I figured I should start writing the events in my perspective so in the future… If I'm still around… I can look back at the moments of my life since I met Lucifer as well as tell my story. This is a journal that should anything happen I want people to judge me from this. Lucifer Morningstar claims he's the devil and is someone I deeply care about. He's so different, like right and wrong aren't separate. He makes me believe in the fact that I can have a choice. I never grew up in an atmosphere where I had a choice. I am utterly convinced that he can help me. I wasn't born with freewill, so my mother has always told me. I remember her always saying freewill was an illusion people made up to put the blame on others when they make a decision. Her theory was backed up on that each option has a percentage that you're going to choose it. Take yes or no questions for example. There's a 50% chance that you'll choose yes and 50% that you're going to choose no. However, the answer you choose is predetermined. It never made much sense to me but I went along with my mother afraid I'd make her upset with me and get punished. To my mother I was born with a purpose. I always succeeded in everything I did, whereas my sister did not. I was like a star in my mother's eyes. Someone she could leach off of should anything good happen for me. But nothing good ever did.
I started reaching a point in my life where I didn't want to be my mother's favorite anymore. I didn't want to be on her good side. I started rebelling against her. I felt my sister hated me because my mother loved me more than her. I felt like everything that happened to my sister was my fault. It wasn't though. My sister made her own choices. She would upset my mother on purpose. However, one thing was definitely clear. She always believed that I had a purpose in the family. That I was the one who was supposed to… I don't even want to get into that. It's way too early to go that far without giving some type of background. No I have to start from the beginning so it is understood what has to happen and why it does. I need to explain in chronological order so if you're reading this bear with me. I have a path set for me, but the choices I make are completely my own and nothing more. I need to lead my life in the direction I feel it would be best to go in. Anyways, I didn't have a happy family but I was supported. I thought that was good enough.
Now I know you're probably thinking if I disliked my mother so much why didn't I just move in with my father? Well that's a straightforward answer. I don't know who he is exactly. My mother never talked about him except for one time as to say he was very special. When I asked her how special she would only tell me that I'd know in the future. It's important to mention that I left out a slight detail. Serah is my half sister. Same mother but different fathers. So while her fathers name is clearly written on her birth certificate, mine is not. I feel that she's lucky to know the name of her father. Growing up together my mother felt that we shouldn't introduce each other as half sisters. She believed it was like we were trying to degrade the relationship we had. So we introduce each other as full-blooded sisters because we grew up and went through every situation together. But Serah is a tricky one. She likes to play both sides. One minute she's on my side and I can tell her everything, and the next moment she'll just switch up on me and side with my mother. I forgave her though because she was still my sister, and even at my lowest points she would be there for me even though she wanted the same thing my mother wanted for me, which I cannot disclose yet. I'm going to leave it at that little bit for now. I'll give more information in the following stories.