When Mac drove into her designated parking spot, she found Harm's Corvette already there. She'd called him at least ten times over the long weekend, asking him to return her calls and finally ending the last message on a harsher tone. She knew that telling Harm about Webb would have some sort of repercussion, but hadn't expected him to act the way he did. Analyzing that Friday night, Mac knew she must have looked like hell, like a woman still pining over a former flame - she was not.
Yes, she had loved Webb in a fashion but, it would have never amounted to anything more than what they had. He was too messed up for her and she was trying to keep some relationship alive when it was clear that Harm wanted nothing to do with her after Paraguay.
How she'd fallen into Webb's arms was still a source of constant frustration. She hadn't wanted him that way, not really but, what started out as caring for a friend in need developed into something more. She was hurt, lonely and her best friend was nowhere to be found.
Thinking back, perhaps she should have pressed Harm in Paraguay, made him admit his feelings for her. What she got was his constant pushing away and snide remarks that were designed to hurt. It made her feel so bad that she decided she didn't want him anymore. And here they were, back to a similar predicament. He was pushing her away again. "I won't be your fall back guy."
God, those words had hurt. Each time she thought about them her eyes would sting with unshed tears until the waterworks started. Oh, she cried alright, most of the weekend was spent alternating between tears and anger. For two brilliant lawyers, they were morons with words and even worse with listening. He hadn't listened to her, just shut down at her mention of Webb possibly being alive. Harm wasn't her fall back guy and he never would be.
Why did it always have to be like this for them? Why did they both always have to react without rational thought or reason? You hurt the one you love. Mac thought and scoffed at the notion, steeling herself as she stepped out of the elevator and through the double glass doors of the bullpen. She found him standing by the coffee machine, his eyes glancing over at her before he shook his head and attempted to ignore her.
"Morning, Harm." She said as she walked towards him, but he disappeared into his office without so much as a word. It tightened the vice already gripping at her heart and she tried to push down the anger she felt. He was acting like a petulant child whose favorite toy had been taken away. He had plans for them that weekend, plans that she was eager to join him in and then… There was always something in the way or, in this case, someone.
Damn you, Webb. She retreated to her own office, casting a glance through Harm's windows which wasn't returned. They had come full circle once again and she recalled the stifling emotional baggage from both her failed wedding with Mic and Paraguay, two times when their relationship was hanging by a thread. It felt worse now, heavier and she wrestled with how she could make things right.
Mac entered her information into the computer and popped open the inter-office chat software. She selected his name from a drop down screen and sent one single message across the chat window:
Hey. I know you're angry with me but, I need to talk to you.
But, her message was met with silence until a prompt showed up
'Cmdr HRabb, has logged off.'
Once again, she looked through her windows and into his office and once again he ignored her. "This is gonna be a long day." Mac said with a big sigh while reaching for a folder atop the massive pile on her desk. And it was going to get longer.
Over the weekend she hadn't been able to dig up any information pertaining to Webb's whereabouts. From experience she knew that though Langley would still be operational, most of the office staff would be gone for the long weekend. Calls to Kershaw went unanswered and she knew her hope lay squarely on Webb's assistant, Laurie June. The woman often acted aloof which was a cover of sorts. Porter Webb had also ignored her calls leading Mac to believe something was definitely happening.
She had gone to Webb's apartment and used an old lock picking kit to gain entry. For some reason or another, they never exchanged apartment keys. Not that she asked for one and she figured he could likely get into her apartment whenever he wanted to. And he had, once, before she nearly chewed his head off for the intrusion.
The more Mac thought about it, maybe their relationship had been based soley on sex and even that hadn't been so great. He satisfied her enough but there was always something missing, something off. They didn't talk about a future, certainly hadn't discussed kids. He stopped taking her out as well and dates that had been commonplace when he was trying to impress her ceased to occur.
Mac frowned at that and realized for the hundredth time that her relationship with Webb was meaningless. It was meant to pass the time and ease her lonely heart and never should have progressed past friendship. Yes, she did hurt over his death, cried over it as well. But, things that she had been repressing began to click and make sense. Everything that seemed right months ago was so out of whack now. She glanced up again towards Harm's office when she felt his gaze on her which dropped the moment they made eye contact.
She turned her gaze over to a picture atop her filing cabinet, one of them in Afghanistan. Despite nearly being killed by a bombing run, it was one of her favorite assignments with Harm. They had been close then and Mac could sense that something more was on the horizon. For those short minutes when they lay wrapped around each other in the middle of the desert she felt whole.
Plus, they were spending so much time together - weekends at the park, almost nightly dinners if they were both in Washington. It was good, relaxed and, if she had to put a term on it, they were dating - sort of. Maybe dating without realizing that the late night dinners, running on the weekends and brunch on Sundays were a series of dates. It just hadn't taken the natural progression to physical intimacy although there had been a time or two where it seemed he wanted to kiss her.
And then Bud's accident happened and their whole world was turned upside down. The closeness began to slip away and their respective times on the bench had started to entrench a casom that deepened with Paraguay. Why had she been so stupid?
A knock on her door brought Mac out of her reverie and she waved Bud in. "Ready to deal, Colonel?" He said, stepping in with various files in his hands.
