A/N: Thank you for the great responses for my last chapter. I was nervous about that one Big changes. We will learn a little about Damon's past in this chapter…what happened two years ago…why and how it ended with Katherine…

We'll see Elena's internal redemption regarding her mother….

This main portion of this chapter s place over just a few hours. The back story is important, but the strides made in the present are the main event…

I hope you enjoy the mini-flashback at the start. It's so telling.

After that we'll start in on a conversation that's been going on for hours...and by the end, we'll feel the difference.

I bumped this up to M because of some content in the coming chapters. Profanity, other scenes...it's just the right thing to do. I hope you stick with me regardless.

Thank you! Please let me know what you think!

"Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know..."

-Somebody That I Used To Know, Gotye

Somebody I Used to Know

Chapter 9

"I swear, it's what they said," a suddenly knowledgeable, ten year old Damon's eyes were wide…very wide. "Why would I make it up? Go, now, check a book!" He pointed wildly to the informational area of their store.

"No!" Elena blushed. "Stop," she walked away from him, scrunching up her nose. "Ew."

"Well…how else would a baby get in there?" he whispered loudly so she could hear then ran after her.

"It's still gross. Stop talking."

"Parents don't seem to think so," he shrugged. "Maybe when we're older,"

"You are not doing that to me," She walked away, blushing. "Ever."

"Well I'm not letting anyone else do it to you, so…."

"Do what?" John walked into the front of the bookstore.

"Nothing," Elena said smiling. "Love you, Daddy." But John knew that smile. She had a devilish smile. She'd be trouble when she was older…and that little boy would have everything to do with it…..

She was nuts. She was absolutely nuts, he thought.

"Drink water, please," Damon pushed his palms into his eyes, stretching the skin below them south. "You're going to feel worse if you don't." They sat in darkness on her bedroom floor, their backs against her bed, shoulders touching.

"No, I'm not drinking or eating anything. Nothing stays down." She sounded drained.

"You're starving our child," He'd been there for too long, his wording wasn't as careful as it had been a few hours ago. His voice was almost sing-song…he was teetering on delirious. He had patience but this woman was ridiculous.

"Our potential child," She tipped her head backward and her hair spread across her purple comforter. "There might not be one."

"There is one," he sighed. "There has to be…I think there is. But if you'd take a test," he emphasized, "We'd know." He turned to her, his eyes wide, exhausted. "I'm about to stick your hand in a glass of warm water in the middle of the night and dip the stick myself here, Elena…." It was 2 a.m. and they'd gone back and forth for the last two hours.

"Don't be an ass," she snapped back. "You try throwing up all day and all night and then tell me how motivated you are to do anything. I just want to sit still until the world is done spinning…then I want to crawl into bed alone," she raised her eyebrows, "and go to sleep….you may go now…"

But he hadn't... He'd stayed, he'd begged...

She'd felt better for a while, after she'd first told Damon. She'd wiped her mouth and put on a brave smile to visit with Elijah. She'd skipped all meals and left for brief periods of time, but no length of time that would strike up questions from him. She'd made good on her word to show him around town. She'd taken him to shops and shown him the bookstore, where a reluctant Damon worked and watched with envious eyes.

They'd talked about old times…but not about Damon.

But Damon spent the day losing his mind in that book store and out. She'd told him he couldn't go with them. But how could she think he could just be alone with this…with these thoughts? He needed to know. He needed to link himself to Elena and beg her. He needed to prove to her that she could trust him enough to talk about it without making jabs or crazy assumptions. This was bigger than anything. It was bigger than the bookstore, bigger than their parents' love affair…bigger than anything that had happened with them. But did she get that?

He wasn't so sure. She'd told him. She could've kept it inside until she knew. She could've yelled and screamed and thrown things at him…she could've blamed him…but she hadn't. She hadn't looked angry…just scared and unsure. What she didn't know was that she didn't have to be. He wasn't angry at all.

He'd gone to work, but with reluctance. Elena insisted she needed the entire day with Elijah and he didn't exactly have back up staff. He was too afraid to suggest she take it easy. Trying to suggest anything to her that involved her losing control of a situation never went over well. He wanted to make her happy, but he needed to be with her. Elijah was a nice guy, it seemed. But he wasn't the one who should be by her side when she was going through this. He wasn't the father. And now Elijah would be staying at her place and Damon would be alone.

