Alright guys the time has finally come. Don't judge me, I tried and as you might know I don't have experience seeing as we're all fangirls/boys who sit at their computers all day reading. Sorry if it's bad. Could use suggestions on whta to do next.
Clary wakes from a bleak and dreamless sleep. Her head hangs to the side and she has a crick in her neck. She drags both her still bound hands to rub the side of her neck. "Ow," she mutters, as her eyes remain closed. Her cool fingers touch her hot skin and she's shocked at the temperature difference in her body. Is something wrong with her?
"She speaks," Clary hears from the darkness.
Clary gasps, trying to jump out of her chair but finding herself still strapped to it, her movement makes the chair fall back and crash onto the floor. Her head hits the carpet, it's not jarring enough to warrant dizziness but it still hurts. The lights turn on and it blazes in her eyes. She sees a shadow float into her vision and as her eyes adjust to the light she sees Sebastian with a slight smirk on his face. "Aren't we clumsy this morning," he says, hauling the chair up to sit correctly.
"When one is tied to a chair they tend to not have the best coordination," she grits through her teeth still rubbing her neck. Sebastian sees her distress and reaches out a hand. Clary flinches away.
"I'm not going to hurt you Clarissa," Sebastian says with a laugh in his voice. He reaches his hand all the way and places it on her neck where the knot is. Immediately pleasure courses through her neck and the crick unravels. Sebastian pulls away, still smiling.
"Bullshit. All you want to do is hurt me," she murmurs, wanting to slap his smile off his face. Clary glares. "Why are you so happy?"
Sebastian stands up and walks behind her, trailing a hand on her collarbone to shoulder, shooting pleasure bursts through her chest. He lets out a slight chuckle and leans down next to her ear. "We're finally alone," he whispers seductively. Fear shoots through her and she does the first thing her nerves allow. She brings her bound hands behind her shoulder and grab Sebastian's shirt, using all her strength she heaves him over her shoulder. He lands on his back between the floor and the bed with his head in her lap as he stares, astonished up at her. Clary moves her head to flip some hair out of her face and looks into Sebastian's shocked black eyes. "I prefer to spend my time alone," she growls.
Sebastian bursts into a grin. Damn it! Can't she kill his mood? It's disturbing seeing Sebastian so openly happy. The top of Sebastian's head is pressed against Clary's flat abdomen and his black eyes stare at her in amazement. She squirms, suddenly regretting her decision to flip her brother over her shoulder.
"You're better than I thought. All that time away from angel boy did you well," he says cheerily and springs up to face her forward. He slams his hands down on the armrests of the metal chair and brings his face close to hers. "And I intend to test that." He releases the leather strap and hauls her out of the chair. He shoves her towards the door with her trying to dig her heels into the carpet.
"What are you doing?" she protests as he gives up and swings her up onto his shoulder.
"Testing your strength sweet sister," he says as he throws open the only remaining door in the hallway. It's a standard Institute training room. High beamed ceiling with straps for acrobatics attached. Weapon lined walls with targets for archery, daggers and stuffed dummies for swordplay. The center of the room is cleared and has a mat lain down.
"What the hell!" she screams as he throws her down and she lands in a crouch. The two months that she hadn't been able to touch Jace she had taken to the training room to try to curb her anxiety. Izzy and Alec had come up to train with her on occasion and Jace had taken to training her because that didn't require touch. She had gotten very good because she spent most of her time in those two months in that training room. She'd also taken out her stress for when Sebastian would come and get her.
"Nice balance," he says approvingly as though he taught her himself. He didn't train her Jace did and he does not get to take even fabricated pride. Now her skills kick in again and she springs up in a fighting stance as Sebastian rounds her with a predatory grin. "Shouldn't you untie my hands?" she says waving her bound hands in front of her.
Sebastian makes a clicking sound with his tongue and shrugs his shoulders, still circling her. "Sorry little sister but I want to know what you're capable of."
He dives for her and she dodges easily to the left. He rounds on her, kicking out at her knees but she jumps and his leg swings through the air. Sebastian dives again, feigning right but Clary doesn't catch it in time and Sebastian slams her to the ground. Clary brings her elbow up to slam into Sebastian's face and simultaneously brings her knee into his stomach. He rolls to the side and Clary flips up and runs to the wall lined with wicked daggers. She pulls one and quickly slits the rope while she feels Sebastian come up behind her. The ropes fall away and she swings the knife around towards Sebastian's chest, making to slash across it, but he catches her wrist as she brings her fist up and smashes it into his face. He staggers back and she slams her foot into his chest, he falls back onto the floor. She lands on top of him and pins his arms down under her knees. She's swinging to kill and she knows Sebastian can break her hold at any moment so she arches the knife down to his heart. Sebastian's eyes fly wide and and he moves his arm under her knee. She loses her footing and slips so the knife cuts a shallow slash on his chest. He hisses and rolls the still unbalanced Clary over and pins her hands above her head with one hand, ripping the dagger out of her grasp. She struggles but Sebastian sits on her thighs, immobilizing her legs. He makes sure to touch her wrists on her skin so the beati rune flares, she gasps and Sebastian brings his lips down on her mouth sending more waves through her. She rips her mouth away and yells, "No fair!"
