Chapter 10

In the days that followed, Kiku was forced to confront the reality that he didn't really understand Heracles. Or to be more accurate, that he didn't know much about Heracles at all. And with Heracles gone, the task of growing to understand the truth seemed insurmountable. How could you advance your understanding of someone if you couldn't find them?

It started with the places he looked. He wandered into the park, every turn of his head resulting in disappointment.

He went to the grocery store, but it was the cashier with the Italian accent standing behind the counter. Kiku dared to ask for Heracles' whereabouts.

"How the hell should I know? That bastard doesn't work here anymore."

Kiku was so sure he'd make progress here, but now he was grasping at nothing. His desperation temporarily dissipated, and numbly he returned home. He had no way of verifying, without arousing suspicion, that Heracles was still living upstairs in the store. How was he going to explain himself trespassing into that space? And what if Sadiq was the one who answered the door?

But somehow, he had to.

He thought to the past weekend, revisiting a mental timeline apart from happenings with Heracles. Perhaps he could talk to Mei. He had spoke with her about Heracles briefly before. Perhaps it would be alright. He couldn't imagine how it could go wrong, or at least go wrong in a way that would make him feel worse than he did now.

"Are you okay?" Mei was sitting across from him at his table. Kiku had started texting her a bit, admittedly wording things ambiguously, worrying her enough for her to physically join him in his room. Truthfully, Kiku was hoping to have this conversation entirely by text, but the kindness of her concerned gesture made his heart a little lighter.

"I've… been better," Kiku admitted.

Mei watched him. "You did seem off for a few days."

"Oh… yeah, sorry about that." In the past few days, Lien Trang, the friend from Vietnam, had finally arrived in conjunction with Yao and Xiang's return. As a group they had socialized a bit. Lien was quite unexpressive, just as Kiku was, but even Kiku felt that his presence was more dead than usual. It didn't surprise him that Mei picked up on it, knowing how perceptive she was.

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize for that," Mei asked. "Do you want to talk about what's wrong? If there's something going on, that is."

He took a deep breath and gazed at the wood surface of his table, where Mei's reflection blended with the pattern of wood. Where to begin?

"Heracles doesn't seem to be working at the store anymore."

"Oh. Really? Huh."

Kiku didn't know how to continue, so Mei took charge.

"So… you can't find him?"

"Yeah," Kiku mumbled lamely. But he didn't want Mei to think that he missed Heracles… well, he did miss him, but there was more to it than that, and Kiku would have to elucidate it for her. "And, I need to find him. Because I need to apologize for something."

"I see," Mei said, piecing it together. It didn't seem like Kiku would give her many specifics, and as much as she'd like to ask for them, it seemed best to just let Kiku disclose as he felt comfortable. "I'll keep an eye out, and ask my friends."

"I don't know what to say to him," Kiku continued. "I'm not sure if I did find him that I can say the right thing."

"Ah," Mei replied. "What… makes you feel that way?"

"I don't… really know him," Kiku admitted sullenly. "I said the wrong thing."

"Oh." Mei pondered it. "Well, I guess the best you can do is use what you do know for sure, and apologize the best way you can."

It was Kiku's turn to ponder. In the silence Mei continued.

"I'm sure he'll forgive you."

Kiku wanted to believe her. "I don't know. I think I'm being avoided."

Mei couldn't imagine Kiku doing something hurtful enough for Heracles to avoid him entirely, but it hurt to see Kiku feel down like this. "Ah. There's not much you can do if he doesn't want to see you."

"…Perhaps."

Mei sighed. There had to be something genuinely encouraging she could offer. Her mind fumbled around for a bit and hit upon a recent memory. "Recently, when I thought you were angry at me, I didn't know when would be a good time to talk to you again."

Kiku looked up at her.

"But I felt like there was a misunderstanding, so I felt that it was better to clear it up sooner than later. It doesn't make sense to have bad feelings in the air about something that's not even true." She watched Kiku for any reaction, but kept talking. "I'm glad you listened, and I'm glad I tried."

"Ah. I… didn't mean to make you feel bad. It was my fault for misunderstanding. I was in… a bad place."

