A/N: So, I'm sure you noticed that I changed the title of this fic. I hope it didn't cause any confusion:) Um, basically I did that because, when I started writing this fic, I was planning on going in a different direction than I ultimately ended up going. :p So, while the old title worked really well for THAT idea, it doesn't work so well any more. The new title comes from a song by Coldplay with the same name, which I think you should allllll listen to. It's the perfect Squall/Rinoa song. Anyway! Hope you enjoy this chapter:)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Ten
When You're Gone

His knuckles were bruised and bloody, crying out for a reprieve, but he wouldn't give them one. He kept jabbing at and punching the heavy bag that hung in the corner of his room, as if it would help. He deserved this pain, damn it. He should've insisted on going with her, he shouldn't have let her out of his sight for a second.

Damn it, she was gone. Again. She'd been gone for nearly a week now. And nobody fucking understood. To them, she was still just the prospective student who had shown up, and had disappeared. And it was bad to them, but they had no fucking idea just how bad it was. He'd tried talking to Dr. Kadowaki, tried explaining to her … and she'd offered him a sedative. Like he was mental or something.

He didn't need a gods-damned sedative. He needed to find Rinoa. But he couldn't leave, Hyne no, not with Cid absent and doing Hyne-knew-what wherever the hell he was. Without Cid's permission, SeeD members weren't allowed to go farther than the town of Balamb.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" he bellowed, punching the bag harder than ever. He didn't care if he broke his hands. He just didn't fucking care. It probably served him right, for forgetting about her completely … how could that have happened? What the hell had happened to make them all lose their memories like that? And why hadn't they forgotten anything else?

It was just as she'd said … it was meant to erase her from their minds … and anything or anyone who could stand in the way of that. But why had Irvine been forgotten, as well? Why the hell hadn't they forgotten everybody and everything? Why was it only Rinoa and … for some inexplicable reason, Irvine … who had been erased from memories?

Damn it. That meant that the doctor -- Blakeslee -- he had someone working for him in Garden.

Squall finally stopped punching the bag and leaned against the wall, examining the damage to his hands caused by two solid hours of beating on that bag. He needed to figure out what had happened that night. But the only person who could help him with that was … well, he didn't know where she was. Just that she was still able to send him the visions of the past. He wished she'd connect with him, damn it, so he could ask her about that night. Make her show him that night. Through Dr. Blakeslee's eyes.

And he needed to find the girl that Irvine had been with the night of his birthday. Squall had a bad feeling about her … and he didn't even know who she was.

xXx

An hour later, after he had showered and bandaged his hands, he was sitting in the library, waiting for Irvine to join him. Apparently, when Ellone had returned his memories of Rinoa, he'd also gotten his memories of Irvine back. He wondered how long it would be before Ellone was able to help everyone else. It would be nice when they all stopped treating him like a head-case.

Irvine sauntered in, looking nervous. Squall didn't usually call for meetings after dinner, but his note had said it was "URGENT". Irvine wasn't going to argue. It probably had something to do with Rinoa. Now that Squall's memories were back, they could finally concentrate on finding out who this Blakeslee creep was, and where he was keeping Rinoa this time. There was no doubt in either of their minds that that was where she was.

"Irvine, I need to know about the girl you left my party with," Squall said, before the other man had even sat down.

"Excuse me?" Irvine said, quirking an eyebrow upward. "Is this really the …"

"Look," Squall said evenly. "For some reason, we only forgot Rinoa and you. You were not here that night, you were with the girl. Was she with you all night?"

Irvine looked slightly offended. "Yes," he said vehemently. Then, rethinking, he added, "Well, like, not all night," he said. "She got up and left around four-thirty or five-ish."

Squall massaged his temples. "What?"

Irvine, sudden realization dawned, jumped up. "What the hell? It was her. She did something! I'm, like the biggest idiot in the world."

Squall didn't disagree, but he didn't say anything for a long moment. "What's her name?" he finally asked, as calmly as he could. "Is she a student here?"

