A.N. Thank you so very much to everyone that has read and reviewed! You all make me so happy! Well, read on!
If thy owns nothing, thou can't sue.
"Yea, I know it's not a lot, but we're going shopping soon." she promised in a knowing voice and I simply stared at her with wide eyes.
BPOV
I was still completely shocked by the humongous closet when I followed Alice back downstairs. Edward, Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle appeared to be deep in a whispered conversation and didn't notice our entrance. Alice went over to stand by Jasper and Esme exited the kitchen and came up to me with a smile.
"Hello, Bella, are you hungry?" she asked sounding very motherly like she already saw me as her daughter.
My eyes pricked with tears but I held them in. I smiled as best as I could back at her but I wasn't really sure as to what to say. I didn't want to be a nuisance to them after they'd been so kind in letting me stay at their house.
"Thank you for the offer but I'm not hungry." I said very graciously as to not hurt her feelings.
She looked at me with so much concern. "Please, Bella, I want you to be comfortable." she nearly pleaded.
"I am, believe me. I'm very grateful that you're allowing me to stay here." I reassured, not wanting her to think I'm an ungrateful prick.
I suddenly remembered a movie we'd watched in health class a while back- about anorexia. I suddenly came to the realization that I'd grown dependent on my not eating- because I saw myself as ugly and fat. I just didn't want to admit that to myself. As of now, I was still reluctant to give a firm yes to that epiphany. Dear lord what a mess.
"I know you are, sweety," Her face held only concern and a motherly love. "And I'm very happy to have you here." she added sincerely.
Esme and Edward shared a meaningful glance just before he walked over to stand beside me. He put an arm comfortingly around my torso. "You should eat something," he whispered in my ear, gently commanding.
I know he loves me and won't hurt me, but I'm used to following commands- or there is consequences. My heart quickened in fear. "O-ok," I internally kicked myself for letting my voice break in the one word answer.
Come on Bella! He only has your best interest in mind, why are you scared of him? Because the one you loved, your father, hurt you terribly, a small voice said in the back of my mind. But... I couldn't think of a rebuke.
Esme got a worried look on her face but didn't question it. "Alright, how about a chicken sandwich?"
I could only nod my head. My realizations really hit home and I felt near tears. I really don't deserve Edward. I'm such a stupid whore!
"Alright, sweety," Esme took my hand and patted it gently before turning and going back into the kitchen.
I shut my eyes and turned. With out glancing back at any of them, I took the stairs two at a time- lucky I didn't fall. I yanked open the door to the bedroom I didn't deserve and slammed it behind me. I think I heard faint footsteps coming up the stairs as I fell, face first, onto the bed and the tears began to fall. I was suddenly being lifted by someone.
"Sh, sweet girl," Edward murmured as he sat down and held me in his lap. "Did I... did I frighten you?" he asked quietly.
I looked up at him through tear-filled eyes. "N-no," I knew the lie was present in my eyes.
Edward frowned and looked at me apologetically. "What did I do, baby?" he asked gently.
I shook my head. "It-it's nothing, Edward." I tried to sound convincing.
"Please don't lie to me." he said gently and I once again took that as a command; my heart raced in response. I tried to push back the fear but it remained ever present in my mind.
"W-when you said you thought I should eat something... I took that as a... um, a command." I started, trying to explain. "I-I thought you were going to punish me if I didn't follow through." I finished quietly, thoroughly ashamed with myself.
"Oh, I'm sorry," he murmured. "I only want you to feel comfortable and know that no one cares if you eat." He gazed intensely into my eyes- trying to get the point across.
"I-I know,"
He gently moved a stray piece of my hair behind my ear. He suddenly frowned and a pained expression entered his features.
I hesitantly stroked his cheek, alarmed. "What's the matter?" I looked at him worriedly.
"Bella... do you think you're fat?" he asked quietly.
Yes...
Flashback
At one point in time, a long time ago, Charlie wasn't as harsh. He allowed me to actually eat... every now and then- and didn't beat me as hard. But, since he didn't physically abuse me that hard, he emotionally abused me harshly.
I had just finished making dinner, steak and potatoes, when Charlie came home from work. He grunted in greeting to me and glared. I flinched before placing our food on the table. We sat down.
I took one bite and peeked up at Charlie to see why he wasn't eating. He was staring at me in a way that made me uncomfortable.
"You're going to get so fat if you continue eating so much," he spat at me in a loathing tone.
That one hurt. It bit at my heart like a knife. I looked shamefully down at my food- it repulsed me now. I forced down another bite that threatened to choke me.
"You really want to be fat on top of being ugly and a useless slut?" He sneered as I flinched at his words.
"No," I whispered barely loud enough for him to hear as I pushed away the plate.
End of Flashback
Tears formed in my eyes from the recovered memory. My heart throbbed for the dad I once knew- before my mom died.
I nodded my head once in response to Edward's question.
"Did your dad tell you that?" Edward asked with a slightly angry voice.
I, once again, nodded my head.
"You are not fat- you're beautiful, Bella." he reassured me.