Mei shook her head. "It's alright."

Kiku zoned out a bit, entering his thoughts. "I'll think about what you said."

Mei wanted to ask what Kiku's relationship with Heracles was, but she held her tongue. Now's not the time. She inquired about something else. "Have you talked to Yong Soo?"

"…No. Why?"

"Well, despite his tendency to hole up in his room and play MMOs for long stretches, he's pretty well connected to people on campus. That is, he has a lot of acquaintances. He'd probably be helpful if you're looking for someone's whereabouts. Ah! Oh yeah, he could ask Sadiq for you."

If there was anyone Kiku wouldn't want involved more than Yong Soo, it was Sadiq. Yes, tell Heracles' boyfriend that some guy is looking for Heracles. Sounds great. If Kiku wanted a straight beeline to a place on Sadiq's hit list, there it was. Even if it was done anonymously, Kiku didn't see any benefit from arousing Sadiq's suspicion.

"I'd rather not have that many people involved in this." The more he discussed this, the sketchier it felt. He was going behind someone's back and getting involved with their boyfriend. Even if what he had witnessed from Heracles' closet seemed questionable in regards to Heracles' wellbeing, he was intruding on the sanctity of an existing relationship in which he had no place. "Or at least people I don't trust and know, myself."

"Well, alright," Mei said. "It sounds like that's important to you, so I'll do what I can with that in mind."

"Thanks." Kiku bowed a little bit.

"It's alright," Mei smiled. "I'm glad you feel you can rely on me. You seem like the type who would be reluctant to ask for help even when you needed it."

Kiku flushed a little. Mei was such a good friend.

"Am I taking advantage of your kindness?" Kiku asked quietly.

Mei regarded him with surprise, but grinned as an idea came to her. "Well, if you do feel like you're in my debt, I'm not averse to being treated to food."

Kiku smiled lightly.

Kiku was faced with a new moral dilemma. In the face of violating the relationship of someone he had no connection to, taking action seemed more questionable than ever, regardless of his feelings. It didn't matter that Heracles had unsubtly pursued him—this was not something that was sustainable. It hurt to think that way, but if that was the truth, then Kiku knew what he had to do. And if Heracles never spoke to him again, it would only help them both.

Yet Kiku knew he would not be satisfied like that. Maybe it would be more in line with his morals to not be the target of an affair, but the lack of closure between him and Heracles unsettled him. Especially given how many loose threads had been revealed over the past month or so. It was not too long ago that Hera-chan, in a shallow way, occupied the focus of his affections. But that sort of connection, if one could call that one-way thing a connection, paled in comparison to recent experiences. To court a concept and succeed by strategy in love had no application outside the system of a game. What 3D love involved was, dealing with a real human being, dealing with something infinitely more real and complex.

And above all, it meant facing real emotional investment on Kiku's part. There was no The End, there was no sequel. There was no point system and moving onto the next game after one was already done. It was just one real person, and it wasn't just a story with a start and a finish. Kiku had to deal with the whole of Heracles. Kiku wanted to deal with the whole of Heracles, and that meant that Kiku had to open his heart to pain and rejection.

Kiku rested his head on the table. Mei had left an hour ago, leaving him to be absorbed in a turbulent sea of thoughts. He was going in circles. One minute, ready to give up on Heracles, and another, feeling like he truly needed to invest himself in this person. His head and heart were at war, and neither was clear on their stance. He dispersed his current flock of thoughts and went back to what Mei said.

What did he know about Heracles?

He knew that Heracles liked him. Why Heracles took interest in him was currently unknown, and why Heracles insisted on pursuing him was also unknown. He knew that Heracles was gentle and forward at the same time, with an unexpected emotional frankness about him, all while being not particularly expressive. He simultaneously sustained an earthy presence and an air-like personality.

Kiku shook his head and mentally stepped back. Heracles was Greek. Heracles liked cats. Heracles had a boyfriend. And besides, what did Heracles know so far about Kiku, to warrant giving Kiku so much attention? He most likely just found Kiku attractive. Kiku's heart sank with that realization.

