Chapter 10
Hermione placed an order for the Italian food he requested (she had a feeling she had some work to do before he was willing to try something more exotic) and tried to pull herself together while his attention was otherwise occupied by the photographs that lined the many bookcases of her flat. She was deeply embarrassed by her earlier display of insecurity and then the way her temper had so quickly turned on him. She was also unnerved by the aplomb with which he'd handled the situation. She was rapidly beginning to feel like she was more than in over her head.
She hadn't realized he'd had the ability to unnerve her so completely, or that she would so easily become vulnerable in his presence. She especially didn't think he would react so maturely. Godric, he'd even refrained from calling Ron any names. That must have taken some Herculean self control. And then she'd snapped at him, railed at him for his treatment of her at Hogwarts, but he'd remained calm, and apologized. He didn't try and excuse his behavior, he didn't mock her for her mood swings. She was impressed, she felt cared for, and ashamed at how much she seemed to have underestimated him. It was time to do away with her image of him as that nasty boy from school, the same image she was using to hold herself apart from him.
Draco was obviously impressed by the food she ordered, both by the quality and how quickly it arrived all neatly packaged, hot, and ready to eat. ('I don't understand how muggles can be so efficient without magic, it's remarkable,' he'd quipped) She allowed herself to feel smug that she'd introduced him to something so thoroughly normal in the muggle world, but that to him probably felt like a revelation. It was a small thing, but she'd done something right tonight.
"So you never answered my questions," she said as they settled down to eat.
"What questions?" he asked.
"The ones from earlier, you know, when I was explaining how we don't actually know each other very well?" she reminded him.
"Oh, right, what were they again? I've forgotten."
"Do you prefer quidditch or flying? Or do you like quidditch for the flying? And then I wanted to know if you enjoyed school or if you just happened to be good at it, and the same question with potions specifically," she reiterated.
He chewed thoughtfully, very careful to swallow before he opened his mouth to respond, unlike some people she knew. (Oh no, she was comparing him to Ron again, that had to stop.)
"Well, honestly I think of quidditch and flying as two different interests. Though, part of why I like quidditch is because it's played on a broom. But I enjoy them for two different reasons, quidditch for the strategy and competition and flying for the freedom and the speed. So, I guess it depends on what kind of mood I'm in, in terms of which I enjoy most. From what you said earlier I take it you don't enjoy quidditch?" he deduced.
"I don't really like playing quidditch, though I seem to get wrangled into it often enough. But it can be fun to watch, especially when my friends are playing because then I have a vested interest in the game. But I hate flying."
He looked at her like she'd sprouted a second head.
"How can anyone hate flying? It's amazing," he sounded absolutely incredulous.
"I suppose I should be more specific and say that I hate flying on broomsticks."
After all, she didn't mind muggle airplanes, and under different, less life threatening circumstances her various rides on the backs of magical creatures could have been rather thrilling. He was still looking at her like she was crazy.
"Well look at it from my point of view," she defended, "in our first and only flying lesson Neville broke his wrist and then you led Harry on that merry chase for his remembrall. At the time I was fully convinced that you were both going to die right in front of me. And that was my first exposure to broomsticks," she pointed at him accusingly. "Then, during Harry's first quidditch match his broom was jinxed, and he nearly fell off and died. In third year the dementors swarmed one of his games and he did fall off his broom, and if Dumbledore hadn't been there to slow his fall he would have died, "she took a dramatic breath, "Fourth year he decided it was a good idea to try and outfly a dragon for Godric's sake, and he very nearly got roasted and gave me a heart attack in the process. I could go on," she looked at him daringly.
He stared at her for a few moments and then slowly smirked.
"So what I'm hearing," he drawled, his eyes twinkling mischievously, "is that this is entirely Potter's fault."
She reached across the table and whacked him on the arm.
"Don't worry, love, we'll fix this," he said with complete assurance.
She rolled her eyes theatrically at that display of ego.
