Can't Fight These Feelings

Chapter 10 – Kill 'em with Kindness

~Late September, 2011~

As they stood up Nick placed a soft kiss on Jeff's lips and squeezed his hand. "I love you, Jeff. Everything's going to be okay. I promise."

"Christ what are you doing in there, sucking each other's dicks?!" John yelled through the door, a slight tinge of amusement at his own crude remark tempering some of the hostility in his tone.

Nick was certain that John was trying to embarrass them with the other guys who lived on their floor, and he said a silent 'thank you' that Sebastian was at Warbler practice. As satisfying as it would have been to watch Sebastian spar with John, Nick hated to even think about what the fallout would have been. Once Jeff was safely locked inside their bathroom he went to open the door.

"Hey John, what's up?" Nick greeted him with forced pleasantness. If he was going to be stuck in a car with the kid for two hours, Nick figured he'd might as well try to make the most of it and get started on the best foot possible.

John ignored the greeting and regarded Nick with an irritated scowl. "Where the hell is Jeff? Dad's gonna throw a fit if he takes much longer."

"Bathroom. I'm sure he'll be out soon."

John sighed and pushed past Nick, making a bee line for the bathroom door. He immediately started giving it the same abuse he had unleashed on their room door. "Jeff, get out here now! You can finish taking a shit the next time we stop for gas. Dad's in a hurry."

"So how's football?" Nick asked conversationally, forcing himself to stay patient with the younger boy and hoping to distract him and take some of the heat off Jeff by engaging him in a discussion of his favorite topic.

"Good. I'm starting of course," John responded with a smug grin. Nick could have sworn the boy also puffed his chest out as he said it.

"Of course," Nick said.

"I got the most sacks on the team so far this season." John abandoned his attack on their bathroom door and crossed the room, tossing himself down on his brother's neatly-made bed and intentionally ruffling the covers and yanking a corner of the sheet loose. "Jeff is such an anal, little bitch. I dunno how you can put up with him." John said, fake commiseration lacing his voice as he smirked at Nick, obviously trying to goad him.

"Jeff's a great roommate," Nick said with just a bit of an edge to his voice as he took a seat across from John at Jeff's desk. "It's probably much harder for him to put up with my slobbiness."

"Jeff is a total–"

"Wait," Nick cut in, his jaw clenching slightly in anger before he forced a smile and continued with forced excitement. "Did you just say you had the most sacks on your team?! Dude, that's amazing!"

"Yeah, coach said I was on track to break a new school record!" John answered, a genuine smile lighting up his face.

Nick felt himself relaxing as he took in John's cheerful expression. There was something fondly familiar about the way the corner of the boy's mouth crinkled up, and the flicker of excitement that sparked in his dark eyes. It was the first time that Nick had ever noticed even the slightest hint of a family resemblance between the two otherwise completely disparate Sterling brothers and it made him feel like giving John another chance.

"Oh nice, way to go, John!" Nick said, consciously trying to react the same way he would have if John had been a friend sharing a piece of happy news. He tried to imagine Sebastian gleefully telling him about a hot piece of ass he had hooked up with, or perhaps Maggie beaming as she recounted a story about a new word she had just added to her portfolio. Heck John's excitement wasn't at all unlike the way Jeff would have looked if he had just killed a squash-faced, pistol fucking bastard, or 'level boss' as the rest of the world called them.

"I bet you'll totally own it, dude! I thought you played offense though?" Nick inquired, proud of himself for remembering that detail. I thought you didn't go out with public school guys, Seb? But sis, didn't you say Latin cognates usually make people sound stuffy? Wow Jeffy, and I thought you wouldn't even get the gun you needed until level 24? It was all about giving the other person an opening to further discuss their topic of interest.

"Naw, couch switched me mid-season last year 'cause I bulked up so much. Our old defensive line was a joke too, but I'm whipping 'em into shape." A devious glint flashed in John's eyes and he leaned forward, smirking as he continued. "My girlfriend says if we go undefeated all season she'll let me feel her tits and make out topless."

"Ohh...uh, sounds like a big incentive," Nick answered, surprised and thoroughly unsettled since he still considered John just a kid. Then he reminded himself that Jeff's little brother would actually be starting high school in another year.