It wasn't that Kiku felt he had much to offer in terms of personality, but knowing that his unimpressive physical self could be the primary motivation behind Heracles' attention felt very disheartening. There really wasn't much to Kiku even in that. If Kiku had to pinpoint one virtue he possessed, it was his diligence with his school work, which had nothing to do with romantic relationships aside from the fact that he was able to stay on top of his course load thus far, despite emotional hiccups.

He didn't possess the emotional openness that Heracles seemed to, but there was no denying that he was emotionally invested now, reason or not. Upon thinking this, Kiku realized he wanted it reciprocated.

He glanced up at the clock in his room. Frustration over the time he was wasting in his head started to press on him. It didn't matter why who liked who, or if Kiku was willing to further this relationship, if he never saw Heracles of his own will again. He had to take the truth into his own hands and confront it directly, or as directly as he could muster. He had to know why Heracles was pursuing him with Sadiq in the picture before anything else.

He reached for his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he came upon the one name he didn't think he'd go to for help in this matter. With a swipe on the screen, he initiated the call.

"Whoa. You never call me. What's up?" Yong Soo's enthusiastic voice came from the other end of the line.

Kiku exhaled. "I need your help."

"I literally thought this would never happen, ever," Yong Soo admitted.

Kiku accepted that without much response. They stood in the driveway of a house—one among many nearly identical ones in this suburban neighborhood not too far from the dorms. Kiku could already hear the bass of a dance song humming rhythmically from inside, to the beat of flashing colored lights, which illuminated the lawn under the night sky.

"You know what you're getting yourself into, right?" Yong Soo said, looking at Kiku. He never imagined that Kiku would ask to be brought to a party. All his pestering this time had been mostly jokingly, but here they were. "Sadiq parties are intense."

Kiku nodded, not really engaging with Yong Soo's concerns. He was here, at Sadiq's party, for leads on Heracles. Having a good time was not even on his priority list to begin with.

And so they entered. The bass flooded into upbeat dance music, now with the added soundtrack of the usual party clamor. Or what Kiku assumed was the usual volume level of a party. This was the stuff of young adult movies—darkness, crowdedness, and high energy—an overwhelming sensory barrage.

It didn't help that upon entering, Yong Soo attracted a great deal of attention. Several people, none of which Kiku recognized, turned to acknowledge them loudly, loud enough for Kiku to hear over the music and noise.

"Hey! What's up, man? How's it going?"

"Not bad, not bad," Yong Soo replied in high spirits, high-fiving the stranger. "I brought my friend!"

Kiku inwardly flinched. Dammit, don't point me out. The stranger and other people nearby seemed to face him, not that Kiku could easily tell with the lighting. They exchanged greetings, although no one seemed to hear Kiku. The group turned their attention back to Yong Soo, engaging him in conversation by the front door. Kiku watched Yong Soo's face, and started to slip through the crowd relatively unnoticed.

The smell of alcohol presented itself ubiquitously, and each person Kiku had to rub against to get through seemed to leave more of that stench on him. He didn't really know where he was going, but at this point he would just like to find a place to breathe. He made a full circle around the floor, through the kitchen, dining room, living room, before he made it back to the area near the front door. After that one lap, Yong Soo was already nowhere to be seen. Kiku decided it wasn't worth wading through the other side of the house, where the music was coming from. No doubt Yong Soo was already dancing and having a good time.

As much as Kiku liked having the freedom to move alone, he couldn't help but wish for a glimpse of the one familiar face he had in this place. There were lots of silhouettes and his only escape at the moment seemed to be upstairs. There were people on the stairs too, so Kiku assumed that upstairs was accessible to him. His usual inner guidance on what was acceptable territory as a guests seemed moot here, and so as if gasping for air, he made his way upstairs.

Upstairs was not as crowded, but unfamiliar faces were more distinguishable in this lighting. As Kiku wandered around, several people would glance at him passing by. Kiku wished he could turn invisible. He wasn't here to be acknowledged. He wasn't even up here for his original mission. He just needed a quiet, empty space where there weren't any strangers.