He'd slept alone in his apartment for over a year…since he'd ended his engagement with Katherine and they'd moved out of the home they'd bought. It had never been a problem. But he was the one afraid now. Something would happen to her, he thought…or Elijah would be there to help her and he wouldn't…. he was jealous, envious…he could admit that.

From the very second that word had left her lips, pregnant, he was in it. This baby…this little him or tiny her would be a blessing. The timing was all wrong, and the circumstances were ridiculous…but if they'd created a life he would be happy. He loved this potential baby.

So he'd gone to the drug store after closing up the store early, and bought her a pregnancy test. He knew it would sit unopened in her cabinet that night, but the closer it was to her, the easier it would be to convince her. She didn't have to do anything…just pee on a stick for God's sake…

The sun had set and Elijah crawled into her guest bedroom for the night. Elena stared at her crackers, willing herself to eat them…eat something…and then she'd heard it; an incessant banging on her front door.

"You silenced your phone?" he looked like a crazy man. "I thought it died, I thought you were in trouble….Jesus, Elena….I was worried sick. You can't just…"

"I said I didn't want to talk about this anymore today. I had a good day. Now let me be nauseous and cranky and you go home. It's late. You shouldn't be all riled up like this over me."

"Well, I am, okay? I'm not leaving until we know," he sipped his water. "You can't just tell me you think you're carrying my child and then that's it. You need to know. I need to know. You need to take care of yourself,"

"Let me sleep," she pled. "Go home."

"Can I just stay here…. Let me just stay a few hours. I'll sleep in the hallway if I have to…" Anything, anything to be by them.

And there they were pressed against the foot of her bed...hours later, finishing the conversation that had started so many hours ago.

He blinked a few times. "I'm going crazy. Why won't you take the test?"

"Because we haven't even talked about us," she was tired and weary and didn't care if she sounded weak in that moment. "I can't know I'm pregnant and feel like this…" Tears were in her eyes and her voice was shaking now. She was about to unravel.

"It's okay to feel afraid, Elena," he reached across to move some hair out of her face. "I wouldn't expect you to be dancing around celebrating."

"There are so many things wrong with us, Damon," she shook her head. "I just want to look at you and not feel anything…." She admitted.

It stung. It hit him hard, at first. But then he read between the lines. She hadn't admitted to feeling anything before…bad feelings were better than nothing. It meant she still cared. His eyebrows crumpled at her words and he looked down. She was right. There was so much bad between them, still. The light moments they'd experienced in the last week had been a nice change of pace…but he hadn't known she'd left the room to throw up or cry….

He'd seen little changes in her. She smiled more, and teased him more. Something had changed…but he wasn't sure why. He was too afraid to ask.

Elena hadn't worked up the courage to tell him she'd read it. The Little Red Dragon had sparked too many emotions inside of her already hormonal body. She needed days to process her actual thoughts. When she finally had, she was faced with a completely new situation that was even harder.

"What do you feel?" he had to ask. He didn't expect to get reamed out, but her tough little body had been pushed to the limits and her heart was about to combust. He forgave her and she knew it…but if she said anything now…now that there was this…he'd think it was just because she was pregnant. He'd see it as an obligation on her part. "You said you wanted us to be friends."

"I do…." She swallowed. "This version of you is kind and nice and…not at all the way my crazy teenage head thought you were….but I can't change how this all happened. And I can't change the fact that no matter what I did, I loved you. No matter how hard I tried back then, I couldn't force you out of my head. Everything about you made me sad. I'm angry because of it," she started. His eyes dug into her, hanging on every single word she said. "I want to be friends, but I'm still harboring so much from back then. My head has never processed things easily…especially not things that nearly killed me."

"Just let it all go…we can be friends…we can do this baby thing. Are you still angry with me? For breaking us up…for pushing you so hard?" It was a stupid question. Of course she was.