She gasps again as Sebastian kisses her neck, she whimpers and whines and struggles under her brother. "Sebastian," she whines her voice hitching. She's panting now, from effort of training and Sebastian's touch. The pleasure feels so good now that she giggles; she's appalled and immediately shuts her mouth before another giggle can escape. The pleasure is making her drunk; it's clouding her vision and dampening her burning hatred for her brother.
Her vision blurs down only to Sebastian's white blond hair. She pushes down the pleasure enough to whimper, "Sebastian that's not fair. You can't use that stupid pleasure rune," she squirms underneath him, "I thought we were training."
"We were, until you decided to land killing blows, naughty girl. Then I decided to catch you at an emotional high and turn it against you," he murmurs against her neck, "Hence the clouded vision." How does he know her vision is blurred? He laughs to himself and pulls a stele out of his back pocket, drawing a binding rune on her wrists. He pulls her into his chest and a kiss, taking hold of her lip and holding her there while he lifts her up off the ground. She lets out a yelp as he stands up and she has to wrap her legs around his waist and swings her bound wrists around his neck so she doesn't fall. She tries to pull away from his mouth but he keeps her bottom lip in between his teeth and sucks on it. She whimpers and keeps her legs wound tightly around his waist because his grip stays loose, as if he wants her to cling to him.
Outside the training room in the hallway Sebastian pushes her up against a wall and kisses her ferociously. Secured against the wall he releases her lip and drags his tongue along it. He buries his face in her neck and pulls her off the wall and kicks open a door. Clary could have sworn it wasn't there before or maybe she just hadn't looked for it. Sebastian kisses her neck then, her chest bared by the black V-neck shirt. Still panting hotly, she looks around the room. It's a huge room, an octagonal vaulted ceiling of dark stained wood. Three of the sides have double doors leading out to a wraparound balcony looking out on the sprawling blue sea. There's a sitting area with plush, cushioned lounge chairs and a large fireplace. The bed is decked in a black comforter and is larger than any bed Clary's ever seen, almost as big as her entire room at Luke's house. The bed looks so comfortable, like she could sink into it and sleep forever but that's not what Sebastian wants.
She's starting to panic she doesn't want this. This can't happen… but in the blackest corner of her mind a little voice says No you need this. She's been so devoid of a caress or a kiss for the past almost three months now that her body aches for it. At the moment Sebastian and his rune are making it easier and easier to listen to those black corners. He walks her over to the bed, which she sinks into, and he gently lies on top of her. This isn't like the first time where she kicked and struggled but now… now she lets him run his hands over her torso and push up her shirt.
Her muscles cry out and so does her heart. She needs this. Her wrists, seemingly glued together by the rune, pull Sebastian down onto her. Her rush of emotions overwhelms her as she lets them take control. The immobility rune on her wrist fades and she cups Sebastian's face bringing it back up to hers and crushing her lips against his. She definitely needed this and Sebastian knows just how to do it.
"Excited are we?" Sebastian purrs against her as he rips off her shirt. He lightly traces his fingertips along her skin, sending shivers all her own down her spine. All she can do is moan and arch her body up into his. He pushes her back down into the bed and groans himself. The rune on her collar burns as though it's actually on fire and powerful waves, more powerful than before, course through her body, tugging her gut, tearing her heart and pulsing through her.
Sebastian kisses her neck then her jaw then on her mouth again, flicking his tongue across her teeth. Clary moans into her brother's mouth and his hands slide into her jeans to slip them down her legs and toss them across the room. He runs his hot hands down her sides and she feels something press against her leg. She laughs softly and says, "I'm not the only one."
As soon as the seductive words leave Clary's mouth Sebastian tears off his shirt in a great hurry and kisses Clary again reverently. She moves her hands down to his pants, her fingers brush over the button and Sebastian's grip around her back tightens, squeezing her tightly to him as she undoes the button and Sebastian slides off his jeans. Sebastian drags his hand tauntingly down her bared stomach, trailing fire and pleasure. "Please," Clary says as Sebastian fingers her waistband.
