So this story finally makes a return.

I've taken my time writing this because I really wanted to get Luke's season six issues right. The season 7 writers went into this (very) briefly, and I've found that I've not really found a lot of answers for his behavior in some of the other stories I've read, as good as they are. Why did Luke need to make his relationship with April absolutely perfect before he was ready to be with Lorelai? Why did he have cold feet in the first place? And how exactly did that go away completely by the time of the revival?

I've kind of gone out on my own in trying to explain a lot of it. So this is going to be split up into several chapters, but I thought I'd drop the first one now.

Any comments or reviews are appreciated.

The scene was almost the same as the night before.

They had polished off the leftover fajitas and the peach pie that Luke had brought home for dinner and had retreated to the living room. Paul Anka had been let out and had retired to the safety of Lorelai's bedroom immediately after returning to the house. Lorelai had changed into sweats and washed her face free of makeup, and Luke loitered on the opposite end of the sofa from her, his hat sitting on the end table next to him. Two glasses of water sat before them, next to a box of tissues Lorelai was sure would be empty by the end of the night.

Luke glanced in her direction and ran his hand through his hair, seemingly unsure of how to proceed.

Well, it had been his turn last night, and now it was hers.

Lorelai shook off the nervousness that was encroaching upon her and took a tentative sip from her glass. She shifted closer to him on the sofa and began.

"Luke, why didn't you tell me about April when you found out about her?" she asked.

"I tried, Lorelai," Luke attempted to explain. "I tried."

"When? When did you try?"

"Thanksgiving," Luke admitted. "You came and told me that Christopher was going to take responsibility for the rest of Yale, I told you that he was finally doing a good thing, but then I -" He bent his head down. "I knew I hadn't done anything for April or Anna since I found out. I went to the closet and tried to dial their number -" He shook his head. "I chickened out. I couldn't even push the buttons. I was going to tell you after that, but -" He looked up at her, pain and regret evident in his eyes. "I'm a coward."

Lorelai nodded, and Luke looked down. "Hey," she protested softly. "Were. You were a coward."

Luke took a sip of water. "That doesn't excuse it," he replied.

"No, it doesn't," Lorelai agreed. "Was that the only time, Luke?"

"No," Luke said. "I was going to tell you the day I saw you in your wedding dress. I'd finally gone to Anna, told her I wanted to be part of April's life. I was going to go home and tell you, but -" He cleared his throat. "You looked so beautiful in that dress, Lorelai. You were so happy. I didn't want to ruin it. I couldn't take that moment and ruin it for you."

Lorelai closed her eyes as she remembered those blissful few months after her daughter had finally made her way home and she had started to plan her wedding to Luke. It had all seemed too wonderful at the time to see her daughter settled and accomplished and to be on the cusp on finally getting ready to embark on her future with the man she loved. For the first time in a long time, her life had finally felt complete.

She had spent most of the past year and a half just wanting to return to that period of her life, to ensconce herself in that bubble and never get out of it.

But it hadn't been real.

None of it had been real.

Lorelai opened her eyes and focused on Luke.

"Thanksgiving," she began. "How long had you known by that point?"

"Three weeks."

"Didn't you think you should maybe share something like that with me, Luke? Three weeks. Three weeks and nothing. You don't reach out to Anna, you don't tell me, you just keep it bottled up -"

Luke guiltily met her gaze.

"You told someone. Just not me."

"Liz," Luke admitted.

Lorelai squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself not to start crying yet.

She collected herself and opened her eyes. "Did you think it was something that wouldn't affect us, Luke?" she asked.

Luke nervously ran his fingers through his hair. "I told Liz -" He paused and met Lorelai's stare. "I told her I wasn't going to do anything about it."

Lorelai was momentarily dumbfounded.

"That's not me, Lorelai," Luke continued. "I know it's not me. I feel worse about that than almost anything. I had this great kid that was out there, this kid that was mine, and I almost let her completely exist in this world without ever knowing her. I'm not that guy. I spent my entire life not being that guy. I'm the guy that cleans up after the Jimmy Marianos and the Christophers of the world. I'm the guy that takes care of their kids. And I was going to do the same thing to mine."

"Luke, it didn't have to be that way," Lorelai argued. "I know you're not that guy. I love that you're not that guy. I could have helped you. You didn't have to put either of us through this. All this guilt that you're carrying around right now wasn't necessary. I could have helped you."

Luke nodded. "I know." He took another sip of water. "I just thought - that Anna was right about me. That if I wasn't worthy of knowing that I had a daughter, that I wasn't in a position to help raise her."

Lorelai shook her head. "Anna was wrong, Luke. She was wrong. She never saw how great you were with Rory. She didn't see how much you tried to help Jess. She never even gave you a chance. She took all those years away from you. I know you would have been there for April at the beginning of she had only let you."

"Lorelai -"

"That's what I don't get about all of this, Luke," Lorelai continued. "Well, there's a lot I don't get. But Anna does this horrible thing to you and you defend her at every possible point. You let her control everything. What made you think she was right in keeping your daughter away from you? What happened with her?"

"Lorelai, me and Anna - it was a long time ago."

"I need to know," Lorelai insisted. "I deserve to know. You didn't tell me anything. All you said was that you dated for a year and you never saw her again."

Luke ran his hand through his hair again. "There's not much to tell. Rachel had left about a year before we got together. I was busy putting the diner together. I didn't really have a lot of time for her. She was supportive, but we argued a lot. She was pretty controlling." Luke shook his head. "Maybe I didn't mind as much because it was better than having a girlfriend who was always itching to leave the country."

"Patty said you were serious about her. "

Luke shrugged. "Maybe she thought that because she was always around. We broke up a few times. We'd always end up fighting about something she'd want to change about the diner, I would tell her no, and we wouldn't see each other for a few weeks. We'd always end up sleeping together and starting things up again."

Lorelai nodded, starting to assemble a picture in her mind. "So you weren't exactly together continuously."

"There were other guys in between, I guess," Luke continued. "That's why my picture wasn't the only one on that poster."

"So you weren't upset, then –"

Luke turned to look Lorelai in the eye. "No. I didn't love her. I didn't even think about her after we broke up for good. And then Rachel came back not long after that, so –" He shrugged. "I meant what I said last night. Whatever was between me and Anna went away a long, long time ago."

Lorelai smiled. "I really wasn't worried about that part of it, Luke."

He reached out and put his hand on her knee. "Good."

Lorelai took a sip of water and put her glass back on the table. "I guess I just don't understand how you could forgive her that easily, though, Luke."

"Because I had already failed," Luke replied.

"But Luke you did step up eventually," Lorelai contended. "Maybe you didn't call her right away and that was wrong but -"

"I didn't mean that, Lorelai. I was talking about Jess."