"You have to understand what this is like for me…." She continued. Her voice was raspy, dry. He handed her a bottle of water with pleading eyes. After a moment, she'd taken a sip. "I have spent the last ten years avoiding you because I thought you didn't care about me anymore. I come home when our parents die, and whatever does or does not still exist between us is already a problem. Now I might be pregnant with your baby…a man who I destroyed my life over…" Now the bitterness was surfacing.

How could he begin to tell her how wrong she was? Maybe he'd have been blunt if she had been in a normal state of mind and it wasn't 2 in the morning. But now any word he said could break her in a heartbeat. She'd actually brought up emotions…he couldn't ruin this…not when it was so rare….

"I didn't want you to…" he swallowed. "I never wanted you to get hurt. I was trying to help you. It went all wrong….we were kids…Elena. I was afraid…"

"Don't you see how crazy this all is, Damon? Ilost my god damn mind because you didn't love me. I drank, I had sex with random men…I almost did cocaine…I went to jail. I'm lucky to be alive." Damon closed his eyes. "And it was all because you didn't love me. Do you know how unhealthy that is? You were my disease. Do you know what I had to overcome to get over you? I worked hard….and then you go and fuck me four times in one night and I'm knocked up and stuck all over again…with a man who doesn't love me…."

Wrong again.

But he couldn't say it. She was angry and tired and sick. He wanted to hold her…to wrap her in his arms and let her cry and sob and scream at him. Maybe she had the right…but she'd begged him to sleep with her the night of the burial… and he'd said no so many times. He didn't want to say no anymore. He wanted her and he could have her. So he did. And now there was this.

"Lena, honey…." He reached out to touch her hand but she pulled it away. "Calm down it's not good for the baby…" His eyes were soft, they held affection.

"I'm tired. I'm so tired, Damon. Please don't look at me that way. Please…"

"How can't I?" the tips of his fingers snuck on her hand again, resting there as it was balled into a tight fist. "You're miserable…that makes me feel miserable. I did this to you."

"Don't be sweet to me. Don't call me honey or baby or 'Lena… we are not there. And I'm too worn out to be having any kind of conversation with you like this. I'm not taking the test tonight. I'm waiting….I told you my reasons and I'd like for you to just respect them."

"You went around with Elijah all day. You weren't too tired to spend time with him," he had to say it quickly. He was biting his tongue about so many other things at the moment. Jealousy. "But you're too tired to take a three minute test with me…."

"He doesn't make me feel bad," she swallowed. "And why should you care anyway?"

"Because I wanted to be with you all day. I've never been more alone than today. You just told me this morning that you might be carrying my child…I…" he smiled in agony, "ever since that moment…I can't stop thinking about what it would be like…"

Elena's eyes dipped. She was confused. "Why? You want this….? Why would you want a baby with me when you don't want me?"

Couldn't he just answer the question? No….

"I know you went through a lot in those ten years…but I did too. I hurt too." He smiled sadly. "I dealt with it in different ways than you. But I never stopped hurting. Not really. I'm still hurting…but I want to be done."

"You were going to marry someone else," she reminded him. "You were happy. That's the kind of situation you have babies in. Not ours. Ours is a screw up. I forgot to take medicine…we'd never be having a baby if…."

"I wasn't happy with her," he swallowed, interrupting. This was going to be big. He needed to breathe.

"I saw you. You were." His eyes had smiled at Katherine. And they'd looked at Elena with complete and utter sadness and regret. He'd looked at her as if she was dead.

"You saw the beginning. I saw the end. I failed. I was a great fiancé…but I would've been a terrible husband. I never wanted kids with her, Elena. I never wanted her…" he swallowed back the emotions that were threatening to wash over him.

He'd never forget that day he saw her for the first time in 8 years. It hadn't happened in an ideal circumstance, hadn't been a Hollywood moment where they'd bumped into each other randomly at the coffeehouse. Elena had come home for her mother. Miranda was diagnosed with breast cancer when four years before. Elena hadn't bothered to come home then and it had gone away…but suddenly life came to a screeching halt when it came back.

