn't know when she fell in love with him. Maybe it had always been there. Maybe it had been from the very first time she met him, with his boyish smile and mischievous streak that she had felt more for him than she knew she should for her married mentor. He just brought out a side to her that no-one else ever had; if when she had been running the ER someone had put a med student's leg in plaster while they were asleep, she would have hung, drawn and quartered them and used their entrails as Christmas decorations, but when she and Mark had done it to Carter, it seemed like the funniest thing in the world.

They had always seemed so damn in tune. It became impossible to hide things from him, like when he had found out that Chloe had taken off and she was taking care of Little Susie. She hadn't told him, but he'd still discovered it. Like when the entire ER was gossiping about them, and she'd tried to hide that little leap of excitement that her heart gave at the thought that people would even think it possible. All it took was one look into her tequila blurred eyes, and he saw the secret she was hiding there.

The only thing she had managed to keep from him was that she was leaving. She had left it too late for him to do anything about it, to beg her to stay, because even though she had wanted him to so, so much, she knew that her place, right then, was with Chloe and Little Susie. He had chased her to the station though, and they got to say the words they had needed to. That was something. And a kiss, just one, but it was enough.

Maybe it was better that things had turned out the way they had. That way, their love, founded on an unbreakable friendship, would never be sullied by rows and arguments, and disappointed expectations, and too much working overtime. It would stay just the way it had been on the station platform, perfect, forever.

And even after everything that came later, returning to find him married, she knew, in the moment that their eyes had met for the very last time, in the ER, before a curtain had been swept across between them, a goodbye in his eyes that he couldn't find the words to say, that that love had stayed perfect to the end. And maybe next time, in another life, they might get another chance, and next time, they might not pass it up.

Of course, Mark wasn't the only memory from Chicago that she still clung on to, although his was the one that still had the power to move her sometimes, late at night, when she couldn't sleep, and she sat up, fingering sadly the silly photos she still had of them together in the photo booth at the funfair.

She remembered how she and Weaver had fought like cat and dog. Hindsight, and maturity, now told her that the fault had been largely hers. All right, so Weaver was hard and irascible for most of the time, but Susan knew she had gone out of her way to aggravate her every chance she got, and if it wasn't for the fear of Mark's anger or disappointment, she would probably have been even more hostile. But if Weaver had been riding her hard to try to elicit a superior standard of work from her, well, frankly, she had to say that she preferred Mark's method of teaching.

When she had returned, the animosity between them was gone, but not forgotten. Sometimes, there were still days where she had wanted to march up to Kerry's oversized office and strangle her self important throat. Then there were others when she saw a softer side of her, the hope in her eyes as she went off to meet her mother for dinner, and the way she had tried, in her detached, clinical way, to show her support for her at her tenure interview, and she wondered why they hadn't just become friends. It would have been a lot easier.

There were others to, memories of whom now came tumbling back to her. Abby, her best friend. What was she doing now? Was she still there? Had she finally achieved her dream of becoming a doctor? If she had, the R2 that she'd left would be an attending now. It upset her that she didn't know, that their friendship had not survived the time and the miles between them. And then there was Carter, who she had watched on the achingly long journey from student to Associate Professor. It still niggled her, just a little bit, that he'd received tenure over her, but God knows there was never anyone more deserving than Carter. She could imagine him now, out in Africa, fighting a humanitarian battle that he would never win but always giving his all. That was Carter. Nothing less than two hundred per cent, all of the time. He'd learned that from Mark.

She glanced across at Chuck. She tried not to think of County anymore, because somehow; she didn't know why, considering he had worked there too, it seemed disloyal. To think of County when she wasn't there had always seemed to lead her to wishing she was back there, and to do that would imply that she wasn't happy with Chuck, and she really was. He wasn't second best, and she loved him, but she missed that procession of faces that had become part of her life. The ones she had loved, Mark, Abby, Carter, and the ones that she had worked her ass off to try to make better doctors, Pratt and Morris, Ray and Neela, and even right through to the ones that had driven her up the wall, like Weaver and Frank. She missed them; she didn't think she had realised quite how much until now.

She squinted out of the window, through the rain, trying to make out the familiar skyline of the city. She wondered if Chuck would mind taking a detour, it wouldn't be too far out of the way. It had been a long time, and it would be nice to see some familiar faces again. She wondered who would be there.

