'The Stars In Your Hand ...'
Chapter Ten - Spiralling
'The mysteries, the twists of fate have changed the path from love to hate ...'
The conversation hadn't gone well. In fact it had gone about like Lee had expected it would, leaving him torn between trying to please his father and doing what he could to save the woman he loved from an unpleasant and potentially dangerous situation. He'd tried to get across to his father just how having Sam in her class was going to affect her but Adama would have none of it.
"You know this is going to remind her of Zak and what happened with him."
"I don't see why it should - there's no personal relationship between herself and Mr. Anders."
"Just because she left him doesn't mean there aren't any feelings there," Lee objected. "Of course she still cares about him. Probably always will."
"Well she'll have to put those feelings aside and do her job. We may not have had to face the cylons for a long time but they could be back anytime, and every time we lose pilots. We can always use new recruits and I'll be damned if I turn a good possibility away because Kara can't handle the pressure."
"How do you know he'd be any good out there?" Lee demanded, wondering if his father had seen something he'd missed.
"He's got guts, courage ... and he's a survivor. He's already proven he's got a cool head and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done. Whether or not he's got magic hands is irrelevant."
Anger emanated from Lee in waves. "Great. Start calling him Zak then dad. Your son was the same way - bold, courageous ... willing to do anything to become the viper pilot his father wanted him to be. But his lack of talent was what killed him, not his lack of courage."
"Don't you dare compare Sam Anders to Zak! You have no right!"
"Then don't make Kara do it!" Lee exploded. "Having Sam in her class is going to trigger all those memories and she's going to implode. She did it before, remember? When she first started teaching flying here? And she didn't even know any of them then."
Adama's stern face relented a degree.
"You know this will drive her over the edge." Lee rammed the statement home with a look his father couldn't miss.
Adama appeared to ponder Lee's words. His question came unexpectedly. "How did Mr. Anders end up in the nugget class anyway? I don't recall seeing his name on the roster and given your sense of outrage I'd imagine you didn't put him there."
Lee ignored the sarcastic tone - it was time to come clean and lay blame where it belonged.
"Kat told him he could join the class."
Adama's eyebrow raised. It seemed he'd been right in predicting she'd be another Starbuck ... just without the happy sense of fun Kara had always had. Kat was a little more bitter and caustic in her humour.
He took a deep breath. "Send them both to me," he said.
"You'll remove him from the class?" Lee asked hopefully.
Adama looked him straight in the eye. "I didn't say that."
Lee's puzzled expression prompted him to continue.
""We need all the pilots we can get, you know that as well as I do," he said quietly. "But he needs to come through the system properly. I'll interview him and decide if he's qualified and capable."
"You won't be fair!" Lee argued
"I should leave it up to you? You'll be fair and just? This is the soon-to-be ex-husband of the woman you're living with. That would be wrong under any circumstances, not just in wartime."
Lee blushed. "So what if you determine he's a fit candidate for training?"
"Kara will teach him."
Lee shook his head. "She can't."
"She'll have to." The words were heavy with threat.
Lee sighed, knowing Kara was about to fragment into a million pieces and that he'd be the one who had to put her back together. He'd never been good at puzzles ... especially ones that came with the name Kara Thrace.
"At least tell me you'll be punishing Kat for breaking the chain of command," he said wearily, as he headed for the door.
"Trust me, she and whomever might have helped her will bear the full brunt of military law for what they've done. No one is spared that."
"So it would seem," he'd murmured to almost silently as he put distance between himself and his father. Much as he loved the Old Man, space between them was what made their relationship work. Too much and they were somewhat distant with one another. Not enough and the explosion rocked the entire ship ... and the shock waves tended to last a long, long time.
oooooooooooooooooooooo
Kara sat, holding her daughter, wondering why the gods had chosen to screw with her life, yet again.
