LbN: Draco's...beginning pose...is based on a picture of Justin Bieber. Seriously. It makes me laugh every time I see it and just screams "Malfoy". Thanks to everyone who's reading, reviewing, etc! Enjoy the madness...:)

"It wasn't you," Harry said as he and Fred set the table for lunch. The level of embarrassment in the room had been so high that Bill had finally stopped asking questions. They'd gone back to their conversations as if nothing had happened.

"Come again?"

"You and George have a look of fiendish glee when a prank. It looks kind of like a cross between an orgasm, a sneeze and a migraine. You just looked curious and slightly amused this time."

"I think Mum meant to hand the drinks out herself. We picked the wrong day to be helpful, I suppose. I think you were supposed to get the one for Ginny—"

"And Hermione was supposed to be all over Ron. Not sure how I feel about how strong she made my love potion."

"Hermione's smaller than you, so it probably would've been the correct dose if you'd actually gotten it."

"Zeus's crusty toenails…."

"Conference time!" Ginny said playfully. "Why are we gathering in the secrecy of Ron's room?"

"This house is warded," Harry said without preamble. "Everything we say is being sent to Dumbledore, and I'm guessing Tonks won't be able to get back in. And obviously we can't get out."

"How do you know, Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Like Moody was going to let me come over without teaching me how to check for wards."

"You look rather calm about it, mate," Ron said.

"Meh. If Dumbledore wants to talk to me, he's got until tomorrow at lunch."

"Do we even want to know?" Ginny asked.

"Eire will be making a visit."

"I am not flying out of here on the back of a dragon," Hermione stated flatly.

"You won't have to," Ron said. "The magic in a dragon's scales is so powerful that they are able to break through wards. That's one of the reasons there's a ban on domesticating them. During the War of the Roses, wizards on either side used them as both travel and weapons—breaking through wards on different estates and castles and subsequently fucking the nobles' shit up. Once the ward had been breached, the army could follow after, because the magic was weakened so much. After Eire gets through, Remus, Tonks and Moody should be able to as well."

They all stared blankly at Ron.

"What? I know shit too, sometimes!"

"Anyway," Harry said, slightly in shock. "I just wanted to let you know so that no one brought up any…er…private plans. And so that you two," he nodded to Ginny and Hermione, "don't give our dear Headmaster an eyeful playing doctor tonight."

"You heard that?"

"Hermione, I thought you cast muffliato on the door!"

"I did!"

Ron went pale and excused himself.

"Er…I was just joking…but now that I know your plans for the evening—"

"Oh, shut up, Harry."

"Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this."

"Potter…I suggest you pay me some respect if you want your friends to live."

"My friends are perfectly capable of looking after themselves, Lord Moldyshorts. And more importantly, we look after each other. I'm explaining this slowly since you don't have any friends and the concept is probably new to you…."

"Potter!"

"Can we move this along? Tonks just came back, and I'd like to become a man before you try to kill me again."

"I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT, POTTER!"

"Where's Darth Teddy gone? You didn't rip out all of his stuffing in a fit of rage, did you? Muggle torture and slavery is one thing…eviscerating your favorite stuffed animal is just demented."

"…"

"Nothing to say?"

"Your death is going to be slow and painful."

"Yes, I'm sure I'll beg for mercy and go catatonic remembering past loves and friendships and all that….Can I break this link now? Tonks bought a pink teddy to match her hair. I kind of want to get on this."

"A pink teddy? I didn't know they made pink bears! I'll have to find one for Lucius's birthday."

"No, not a…never mind. I'm leaving now."

"Potter! Don't you—"

Harry shook himself and grinned over at Tonks. "No worries. I'm back."

Everyone was quiet at lunch the next day. Eire had turned up right at noon, and it was apparent that Molly wasn't exactly thrilled to have a large green dragon snoozing in her back garden. They could all tell that shit was about to get real, because she kept glancing at Harry like she wanted to say something. They managed to make it to dessert before all hell broke loose.

"You really gave us a fright, Harry," she said evenly.

"I know," he said. "I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention. But after Sirius died, I had three good weeks to do some serious soul searching, and this…." he made a gesture with his hand. "It just seemed like the right choice."

"You really ought to trust Dumbledore, Harry—"

"Molly, dear…" Arthur said.

"No, Arthur. Listen, Harry, Dumbledore's just looking out for you. Your safety is—"

"Meaningless to him," Harry interrupted. "No, sorry, I take that back. What I meant to say, is that my overall health and safety isn't his endgame. He wants to keep me alive, but it's because I'm the Chosen One, or The-Boy-Who-Will-Live-To-Kill-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, or whatever they're calling me these days."

"I just don't think you should turn your back on the man who's kept us safe for…what?" she asked grumpily, for Harry started laughing so hard that lemonade came out of his nose.

"Kept us safe? We've ended up in life threatening danger more times than I can count. And as for you and Mr. Weasley…what has Dumbledore done for you personally? Last year, did he once put wards on your house? Even after the Azkaban breakout?" He smiled and shrugged when the question was met with silence. "He's orchestrating everything his way, yes. But let's not kid ourselves about the whole 'safe and sound in Dumbledore's hands' thing."

There was a sharp noise outside, and the group saw Dumbledore walking toward them. He reached the door and gave them a bow. "Harry," he said. "I think it's time we talked."

Slurping down the rest of his ice cream, Harry nodded and stood. He followed silently out to the garden, a bit away from where Eire was rolling in Molly's foxglove bushes. "I'm actually kind of glad you showed," Harry said.

"Yes, well…after that speech I couldn't bring myself to stay away. Shall we talk?"

Harry nodded and sat on the bench.

*Meanwhile, at Malfoy Manor*

"Daddy!" Draco said, curling up on his father's lap. He glared at the prison guards as they snickered. The Malfoys were so rich that they'd been able to pay for human guards and house arrest, rather than Dementors at Azkaban. Not that there were too many Dementors left in the employ of the Ministry….

"What's this rubbish about Potter becoming a baron, or some such?" Lucius asked Narcissa.

"Exactly what it sounds like, from my information," Narcissa told him. "Draco's going to submit himself for soul bond evaluation tomorrow."

"Don't let her make me, Father," Draco whinged, producing some fake tears.

"Shut up," Lucius said. The fake crying hadn't worked in years….

"Fine," Draco pouted. He forgot how he was situated, tried to stomp his foot, and ended up kicking Lucius in the groin. He found himself on the floor promptly after this. "Ow!"

"Draco, must you whinge about everything?" Narcissa asked, accepting a glass of wine from one of the elves.

"I don't want to go!"

"Potter," Lucius wheezed, "Is entitled to pick his soulmate from the pool of eligible purebloods. You are an eligible pureblood, so you must go."

"It's not like Potter's going to pick me anyway! He's too stuck on that bushy-haired mudblood."

"Draco Abraxas Malfoy! If you lose a baron to a mudblood I will write you out of my will!"

Draco sat moving his mouth like a fish. "But…but it's Potter!" he wailed. "Surely you can't want me to marry him!"

"I want you to do your best at the evaluations, whatever they are," Lucius said. "And don't call me Shirley."

"I hate everything," Narcissa said, knocking back her wine.