"Yeah, big, perky incentives," John remarked, squeezing the empty air in front of him with one hand. "Believe me, I'm playin' hard."

Nick frowned, as a pang of envy struck him. It didn't seem fair that John, three years his junior and an undeniable prick, might get to round second base with a girl before Nick even got to so much as kiss one. Nick immediately tried to suppress his resentment. He was with Jeff – kind, amazing, thoughtful, love-of-his-life Jeff. Breasts just weren't a part of the equation. A small wave of anxiety and disappointment seized Nick a moment later as he realized that breasts might never be a part of the equation.

When Nick finally returned his attention to John, he was amused to discover that not only had the boy failed to notice that Nick had zoned out on him, but he was also inexplicably in the middle of a story about a recent football game. The young athlete certainly took after his father in that he didn't need even the slightest bit of engagement or encouragement from his conversational partners to continue talking. Their 'conversation' was interrupted a moment later when they heard the sound of water running and Jeff emerged from the bathroom.

"God, about time," John snapped, contempt written across his face. "What happened? Violent ass explosion from being so uptight all the time?"

Nick took in the still-upset appearance of his boyfriend and quickly stood up, placing an arm around Jeff's shoulders before he could stop himself. "You okay?"

Jeff immediately stiffened and an emotionless mask formed over his face as he looked at Nick and then glanced pointedly at his little brother. Nick mentally kicked himself for the expressive slip up and removed his arm from Jeff's body before turning back to John and offering a lame excuse.

"That violent ass explosion thing sounded really dangerous! I was thinking maybe he needed stitches or something, but you were just joking around huh?"

John regarded Nick with an incredulous, disdainful look and Nick optimistically decided to take it to mean that his actions toward Jeff were being construed as naïve stupidity rather than guy-on-guy romantic concern.

"Let's go," Jeff said softly after taking a moment to eye his disarrayed bed. Nick heard him sigh in irritation as he started picking up his bags, but he didn't say anything or attempt to straighten up the mess.

Jeff's stoicism did waver slightly, however, when Nick pulled one of the suitcases out of Jeff's hand and insisted on carrying it for him. He gave Nick a startled, worried look and chewed his lower lip anxiously. Nick didn't understand what the big deal was, as he saw it the gesture only made sense: Jeff had packed three bags whereas Nick only had a single one. Of course Nick wasn't going to let Jeff fumble with the extra load. There wasn't any reason for John to read anything into it. It should have just been passed off as a decent thing to do for one's roommate.

"Ain't that sweet?" John taunted as the three gathered by the door. "You gonna open the door for him too, Nick?"

"Yep!" Nick declared cheerfully as he shouldered one of the bags and opened said door, then stood back for both Sterling boys. "And for you too, John."

"Eugh, your roommate's almost as gay as you, Jeff," John remarked as he rolled his eyes and pushed past his brother, exiting first.

Nick frowned to himself and remembered his earlier decision to try to give John another chance to prove that he was a decent human being. In Nick's experience if he remained patient with people and gave them enough opportunities, they usually did the right thing. Maybe John just needed a little prodding.

"Do you have any gay friends, John?" Nick asked casually as they stepped into the hallway and Jeff started locking the door. He almost dropped his keys when he heard Nick's question.

John seemed instantly angered by the question. One of his hands clenched into a fist by his side and a stormy expression settled on his round face. "Of course not! I'd never let some disgusting fag or crazy dyke get anywhere near me!"

Nick took a small breath and forced himself to stay calm.

"Really? That's weird because I've never known any disgusting or crazy people like that." Nick couldn't bring himself to use the slurs, even to make a point. "But I've known some really cool gay and lesbian people."

"Oh FUCK NO!" John shouted, an alarmed face replacing his angry one. He began backing away from Nick. "You talk to queers?!"

"Nick, what are you doing?" Jeff demanded in an agitated whisper at Nick's side.