I snorted, knowing your voice couldn't break in a snort.
He took my hands in his. "Please believe me." he pleaded desperately.
I shut my eyes, a single tear fell to my lap. "I realized I've become dependent on Charlie's forcing me not to eat, because I believed him so deeply that I was fat and ugly." I confided further.
EPOV
"I swear I want to kill that..." Emmett fumed as he came up for I had motioned him, Carlisle, and Jasper to join me.
"We have to do something." Jasper stated in exasperation.
"Thanks, Captain Obvious," I pinched the bridge of my nose.
Carlisle looked at me disapprovingly. "Edward..." he said in warning.
I sighed and looked at Jasper. "Sorry, Jazz,"
"It's no biggy, I know you have a lot going on." he said with a knowing glance.
I nodded in response before turning to my father. "What about... what about a r-rape kit?" I could hardly whisper the question. It almost lodged itself in my throat, choking.
Carlisle looked unsure. "It would be up to her of course." he murmured, trying to soothe a lost cause for myself.
I shut my eyes. "What about... him?" I nearly growled, unable to speak the horrid bastard's name.
"Once again, up to her. She needs to decide whether or not to take action." he explained.
Just then Alice bounced over to stand next to Jasper, hyper as ever. I turned to the sound of Bella's voice. She was speaking to Esme about something to eat.
Confused and worried at her resistance, I furrowed my eyebrows. "We'll talk about it later..." I mumbled absentmindedly before walking over to Bella.
Esme and I looked at each other. I saw she was pleading with me to get Bella to eat something. She was very concerned.
I put my arm comfortingly around Bella's small frame and bent to whisper in her ear. "You should eat something," I murmured, trying to urge her to eat.
She suddenly went rigid and I became slightly anxious. "O-ok," Her voice broke, only amplifying my anxiety towards her.
Esme offered her a chicken sandwich and she nodded in response, still rigid beneath my touch. I wondered if perhaps I had scared her. The thought didn't sit well with me. I hated that Charlie had forced her to become such a timid person. I hated that he had taken much of her life from her. I hated him in general. The drunkard, abusive chief of police.
"Alright, sweety," Esme took her hand in a gentle way and patted it before returning to her sanctuary- the kitchen.
She shut her eyes and turned suddenly. I dropped my arm as she rushed to the stairs. She took them two at a time, surprisingly not stumbling once. She opened her door and slammed it shut.
Her actions confused me and made me extremely concerned for her. I immediately rushed after her and into her room. She lay face first on her bed, sobbing. I lifted her from the bed and into my lap as I sat down where she was before.
"Sh, sweet girl," I murmured, wiping away a few of her tears. After a moment I asked, quietly, "Did I... did I frighten you?"
She looked at me, water filled her eyes that had yet to fall over. "N-no," But her eyes showed a different story.
I frowned and gazed at her apologetically. "What did I do, baby?"
She shook her head. "It-it's nothing, Edward." She didn't sound convincing at all.
"Please don't lie to me." I pleaded with her gently.
Her eyes widened ever-so-slightly and I once again had the feeling I had scared her. "W-when you said you thought I should eat something... I took that as a... um, a command." she began hesitantly. "I-I thought you were going to punish me if I didn't follow through." she continued, new tears brimming.
I felt horrid. She thought I would punish her? I could never do such a thing! "Oh, I'm sorry," I murmured. "I only want you to feel comfortable and know that no one cares if you eat." I gazed into her deep brown doe eyes, trying to get the point across.
"I-I know,"
I moved a piece of hair behind her ear.
Then, a new idea hit me. I knew she was hungry, she had to be if Charlie didn't allow her to eat. Then, why did she refuse the food? I suddenly remembered a movie I had seen at my old school- about a very traumatized girl who became anorexic to deal with her problems. The idea hit me hard and deepened my sadness. She couldn't be... but it was the only idea that seemed plausible. I frowned.
She stroked my cheek, hesitantly. "What's the matter?" She looked at me, extremely concerned.
"Bella... do you think you're fat?" I asked her quietly.
She remained silent but I knew the answer was yes. Her eyes told me everything. The story unfolded before me, to be read through her chocolate eyes.
Charlie made her this way. He told her she was fat and ruined her self-esteem.
Tears formed in her eyes as she relived a dredged up memory. I could practically see the loss in her eyes- the want for the father she once knew.
She nodded her head.
"Did your dad tell you that?" I guessed, my voice showing a bit of my anger I was trying so hard to keep down.
She nodded her head.
"You are not fat- you're beautiful, Bella." I reassured her as best as I could.
She snorted in a really cute way.
"Please believe me." I took her hands up in mine, kissing them.
A single tear fell from her shut eyes. "I realized I've become dependent on Charlie's forcing me not to eat, because I believed him so deeply that I was fat and ugly."
(A.N.) AAAAAW! So sad!!! :'( Poor Bella... and Charlie is a sick bastard! :| GRRRRR YOU CHARLIE! Ha ha! Please review giving me your thoughts! Sorry it's taken so long to get this up!
Love,
Ms. White Christmas