She'd been a bad person, done bad things and as her mother had promised, she'd been punished for them. She'd thought she'd made the right choice leaving Sam and divorcing him so she, Lee and Clea could be a family. It wasn't proving to be easy - few were sympathetic to the way they'd seemingly cavalierly tossed their spouses aside to be together, but despite the negative atmosphere they'd been persevering. Their privates lives were going well - she and Lee had never gotten along as well as they were now, and even the Old Man seemed to be warming to the idea.
So why had the gods thrown another wrench - named Samuel T. Anders - back into her life to screw things up? Why couldn't he have just gone back to one of the civilian ships and left her alone? Why come and harass her in the one place that was hers ... that he'd never been able to share with her? Was he doing it just to hurt her? Surely he didn't know about Zak ... she'd never told him and she was sure none of the few people who knew would have said anything without asking her first. So why? Why was he doing this? And what did he hope to acocomplish? To drive her crazy?
She was already at least halfway there ... he had to have known that after living with her ...
ooooooooooooooooooo
"You wanted to see me Admiral?" The words, like his stance, were stiff, unlike him.
Adama didn't miss his discomfort. "Yes Mr. Anders."
"You can call me Sam," he said, small lopsided grin forming as he relaxed a little.
"I think perhaps it's best if we keep things formal," Adama said.
"Because of Kara," he said matter-of-factly.
"Because of Kara."
Sam sussed Adama out. Didn't take him long - never had, he'd always been good at split-second people reading. Kara had been the only one he'd had difficulty with. Which was perhaps why she intrigued him so ...
"You're upset about my joining her class."
"I'm upset about a lot of things regarding the two of you."
"Funny, I would have thought you'd be happy to see her dump me in order to make your son happy." There was a definite trace of rancour coming through loud and clear.
"You'd be wrong," Adama said flatly.
Sam's disbelieving look was comical.
"Kara and Lee have been dancing around the issue of their relationship for a long time and I've never been happy with it."
"Really?"
"It is what it is and apparently I have no choice but to accept it," Adama said gently, "but I do have difficulty with it. And with what they did to you and Lieutenant Dualla."
Sam nodded in appreciation at the Admiral's words.
Adama came around to the front of his desk and leaned back on it, taking off his glasses and tapping them on his thigh.
"Now we get to the point. Why are you wanting to train to become a pilot?"
"So I can be a big damn hero like Apollo and Starbuck?"
The Admiral's stony face killed Sam's humour right there. "Honestly?"
"My officers always need to be honest with me and if you're considering becoming an officer in the Colonial Fleet then I suggest you start with the honesty now."
Sam's forced jaunty demeanor disappeared. "I don't have anything to live for."
Adama eyed him carefully.
"It's not just Kara, although that's a big part of it. I just ..." He spread his arms wide and shrugged. " ... don't have anything. At least on Caprica I had the resistance. I had a reason to fight." His voice gained strength. "Here? I'm just languishing, doing nothing at all."
"I understood you were in marine training and doing very well too. Your skills as a leader in the Caprican and New Caprican resistance would be invaluable to us."
"But I wasn't doing anything. Training, training, and more training. For what? To stand guard duty at the brig?" He shook his head. "No, I needed to do something else. To make a difference. Not to just waste my life away."
"Is that how you felt when you and Kara were still together?" Adama asked quietly. "Would the fact that she was our top gun and one of the heroes of the fleet have come between you two?"
Sam raked his hand through his hair in frustration. "I don't know. I'd like to say no but maybe it would have ... eventually. But I had another role to play then - I was a husband and father." He swallowed involuntarily. "I loved my daughter. I wanted to spend every minute I could with her and Kara - it didn't matter what else I was doing."
"And then she took that away from you." There was sympathy in Adama's tone though his face was still impassive. Sam's eyes turned to meet his and Adama could see the depth of pain in them. The man had lost a child - albeit in a very different circumstance that he had, but he knew how Sam felt. And that he needed something else to fill that emptiness inside. It was ironic that he himself had used the one thing that had caused him all that pain in the first place to try to end it, and now Sam was trying to do something similar.
