A/N: This chapter hopefully moves some things along in the right direction. Enjoy.***

"Lisa, you can stop pressing the doorbell, I think they know we're here," Sarah chided lightly, trying not to appear nervous. She hadn't seen Ellie since that day at her house a little over a week ago.

"Oh Mom, you're no fun," Lisa answered in a teasing voice that always got a laugh out of Sarah.

Ellie opened the door, genuinely happy to see them. She calmed the butterflies in her stomach at seeing Sarah.

Sarah bent down to Lisa and gave her a hug. "Remember what I said, be good…"

"And listen to Aunt Ellie. Got it. Bye, Mom!" Lisa ran into the house.

Sarah stood up and saw that Ellie looked confused.

"You're not staying?"

"Um, no, sorry. I have a lot to do today. Is that okay? I can pick Lisa up in like three hours?" Sarah had her best game-face on. She was earnest, friendly, trying not to make Ellie feel awkward over what she'd implied she wanted at their last meeting. She just couldn't be alone with her.

"No, yeah, that's fine. Are you okay?" Ellie felt a small panic. This was not how today was supposed to go.

Ellie reached a hand out and Sarah subtly moved her body out of reach, stepping back with a bright smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry again. I'll see you later when I pick Lisa up."

"Sure. Drop by if you finish your errands early, okay?" It sounded needy and Ellie cringed inwardly.

"Yeah. See you later." Sarah quickly got into her car and left.

Weeks went by like this, seeing each other only at playdates with the girls. Sarah would drop Lisa off, and when the playdate was at her house, she would busy herself with playing with the girls rather than sit alone with Ellie. Any brief exchange was made up of small talk and also of details of an upcoming camping trip the girls were going to take with Devon. Ellie would try to get Sarah alone to talk about what was going on but thanks to Sarah's efforts she could only get out the occasional 'are we okay?' to which Sarah always answered, 'yeah.' Ellie had texted a couple of invitations to meet for coffee but Sarah was still too upset to see her in private. Sarah knew she wasn't being fair to Ellie but she didn't know how else she was going to get over this. It was especially frustrating because Ellie was right. Though she remembered that she had felt something all those years ago, she had not been where Ellie had been. And where was she now? Her current emotions were mixed up with those of the past. Maybe Ellie was right about it fading eventually. And at this point maybe fading away was a good thing because of how she was currently treating their friendship. Either way, Sarah would have to figure this out fast. Lisa would soon notice how things have been different, if she hadn't already.

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Sarah pulled into the driveway at Devon's house early on the Friday morning of the camping trip. It was a modest single-level home on a quiet street, in a neighborhood not too far from Ellie's house. Ellie's car was already there. Lisa quickly scrambled out of the car and ran inside the house. Sarah took a deep breath and braced herself to see Ellie and Devon, the guilt over how she had contributed to their break-up still fresh in her mind. She got out of the car and went to the trunk to get Lisa's stuff.

Ellie and Devon were talking in the kitchen, sipping coffee, when Sarah walked in. Devon came over and gave her a bear hug, and she gave a tentative wave to Ellie, who offered a small smile.

"So are you excited?" Sarah asked.

"Oh yes," grinned Devon. "Skies will be clear, temperature's warm, we're all going to have a great time. Lisa's in Clara's room but they'll be out soon."

"Good," Sarah replied. There was an awkward silence which Devon tried to fill with small talk about work and the trip but Sarah hardly heard any of it. When her eyes met Ellie's, her heart raced as Ellie held eye contact, a noticeable blush rising in both their faces, Devon's words fading in the background. For a split second, Sarah thought Ellie had changed her mind. But then Ellie looked away and Sarah felt foolish for thinking there was a chance for them.

"Well, if you don't need me to help with anything, I'm just going to get going. Devon, thanks for doing this. Call me if anything comes up." She went to Clara's room to say goodbye to Lisa and then rushed out.

Without a word, Ellie hurried out the front door. Sarah was already by her car and Ellie called out, "Sarah, wait."

"I'm sorry, Ellie. I have to go. I'll see you on Sunday when I pick up Lisa, okay?" She grabbed the door handle but Ellie grabbed her arm. It was like feeling fire on her arm and Sarah pulled away harshly.

"Sarah, why can't we get past this? Get back to the way things were before?"

"I'm trying, Ellie," Sarah answered, staring at her car.

"By barely talking to me?"

Sarah turned to face Ellie, her anger bubbling over. "It's hard, okay? You, of all people, know how hard it is." Sarah saw how Ellie looked surprised by her words and she felt something inside her snap, overwhelmed by a rush of emotion. Before she knew it she grabbed Ellie's face to pull her into a hard kiss. Ellie didn't return the kiss and Sarah was about to pull away to apologize when she felt Ellie step in closer to press her body flush against Sarah's, parting her lips slightly. Sarah wrapped her arms around her, feeling Ellie's hands on her face, their mouths sliding against each other in a desperate passion. It only lasted a few short seconds before Ellie broke the kiss.