"Practically everybody I know has tried, it's no use, I just can't get comfortable," she informed him, fairly sure it wouldn't make any difference.
"I'll make you comfortable," he said without hesitation, totally confident.
Not in the mood for this back and forth, she ignored him. Maybe she'd even let him try to teach her to fly and he could see for himself how useless it was.
"What about school?" she prompted him to answer her second question.
He gave her a knowing smirk at the sudden subject change, but he answered her without argument.
"I enjoyed school, for the most part. Potions was my favorite subject, and I was proud that I was so good at it. But there were others I really liked too, charms and astronomy especially; astronomy reminds me of my mother, she's been teaching me about the stars since I can remember."
She smiled at the soft tone of his voice, those were obviously good memories.
"Because of the tradition in her family, naming children after stars?" she asked curiously.
He looked at her in obvious surprise. She laughed.
"Yes Draco," she said his own constellation name pointedly, "you forget that Order headquarters was located in a house that belonged to the Black family. There's a giant family tapestry on the library wall, it would have been impossible for me not to notice the pattern, but I asked Sirius and he confirmed it."
When she thought of Sirius she started to giggle.
"What?" he wondered.
"I was just remembering Sirius and how much he hated the family motto, 'Toujours Pur,'" she recited the phrase mockingly, "and I can just imagine him up there somewhere laughing his arse off right now that the two of us are together. I mean if we stay together…" she trailed off, suddenly shy.
He smiled at her.
"You'll be the first non-pureblood Lady Black," he provided.
"Yeah," she said quietly, looking away from his adoring gaze.
He must have sensed that she was not ready to go there yet because he graciously changed the subject.
"I don't think I need to ask whether you liked school or not."
She chuckled.
"I guess it was pretty obvious."
"What was your favorite subject?"
"Arithmancy," she answered immediately, "it's so fascinating: predictive modeling, spell creation, warding schemes. I love performing magic but there's just something addicting to me about trying to understand it," she fairly gushed.
He smiled at her, his face as soft and open as she'd ever seen it. It was a heady thing to be in the receiving end of such open admiration, especially from somebody so beautiful.
"Okay, I have one," he said, "what's your favorite color?"
"It changes with my mood, and as I've gotten older, but I've always favored purple," she smirked at him, "What's yours? Let me guess," she paused dramatically, "green?"
He shook his head.
"Black?" she tried again, eyeing his shirt and then his robes, which were still folded over the back of her sofa, pointedly to indicate the rather monochromatic nature of his wardrobe.
He shook his head again, looking amused.
"Actually it's blue, blue has always been associated with House Malfoy, so I grew up thinking it was the best of all colors, even above Slytherin green," he explained.
It was kind of a sweet answer, which displayed his pride in his family, even despite her own reservations about that family. But it brought Hermione up short, reminded her of something they needed to discuss. She pushed her empty plate away from her nervously.
"Actually there's something that I need to say, something that needs to be on the table right from the beginning."
"Okay," he said slowly, looking concerned.
"I was thinking about us and where our relationship might ultimately lead. I know there are certain expectations that come with being with a man of your position and most of them I understand, but I don't think I could ever live at Malfoy Manor. I know it's traditional to reside in your ancestral home, but I just don't see myself ever being comfortable enough to actually live there," she explained very quickly and braced herself for his reaction.
When it came it was not at all what she expected. He pushed his own plate away and reached across the table to take her hand. She instantly felt better.
"Oh, oh no Hermione, I would never ask you to do that. It never even occurred to me, I can hardly stand to be there myself most of the time," he squeezed her hand and encouraged her to look at him, there was sincerity written all over his face, "please don't give it another thought," he took a deep breath, "but I do want to apologize for what happened to you there. I'm so damned sorry that I didn't do anything to help you. I'm sorry for being on the wrong side of the war. Sorry for ever thinking you were in any way inferior to me. I can only hope that in time, I can earn your forgiveness," he said, his tone soft and sincere.