"I'm here to see Miranda Salvatore," she said, her voice shaky. She hadn't spoken her mother's name since it had changed. It sounded terrible coming off her lips. It tasted bad. Elena had beaten her demons. She had faced the fact that she'd been a bad daughter for too long… she could've lost her mother four years prior and she would've missed it all because she was too wrapped up in avoiding him.

She was stronger, now. She knew he would be there, but she couldn't care about that. She couldn't let him be the reason she stayed away from her family. She'd practically disowned them the minute Miranda walked in on them in bed… but the thought of really losing her mother…losing any chance of reconciliation was too devastating and scarring to risk.

She'd walked into her mother's hospital room to see she was asleep. No one was there. They'd all gone for lunch in the cafeteria. No one expected her to come. Her dad had sent a text message telling her, but she'd never responded. He may have lost his wife in a terrible divorce, but he'd always still love her…and this cancer that ate away at her ate away at him.

She'd sat down next to her mother's bed. Miranda looked tired. Really tired. Not the kind of tired when she was a kid and she'd spent the day running around after her. Not the kind of tired like after you've had a really, really long day. She looked dead tired…like she was ready to just give up.

"Mom," she swallowed, tears rolling. "I'm here mom. I can't…I love you, Mom…" the words weren't coming now, just the tears. Her throat was hot and thick and she was so full of regrets. How could she have done this? How could she have let a man come between her family? A man who didn't want her… a man who was a part of that family….

The door had opened and in walked Damon, smiling and laughing. She caught the side of his face. His eyes were oceans and she nearly drowned because he wasn't staring at her. He was staring at someone else…and she was holding his hand.

The lopsided, familiar smile faded from his lips the moment he saw her. His breath caught in his throat and he let out a small, almost silent gasp. His lips meant to move and his mouth meant to say 'hello' but instead fall he could do was say her name.

"Elena," it rolled off his lips like a sweet melody. She was there…in front of him, holding her mother's hand. Katherine's hand squeezed his tightly, sending a reminder that she was still there. She knew she was his stepsister...but she didn't know the toxicity that flowed through her boyfriend's veins because of her.

Her eyes were frozen on his girlfriend. Brown hair, brown eyes…it hurt…but she wouldn't admit it. Eight years had come and gone without any means of communication between them. She wasn't going to let him or them walk in here and make her regress. She hated how she felt when she saw the woman smile at him. She was too toothy and too fake. But Damon must not have thought so. He laughed at her stupid comments and Elena saw him watching her out of the corner of his eye. He looked mesmerized.

It wasn't like she hadn't seen him with women before. He'd dated Andie before her, and he'd smiled and done all the required boyfriend business, but it was never so deliberate. Those smiles felt like attacks. Those laughs deafened her. They would echo in her ears and remind her how she wasn't good enough. A random bimbo bitch was…but not her.

"You came home," he swallowed. "Mom would be…" and there it was. Mom. Not Miranda, not you mom. Just Mom. She hated when he referred to her as that…it made it all too real. "She's glad you're here."

"She hasn't woken up. She doesn't know," her voice sent the butterflies into his system.

"She knows. She knows her baby's home," he was being too sweet and she was being too quiet. It made her angry. He couldn't be this way and hold her hand. She was over him. She didn't care what he did or who he did….it wasn't her and that was what mattered. It made all the difference.

She didn't seem so broken, he'd noticed…but she wasn't herself. Time had worked its way onto her features, but they had only become more beautiful. She'd lost her innocence so young…but her face was fresh. She was a woman now…not a girl. She'd done and seen things he didn't even know…

Katherine cleared her throat. And Damon took a breath. "This is Katherine, my girlfriend…." He smiled, but there was an emptiness in his chest. Elena took a minute to respond. Of course she knew this bitch was his girlfriend….but she didn't need to hear it. He didn't need to rub it in her face.

The stupid part of it all was that she could get mad that he had someone else….but she'd thrown countless, meaningless men in his face all the time back then. Now the air was thick and laced with anger and stress…

"I'm glad you came home for her," he said and she jumped. He was standing behind her at the water fountain and he'd startled her. "She misses you."