Sarah was surprised at her own actions. She hadn't intended on kissing Ellie like that. She reached out to Ellie but Ellie shook her head and stepped back. Sarah saw the regret on her face.

Hurt, Sarah said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

When Ellie didn't say anything more, she got in the car and drove away.

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From Clara's bedroom window Lisa and Clara watched Sarah drive away, and they darted down before Ellie saw them.

"Told you," Clara said to Lisa.

"But you said your mom liked my mom. They looked mad at each other to me."

"You're forgetting the kiss."

Lisa fell silent. She wanted her dad and started to feel angry at her mom. Was she forgetting him?

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Ellie walked back inside the house to the kitchen, saw that Devon still looked surprised at Sarah's quick departure, and tried to keep her face neutral. The kiss had brought a rush of feelings Ellie didn't know how to handle. Ignoring them seemed the right course of action for now.

"Ellie?" Devon walked over to Ellie's side and touched her arm. "Are you and Sarah okay?"

"What? Yes, of course we are," Ellie smiled, trying to look incredulous.

Devon crinkled his eyes, looking like he wanted to say something. "Hold on for a sec."

He disappeared for a minute and then Clara and Lisa were running out into the backyard. Devon walked back into the kitchen and said, "I told them to go play while we talked."

"Devon?"

"You know… life's short, Ellie. Too short to not chase after the things we want."

Ellie stared hard at Devon, unsure at his meaning. When he glanced toward the front of the house and turned to look back at her, she understood.

"Devon, how… I…" She was flustered. How could he know?

"Ellie, it's okay. You and I were married and I do know you. I also like to think I have a good understanding of the heart, and I notice things. Like how she's been looking at you this past year… and how you used to look at her all those years ago."

Tears filled her eyes. She'd been such an idiot. All this time she thought she'd fooled everyone but she had only fooled herself. She looked at her ex-husband and felt a deep remorse.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"I know," he replied. Devon pulled her into a hug and she cried, letting it all out and confessing everything she had done to him.

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Lisa tried to enjoy the swing but she soon stopped kicking and let it idle to a stop as Clara continued to swing higher and higher. But when Clara noticed Lisa's mood, she dragged her feet and forced a stop.

"Are you okay? What's up?" Clara could tell her cousin was on the verge of crying.

"Do you think my mom stopped loving my dad?"

"Don't be silly, silly."

"Your parents stopped. And then they started dating other people."

"But that's different. Uncle Chuck died… your parents would've never gotten a divorce."

"I guess. I know you said it would be cool but I don't like it, Clara. I mean, I love Aunt Ellie and all… but she's Dad's sister… don't you think that's weird?"

"Maybe, I don't know. Isn't this better than your mom dating someone you don't know at all? I've never even met the people my mom dated."

"What's better is my mom not dating anyone ever." Lisa kicked at the dirt.

"Oh. Well, I guess if you made a big deal out of it your mom would stop it," Clara said quietly.

"Do you think so?" Lisa looked at Clara but was confused that Clara looked mad at her. "Are you mad?"

"I love my mom and I think she could be happy with Aunt Sarah. And then we would really be like sisters. Just think about it before you try busting it up. What if your mom really loves my mom? And what if keeping them apart makes her really sad?"

Lisa thought for a moment and nodded. She didn't want her mom to be sad. This was just too confusing. How can she love Aunt Ellie and still love Dad? She suddenly didn't want to go camping anymore but she didn't want to disappoint Clara.

Clara felt bad for Lisa and had an idea. "We could talk with my dad about it after we set up camp? See what he thinks? He always likes to say he understands the heart better than anyone."

At this Lisa smiled. "Yeah."

"But you know what he's going to say, right?"

"What?"

Clara summoned her best impression of her dad. "Uncle Chuck was awesome, we all still love him, and no one's going to take his place." She broke down laughing and was happy to see her cousin join in the giggling.

Clara continued, "He'll also say you should talk to your mom and share your feelings."

"I guess I should talk to her when I get back home?"

"Definitely. Do you feel better?"

"A little. I like having a plan." Lisa smiled at her cousin. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if their moms got together. She still wanted to talk it over with her mom, though.

"Good. Now let's enjoy these swings before we have to be stuck in a car for a couple of hours."

Lisa laughed and tried to forget her worry, swinging higher and higher, trying to soar as high as a cloud.

::::

Ellie expected angry responses but Devon was kind, asking only clarifying questions, letting her tell her story. Their conversation had moved to the couch in the den and they settled into a comfortable silence after she finished.

"Are you okay?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah… it's a lot to take in. I mean, I always wondered what happened to us. I feel like it would've helped if you had said something sooner… or maybe I should've voiced my suspicions? Is this why we only stayed in Chicago for a few years?"

"We came back because I was feeling isolated there and we were trying to save our marriage."

"You weren't willing to give up right away, I know that. You loved me but I could tell something was different. We didn't have a chance at all, did we?"

"I'm sorry, Devon. You have no idea how sorry I am." Ellie knew there was truth in Devon's words. If she'd been braver, if she'd been willing to own up, maybe things would've turned out differently; maybe they would've been able to recapture what they had before she allowed her heart to stray.