Nick patted Jeff's shoulder and moved away, keeping his eyes focused on John. Part of him wanted to just shut up and drop the issue, but a bigger, more persistent part of him just couldn't do it. John was brash and arrogant and downright mean a lot of the time, but he was still just a kid after all, barely even a teenager. Nick wanted to believe that John was just parroting the hate his father had taught him. Maybe if someone else reached out to him and told him otherwise he would open his mind to new possibilities and start to get a little bit more accepting.

"Yeah, I talk to gay people all the time, John. You know one of my best friends stays right there in that room." Nick pointed toward Sebastian's room. "And he's gay."

John whirled around and glanced at the indicated room suspiciously, then scrambled wide-eyed in the other direction, as though just being near Sebastian's door might suddenly give him a hankering for a mouth full of cock.

"Do you talk to this guy too, Jeff?" John demanded, his eyes narrow and his face unreadable.

Nick turned and looked at Jeff apologetically. He hadn't meant to involve Jeff at all. His boyfriend's dark eyes were wide and conflicted, and his mouth had drawn into a tight line, his posture uncertain. Nick knew that Jeff was torn between backing him up and trying to protect his secret from his brother.

"I-I uh...He's, he's–"

"I don't think Jeff even knows Sebastian very well," Nick fibbed, trying to take the pressure off of him. "They don't have any classes together."

"Good, because Jeff's girly enough already without some fag queering him up even more!" John said. He gave Nick a look of unbridled contempt. "It's obviously too late for you. This Sebastian," John said his name in a high pitched lilt, "Is going to make you a fellow fudge-packer."

Nick found his own hands clenching into fists as he scowled at the obnoxious boy, blood boiling. Nick wasn't sure if he felt like hitting John more because of what he had just said about Jeff, about Sebastian, or about Nick himself. Regardless Nick felt his attitude completely hardening toward the young bigot. So much for trying to help him see things from a new perspective; it was all Nick could do to resist punching him in the face.

Nick huffed down the hallway ahead of the other two and jabbed the elevator button hard. He half-hoped it would arrive before Jeff and John caught up so that he could have a little while alone to collect himself. Instead the metal doors slid open just as the other two reached him. John was still standing well back and seemed as reluctant to share the elevator with Nick as he himself felt. Jeff kept trying to catch his eye and was shooting him apologetic looks.

Nick felt guilty about the scene he had just caused and the way it might affect his boyfriend. He mentally berated himself for not just keeping his mouth shut. Now he was bordering on furious and would somehow have to make pleasantries with Jeff's parents in a couple of minutes. Meanwhile Jeff was obviously embarrassed and uncomfortable, and John was almost certainly going to make it his mission to stir this big pot of churning awfulness as soon as they joined his parents.

When they were within sight of Mark Sterling's SUV the passenger side door opened and Susan Sterling stepped out.

"Hello son," the pretty, dark-haired woman said as she put a hand on Jeff's shoulder and leaned up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. Jeff mumbled back a greeting and awkwardly gave his mother a hug. When the brief embrace ended the woman turned her attention to Nick as Jeff began loading their things into the back of the vehicle.

"Hello Nick," she said, her voice quiet and tone strained. "I'm glad you could come. I was pleased when Jeff said you had accepted the invitation."

"Thanks, Mrs. Sterling," Nick answered politely, making an effort to push aside the still-seething rage he felt toward the youngest Sterling so that he could be pleasant toward Jeff's mother. Nick felt conflicted about how best to greet her. A handshake would have felt silly, but a hug far too familiar. He opted for an extra big smile and a little wave.

A few seconds later an insistent horn-honk pierced the air and Nick knew that Mr. Sterling's ever-thin patience had cracked completely. Sure enough Susan Sterling was scurrying back into the car, and Jeff quickly grabbed the remaining luggage and shoved it into the back. John had already gotten into the SUV.

Nick steeled himself and opened the side door. He felt a sense of foreboding as he settled into the same seat he had occupied two summers earlier when he had joined the family on vacation. Jeff was getting in on the other side, also occupying his previous seat. Nick wondered if John would be kicking the backs of their seats and flicking his brother's ear again the entire time they traveled.

"Hi Mr. Sterling," Nick said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster for the man who might just have been his least favorite person.