"Please don't pretend like we're okay, Damon," she begged. "I haven't been able to come home for eight years because of you…"

"That was your choice. I'm not going to just stop living so you can come home. I'm not going to give up this book store so you can have it one day. You can hate me all you want, Elena, but the facts are always going to be the same. We're family. Your came home for your family."

"Everyone has a family member they wish they didn't have," she shrugged coldly and she mouthed "you."

"You're in there somewhere, Elena….but I just can't see you anymore…" he shook his head bitterly and walked away.

"Have a nice life," she bit out and walked out of the hospital door.

He was done, he told himself. No more wishing, no more pining. He had a woman who loved him at home. She wanted him. She needed him. She didn't look at him like he was the complete end of her entire world. He needed to realize what he had and what he'd never have. At that point, when he was so far gone…it didn't matter who it was. As long as it stopped him from wanting Elena. Eight years was just too long to wait.

And he didn't….

Miranda would heal again…she'd die in that car accident before the cancer could take her away… Elena would never see her mother alive again. She hadn't woken up the entire visit. She was convinced her mother would die not knowing she loved her. She'd die thinking she'd failed as a mother…and Elena couldn't let go of the repercussions of that decision.

But she couldn't bring herself to try again. She never called her mother...she chose wrong.

Elena wouldn't see him again, either, until their parents died….but she would leave her mark.

She'd looked at her phone a few months after she'd gone to Mystic Falls. Her head was still heavy, but she was pushing through…

"DAMON'S GETTING MARRIED" Her Dad had sent her the text two days ago but she still found herself scrolling through her messages to find it. It mattered. She didn't want it to, and she'd nearly thrown her phone out her fifth floor apartment window when she'd seen it the first time, but it hurt.

He'd spent so much time just trying to be her brother, her friend, that he had completely missed the boat regarding what she wanted. She was a kid when they dated and when they broke up. She'd made irrational, life-altering decisions because of a teenage romance gone wrong, she told herself. But as time passed and she continued to heal, she realized just why she'd acted out so badly.

She'd finally known something she wanted and then suddenly it was gone. Her parents' marriage was gone. Damon was gone. Mystic Falls was gone. And because of it she was gone….

Damon was getting married to someone else. It was done. She didn't have to think about it anymore.

They'd set their wedding date for a little less than a year after they'd gotten engaged. Damon would be 27 a few months after he got married. He had to pick a best man, and the one man he would've picked only made it hurt worse. John. So instead he picked Mason. They had an awkward friendship after the Elena mishap, but there was an understanding that it was just that a mishap. It shouldn't have anything to do with him marrying Katherine or having his college buddy stand up for him…

Everything was fine until John walked up to him a month before the wedding. "Got a text from Elena…" he paused. He knew Damon's reaction would be epic, so he waited.

"Really?" He frowned. "At least she talks to you."

"Yeah…I felt like I had to tell you but I'm not really sure how you want to take it. It said "TELL DAMON CONGRATS FROM HIS SISTER."

"I'm pretty sure that was sarcastic," Damon cringed. "But at least she cared enough to say anything at all…I thought she'd never talk to me again."

"Damon…" he inhaled slowly. Broken records ran in the family.

"What?" He smiled. "I'm fine," he touched his shoulder. "Look at me, Pa. I'm fine. I'm marrying Katherine next month and everything will just be over."

But that text scared the shit out of him. It rattled him. She hadn't tried to say anything to him in eight years, aside from their small, terrible conversation at the hospital. It was like she was twisting the knife. Did she want to still hurt him? What was the point? And how could it still hurt so badly after eight years?

"Are you sure about this Katherine thing?" Mason asked. "I support you…but I was looking for a pen the other day, and I saw them, Damon. The fact that I saw pictures of Elena lying around under your keyboard leads me to believe something else is going on…"

"Nothing is. Those are old," he shrugged. "I forgot about them." He lied.

He'd written his book when he was 22, but it hadn't been published until he was 26. The minute he found out Elena had been in jail his brain started working. He needed this. It was a sort of therapy. His little friend meant so much more than she knew…and though she'd probably never read it, he needed to document just how much she meant to him. He needed to keep it for himself.

Katherine had seen him sitting up for hours while he was finalizing it. He'd type away this 'nonsense' story, as she called it. She didn't get it. She didn't get the symbolism, at first.

