A/N: yay, I'm quite busy with my work, but still I'm uploading at the right time ^^
A really big thanks to lovingthis for the beta-read. The best paragraphs in this chapter are either hers or because of her making me change it. I'm still struggling with some English words, still the old problem, still not my mother tongue. :P So I'm really glad you're here to keep my head out of trouble, or in this case to keep my fingers away from writing rubbish. ;) You're brilliant!
Enjoy!
Jess sat in her bed, waiting for Becker. By a look on the clock, hanging on the wall above the door, she knew that it already was in the afternoon. She was here for nearly a whole day now and the only time she had seen him was after her initial examination, and just for such a short moment that she feared she had dreamed it.
She had woken up that night to find that he wasn't there, in her room, like she expected him to be - like she wanted him to be - and she became worried for him. Sorrow crept up her spine, digging its way right into her heart. She called his name, hoping he was just in the bathroom or outside. Getting no response she called again, this time louder. The door opened and Caleb stepped inside, smiling warmly at her.
Jess returned a faint smile. She really was glad to see him. It was just, she was hoping for another person to come to her.
Newt could tell by the look on her face what she was thinking about and he told her instantly that they had forced Becker to leave, taking a rest.
The FCO nodded understandingly. She was glad that the Captain took the advice. He needed the rest to recover his energies, to strengthen himself and to come to terms with the past events, even if just a little. She still worried about him, especially with him so far away, but she decided to be strong, to not causing any more troubles and to wait until he came back. She'd already made a mess of enough.
Newt stayed at her side as long as she was awake, promising her that Becker would be there when she woke up again. Although he didn't knew if the promise could be kept. He only told her because he knew that this would raise her hopes. He wanted to cheer her up, taking the sorrow off of her and started to tell stories about his family, his sisters in particular. It was a really good distraction from everything. Now and then Jess laughed heartily at his tales. After a couple of hours she felt the tiredness win back control over her body and fell asleep. Newt remained at her side, gently stroking across her head and hair until she was deep asleep before he returned to his post outside the door.
And now, after the second sleep, Jess was fully awake and waiting for her Captain.
But he didn't come.
Was he avoiding her? Was he blaming her for what had happened yesterday? Jess quickly shook her head, getting rid of that thought. He would never blame her for what had happened. He loved her, didn't he? He had told her he loved her! But sometimes love wasn't enough. Sometimes love could destroy a person, could take everything away which makes them who they are.
She saw his heart breaking into pieces as he followed Galant's twisted orders. He had sacrificed himself, his whole being, only to save her life; had loaded more guilt and self-hatred onto his shoulders. And maybe this was all too much for him, too much for his caring heart. Maybe *she* was too much for him. After all she was his weakness, she was the only reason Galant managed to get such a control over him. And maybe he had regretted his feelings for her. Maybe his feelings had changed and he had decided that it was better for him to stay away from her.
Maybe the thin bound between them was shredded, destroyed, lost forever. Maybe *everything* between them was lost forever.
"Becker!" She whispered frustrated, her jaw was trembling as she tried to suppress a sob. Grabbing her fingers into the blanket, she silently pleaded for him to come. Why wasn't he here when she needed him more than ever. "Come to me, Becker!" She spoke in a whisper. It was more a wish than an order. She threw her fists on the blanket, freeing the desperation she held inside. Then, with a breath, she shut her eyes, stifling the tears which filled them and wishing again for Becker to come.
The door opened and Jess' eyes beamed for a moment, until she saw only her doctor entering the room and became gloomy again.
"Good news Miss Parker. The tests are negative, everything is fine. So, you can go home now. I already informed your friends, they are coming to collect you in ten minutes." The friendly woman declared. "We're going to need to see you again in six weeks for your check ups but if there are any problems that arise before then don't hesitate to tell us immediately." She gave the FCO a small, sad smile which held a note of pity for the injured girl. "I hope that until then..." She trailed off. "Well, until then."
Jess faked a smile. She was really thankful that the doctor took so much care of her but she didn't want to go home. She didn't want to go back to her flat.
The woman left and Jess lowered her gaze, feeling tears rushing back into her eyes as she thought about her home. The home she would never feel safe again.
There was only one place in the world she would feel safe.
And that was with only one person.
The sad irony that he still wasn't there struck her and her mood sank to a new low. She wanted him near her. She needed him near her. She needed his strong, protective arms around her and his soothing voice, that always calmed her down, no matter what had happened. The fact that he wasn't there made her feel incredibly lonely.
At a knock on the door, she quickly wiped her tears away, smiling lightly as she spotted Abby and Connor stepping inside.
"Hey! Pick-up service is here." Connor announced cheerfully and Abby added. "We heard you can leave now."
Jess nodded but with missing Becker so much and not wanting to leave her current safest place in the world, the place which was the nearest to him, she couldn't hold back the tears any longer.
"Hey, don't cry." The zoologist hushed her, pulling her into a hug. "Are you in pain?"
"No, no. I'm fine. It's just-" The brunet cut herself off, swallowing to stifle the sob. Wiping away her tears and trying not cry again she questioned. "Where's Becker?"
"He's waiting outside. I'll get him." Connor replied and rushed back to the door.