"So, John was just telling me you like faggots," Mr. Sterling remarked, frowning at Nick in the rearview mirror. "You're a messed up kid, Nick, but I'd hate to see you get sucked into a lifestyle of perversion and depravity."

"I'll try to watch out," Nick answered sarcastically with an eye roll. He knew his behavior could easily have been enough to set the man off, but it was about the most diplomatic response he could bring himself to make.

Mark Sterling started the SUV and pulled out of the parking lot. "Jeff, you're not to go anywhere near this queer that lives on your hall. I have half a mind to call Dalton on Monday and make them assign you to a new building. The very idea that they would let a queer live in the same building as normal people."

Panic gripped Nick's stomach as Jeff's father talked about pulling him out of their room and making him relocate. He looked at Jeff for his reaction. The blond seemed to be much less visibly distressed than Nick, but Nick knew that he was also quite a bit better at concealing his emotions.

"Thanks, dad, but I don't think that will be necessary," Jeff said sounding almost calm. Nick could detect the underlying stress in his boyfriend's voice, but he was pretty sure that Jeff's family wasn't able to notice it. After all they didn't know Jeff very well. "I barely know Sebastian, and I hardly ever see him."

"He's probably out fucking half the school," Mr. Sterling remarked acerbically. If Nick hadn't been so upset and angry, he would have had to admit that there might just have been a grain of truth in that assessment. Sebastian did rather seem to actively enjoy attending an all-boys school. That didn't give Mark Sterling the right to judge him for it though.

"I'm glad you won't be going to that school, John," Mr. Sterling continued.

"I'm glad too!" John declared from the rear seat. "They're just a bunch of freaks and weirdos. And fags of course."

Mark Sterling laughed the usual robust belly-laugh he always seemed to reserve for John when the boy said something offensive.

"Sometimes I wonder if there's even any point in trying to keep Jeff from throwing his life away. Why we pay for that outrageous tuition is beyond me."

"It's a good school, and Jeff's happy there," Susan Sterling remarked, surprising Nick and clearly everyone else in vehicle as well. Was Jeff's mother actually standing up for him for once?

"So where you going for high school, John?" Nick inquired, eager to change the subject away from talks of Jeff changing rooms, or worse not attending Dalton at all.

"Hyde Park High," John answered, leaning forward and reaching up to change the SUV's rear climate control settings. He banged his elbow against Jeff's head in the process. Then he bumped him again as his arm shot across to adjust a vent. "They don't have any fags there."

Nick raised his hand, intent on shoving John's arm out of Jeff's face, but before he could, Jeff gently grabbed his wrist and shook his head. The contact didn't last long, but it had Nick looking around the vehicle to see if anyone else had noticed. He felt like he was starting to get as paranoid as Jeff was, and couldn't help but think that perhaps given the situation that wasn't such a bad thing.

Fortunately John hadn't been paying attention and was still fussing with the temperature and vents, obviously looking for any chance to smack Jeff's head again. Jeff's father had his eyes on the road, as he looked for an opportunity to change lanes. Nick did notice Jeff's mother glancing at them curiously in the mirror on her sun visor however. He couldn't interpret the look on her face, but found himself wishing she would just tell John to knock it off instead of simply staring at them.

"Grandpa's gonna flip when he sees Jeff and Nick's hair," John remarked with dark glee a few minutes later. "They practically look like girls...well I guess they would anyway."

Nick rolled his eyes, but then remembered Jeff's previous concern about long hair eliciting his grandfather's disapproval. Nick glanced back at John, finally registering the fact that the boy's head featured a close crop rather than the medium length dark locks he had been sporting the last time Nick had seen him.

"Yes, it was very disrespectful of you not to get a haircut for the occasion, Jeff," Mark remarked, frowning at his son in the rearview mirror and briefly passing a hand over what remained of his own neatly-trimmed blond hair. Nick was pretty sure that Mr. Sterling had lost roughly twenty-five percent of his hair for each year that Nick had known him. Fortunately he was compensating for the loss in follicles by rapidly increasing his waistline. "Once when I was in high school and your grandpa thought my hair was getting too long he..."