"Nah, she lives in FH," Irvine said. "Her name's Drea, and I met her when we were like, docked back there. We flirted. I just thought it was, like, fun or something."

"Didn't bother to think about how Selphie would feel about all this?" Squall said irritably, feeling a headache coming on. "Never mind. Anyway. You and I, we need to go back to FH and talk to this Drea. Find out what she knows. And Irvine, I am prepared to use force if it comes to it. If she's got anything to do with Rinoa being gone …"

"Me too." A female voice came from behind them, and both men turned around to see Selphie standing there, looking shell-shocked.

"Selphie?" Irvine asked, concerned. The girl looked a little green around the gills.

Her green eyes had an unnatural glassy sparkle to them, like she was trying to hold back tears. She looked at Irvine, her mouth in a thin line. "You do me a favor, and you don't talk to me right now," she told him coldly … it was the meanest Squall had ever heard Selphie. She turned to Squall. "Um, Ellone … she's not dead, is she?"

Squall shook his head, wondering if this was leading where he thought it was. "Did she …?"

Selphie nodded. "Everything! It just all came back at once and I seriously almost passed out. Hyne, Squall, we forgot Rinoa!"

"And Irvine," Irvine pointed out dully.

She barely glanced at him. "I'm only concerned with Rinoa at the moment," she snapped.

"I think that means you're busted," Squall said to him.

"So much more than busted," Selphie said venomously. "If I could feed you to a Malboro right now … I wouldn't hesitate."

"Sefie …" Irvine said, feeling worse than he had felt in a long, long time.

"Don't. Look. I want to help Rinoa however I can. If that means I have to put up with you, so be it. But read my lips Irvine Kinneas … I am not speaking to you," Selphie hissed.

Squall felt like he was intruding, but he was afraid if he left, Selphie might seriously hurt Kinneas. Instead, he cleared his throat. "Uh, Selphie?"

"Yes, Squall?" she said sweetly, a stark contrast to her prior angry tone.

"We'd be happy to have you along, of course, but, uh, you do realize who we're going to see, don't you?"

"I do. And trust me when I say that I'm only doing this to help Rinny, but if I get to kick Drea's ass, it will just be a big fat bonus," she said. Irvine winced at her tone. She was as angry as he'd ever seen anyone, and it pained him to know that it was all directed at him.

"So, like, when do we leave?" Irvine said cautiously.

"As soon as possible," Squall said. "We're not technically supposed to leave at all … this will be against the rules. Are you prepared for the consequences?"

Selphie nodded vigorously. "Of course! Rinoa is much more important than anything else. They can kick me out, I don't care! I just … I feel like I have to make it up to her."

Squall almost laughed. For the first time in his life, he actually agreed wholeheartedly with Selphie Tilmitt. "Then get packed and meet at the front gate in an hour," he instructed. "Don't tell anyone what's going on."

"We're leaving tonight?" Irvine asked, eyes wide.

"We'll head to Balamb and catch the first boat out of there heading to FH. It's been two days since …" he trailed off, unable to finish that sentence. He took a deep breath, tried to steady himself. "We can't waste any more time."

Selphie's eyes were bright and earnest. "All right. One hour, see you then!"

Irvine turned to Squall after the girl was gone. "She's so pissed," he moaned into his hands.

Squall rolled his eyes. "Whatever. You're not getting any sympathy outta me for this one. Now quit bitching and go get your stuff."

An hour later, they were taking their first steps away from Balamb Garden. Selphie looked back over her shoulder and sighed. "You realize we might not ever get back here?" she whispered.

"Don't say things like that, Sefie!" Irvine chastised gently.

"I wasn't even talking to you," Selphie said snottily. "Shut up."

"Both of you shut up," Squall hissed. Hyne, if he had to put up with this for more than a few days he might actually go insane. "Besides, Irvine, she's right. If either of you aren't sure about this, now's the time to turn back." He didn't stop walking.

"You're not even going to pause?" Selphie asked, though she already understood. She just wanted to know if he'd say it. "It was your home for almost your whole life."