The Captain came in, heading for her bed. His face dropped as he saw her tear-dimmed eyes. And as she turned her look away from him he thought that it was because of him. Connor told him to come inside and maybe she didn't want to see him. She might not hate him but surely she wouldn't forgive him for what he did.
He stopped abruptly, staying some inches apart from the bed. He turned his gaze past Abby to the wall behind her to suppress the urge to infest Jess with a breathtaking tight hug. He didn't want to make his lovely Jess feel unwell anymore even if this meant that he had to stay away from her.
Watching Connor leave and coming back after a second, heading for his place next to Abby, Jess was looking out for Becker. Her heart lighted and she started to smile, delighted by the thought at seeing him again, but as she saw his tensed expression, his grimly eyes looking at her, she felt nothing but shame. She lowered her head to avoid his gaze, thinking that he might really blamed her.
Jess shook her head again. 'No! Not this thought again. He didn't blame me. He didn't. He wouldn't. Right?'
Well, he would never say or think that it was her fault. She knew him too well for that. But seeing her again must stir his emotions. She knew that she reminded him of everything that happened and maybe he still wasn't ready to see her again, maybe he didn't want to be near her. As he stopped away from her and turned his attention to Abby, not deigning to look at her, she felt certain that he didn't.
"Jess, what's the matter?" Abby questioned, her voice was warmly like those of a caring mother.
The young woman turned her attention towards her older friend. "The doctor said I'm allowed to go back home." She answered low-voiced.
"We know, that's why we are here." Connor replied with a grin, not getting the hint.
Becker knew at an instant what she meant, but he didn't dare to say a word. He couldn't. Fearing that his voice wouldn't be as steady as he wanted it to be, so he kept quiet.
"I know but I don't want to go back home." Jess admitted to Connor, nearly crying.
Abby understood her, too. She was afraid of going back. But unlike her, Connor still looked baffled, prompting the Field Co-ordinator with his expression to explain in a more precisely way.
"I'm afraid Galant will come back. I don't want to go there, it reminds me of everything and I'm not feeling safe there any longer. I want to stay here, please." Jess pleaded.
Finally the scientist caught it. He felt instantly sorry for her and nodded vigorously, indicating her that she could stay.
Abby smiled warmly, her eyes showing sadness as she objected her pleading. "Jess, you can't stay here."
The still nodding Connor turned his gesture into a head-shaking, under-girding his fiancée's refusal without noticing. Getting aware of what he just heard and gestured he wheeled around, looking blankly at Abby. "She can't?" He questioned completely baffled.
Jess lowered her head, staring at the blanket, covering her lower body. Her disappointment changed to fear where she would have to go now.
"But you can come with us. We have the couch in the study. Be our guest as long as you want." The zoologist offered, smiling brightly. Of course she didn't want her friend to go back into a flat where she didn't feel safe any longer. Jess had to suffer enough and it was time for her to live happy again, at least as long as it was possible.
Connor beamed with delight, being in a huge favour for taking her with them. "Yay, we can play another round of Final Fantasy or watch movies like we used to do."
Jess heart lightened. It took a load off her mind as she heard Abby stating the offer. "Thank you so much, I'd love to." She replied happily.
But peeking to Becker, her delight was dulled again as she recognised he made no moves to say he was accompanying. She wanted him to be there, too. She only felt secure when he was around but she didn't dare to ask him for coming with. She knew he would say yes because it was his duty. And she didn't want him be near her because he had to do. She wanted him to do it freely. Her certainty was confirmed once again - he didn't want to be near her.
Becker felt awful. Putting on a straight face to hide his feelings, he gazed at the wall. He wanted to come with Jess. He knew she wasn't safe in her old flat anymore and under no circumstances would he have let her go near that house again. He was relieved as he heard Abby offering her to stay at their home but a stab went through his heart as Jess didn't ask him to accompany her. She didn't want him near her and this ripped him apart.
Maybe she didn't feel safe with him around, maybe she was afraid of him, fearing that he would do it again. But he never would! It was the best for her that he kept his distance. She needed to feel safe again, even if that meant that he couldn't be near her anymore, that he couldn't hold her in his arms anymore, that he couldn't kiss her anymore. But nonetheless he would follow their car, making sure that they would get there safe and sound and then he would wait outside in his car, keeping watch for her.
Abby read her friends' expressions nearly as well as if she were listening to their thoughts. They both needed and wanted each other, but for some reason they behaved odd. It wasn't like they acted before they came together at the pub, dancing around each other like in the sugar plum fairy. It was more like a dark secret enveloping them and keeping them away from one another.
Thinking that it was up to her to make a move she stated. "Um, Becker. Jess needs some clothes and other things from her home. Can you get them and bring it to our flat, while we take her home?" The zoologist looked expectantly at him, warning him with her eyes to not say no.
The Captain lightened up under his straight face. "Of course. No problem. I'll go right away." He answered and quickly left the room. At least he could see her again this evening, making sure that she was alright.
Jess smiled as she watched him leave. She would see him again this day. And maybe he would stay a little longer, making sure she was secure.
A/N: tut tut tut, Becker and Jess, what shall we do with you?
I hope you liked the chapter. Please leave a review and let me know.
Have a nice day. ^^
:o)