As he walked, his heart raced, and his neck stiffened as his eyes did most of the turning to look into bedrooms for empty spaces. Unfortunately, they were all filled, some to the brim with groups of people laughing loudly. Pacing anxiously now, Kiku returned downstairs, waded through the noise and people, and found the door to the patio. If he couldn't get air in here, he would get fresh air.

Unceremoniously he slid the glass door open and made his way out, the refreshing chill of the night washing over his skin and pouring into his lungs. His feet pressed on cobblestone, and the open space of the backyard greeted him. Although there were still people out here, Kiku wasn't in constant contact with three booze-smelling bodies at once. He'd take what he could get.

"Hey there," a voice called out. Kiku looked to his left, where a patio table set sat under low lighting. "Didn't expect to see you here."

It was Sadiq himself. Literally himself, sitting alone at this dining table. This was Kiku's chance.

"You busy?" Sadiq inquired. "Have a seat."

Kiku sat in a chair perpendicular to his. Why was Sadiq sitting alone at his own party?

"I know what you're probably thinking," Sadiq grinned. "No worries, we all need a breather sometimes. Even the host."

Didn't Sadiq live above the store? "Is this your house?" Kiku asked instead.

"Yup," Sadiq said.

Kiku's face did not betray any surprise. But then why was Sadiq free to come into Heracles' place? He needed to make his next move carefully. "It's a nice place."

"Haha, thanks." Sadiq took a sip of water from the glass in his hands. Kiku glanced at it. "Gotta stay hydrated. You thirsty?"

Kiku shook his head. "I drank a lot of water before coming here." Which was the truth.

Sadiq laughed. "Well, the bathroom's between the kitchen and living room if you need it." Kiku nodded. "But I was asking if you've had anything to, you know, drink."

Oh. "Um… I'm a lightweight."

Sadiq laughed again, and with each time he laughed Kiku suspected his sobriety. But he seemed to be in a controlled state. "Not afraid to admit your shortcomings, huh?"

"I suppose." Kiku didn't think of it as a shortcoming.

Sadiq took a sip again and Kiku used this opportunity to envision paths for the conversation to take. Inquiring directly about Heracles would definitely arouse suspicion. Inquiring about Sadiq's relationship status might give the wrong idea about Kiku's intentions. Hm.

"My shortcomings seem to be causing me trouble lately," Kiku started. "I've been having trouble with… with the relationship department." It felt very odd to share that out loud. And it was the truth.

"Ahh," Sadiq responded knowingly. "Sucks that you can't drink it off."

"I suppose," Kiku said. How could he get Sadiq to disclose about himself? There had to be some sort of social tactic to get people to want to share about themselves.

"'Course, if you just break up, that's the end of dealing with it. That's what's so nice about being single," Sadiq said in semi-sober bliss.

"What?"

"Nah I just said, that's what's so nice about being single."

Kiku was flabbergasted. "You're single."

Sadiq winked. "Why, you like that?"

Oh, crap. Kiku put up his hands in reflex. "I'm just surprised. I thought you would have… a girlfriend."

"Hey now, I go both ways. Ain't nothing wrong with that."

Kiku put his hands down. "No. You're right, there's nothing wrong with that." But Sadiq was single? This was not within the range of things Kiku expected to encounter. Then what were he and Heracles…?

"Rough though. Whether you break up with a guy or a girl, it's all rough." Sadiq started to stand, having finished his glass of water. "Good luck to you, man. Thanks for coming." And with that, he returned indoors.

Kiku found himself more confused than before. Not only did he have no leads on Heracles, but now there was the question of what Sadiq had to do with Heracles, if they weren't dating. Sadiq did mention a break up. Could it be that…?

"Dude, you okay?"

Kiku looked up to see Yong Soo standing next to his chair, with a genuinely concerned look on his face. A rare sight.

"Oh. I'm fine."

"Uh. If you ever feel like going home, it's all good. We can go any time."

It was rare for Yong Soo to seem so concerned, although Kiku could admit that the current circumstances were quite extraordinary. His friend's concern warmed his heart.