Shaking his head, he laughed sardonically. "Yeah. Home for my whole life … but my life wasn't worth anything until her …"

In the darkness, Selphie smiled, feeling as proud of Squall as a parent feels about their child taking his first steps.

Squall kept walking resolutely, toward the town of Balamb. Maybe he'd never get back here. But if he stayed here, hoping for the best, while Rinoa was in the hands of a madman who'd already done the unspeakable … His blood boiled just thinking about it. Thinking about her being used and violated in that way … she was scared and alone.

The decision was an easy one. Easy, like the time he'd gone to the Sorceress Memorial. Actually, easier. He'd hesitated briefly then, and it had almost cost him everything. This time, he didn't even look back over his shoulder.

xXx

She wanted to die. She had never felt so much pain in her entire life. At least two of her ribs were broken, and she was covered in bruises and more of those ugly red welts that she got from the electrodes. Her eyes were so swollen that she was looking through slits.

He had promised her two months of freedom, but he had lied.

He told her that as soon as he'd let her go, he had known that he made a huge mistake. Something had gone wrong, he said. Something about someone "slipping through the cracks" and nearly ruining everything. He had asked her if anyone had remembered her, and, fearing for the lives of all those she held dear, she had lied, and said no.

And he'd been happy. So very sickeningly happy. "See?" he had crowed. "I told you, Rinoa, you are meant to be mine. Together, we can rule the world." And when she had started crying, he had beaten her. "You will be happy with me, do you understand?" he had hissed at her, after he had knocked her into one of the tables in his lab. She had stumbled and fallen, and he had kicked her repeatedly. That's where the broken ribs had come from.

When he was done thrashing her, he had raped her. It had hurt like nothing else had ever hurt before. He groped and grabbed and pulled and pinched and made her want to scream out from the supreme agony of it all. The broken ribs were so painful that she nearly fainted.

He must have mistaken her throes of misery for throes of ecstasy, for he seemed sublimely happy with himself. "Your precious Commander could never do this for you," he had whispered into her ear as he entered her. "I'm a real man, Rinoa, isn't this better than anything that clumsy boy could ever give you?"

No … Because he is magnificent and sensitive and tender. He makes me feel whole and loved when he's inside me; he makes me want to fly … you make me feel empty and soulless. It feels like you're ripping me apart, piece by bloody piece … Please … stop. You make me sick. You make me want to die. You're killing me …

She kept her thoughts of Squall at the forefront of her mind.

The beautiful boy under the domed ceiling of the ballroom, with the cool expression on his face.

The slate-blue eyes that turned gray when he was angry … or turned on.

The tousled brown hair that felt like silk beneath her fingertips.

The firm gentleness of his hands; the way the calluses felt against her smooth skin.

The way his laugh sounded, the way he smiled, the way he kissed …

Cyrus finished with her, and then lifted her up off of the ground. She was in and out of consciousness at this point, and barely noticed when he tore the clothing off of her form, bandaged her ribs, and administered some pain medication to her. If anyone had walked in and seen this, they would have merely seen a doctor tending to a very injured young woman. They wouldn't have known the truth.

The truth would have sickened them. For the "Good Doctor" took his patient back to his own room with him, and defiled her unconscious body several more times before the night was through.

Rinoa woke up the next morning, and found herself alone and naked in his bed. There was blood on the sheets -- hers, no doubt.

She wondered bleakly what Squall was doing now. He was worried … she could almost feel it. The bond, she thought weakly. Squall …

As her eyelids grew heavy with sleep, she swore to Hyne that she heard his voice. Rinoa … I'll find you. Stay alive for me.

And though she was sure she was hallucinating, she still vowed to do just that. She wouldn't give Cyrus the pleasure of killing her, not if she could possibly help it. The thought gave her a tiny bit of hope.

I love you … she thought as she lay her head back down on the pillow and closed her eyes.

I love you … his voice whispered back, and it felt as though he were right there with her. She allowed this small comfort to lull her back to sleep.