Elena was his Little Red Dragon. He knew the beginning and he'd written it so many years ago… but he'd waited until he was 26 to finish it. He needed an ending; a good one. And an ending had come to him after he'd seen her again. It was a dreamer kind of an ending…one where everyone gets along and the hurting stops. He didn't believe it would happen in real life…so the Dragon and the Knight were the best he could do.

Suddenly he was in complete and utter 'beast' mode. He panicked when he'd seen her with her mom, and he'd doubly panicked with that text. It was an awful reminder of the life he'd never live but that he'd been stupidly and selfishly hanging onto for years. He'd been a mess for days afterward…freaking out about absolutely nothing. Little things, stupid things were driving him crazy. The way Katherine set the dinner table, the way she turned the sheets down at night. It was wrong. He couldn't understand why. In the back of his mind she was suddenly just wrong.

"Come to bed, Damon," she'd said, tugging at his hand after undressing. "I miss you."

"I'm not tired. I…I have things to do, Kat."

"Come on, sweetie. You've had 'things' going on for a week now. What's the matter? You've been staring at the computer for all hours of the night and then sleeping on the couch for days…"

"I said I'm not tired," he pulled at his hair anxiously. "Give me a break,"

"You're too angry. Something's wrong. Did I do something wrong, Damon? Please, tell me. I love you…we're supposed to be in that stupid bliss stage right now."

"No, you didn't do anything wrong," he sighed. "I'm just…it's nothing." He bit his lip and furrowed his brow. "I love you, too. I'm just…I need to finish my book. I want to send it off to be published…but it's just not right. Something's missing. What kind of kid's book ends where the main characters just aren't friends anymore?"

"You finally got an ending?"

"Yeah…finally," he sighed. But it would be theirs….

They'd mended it then, but the squabbles happened again and again. Each time, a little piece of Damon was knocked back into place. For reasons he could never admit, he'd begun to realize it just couldn't work. So why did he let it get to the rehearsal dinner?

Katherine got it eventually, the meaning of the Little Red Dragon… but not until the wedding was called off…She understood that the characters in his book were more than made up creatures. They were his life. And that book's ending would be the end of her life, her story with Damon…..because the knight forgave his dragon….

On the night before the wedding…after they'd gone through the rundowns and were at the rehearsal dinner, it happened. Mason stood up to do a toast rundown, different text to keep the element of surprise, and the world unfolded.

"On this good night, we celebrate with my dear friend and college roommate and his lovely bride to be. Damon is a man of decisions. Its something great about him…something I envy. He and I have had our ups and downs through the years, but I've always known him to be a man of his word….And he's chosen one woman to love his entire life…this one woman…" His words were fading and Damon's eyes were suddenly locked in the crowd.

Sitting at the table directly in front of his was John. An empty seat was next to him with a place card that read ELENA GILBERT. He'd invited her…but he knew she wouldn't show. He'd later find out John never even told her….he didn't want to ruin Damon's wedding…

But now, Mason's words were running like wildfire out of his mouth, "One woman to love forever and make a life with. Have a family…grown old…"

Damon could only see John. His eyes…her eyes. They were the same…not in color but in fire. John was staring back at him with serious eyes. Eyes a father would give his son. He'd spent so much time discouraging him when it came to Elena…he was trying to protect him from any more pain. Elena reigned with terror and Damon was always the victim.

But John's eyes were her eyes and they were locked in a stare that spoke volumes. He was silently begging him to make sure this was what he wanted. Not because he was siding with his little girl at the last minute, but because he genuinely loved him. And if he married Katherine, he'd never be his real son…

Katherine was fading and the truth was coming undone. Elena…he wanted Elena. He wanted the broken mess in college, the numb girl he'd seen last year…anything, any version…he just wanted her. He loved her…and he'd wait forever…even if it was the worst decision of his life.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't marry Katherine. Not when he felt like this.. He was about to lose any chance he'd have with her. The woman next to him would be a Salvatore… Elena would never be his wife. Soon Damon's eyes filled with tears and John's became a mirror image. Two grown men crying over the same thing…fighting for the same broken, cause. Elena.