"It's okay, I'm fine."

With that, Kiku expected Yong Soo to spring back into his normal goofy self and return to the party, but Yong Soo stood there and fidgeted. A realization dawned on Kiku. Yong Soo didn't want to be here either.

"Yeah. Let's go home."

"Some party, huh?" Yong Soo said noncommittally as they walked through the neighborhood.

"Yeah," Kiku replied just as noncommittally. They continued onward silently for a while longer, before Yong Soo felt the need to confess.

"Used to have more fun at parties," he started casually. Kiku looked at him to indicate that he was listening. "Lately though, it's like? It's not fun if certain people aren't there with you."

"Ah."

Yong Soo met his gaze. "Oh. I didn't mean it like that. You're my bro, really."

"Oh, um."

Yong Soo flushed a little. "Anyway, what I meant is, um. I think I like someone. Haha?"

Kiku tried to feign shock, at least inwardly, so perhaps even a margin of it would manifest on his face.

"And yeah. I don't know. It's weird, never mind."

"It's fine," Kiku replied evenly. He could understand, at least now. Maybe a month ago, not so much.

"Hey, so, can I ask something?"

Kiku gave the go-ahead.

"You seem kinda down lately? So, uh, you okay?" Yong Soo said awkwardly.

Kiku almost snorted. Although Yong Soo's attempts to show concern were probably far better than anything Kiku could reciprocate with at this point in time, it was still a bit hilarious to watch him fumble through it. But Yong Soo was regarding him with care, and that was meaningful.

So Kiku divulged some of his thoughts. Yong Soo deserved that much. Mostly thoughts about Heracles.

"Dude, Sadiq and Heracles broke up a long time ago," Yong Soo responded. "Mei's gossip is outdated."

"Oh. When…?"

"I dunno, but Sadiq's been single for months now. Heracles worked at his store, but that's pretty much it now."

Although not anymore, apparently. But something else bugged Kiku. "That's Sadiq's store?"

"Sadiq's uncle owns it or something, so he works there during the school year. I think? Yeah."

But Kiku was sure he saw Sadiq and Heracles having lunch together on his blind date with Mei. There was also Heracles' living situation. Something wasn't adding up. He didn't feel that Yong Soo would have those puzzle pieces though. Somehow, it seemed like disclosing that would be risky.

"I see."

"Ah. Sorry, that doesn't really help."

"It's fine," Kiku lied. "I'll just bump into him again one of these days." Another lie. Kiku didn't have a good feeling about those prospects.

"So, you and Heracles…?"

The skin on the back of Kiku's neck prickled. That was not something he wanted to discuss with Yong Soo. Not that Yong Soo was picking up on that feeling. His tall friend wrapped an arm around him and leaned on him as they walked. To his surprise, it wasn't long until Yong Soo backed off.

"Nah, you don't have to say anything. I know by now that you're a rock. More like a pebble."

"Thanks," Kiku said sarcastically.

"You don't like talking about feelings."

"Yeah." Well, he wasn't wrong.

"I know what's up with you anyway."

Kiku bristled at that. But he said nothing and his face remained deadpan.

"I know you got feelings, bro," Yong Soo teased gently. "There's a heart somewhere in there." He knocked a fist against Kiku's chest.

"I suppose."

"Definitely saw you smile a bit just now."

The residual smell of party alcohol washed off in the shower, and Kiku's head cleared a little. Clad in underwear and wrapped in his towel, he sat before his computer, zoning out with his sleeping monitor in his field of vision. He vaguely registered his reflection, but his mind occupied itself with processing the new clues of the day. So Sadiq and Heracles were not actually dating. They had been, but not anymore, at least not for a while. That is, if Yong Soo's information was even correct.

Another thought came to him. Was Heracles alright? Kiku felt foolish for forgetting about that until now, but Kiku had hurt his feelings. There was also that Heracles was just nowhere to be seen, not even in the store. If Heracles didn't have a job, was he alright?

The only one that could provide Kiku with the truth was Heracles himself. A knock came on his door, a sound Kiku wished to disregard for now. But he donned his T-shirt and track pants and answered the door anyway.