She was just about to open her mouth to ask him when all of a sudden, over the angry howls of wind, she heard an ear splitting screech of tyres. Then a pair of blinding lights, as if in slow motion, came flying straight over the central barrier of the road, and headed straight for them. Chuck hit the horn, and she heard it blaring, but it was to no avail. The car kept coming, and she knew that there was no way they could avoid it. She heard the children screaming in the back seat, and she thought she heard her own fearful voice as well. Chuck tried to swerve but the car slid in the rain and didn't move in the direction he was desperately trying to steer it into. The sickening sound of crunching metal just had time to burst in her ears before everything faded to black.

It was a relatively quiet shift for once. They had been expecting it to be a lot worse with the freak storms that had been swirling around for most of the day, but so far, things seemed to be going smoothly out there. Ray and Morris were indulging in wheelchair races up and down the corridor, much to the chagrin of Frank, who said there was no damn use running a book on it as Ray had an unfair advantage. Everyone was kicking back and relaxing, making the most of the unusual rest. Someone had braved the weather for a coffee and doughnut run, so most people were hanging around the admit desk, chatting.

Then the radio bleeped into life. 'Unit Alpha Romeo 3, calling County General.'

Chuny reached out and put the headset on. 'This is County General, Marquez responding. Go ahead Alpha Romeo 3.'

Everyone pricked their ears up. Alpha Romeo 3 was one of the Air Rescue units, meaning that there had probably been a major incident somewhere. This could be the start of the rush they were expecting.

'Two vehicle MVA out on Route 57, seven casualties, six serious, one critical. We have the critical on board with us, ETA ten minutes. Land crews following with the others.'

'Copy that. Do you have a history for your patient Alpha Romeo 3?' Chuny responded.

'Unknown female, early mid forties. Front seat passenger in the station wagon, severe abdominal injuries, probable broken pelvis and internal damage, query internal bleeding. Currently stable with a BP of 100 over 70, pulse 73. Unconscious but breathing is steady, pupils are light responsive and a gag reflex present.'

'Thank you Alpha Romeo 3. Received all that. Over.'

She turned to the others. 'Hear all that guys?'

Ray and Morris had already abandoned their game, the wheelchairs stowed away, and suddenly they looked every inch the professional, capable doctors they were underneath their laid back demeanours. 'We heard,' Ray replied seriously. 'Everyone down here get ready, make sure all the trauma rooms are stocked up, and everything is where it should be. Morris, Haleh and Dawn, up to the roof with me. Everyone else, get set for when the others arrive.' He looked around at his team, proud in the knowledge that whoever this poor person was that they were about to have to piece back together again was, they were about to receive the best care in the whole damn country. 'Okay guys, let the games begin.'

They pulled on their trauma gowns, and raincoats over the top, in the lift on their way up to the roof. The rain was still pouring, in great fat drops, and they waited inside until the roar of the helicopter drowned out the weather and they saw the lights shining on the roof.

They ran out, the stinging rain blown straight at them by the whirring of the helicopter blades and went to meet the crew. Ray addressed the flight doctor, a guy from Mercy he knew slightly. 'Doctor James, how are we doing here?'

'BP has dropped to 90 over 65 since we radioed through. Becoming more tachycardic in response to that, and may require intubation soon. Pupils still responsive but weakened gag reflex,' he summarised, shouting over the noise of the engines and the storm.

'Right, let's get her downstairs as soon as possible. Onto the gurney on the count of three. One, two, three…' They all heaved, and began dashing towards the elevator. He wasn't sure if he could be heard or not, but as they ran through the rain, he made a point of talking to the patient. He remembered when they were scraping him off the road after his accident, even though he couldn't open his eyes, or speak at all, he could somehow still hear what was happening, and he remembered wishing that someone would just damn talk to him. From then on, he didn't care how out of it a patient seemed to be, he always made a point of telling them what was going on, just in case.

He looked down at her, but in the near darkness, with the rain falling, and blood all over her face, he couldn't make out her features at all. 'Ma'am, I'm Doctor Barnett, and you're at County General Hospital. You've been in a car accident, but we're going to take care of you.'

When they reached the relative haven of the lift, Ray and Morris sprang into action, carefully examining her, Morris doing limbs while Ray concentrated on the abdomen, which had clearly suffered the worst of the trauma. Seatbelt injuries by the look of it, they must have been hit by a tremendous force. There was a cut on the woman's forehead where she had hit the windscreen, or the windscreen had come to hit her, and there was a lot of blood.