"I need to do something. To give my life purpose. To take the fight to them instead of just sitting around waiting." The pleading tone in Sam's voice nearly broke Adama's stony face. He held it with an effort.
"You may continue."
"Hmm?" Sam murmured, surprised at the words. He was sure the Admiral was going to be against him.
"You may continue the training," Adama repeated, louder this time.
"Thank you sir," Sam said gratefully, a small smile gracing his handsome face.
"Just one condition."
"Name it."
"You don't make trouble for Kara. You attend your classes, do your work and fly like she tells you to without a word to annoy her." The Admiral's voice brooked no argument.
"Yes sir."
"If you have any ulterior motives ..."
"You think I want to get back at her?"
Adama shrugged. "Human nature being what it is, I have to consider it."
"Honestly Admiral, I'm doing it because I want to make a difference and do something useful with my life."
"There are many other jobs you could be useful at," Adama pointed out.
"I've heard what goes on out there. I've seen it. And I want to be a part of it."
Adama looked him up and down, then held out a hand. "Welcome to the nugget class Mr. Anders. This may be where you want to be but you still have to prove you can hack it. And let me tell you, the instructor is one real hardass."
Sam's face broke into a wry smile as he shook Adama's hand. "I can hack it sir. I know I can."
"Then go out there and show me."
"Yes sir." Sam made as though to leave.
"Ahem ..."
He turned back, confused. Adama saluted. He turned red and saluted back.
"Time to get used to military protocol son."
"Yes sir," Sam said again, smiling through his embarrassment.
This time he managed to escape Adama's office without being called back. Evidently there was a lot he still needed to learn about being in the military. Could a wild card like him who wasn't used to following anyone's authority but his own manage to fit into this hierarchy?
oooooooooooooooooooo
The blackness was refreshing.
After learning she had no choice but to have Sam in her class she'd needed the release flying gave her, so she'd asked Lee to trade CAP's with her so she could clear her head. He knew her well enough to know that flying was the one thing that could calm her down and bring her back into focus. After that they could talk.
She closed her eyes and just let herself drift.
"Starbuck, Hotdog. You daydreaming over there?"
She smiled at his teasing. "Yup. Ain't it fun?"
"You go too much further and you'll hit atmosphere you know."
"Yeah I know. It's been a while since I flew near a planet but I'm pretty sure I remember how that works." Her tone was mainly teasing but there was a slight hint of a reprimand as well.
"Okay, just saying's all," he came back. "We're happy to have you back out here Starbuck. We don't want to lose you you know."
"It's okay Hotdog. I don't want to lose me either." She stared at the lighter skies ahead, seeing the swirling clouds of an approaching storm. She sighed happily. It had been so long since she'd been out there to see the sights - and lucky for her they'd just found a planet that had some usable resources so they'd kept the fleet orbiting there for several days while they took what they could.
"You see that Hotdog?"
"See what?"
"That storm. Isn't it a beauty?"
"What storm? You got something on dradis Starbuck?"
"Use your eyes Costanza. They'll never fool you. It's right there in front of you."
"I only see some white clouds," he said slowly. "Where's this storm you're talking about?"
"Right there!" she practically yelled in frustration, pointing out the front of her cockpit. "Gods it's beautiful. I just want to fly right into the middle of it ..."
As she spoke her bird gathered speed and she hurtled headlong into the vortex of swirling clouds.
"Starbuck! Starbuck stop! Pull back!"
She could hear a faint niggling sound in her ears but she dismissed it. It was no more important than the sound of a fly buzzing. This ... this beautiful swirl of clouds was much more important. She had to see it up close ... feel it ... get inside it and live it ...
She now completely ignored the sounds coming through her headset.
"Starbuck! Pull up! You're going to crash! Pull up!"
Nothing mattered but the vortex. It beckoned her like nothing else ever had, and she just couldn't resist it.
Her viper began to shake as it superheated in the atmosphere and pieces began to break off and fly away ...
TBC