Harm had been at the office a good two hours before Mac had arrived. He hadn't gotten much sleep over the weekend and also hadn't spent much time at his apartment. He feared that Mac would go to him and the words that he would use in anger if she did. So, he headed to Blacksburg, spending the weekend flying Sarah and camping on in the woods alone.
It was always comforting and soothing to be up in the air, gracefully controlling acrobatic movements and quickly racing for the clouds. He normally felt at peace there, using flying as a way to soothe the wrongs of his life. This time, it just did not work. Yes, there were times where his concentration on keeping the plane airborne was his sole thought but, in the span of seconds, his mind would conjure up images of a night spent running away from poachers.
Before their harrowing experience, Mac was having fun, squealing with delight as he pushed the plane to its limits - effectively showing off his prowess as a pilot. He loved her laugh, the giggles and the way she shouted his name when she believed they were out of control. The added jealousy that he had named the plane after someone he loved was just icing on the cake. It had given him a surge of male pride although he hadn't realized why. He was attracted to her back then, always had been, he surmised but, she was a friend, his partner.
After the debacle with Kate he wasn't going down that road with Mac. So he steered clear of any romantic involvement and pushed her to the arms of another not once but twice. He was far too noble to get in the way of her happiness even though he knew she would be happiest with him.
This time, after Webb's death he had decided to step up to the plate before she was taken away from him again. He was taking it painstakingly slow, making sure her health was back to normal and that her grieving for the spook had abated. In the last few weeks they seemed to be on the same wavelength and he craved her company.
When they kissed after a Sunday spent on his motorcycle he understood just how much he needed Sarah MacKenzie. Every single romantic intention that he had buried in regards to her was now prominently on his mind. It was almost unfair that she had that kind of hold on him and yet he wanted it that way.
Harm also found that it made him happy to make her happy. Any little thing he could do to make her smile was carefully constructed and presented. He had used the internet and the help of a local flower shop to learn about roses and the meanings for each kind. It was stupid, soemthing he figured she would scoff at but had won him that smile again. After that he couldn't stop himself.
The long weekend at a bed and breakfast had been an idea of his for them to have neutral ground. He didn't want their first time to be at his place where he'd had his fair share of sexual interludes with past girlfriends. The thought that Mac had similar interludes with her exes in her apartment made him uncomfortable as well. He just didn't want to think about Mac with anyone especially Clayton Webb.
Cringing at the thought, Harm reached for his mug of coffee and took a deep swallow wishing it was laced with something stronger. "Ugh."
Sex with Webb had to be the most boring thing in the world, he thought, considering how hoity toity and straight laced the fomer CIA officer was. "Probably seran wrapped the bed." He scoffed and raised his head up from the file he was working on to find Mac staring at him. He held her gaze for a second and then looked back down at his file, trying to ignore the conflicting feelings inside of him.
Damnit, he wanted her so badly and she had obliterated him with just two words 'Webb's alive.'
Harm was sure he couldn't feel more heartbroken if he tried. He thought it had hurt when she went to Mic or when she spewed that damned 'Never' comment in Paraguay. Those were merely painful but, he could deal with it and keep moving on. This time, it was a full blown heartache that he had never experienced before. Not even Diane's death had shaken his foundation so much.
He felt torn to pieces and spent the weekend cursing the day that he met Mac in the rose garden. "Don't get too familiar, you're gonna work together." Chegwidden had warned them but, Harm was sure he would have fallen for her anyway, it was inevitable. With a long sigh, he pulled himself out of his thoughts and tried to get through the file he was reading. It was going to be a long day.
"I'm done with this conversation, Bud." An hour later, Mac stormed out of her office and made a beeline to the kitchen for some much needed coffee. Negotiations with Bud weren't going as expected and she realized that perhaps she and Harm had been a little too good in mentoring him. She poured herself a cup, took a sip and instantly winced at how terrible it tasted. "Good for nuthin' squids can't even make a decent pot of coffee." She proceeded to dump the rest down the drain when Creswell walked in behind her. "What?!"
Mac turned on her heel and immediately blanched at the tone she'd given her CO. "Sir, I apologize, I thought you were…"
"Another squid?" He grinned at her and motioned to the coffee pot. "Please tell me you're making Marine grade?"
"Is there any other, sir?" She busied herself trying to ignore the fact that Creswell was watching her every move. They were on good terms but, having your commanding officer watch you make coffee was rather unnerving.
Creswell stared at his chief of staff noting her exhausted appearance that she tried to hide, and failed to, with makeup. He wondered if her current demeanor had something to do with Rabb and cringed at the thought of having a pissed off female Marine under his command. He noted how early the Commander had arrived to the office sans Marine when the two had been inseparable of late. "Problems with a certain sailor, Colonel?"
"Yes, sir." Mac sighed and although she tried to stop herself, the words spewed from her like venom. "He's obtuse, obstinate, frustrating, unfeeling, uncaring and… and…"
"I take it you aren't talking about the Brunswick case." He stopped her tirade and cringed.
"No, sir."
The General had been known as a hardass but, there was a lighter side of him that was rarely seen. He cared deeply for the men and women under his command and there was something about Mac that he admired. "Want to get out of Dodge for a while?"
Mac eyed him suspiciously. "What did you have in mind?"
"TAD to San Diego for a few weeks." He was going to offer the assignment to Commander Rabb knowing that his parents lived out West but, Mac looked like she needed the time away.
"I'll take it."