Dawn was busy checking BP and pulse, and other vitals, and Haleh was fixing up a nasal oxygen tube when suddenly, she brushed some matted hair away from the face, securely strapped to the spinal board, and used the sleeve of her trauma gown to wipe away some of the blood. Ray watched her, curious, with half an eye as he continued his examination.

Then a look of utter shock and horror passed over the face of the normally completely unflappable Haleh, and Ray had to question her. 'Haleh, what is it?'

'I think you'd better take a look at her.'

Frowning, Ray stepped up to the top of the gurney. He looked down at the face, trying to see whatever it was Haleh saw. 'I'm sorry Haleh, I don't…'

'Don't you recognise her Ray? It's Susan Lewis.' Morris froze, and looked at them, horrified. Ray stared down again and tried to make out the features of his former boss in the swollen, bloodstained face below them. And now Haleh had said it, with a sinking feeling in his gut, Ray did recognise her.

'Right,' he said quietly. 'Step it up guys, you know the drill. It's one of our own now. Dawn, as soon as we get downstairs, make sure everyone knows this is Susan Lewis. And find out who the other victims are, one will probably be her husband…' he searched his memory for the name.

'Chuck,' Haleh supplied. 'He was called Chuck.'

'Her husband Chuck. And page Carter,' he added. 'Get him in here. He'll want to be here.'

He could tell Dawn wanted to ask who Susan Lewis was, but for once the loquacious nurse knew from the grim faces of her colleagues that it would be best not to ask. They were all far too focussed on doing their jobs.

Susan was dreaming. She was dreaming this odd, crazy dream that she was at County again, except instead of being at work, now she was there as a patient. Distantly, she could hear familiar shouting voices.

'BP is dropping, down to 70 over 50 now.' There was the incessant beep of machines. 'She's getting more difficult to bag.'

'All right, thank you Haleh. We're going to have to intubate, Morris, can you do the honours.' Then the voice became a little softer. 'You stay with us Doctor Lewis. Come on, you have to keep fighting for us.'

'BP still dropping.'

'Right, she must be bleeding from somewhere. Keep the units of O-neg coming until surgery gets here. Where is surgery? We need them here right now.'

She felt the heaviness that had been plaguing her eyes throughout the dream lift a little, and her eyes flickered open for a moment. She looked up and saw Morris standing over her. The comedy ER nightmare – there were always jokes about what you would do if you woke up in the ER and saw Morris standing over you. She couldn't believe she was dreaming it now; she tried to laugh but there was this strange feeling blocking her throat, as if there was something in it, as if there was a tube in her throat. That was it, Morris had just intubated her, why had he done that?

She wanted to tell him to take it out again, but it was stopping her from talking as well. In the end, she decided it might be easier just to go back to sleep. Sleep was good. If only all the shouting would stop, and they would leave her alone, then she could go to sleep. If only that infernal beeping noise would stop…

Dubenko came bursting through the doors. 'What have we got?'

'At bloody last,' Ray snapped. 'Where have you lot been?'

'I've been rather busy doing my job. Obviously you aren't used to having to wait for a consult from someone who isn't your wife.' Dubenko had been working for nearly thirty hours now and was in a vile mood; with Neela on maternity leave – again – he had found it particularly difficult to juggle his dual commitments of Chief of both Staff and Surgery. He had been used to passing most of the responsibility of the OR to Neela, and now he was back doing both again, he was driving Frederica mad with all the time he was spending here. He'd just endured a completely justified phone call from her, requesting, her voice dripping with an icy coldness that told him he had a lot of making up to do, a reason why he had missed lunch with her and her mother who was visiting from England when he had promised unequivocally that, this time, he would make time for it.

Ray glowered at him, but let the jibe lie. He was here now, and at least it was Dubenko who had answered the page. At least now Susan stood a chance.

He was about to give Dubenko the history when he was interrupted by Morris. 'Ray, we're losing her. She's going into v-fib.'

'All right, give her another round of epi and –' The machines started going crazy as she went into full arrest. 'Dawn, start compressions please. Okay, charging to 300. Clear.'

He shocked her hopefully, and watched as Haleh crossed herself.

'Come on Doctor Lewis,' he heard her whisper. 'If we saved Carol, and we saved Carter, and we saved Pratt and Chen, and we saved Neela, then I swear to God, we're not going to let you die either.'