It was Heracles.

Kiku looked at him in disbelief. And it dawned on him that he hadn't been thinking about his answer to Heracles' question. But Heracles' presence at his door was above all a relief.

"Hello," was all Kiku could remember to say.

Heracles stood there with a bag slung over his shoulder. Nekokichi was noticeably absent. And with the forlorn look on Heracles' face, Kiku was reminded of a lost child. A lost child in a grown man's body.

Where have you been? Kiku wanted to ask. But in the end, Heracles had honored his promise, the promise to come by another time. It didn't occur to Kiku to have faith in that promise.

They stood in the doorway and looked at each other. Kiku was suddenly aware of his body, and Heracles' body. He tried to stay focused.

Heracles looked at his own feet. "I made you wait. Sorry."

Something in Kiku's heart swelled, perhaps a bit dangerously for comfort. Kiku gestured towards his table, his throat tightening. "Let's talk," he managed to say.

Heracles stood his ground. "I should have come back sooner," Heracles started.

Kiku gestured inside again. "Please," he said, not looking at Heracles.

"I did want to come back sooner."

So why didn't you? It hit Kiku now, how lonely and frantic he had been in the past week. If Heracles had just needed time because he was hurt, then Kiku should understand. But even so, Kiku realized how heavy he felt. It made no sense. There was no reason to feel lonely. It made sense that Heracles would've taken his time.

"I'll explain," Heracles continued softly. "I'm sorry I made you wait. I won't make you say something before you're ready."

Kiku looked away. It was a lump that was in his throat.

"So it's okay," Heracles said.

Before he could stop himself, a tear escaped from his eye. Kiku, in an instant, mentally recited a frantic, albeit futile prayer that this bewildering tear would just disappear and that Heracles hadn't seen. What on earth was happening to him?

Heracles didn't say a word. He only reached out, gently taking Kiku's arm in his hand, and pulled Kiku into an embrace.

Kiku couldn't hide his face now. "What are you doing," he asked weakly. "I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry," Kiku said, calmer now. The tear had already fell from his chin, leaving one streak on his face. His eyes felt glassy, but there was no danger of overflowing.

They moved to sit side by side under the window, facing the room together. Heracles made a move to embrace Kiku again, but Kiku stopped him.

If he was going to explain, he wanted it to be done face-to-face. He couldn't understand Heracles better if all he could see was the front of Heracles' shoulder. Facing him directly somehow felt like less of a confrontation and more of a doorway.

With that, the words all came into the air. Kiku's misunderstanding about Sadiq, and Heracles' own truth.

"My mother died when I was little, and I never knew my father."

Kiku thought of his own parents back in Kyoto, and could not imagine a life without them. Without realizing, he placed a hand on Heracles' arm.

"It's alright. Hm… when I was 16, I thought that I would be alright on my own, and I came to this country to live with a friend. Or was it a distant relative? Hm… it was Sadiq's uncle.

"Of course, I worked. A year later, Sadiq started college here… we met. We worked together in the store, I lived upstairs. There was a… physical relationship. He wanted more, but…

"I didn't have much room to argue with him. I was lonely, young, and scared… and if his uncle found out, I could be kicked out, and… I wouldn't have anywhere else."

Kiku's hand was gripping Heracles' arm now, though Heracles continued on.

"Eventually I didn't want to see Sadiq anymore… but he kept visiting and I had to live by his rules. His uncle went overseas and left him in charge. After that, I had less freedom. I snuck out a lot but I wasn't really allowed to go anywhere.

"I had to live by Sadiq's rules, but I was rejecting his advances. He was persistent, but he never forced himself on me."

A lie, Kiku thought, but let Heracles continue.

"I didn't reciprocate. I guess his resentment grew. But you know, Kiku, I couldn't do it," Heracles explained with resignation in his voice. "For a long time, I thought that this was the way I was going to live. Waiting until Sadiq had class or a party before I could go outside and do what I wanted. He used to take me with him, but I didn't like going anyway… it's not my thing."

That Kiku could sympathize with.