"I guess things worked out the way they were supposed to." Devon looked at her with a sad smile.

"You know, you're supposed to yell at me. Unfaithful wife, betrayer of little brothers. I mean, who does that? I'm a horrible person, Devon. You don't have to be so kind."

"Would it help if I called you a piece of shit?" Devon said with a wink.

"Go for it," Ellie laughed, thankful that Devon could still joke with her after all of this.

"Okay. You're a piece of shit, Dr. Bartowski, and you probably root for USC," Devon said in an exaggerated, booming voice.

Ellie's eyes sparkled at the USC comment. "You go too far, Dr. Woodcomb," she replied, "But I deserve that." She looked appraisingly at her ex-husband. Ellie saw the pain in his eyes in spite of the smile he was flashing her.

She asked, "Are you really okay?"

"Well… I'm a little mad. And it hurts, I can't lie about that. But it's so long ago, and we already went through so much pain in the divorce. I like where we are now and I feel like you've beaten yourself up enough about it already. Plus I'm with Marisol. What's the point of staying angry? I'll be okay. Really. And I reserve the right to yell at you later. Agreed?" Devon smiled.

"Agreed," she said quietly. She knew he wouldn't yell at her. He was letting this go, would deal with it in a way that didn't involve punishing her, and in that moment she remembered why she'd fallen in love with him in the first place.

"So… Sarah loves you?"

Ellie looked at Devon, unsure if she wanted to talk about this with him. But she'd already told Devon the hard part. "No... I don't know. I don't know exactly what she's feeling. And I'm afraid. What if I choose this and it doesn't work out and our friendship is ruined? Or what if she realizes she doesn't really feel that way at all, that it's just these memories right now that are influencing her? I couldn't handle that, Devon."

"But you're forgetting what I said before about how she's looked at you this past year. That was before she remembered. You haven't noticed?"

Ellie thought back and did recall that time Sarah tried to kiss her after a night out but Ellie blamed the alcohol. Could this also explain some of the tension she'd felt coming from Sarah after that night?

"I guess… but… I don't even know what I'm feeling. I thought I got over it. You and I split but eventually I started dating other people..."

"Never anything serious, though. Lots of second dates and a couple that made it longer than that. The longest was two and a half months, what was that, a year ago? You kept rescheduling plans to introduce her to Clara and she got tired of waiting and broke things off. Laurel?"

"Laura."

"You liked her a lot. I could tell by the way you talked about her."

"I did… but…"

"But she wasn't Sarah?"

Ellie let out a long sigh and ran her fingers through her hair. Sarah had needed her a year ago. The one-year anniversary of losing Chuck had hit her and Lisa hard and Ellie tried to provide as many distractions for them as possible. She had less and less time for Laura, who wanted something more serious.

"Are you afraid she'll compare you to Chuck?"

"Yes," she answered, surprised at Devon's insight. "But it's not just that. They were so happy. It doesn't seem right that he's gone and I get this chance with her. I feel like I would be taking advantage of something so horrible. It makes me feel guilty even thinking about it."

"It's been two years, Ellie."

"It's not fair, Devon. After everything they'd gone through, all the times they almost died and didn't. A car accident?"

"I know. But we both read the police and M.E.'s reports. Truck driver had a heart attack and ran the red. Chuck died instantly. There was nothing they could've done. It's a miracle Sarah survived it with minor injuries. And thank god Lisa was at Mary's."

Ellie was crying now. "He's the one that should be here raising his family, watching Lisa grow up to be so much like him. I betrayed him, how can I even think of stepping in like this?"

Devon grabbed a tissue for her, sat back down, and put his arm around Ellie's shoulders. "Isn't that what you've done, though? You're practically co-parenting with her. And she said Chuck forgave you. I believe it; I don't think I ever saw anything less than openness and love on his part. You have to forgive yourself, too."

Ellie knew Devon meant well, she just couldn't see how this could work. She removed herself from his half-hug and stood up.

"People are allowed to move on after the deaths of loved ones, Ellie. It doesn't mean she never loved him and it doesn't mean you're glad he's gone. You could be happy together if you try."

Ellie needed to change the subject. "And you, Devon, are you happy now? How are you and Marisol doing?"

At this Devon beamed and stood up. "We're great. I was going to talk about this with you after the trip but since we're talking now, I've asked her to move in with me. I love her. Clara loves her. It feels right."

"That's so great, Devon," she said, giving him a hug. "I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks. Well, I should go grab the kids. We should've left an hour ago. So Sunday evening around 6, okay? I'll drop Clara and Lisa off at your house, Sarah can get Lisa from there, just like we planned." Devon started toward the back door, then stopped and turned around. "You'll think about what I said, right?"

Ellie ignored the last part and said, "Thanks, Devon."

"For what?"

"For being you. I'll see you on Sunday." She gave him a hug and kissed him on the cheek. Then Ellie went into the backyard to say goodbye to the girls.