This wasn't the first time he had worked on a major trauma incident where the patient was someone he knew, there had been the balcony collapse back when he was an intern, and when Jerry got shot of course, but he knew he could never get used to it. He didn't like to think how many times Haleh must have done it. Most of the incidents she was referring to he hadn't even heard of. Who was Carol? And what happened to Carter? He took a small grain of comfort from the fact that she seemed to list so many that had been saved.

'Doctor Lewis? Susan Lewis?' Dubenko asked. Ray shot him a grim look. 'Why did no-one tell me?'

'Because you weren't here. Now, stand clear. Charging to 320 this time.'

Ray felt himself hold his breath until he saw the flat green line on the screen flicker back into life again. 'And we have a sinus rhythm.' He stepped aside for a moment, leaving it to Morris while he filled Dubenko in.

'It is Susan Lewis, she was brought in by chopper about half an hour ago following an MVA out of the freeway. She was relatively stable at the scene but her pressure has been steadily dropping ever since she arrived – the journey must have aggravated an injury. She's bleeding from somewhere in the abdomen, as that's where the major trauma occurred and if we don't find it and stop it soon, we're not going to be able to bring her back next time she pulls that stunt on us. We've been pumping O-neg into her but it's not keeping her pressure up at all. She's had nearly four units already.'

Dubenko assessed the situation in less than a second. 'Right, she's not stable enough to make it upstairs. I'm going to have to go in down here.' He took both Ray and Morris into his gaze. 'One of you will assist me, there's no-one free from surgery and there isn't time to get anyone else in. Which one?'

They glanced at each other. 'When you were a student, did you do an OR rotation?' Ray asked his friend.

Morris nodded.

'Then it's you man. I never did surgery.'

There were no arguments; both knew there was no time.

'All right Doctor Morris, thank you. Let's get started. Ray, I want you to stay in here. If she has another arrest, we may have to crack her chest for cardiac massage. Doctor Morris and I will be working on the bleed, the task of keeping her alive long enough to do that is all yours.'

Once he was in, it took Dubenko only a matter of minutes to find the bleed, a small tear in the renal artery that he swiftly clamped. He cast an eye over the plethora of machines, and gave a small, satisfied smile at the result.

'Pressure coming up again,' Haleh said. There was a collective sigh of relief.

'Let's not rest on our laurels please. Can someone please ring up to the OR to see if there is a theatre free?'

Dawn made the call. 'Sorry, nothing free for at least an hour,' she relayed.

'In that case, we will be doing the repair works down here. I hope no-one has dinner plans ladies and gentlemen. We could be here for a while.'

It was the following morning when Susan woke. She had just had the strangest dream, well, nightmare. She had been in some sort of car accident, and she had woken up at County to see Morris standing over her. What an odd dream to have, she thought, wondering what on earth might have sparked it. Then, slowly, she opened her eyes, expecting to see the familiarity of her bedroom, light and airy, in her home in Richmond.

Instead, she saw… County. The walls were a different colour to what she remembered, but it was definitely County. Oh God, did that mean it wasn't a dream?

She tried to drag a breath into her lungs, but as consciousness embraced her further, she realised she was intubated. She coughed a little at the feeling of the tube in her throat, and immediately Morris appeared at her side.

'Doctor Lewis, nice to see you back with us. Now, I'm just going to check your obs and if you're looking okay, I'll take the tube out, okay?' She nodded, and after a couple of minutes, he seemed satisfied. He took off the tapes holding the tube in place, and said, 'right, cough for me, and I'll remove it.'

She did as she was told, wincing at the pain as the tube passed up her throat. 'Thank you,' she croaked.

Morris tilted her bed up so she could sit up a little, and fixed her a nasal oxygen tube. 'No problem, is there anything I can get you?'

'A glass of water please, for my throat.'

He went over to the side, and poured her some water, holding it for her while she took a couple of tentative sips through a straw.

'You gave us quite a fright back there Doctor Lewis,' he smiled at her.

'Where…' she began hoarsely, then corrected herself. 'No, I know where I am, but I have no idea how the hell I got here. I think I remember a car crash…'

Morris pulled up a chair, and sat down, pleased to see her awake again. They had finished working on her sometime around midnight, but no-one had gone home, even though their shift had ended hours before. He, Ray, Carter and the nurses had all been taking turns to sit with her. There had been talk of moving her up to ICU but although there was the bedspace, there was some sort of nurses' walkout going on over something and they were short staffed. With the Kerry Weaver Center, she would receive the same standard of care down with them, and Ray had argued strongly, with Chuck's support, that that was where she belonged.