Nick tuned the man out, uninterested in hearing about the undoubtedly dysfunctional relationship Mark Sterling shared with Jeff's grandfather. Instead he occupied his time by playing a game of Words With Friends on his phone with Jeff and another with Maggie. He knew they were also playing against each other, and he wondered if Maggie was kicking Jeff's ass as badly as she was kicking his own. He assumed she probably was, but he wasn't completely sure because he suspected Jeff usually went easy on him.

Nick was confused forty-five minutes later when he received a text message from Jeff.

Jeff: I really want them to just shut up. She's the only good person in my whole stupid family. God, I wish I could say something.

Nick glanced over and gave Jeff a sympathetic smile. Then returned his attention to the conversation that John and Mark were having. It had been easy for him to block them out and get lost in his phone because all they ever did was drone on and on to each other and it was like an annoying, but ignorable background noise.

"...Nutty bleeding-heart liberal. I'm so ashamed of her," Mark was saying.

"She was such a bitch when we went to see her last summer. Eugh! It was like the worst summer of my life," John said.

"I can't believe she's my daughter. Don't worry, son, I won't let her anywhere near you or your brother again."

John snorted derisively. "Oh Robyn and Jeff were thick as a couple of granola-munching thieves."

"Jeff, you're not to have anymore contact with her," Mark ordered sternly, fixing Jeff with a hard look in the mirror. "Block her number. You're already prissy enough without her filling your head with anymore nonsense."

"Okay dad," Jeff answered quietly in the emotionless voice he always used when speaking to his father, the voice that made Nick's chest hurt and made him want to wrap the blond up in his arms and never let go.

"Do it. Delete her number. Now," Mark insisted, still glaring at Jeff in the mirror. Nick found himself almost hoping for a mild car accident just to spare Jeff from the continued heat of Mark Sterling's gaze. Then Nick's mind flashed to his mom and sister's accident a couple of years earlier and his blood ran cold.

"I'll do it!" John offered gleefully, already hanging over the seat and trying to pull Jeff's phone out of his hand. "He'd just pretend or somethin', dad."

"Okay, you do it, John," Mark agreed.

Jeff's face was once again expressionless, but Nick saw the panic and horror in his boyfriend's eyes. He was also gripping his phone so tightly that his knuckles were white and John couldn't pry the device away.

"NO!" Nick snapped, as he lunged across the seat and began shoving John away.

"What?!" Mark Sterling's voice boomed, momentarily distracting Nick from his tussle with John. To his relief Jeff had pulled his phone away from his brother completely and stuffed it into his pocket.

Nick let go of John's wrists, reasonably certain that any conversation he was about to have with Mark Sterling would go quite a bit better if he wasn't manhandling his favorite son.

"Jeff deserves to be able to talk to his sister whenever he wants," Nick answered, looking Jeff's father in the eye in the mirror and refusing to back down. Seriously does this guy ever bother looking at the road when he drives?

"That is none of your business, young man," Mark answered, his voice just short of a growl.

"I wouldn't let anyone tell me I couldn't talk to my sister," Nick said, folding his arms defiantly.

"That's because you're an out-of-control shit and your parents don't know how to control you," Mark fumed, slamming his hand against the steering wheel. "If we weren't almost there I'd turn around and take your bratty ass back. But know this, Jeff will be changing rooms on Monday."

Nick's hands were clenched so tightly into fists that he felt his fingernails starting to pierce the skin of his palms. His heart was racing and he was breathing hard. Just when he felt like he was about to snap and tell the man off properly, Jeff's left hand came to rest on Nick's shoulder as he yanked his phone out of his pocket with his other hand.

"Nick didn't mm-mean any-anything. He's...he's just upset," Jeff said in a frantic, wobbly voice. This time the panic and fear present in him was apparent to everyone in the car. In fact Nick could tell that Jeff was on the verge of tears, and that realization abruptly made most of his own rage transform into despair. This whole situation was terrible and he couldn't believe it was happening. Nick was desperate for a way to fix it and opened his mouth to apologize. Before he got the chance Jeff beat him to it.

"I'm s-sorry I d-didn't li-listen," Jeff stammered, holding his phone out meekly to his brother. "P-please don't make me cha-change rooms, dad."