"Somehow I was fine with it… As long as I had time to myself, to think, and cats around… I felt I could live this way however long it went on. I didn't really think about the future… I mostly thought about the past, and my memories of my mother and homeland."

Kiku's heart ached. He had no idea that Heracles had been enduring so much difficulty. Things that once seemed strange now made more sense.

Heracles eyes looked up to meet Kiku's.

"And then you walked into the store."

Kiku blinked. He was a part of this story?

"You caught my eye right away… and I thought you were so cute, walking out with flowers this big," Heracles paused to open his arms to exaggerate the size of the bouquet Kiku had bought, "and you were this small." He brought his arms closer together.

Kiku blushed and felt a big indignant, but waited to hear more.

"I don't know why, but, without even knowing you, I felt that you had a kind heart."

Where was that coming from? Kiku looked at his own knees. He had a what?

"I was right… you were kind to cats. That made me happy… and you were kind to me as well. Although I didn't really know what to do, I started to think about the future. I thought that if I saw you again, there were things to look forward to."

Heracles reached up and cupped Kiku's cheek in his hands, beckoning Kiku to look at him. Kiku avoided Heracles' eyes and stared at his nose instead. It was a nice nose. Ah. He could feel the warmth of Heracles' palm only adding to the heat emanating from his own face.

"I don't intend to force great hopes for my future on you… I just want to be able to spend time with you."

Kiku closed his eyes, unable to bear the intensity of the feeling welling up inside him.

"I left Nekokichi at the shelter for a few days and quit my job… I packed up my things… if I want a better future I have to leave that place… I found a place I can stay for a while, but not for long."

Kiku looked at him in awe. "You could stay here for a while…" It seemed reasonable under the circumstances.

Heracles lowered his hand. "I didn't want you to let me stay with you out of pity… I don't know, but for some reason… I'd only like to burden you that much if it was because you wanted me to be here. I didn't want you to get involved with my problems."

Kiku frowned. "Heracles…"

"I don't have a plan for the future but… I'm figuring things out. I'm probably going to get another job soon, and I'll figure something out."

This was far beyond the expertise of Kiku. Things like getting a job, living independently… these were concerns that Kiku would face in the future, though inevitably. To see Heracles facing them on his own now, without the resources Kiku had but with more resilience and bravery than Kiku possessed—it was jarring.

"Don't worry about me… please don't feel sorry for me," Heracles pleaded.

Kiku wanted to cry. He didn't care about how he sounded at this point. Heracles was completely vulnerable, and Kiku had no reason to be cold.

"How can you tell me to not worry about you if I already care?"

The look in Heracles' eyes was indescribable. Heracles sometimes had intense bedroom eyes, but this was something else entirely. This wasn't a seductive gaze. His hand reached up to touch Kiku's face again, and Kiku found himself willingly pressing his cheek into Heracles' tender palm in response. Strong, gentle fingers brushed lightly through his hair and by his ear, leaving Kiku breathless.

Heracles leaned in and gently pressed his lips against Kiku's, turning his head so that their noses wouldn't collide. The hand on the side of Kiku's head gripped a bit tighter to bring Kiku's small frame closer. Kiku didn't protest. In fact, whatever the opposite of protesting was, not that Kiku could figure it out at the moment, that's what Kiku decided to do. Caution to the wind, or something. This was probably his first kiss, not that Kiku cared right now.

They separated, and Kiku finally made eye contact with Heracles again. He acutely felt the absence of Heracles' lips on his own and wished for another, but Heracles just looked at him.

"You can stay the night," Kiku suggested.

"Kiku… I think I want to take it slow."

"No, that's not," Kiku stammered. "I'm not,"

Heracles smiled. "I'm teasing you."

What.

"Do you like me, Kiku?"

Kiku couldn't help but avert his eyes shyly. "You're actually quite a romantic fool." He stopped, realizing the harshness of his words, and watched Heracles for a reaction.

But Heracles was smiling. "Yeah."

To be continued.

Longest chapter yet. Thanks for the encouragement thus far. I think there's only one or two more chapters. We'll see how this goes.