'Yes, a car lost control out on the freeway in the rain and crashed into you. You were going on holiday with Chuck and the children.'

'Oh God, my family, are they okay?' she asked in a panicked voice.

'They're fine,' he reassured her. 'Chuck's up on one of the general medical wards, just for observation, he has a broken leg, and the children have all been admitted to paeds for the night. Ray got them in there, there's nothing wrong with any of them, but if we didn't find them a bed, they might have been put into care for the night, so Ray pulled some strings and…'

'Thank God they're all fine. Thank God. What about me? Something tells me I'm not looking so good.'

'You're looking a lot better now than you did at three o'clock yesterday afternoon,' he quipped. 'The trauma you suffered in the accident caused a tear in your renal artery and you had major internal bleeding. I'm afraid we had to cut you open down here, but don't worry, Ray and I didn't take a knife and fork to you, Dubenko did it, I assisted.' He couldn't help but tag his own name on the end. Old habits die hard.

'How major?' she asked, and he could see the cogs in her doctor's brain begin to whir.

'Let's just say the blood bank will be running low for a while, but you're not to worry about that. You're the patient now,' he said firmly.

'They say doctors make the worst patients,' she replied, and laughed weakly. 'So, you're still at County I see then.'

'Yes, I am. You're looking at Doctor Morris, Director of Emergency Medicine research, and as of last month, Associate Professor Morris. I've just been awarded tenure.'

Shortly after Carter returned, Ray had taken them both aside, and said he wasn't entirely comfortable with being their boss. He said it just didn't feel right. While he would be Chief of Emergency Medicine, and would deal with the overall running of the department, he wanted Carter to run the Residency programme, and be in charge of teaching under the title of Professor of Emergency Medicine Education, and wanted Morris to become a Director of ER research. He said they were both new roles, but he thought it meant they could all play to their strengths for the good of the team, and he jokingly nicknamed them the Holy Trinity. It had seemed a new and revolutionary idea at the time, to have authority split not just two ways, but three, but it had worked incredibly well for them and for the department. There wasn't a better ER anywhere, and everyone knew it.

'Tenure?' Susan asked a little incredulously. How could Morris have been awarded tenure, when she had failed here? Talk about kicking a person while they're down. Having said that, there was something about the calm demeanour of Morris that told her he was a very different man from the power crazy, sycophantic Chief Resident that she had left behind, so she could hardly comment on how deserving he was. She didn't even know him anymore.

'Yes,' he said, and looked as proud as punch about it.

'Congratulations. Who else is around here these days? You mentioned Ray…' Her voice was getting slowly stronger as the effects of the intubation began to wear off.

'Yes, Ray's here, he's –'

'Well, I must say, I'm surprised he's stuck around.'

'He's the Chief of Emergency Medicine now,' he answered, and sounded almost as proud of his best friend's achievements as he was his own.

'They made Ray Chief of Emergency Medicine? Who did he have to sleep with to get that job?'

Morris looked at her quietly, trying to hold his temper. Even though he knew it wasn't remotely Susan's fault that she had made such a comment; she of course had no idea of everything that happened, it still made his blood boil. How dare someone, anyone, mock Ray and cast an aspersion on his achievements after everything he had been through?

He sighed, using the time it gave him to count to ten. 'I forgot how long you've been gone,' he said simply. 'You tend to lose a sense of time at County, but it's been what, nine years, hasn't it? Things have changed.'

'What's that meant to mean?' she frowned.

Morris checked the clock. He should be getting home to Hope and Matthew really, but she knew where he was and understood that he wanted to stay. He supposed there was time to tell the story. He grinned, and began in a joking tone. 'Well, if you're sitting comfortably, I'll tell you a story.'

'A story, huh?' She laughed.

'Once upon a time…' Then he became serious. 'It all started just after you left really. I don't know if you know, but Kovac took over from you as Chief.'

'I had a feeling he would. When I handed in my resignation, Anspaugh intimated that they would be asking him to take over.'

'Well, they did, and he accepted. Things started up between him and Abby, and they had a baby together. Joe, he must be nearly eight now I think. They have a daughter as well, and live in Croatia now.'