Her heart went out him. Truth be told she'd forgiven him already, even if she hadn't been quite ready to forget his behavior. It started on that awful night when they'd been taken to Malfoy Manor and he'd refused to identify them, and then she'd seen the agony on his face as she'd been tortured; she'd remembered how terrible he'd looked throughout their sixth year, broken and terrified; and once she'd begun to understand that in many ways he had just been a victim of circumstance, she also began to let go of her animosity for him. It was complete once he approached her respectfully, began to befriend her, and he showed her through his actions that he was not the boy he had been and had bravely let go of his prejudices. Still, it was nice to hear the words.
"Thank you for saying that. I accept your apology, but you should know that you've been forgiven for awhile."
Draco just looked at her steadily, almost like he was looking through her.
"You're not a legilimens, are you?" she asked uncertainly, unnerved that he wasn't saying anything.
He laughed.
"Actually, I am, but I would never sneak into your mind," he assured her.
"So you must be an occlumens too then!" she said enthusiastically, completely diverted from their serious talk by this interesting revelation.
He nodded.
"Basic shields are commonly taught to pureblood children. A fortress for a mind was basically a requirement to survive being a Death Eater-at least one who was as on the fence about the cause as I was- luckily my mother is a natural."
"Will you teach me?" she asked in an excited whisper.
He chuckled and rubbed his thumb across her knuckles.
"Merlin, but you love to learn, don't you?"
She felt her face grow hot but she just shrugged and nodded. He reached up with his free hand to caress one of her pinkened cheeks.
"You're even more beautiful when you're excited like this. Your enthusiasm is just breathtaking," he said in a voice that was just above a whisper, eyes locked with hers.
Her blush grew deeper and she tried to look away again but he wouldn't allow it.
"I would be happy to teach you anything you like, my mate, including occlumency. In fact, I should have thought of that, if we are going to be together you are about to become even more of a target than you already are, it can only be beneficial for you to be able to hide your thoughts and mask your emotions."
"Thanks Draco," she answered breathily, excitement at the idea of learning a new skill mixed with the sound of him calling her 'mate' which affected her on a visceral level that she didn't quite understand.
He abruptly dropped her hand and stood up smoothly, rounding the table to stand beside her. He extended a hand and pulled her up to stand in front of him when she took it, drawing her right into his personal space.
"I just want you to know that your forgiveness means the world to me, more than I could possibly express in words. So, may I try something?"
She could only nod. He tilted her chin and looked her right in the eyes, his were filled with an emotion that made her breath hitch, but she gave him another slight nod of permission, and he lowered his lips to hers. When they met light exploded behind her eyelids, she leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his neck, tunneling her fingers into his hair, and giving herself completely over to the kiss.
They stood there for a long time locked in an embrace that was both the sweetest and most passionate Hermione had ever experienced, simultaneously giving and taking, he grounded her and made her fly. It was the most honest and pure experience of her life. And she knew then that this was it. She understood how he could be so sure about them. Because there was something there, no longer just him or her, but them together, a living thing that was so incandescently beautiful that she would go blind before she turned away from it. It was a miracle, but it was real.
Their kisses slowed naturally and when they finally parted she rested her forehead against his chest, enveloped in his arms as he ran his hands up and down her back. As she stood there, safe in the arms of her mate, the image of a blond haired babe held gently between them flashed through her mind, and she smiled against his chest at the thought, but tucked it safely away in her heart to share with him later. This was more than enough for now.
"Draco," she sighed happily.
"I know, my love, I know," he murmured in response, "I've got you."
"I have you too," she vowed.
He went completely still for a moment and then he buried his face in her hair and she knew he understood.
Author's note: Eureka! She finally gets it, it was the kiss, but she had to be ready for the kiss for it to have such an impact. I hope I did that justice! Thanks everybody for reading, favoriting, following, and reviewing. Especially those of you who continue to share your thoughts with me, they're so appreciated. I hope you like this!