"I'm sorry," Damon spoke up, interrupting. "I'm sorry Katherine, I can't…. I can't do this."

Giuseppe frowned and Miranda gasped, but Damon's eyes couldn't look toward them…couldn't feel or say what they had caused in his life. He loved them…but he'd wished, in that moment, that he would've just did what Elena said and chosen her.

"WHAT?" She stood up, throwing her napkin down. "This better be a joke. There better be some kind of flashdance about to happen in here or I better be on some awful candid camera show…or this is because of her…"

"It's not a joke," he said sadly, loosening his long tie, "I'm the joke."

He'd walked over to John and hugged him tightly. He said nothing but John heard it loud and clear. He still loved her. In that moment he knew, no matter where life took him, Damon would always be something.

He'd never live to see the wonder those two people he loved so much would make….

Damon scooted up next to her now, the hostile, pretty women next to him on the floor. He slung his arm around the back of her shoulders and leaned her tired head on his shoulder. She was done fighting for that night. She was tired and drained. It wasn't over, she knew. Once she took that test they'd have to talk about what it meant. They'd have to talk about them…really talk. All she'd done that night was yell and complain…but she hadn't realized he'd heard the secret words she'd hidden behind her hanger. He'd heard she still cared….

"You're angry, you're bitter, I get it. I hurt you more than I will ever really know, I'm sure. And you hurt me, too…but we can't hurt our child because of it. I'm sure you never saw yourself in this situation…"

"I've spent years being terrified of this situation," she admitted. She let him rest her head against his shoulder. He was warm and familiar and Damon. "I've slept with so many men…I can't even count them. Do you know how ashamed I am of that?" He didn't. She'd thrown it around like she'd wanted to do it. But after all this time, she could admit she was wrong.

"Shhh," he tucked hair behind her ear. He wouldn't say 'I told you so' to her tonight.

"I always thought I'd get pregnant one day. I deserve it with the way I act," she yawned. The sleep was settling in. "I just never thought it'd be…."

"Me," he did understand. "The one person you actually don't want to have a baby with. You'd probably rather it be with some stranger who you didn't have a past with, hm?" He stroked her hair gently. It wasn't true in the least, and he knew it. "Or someone you actually like." He swallowed.

"No," she snuggled in. "I'm all fire and brimstone…but it's all smoke and mirrors…it's all fake…" she closed her eyes, slowly the truths were leaking, "I'm a bitch to you because it hurts to care and it shouldn't," she was mumbling now. "But the truth is if my potential accidental pregnancy had to come true…I'm glad it was with you. It feels less accidental…I mean, what are the odds? You always said you wouldn't let anyone else do that to me…." And she was asleep, drooling on his shoulder. He'd have left her there for hours, snuggling her in close, holding her tight so she could stay warm…but he thought better of it. She would be sore and achy if she slept on the ground all night. He slowly picked her up in his arms and laid her down in her bed, tucking her under the covers.

"Damon…" she mumbled. "Stay. I'll take the test in the morning."

"Thank you, Lena," he smiled and walked back to resume his spot, sitting with his back against the foot of her bed. But he couldn't sleep well…not after what she'd just said. She still cared about him, he was sure of it.

She hadn't admitted much, not that she loved him or that she missed him. But she'd indicated that she'd felt more than she'd originally pretended to feel. They'd had sex. They'd probably made a baby…and now she needed to take the test and let him prove to her that no matter how bad their past was, no matter how bat shit crazy this situation was… he could love her, love this baby, for the rest of his life.

A/N: I know! We still don't know if she's pregnant….

I needed to sneak in Damon's history with Katherine..and their brief meeting when they were younger. It's important to know where Elena's been in her head in terms of Damon in the two years since they'd seen each other. And I needed to share just why Damon knew he couldn't marry Katherine. His moment with John was so raw in my head…the love they have as an almost father and son, both grieving for the same lost cause that was Elena….

It makes their death so much more tragic. Thank you for reading. I might have some gaps between updates because my work schedule is crazy this week. But I'm so fired up for this and will do my best to work on it because I love doing it so much.