"Goddamnit Jeff!" Mark thundered. "Nick's a bad influence on you. Just like that sister of yours. Look at you. You're about to fucking cry for christsake. You need to man the hell up."

"Oh crap!" John interrupted, his voice a mixture of shock and dark joy. "Look what's right here below 'Robyn' in Jeff's phone. 'Sebastian!'" John once again mock-lilted the name. "He's that fag friend of Nick...and I guess Jeff's too."

"WHAT?!" At this revelation Mark slammed on the brakes and pulled the SUV over. "You're friends with a faggot?!"

Nick's mouth dropped open and he felt all the color draining away from his face. He knew that if John opened Jeff's texts with Sebastian, everything would be exposed. Hell, it was looking more and more likely that Jeff's whole phone would end up getting searched, and then his own 'incriminating' texts to Jeff would also be found. Nick realized that they were only moments away from being outed completely.

"That is it! I've had enough of this!" Jeff screamed, startling everyone in the car.

There was a slight glistening around his eyes, but the much more salient thing was that his whole face had morphed into a mask of rage that easily rivaled that of his father's. Nick had never seen anything like this unbridled fury from Jeff before, not even the time they had argued before Jeff's date with Sebastian.

"FUCK YOU, JOHN!" Jeff snarled as he ripped his phone away from his brother.

For a second there, Nick thought he might take the boy's whole hand away with it.

"Come on, Nick!" Jeff yelled, frightening Nick slightly as he pushed open his door, jumped out, and slammed it hard behind him.

Nick was in as much shock as Jeff's family for a few moments, then he realized that he better get himself together and catch up with his boyfriend. He quickly opened his own door, and after only a cursory check to make sure that he wasn't about to step out into the path of an oncoming truck, he scrambled out and started running after Jeff, not even bothering to close his door.

Jeff was a fast runner and had already managed to sprint a good distance back down the highway, a distance which only kept increasing as Nick chased after him. Fortunately after a few minutes, Jeff stopped moving and as Nick got closer he realized that Jeff was studying something off to the side of the road. Just as Nick was catching up to him, Jeff abruptly raised his arm and hurled his phone in the direction he had been looking.

"Why did you do that?" Nick asked, as he came to rest beside Jeff and turned to try to determine what his boyfriend's phone-slinging target had been. It was a small, very murky looking creek running along the current section of the highway. Nick still didn't understand, but he wrapped his arms around Jeff, desperate to comfort him. He was also pretty sure that they were too far away from the SUV now for their minute movements and actions to be distinguishable, if it even still mattered.

"I didn't want them to find out," Jeff said, his voice and face once again cold and emotionless. He was rigid in Nick's embrace as well.

"Oh," Nick answered, still trying to process everything as he slowly rubbed Jeff's back. After a moment he dropped his arm and shrugged, then reached into his pocket and pulled out his own phone.

"You should..." Jeff trailed off as Nick lifted his arm and tossed his phone into the creek.

"There," Nick declared, nodding and grinning at his boyfriend. "Now they can't look at mine either."

Jeff turned to face him, his expression still hard and unreadable. Then very gradually a small smile started to tug at the corner of his mouth and he began to giggle. Then he began to crack up even more until he was laughing hysterically. Nick wasn't sure what was going on, but he grabbed Jeff's arm and pulled him farther away from the highway, just in case.

"Nick," Jeff said, shaking his head, and then giggling some more. "I was about to say you should call someone to come and get us."

"Oh crap! That woulda been a good idea," Nick answered in horror, looking longingly at the muddy water as the last of the ripples faded. "Uh...I don't think it's gonna work now."

"Probably not," Jeff agreed, smirking at him.

"What now?" Nick asked.

They didn't have long to weigh their options as they heard the sound of someone approaching, and John came running up to them.

"Dad says to come back to the car or he's pulling you out of Dalton," John announced.

"Tell dad–" Jeff started, the attitude back in his voice. He didn't get a chance to continue, however, before John abruptly punched him in the stomach. Jeff faltered in surprise and stumbled back, hunching over and gripping his assaulted abdomen.