Imagine that, after all those years, Abby and Luka ended up together, Susan thought. She suddenly wished she had stayed in touch with everyone. She and Abby had been so close, yet now, she didn't even know that her former best friend had two children, and lived halfway across the world. She smiled at the idea of Abby as a mother. She couldn't imagine two better parents than Abby and Luka.

'They got married here in Chicago, about two years after you left. It was a real ER wedding, Luka hired an old warehouse space, but it was all planned by Hope.' He realised Susan wouldn't know who Hope was. 'Hope is my wife, she started here as an intern back when Kovac was Chief and is obsessed with weddings. She's got quite the reputation as the ER wedding planner,' he explained. 'It was a perfect evening, except…'

Susan watched as a shadow passed over his face as what was clearly an unwanted memory returned.

'Except how it ended. There was a fight between Ray and Gates – it doesn't matter who Gates was, only that he's gone now – that had been brewing all that year and Ray was drunk so Pratt chucked him out. On his way home, he was hit by a truck and ended up with a double below-knee amputation.' He registered Susan's look of horror, but didn't pause in his narrative. If he stopped, he wouldn't start again. 'He disappeared off the radar after that; no-one heard from him for a very long time, too long, but when Pratt left to take the job of Chief over at Northwestern he persuaded Ray to come back. He took the attending position that was going, but he's been the Chief for a few years now. He's the best thing that's ever happened to this place,' he ended emphatically.

Susan felt an instant pang of guilt at not only her earlier comment about Ray, but her whole attitude towards him as an intern. She had ridden him so hard to try to get him to be a better doctor, a more caring person, and he obviously had it in him all along. Something as horrific as what he had been through must have brought it to the fore.

'He must have been very strong to get through all that. It must have changed him a lot.'

Finally, Morris cracked a grin. 'Hmm, maybe. I think you could probably say Neela knocked him into shape a bit as well.'

'Neela? Surely those two don't still live together.'

He laughed, and she asked what was so funny.

'Well, you could say that. They're married, and they've just had their second baby.'

'Ray and Neela are married?' She sounded incredulous.

'It's been a long, hard road for both of them, but yes, they're married, and happy, and are finally enjoying the life together they both deserve.' Morris wondered how so many years that he had to watch them struggle through could now be distilled into a few short words. It was in the past now though. None of them thought about all that anymore, and they definitely didn't talk about it. He hated doing so now.

Susan could tell he was uncomfortable, so she changed the subject. 'So, who else is still here? You said Pratt was at Northwestern now?'

He was about to fill her in on everyone else – he was looking forward to seeing her face when he told her she was currently lying in the Kerry Weaver Emergency Medicine Center; they never had been able to stand each other – when Timmy poked his head around the door.

'Sorry Doctor Morris, Hope's on the phone. She was wondering if you knew when you're going to be home.' He turned to Susan, and smiled at her. 'Good to see you looking better Doctor Lewis,' he said.

'Okay Timmy, thanks, I'll come out and talk to her in a second.' Timmy disappeared, and Morris got up to go.

Susan was staring at the door. 'Timmy? Was that Timmy who worked here years ago?'

'Did he? Oh, I never knew that. He started after Jerry got shot.'

'Jerry got shot?' she echoed.

At this rate, he was never going to get away. He had been glad to stay until she woke up, but now she had, he was eager to get home to his family. Matthew went to a pre-school nursery group now some mornings, and he loved telling his Daddy all his stories of what he got up to, and Morris loved to hear them. 'I'll send someone in to finish the story,' he offered. 'I'll make sure you get an update on Chuck and the children.'

'Thank you Morris.' Just before he left, she reached out to him, and laid a hand on his arm. When she had worked with him, she had had virtually no respect for him, and now he had just helped save her life. Although he had said very little about himself – an obvious sign really – she didn't think Ray was the only one who had changed. 'Thank you.'

He knew what she meant. 'No problem. All part of the service Doctor Lewis.'

After he had gone, she used the peace to reflect on everything she had been told. She was still processing her own accident, let alone all the news she had learned. She would have to bribe the next person to come in to let her have a look at her chart. Morris had told her what had happened to her, but she needed to know just how close she'd come, just how much she had to be thankful for. An intern, she thought, you can always bribe an intern. They were, with few exceptions, poor, hungry and endlessly seeking approval, and could accordingly be bought by offers of money, food or praise.