"That's for making me run all the way out here."

Nick gaped in surprise for a moment and then threw himself at John. He grabbed his shoulders and tried to push him, hoping to knock him off his feet, but the lineman didn't budge. Nick had never actually hit anyone with his fist before, but he was so furious and so determined to avenge Jeff that he decided to make an exception. His hand balled into configuration, he reared back, and–

John punched him in the gut, dropping him to his knees.

"Back to the car. Now. Or I will convince dad to drive off and leave your asses." John gave them both another glare then turned around and stormed back in the direction of the SUV.

"Are you okay, Nicky?" Jeff asked, his voice filled with concern as he wrapped an arm around Nick and helped him to his feet.

"Yeah, I guess," Nick answered, slightly dazed as he rubbed his stomach. That had also been the first time anyone had ever hit him before. His curiosity getting the better of him, he lifted his shirt to examine the injury. He wasn't sure what he expected to find, but apart from a slight redness, his stomach looked normal. He wondered if there would be a bruise later.

"I'd kiss it and make it better if we weren't in public," Jeff whispered, carefully grazing his hand over Nick's exposed skin. His thumb lightly brushed over the trail of dark hair that descended from Nick's navel into his pants.

Nick felt his cheeks heat in a blush at the unexpected attention and he self-consciously lowered his shirt, the fabric briefly dropping over Jeff's hand, until the other boy affectionately rubbed his stomach one more time and then pulled his hand away.

"I'm sorry I don't have better abs," Nick found himself muttering as he thought about the hard, taut muscles of Jeff's very flat stomach and the sculpted ridges of Sebastian's well-toned midsection. Nick didn't feel unattractive per se, but he also couldn't help but feel a little bit of anxiety by comparison.

"Sshh, Nick, I swear, your stomach's really hot, and everything about you's perfect," Jeff insisted, squeezing Nick's arm and giving him an earnest look. "I wasn't kidding about kissing it and making it better. I'd really like to do that."

Nick chuckled and grinned at his boyfriend, his confidence fully restored. Then he felt a wave of guilt as he realized that they'd been focusing on him, rather than the much more considerable turmoil Jeff was going through.

"Are you okay though, Jeffy?"

"Yeah," Jeff shrugged casually. "It wasn't the first time John's hit me."

Nick frowned. That hadn't even been what he'd meant. He was more concerned about all the emotional stress, but he felt terrible hearing this new piece of news. He still felt a burning ache in his gut where John had punched him and he couldn't stand the thought that the asshole had done that to his boyfriend on other occasions too.

"Crud! That's so awful." Nick pulled Jeff into a tight hug and kissed the side of his head, once again grateful that they were far enough from the SUV that Jeff's parents couldn't fully see them. Even John's retreating form probably couldn't have made out the kiss, only the hug, if he'd turned around.

"Let's not go back," Nick said.

"We have to," Jeff answered, breaking the embrace. "It's not like we can walk all the way back to Dalton. Besides if we did that...or even if someone had come to get us, my parents would definitely pull me out of school. Maybe if we go back now and apologize they'll only make me change rooms."

"Jeff you can't change rooms!" Nick insisted, shaking his head and scowling at the idea. "You're my roommate, so you have to stay in my room!"

It seemed like good logic to Nick. Surely his roommate had to room with him. He wondered if the argument would win him any points with the Sterlings.

"I know," Jeff said sadly, looking at the ground. "Maybe we can figure something out."

They slowly and wordlessly began trudging back toward the SUV.

-000-

End Note: So, for what it's worth I do have the next two chapters fully mapped out in my head. I'll try to get them onto paper (pixels?) as soon as possible. This chapter was originally going to include the actual visit to Jeff's grandfather, but it ran a bit long and I didn't want to wait any longer to post, so that'll be the next chapter. As always reviews and comments are greatly appreciated.

On another note, I posted a Jyder (Jake/Ryder) fic recently called "Understanding." I'm really grateful to everyone who checked it out and left feedback. If you haven't done so yet and you get a chance...well that would just be all kinds of nifty. I'm planning to post a second, and final, installment of it soon.