To her utter surprise though, the next person to walk in was not an intern, it was someone who was most definitely not an intern. For a moment, she thought she must be asleep again, back in her confused, mixed up nightmare again, because she could have sworn the person walking towards her, smiling widely in friendship and plonking himself on Morris's recently vacated chair was… 'Carter?'

'Not who you expected?'

'I don't know who I expected, but it wasn't you. What happened to Africa, to Kem?'

The smile he gave her was a sad one, but he took comfort from the fact that now, at last, he could look back at Africa and smile. It had taken the longest time, but finally he was able to, even though there was precious little to smile about. 'Kem and I didn't work out. The time that I chased her to Paris, I told her that we didn't have to let losing Joshua define us, but I think we couldn't help it. It was one of those things that was nobody's fault, it just had suffered too many blows to be able to get back up from. And as for Africa, it wasn't as… healing as I hoped it would be. So,' he said, missing out a massive portion of the story, 'I came back here.' Even now, only one person here at County knew the real reason he had returned, knew about Aimée, and he had only just managed to tell her.

Susan knew that there was more to the story than he had told her, but she didn't mind him not telling her. You couldn't work in a job where you confronted death every single day of your life and not be haunted by some ghosts.

'What about you, where are you living now?'

'We live in Richmond, Virginia. I'm an ER Chief in one of the hospitals there and Chuck is hopefully going to be getting back onto a flight crew soon. We moved there about eighteen months ago; Little Susie is there, she's doing her nurse training, and as Chloe's well… Chloe, we decided to move there to support her a bit.'

He nodded slowly, understanding the responsibility Susan felt towards her niece. He remembered what it had been like when Little Susie – Carter found it amusing that the poor girl, who must now be nearly twenty, was still referred to as "Little Susie" – had been a baby and Chloe took off. Then he remembered why he had originally come in to see her.

'I went up to see Chuck and the children a little while ago. The children have all been discharged, and they were just waiting for the attending to sign off on Chuck then he'll be out too. They'll be down to see you as soon as they can.'

She smiled at the thought of her family. In the excitement of seeing so many old faces, she hadn't given them as much thought as she should have done; now she realised that she ached to have them with her, to hold her children in her arms and see Chuck's lopsided, unhandsome, but so, so loving smile.

He saw the look of love and longing in her eyes as he spoke of her family, and returned her smile. 'You and Chuck are still good then?'

'Yes, even though sometimes even now I can't imagine myself falling for someone like him, I mean, he's so different from –' She paused. Although she sometimes couldn't help but think of Mark, she hadn't spoken his name in years, and she couldn't quite get it out.

In the silence that followed, Carter knew who she meant without her having to say his name, and for that she was grateful.

'But I love him, I really do.'

'I'm happy for you, you deserve it,' he said.

'What about you Carter? If you're not in Africa, if you're not with Kem, then are you seeing someone here in Chicago?'

He nodded, not sure if he was comfortable enough to confide her identity. Even his colleagues didn't know for sure, although he suspected the more astute ones guessed. It was the ER, Gossip Capital of Chicago, after all.

After a short pause, she grinned at him. 'Are you really not going to tell me who?'

He shook his head. 'We want to keep it quiet. We don't want the whole department knowing.' This time.

'Someone from the hospital then? If you won't tell me, then it must be someone I know,' she said, giving him an insightful look. 'That narrows it down quite a lot. Chuny? Sam?' He still didn't say anything, refusing to rise to the bait. 'Come on Carter, I won't tell.'

He gave her an enigmatic smile, and she was sure she was going to be able to break him with a little more work, but she didn't get the chance. Just at that moment, the door swung open, and Janey and Scott, Janey with a small cut above her eyebrow, and Scott sporting a bruise on his jaw that was as likely to have been sustained during the fight in the back of the car as it was the accident, held them open while Cosmo, panting a little with the effort, wheeled Chuck in before him.

The children flocked towards her with cries of elation at seeing she was okay and Chuck made sure the wheelchair was positioned so he could reach out to her, taking her hand. All thoughts of Mark, of Carter's love life, of County were gone as she was surrounded by her family.

Carter, sensing this, withdrew quietly, allowing them their private moment of relief and happiness. At the door, he turned back, and Susan caught his eye. Against his better judgement, he mouthed a name at her, smiling as she cast about in her memory for a face to link to the name, then her surprised expression as she remembered.

Then he left her with her family.