"Whatever my dear sister wants," Sebastian whispers in her ear and slowly tugs off her jeans. Before Clary can comprehend Sebastian's next movement her bra and panties are gone and so are his boxers. Sebastian stares, cherishing the sight of his beautiful naked sister. He's finally getting what he wants but at the moment his hands on her, all over her feel so good that she lets him have this victory. Then his black eyes turn lustful and it's a blur.
Pressures and pleasures, screams of pain overcome by a sweet curl in her stomach. Sebastian never slows except when he first enters; he paused and gently, tenderly kissed her neck. "So you and Jace never did fuck," he whispers proudly. "I'm glad I'm your first little sister, now I have your virginity as well as you." She ignores his snide comment and digs her nails into his back. He he soothes her until her whimpers of pain turn to moans and pleas to continue. Their breaths mingle as Sebastian lays his head on her bare chest and continues his rhythm. The curl tightens and the waves of pleasure overriding her system to the point that she can no longer hear Sebastian's lustful moans. Then when her hearing returns she hears Sebastian falling over his edge screaming out her name and Clary soon follows but instead of screaming Sebastian she calls out, "Jonathan!"
Sebastian collapses on top of the panting Clary, heaving air in through her lungs as Sebastian's bare chest presses into her skin, not allowing Clary to come down from her high. She struggles to push Sebastian's heavy, sweaty body onto the bed so she can have some relief. Finally clear minded she stares at the ceiling in horror. She just had sex with Jonathan. She just had sex with Jonathan, willingly! That dark corner in her mind speaks up again, And it was amazing.
She drags her hands down her face. "Oh my god," she says slowly. Jonathan is still panting off to the side. "Oh my god."
"Are you a broken record?" Jonathan asks slipping an arm around her naked waist. The beati rune pulses but its only affect is making her burst into tears at the guilt. She cries and sobs and her voice hitches.
"No, I just had sex with you," she sobs.
"And what a whirlwind that was," Jonathon says gently, kissing her neck.
What will Jace think of her when he finds her? If he finds her. Now she knows she's sinned; now she knows the angels frown down on her. She can never have Jace back, never again. How will she face the Lightwoods and Simon after what she just did? Oh my god, what about her mother! She'd be furious, yes Jonathan had taken precautions but she was seventeen! Stress closes around her throat.
But then… what if this was meant to happen? What if she and Jonathan are so different, so genetically mutated that it doesn't matter? What if it's no different then if she had had sex with Jace? Well, except it would've been with Jace. Clary realizes how futile this mental breakdown is. She should just give up now; give up on trying to be good, trying to be the angel, when she knows she's fallen. It would be so much easier on her.
"My sweet angel," Jonathan says sweetly.
"Not anymore," Clary whispers dreadfully. Her tears have stopped and she just lets Jonathan pull the covers up over them, gathering Clary close to his chest.
Jonathan looks Clary in her blazing green eyes. "You will always and forever be an angel, my angel. The angel to my demon remember?"
She nestles into Jonathan's chest despite the rune on her collarbone. She shakes her head. Clary's given up fighting. It's taken too much to fight against her brother and she doesn't deserve the terror it might spare her.
That doesn't mean though that she forgives Jonathan. He still lied, he still plans to take her blood, he tied her to a chair, chained her to a wall, whipped her, and repeatedly tormented her. No, no forgiveness will she give Jonathan, just his satisfaction that he knows she's broken; now it means he'll get his way just as he always seems to. Jonathan leans back on the pillows; his face still turned towards his sister's tear streaked one, his arm still wrapped around her shaking form.
Clary feels immensely tired now, after training, if you could call it that, crying, and the unspeakable deed she just performed with Jonathan out of her own lust filled, clouded head. She can feel her eyelids drooping and she lets out a long tired breath. The effort and exertion taken from her just now is too much. Just as she fades to blackness she hears Jonathan say, "You're mine now, little sister."
Clary stands in the Institute foyer. Jace stands in front of her, his brows furrowed as he stares at Clary. Clary can't help but feel scrutinized as Jace's golden eyes scan her from head to toe. She takes a step toward Jace. He takes a step back as a look of betrayal flashes across his face. "How could you?"
Dread fills her stomach. He knows. He knows what she and Jonathan did it. Tears rise to her eyes and spill over onto her cheeks. "Jace I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
"Clary how could you? You betrayed me. You slept with him. With your own brother." His face contorts into something that resembles pain and it tears at her heart.
"Jace please. I'm sorry…" She can't think of any excuse. She can't excuse her terrible sin. She betrayed Jace and he felt like he had been gutted and she in turn too.
"No Clary this is unforgivable. Don't you ever show your face again. Now that you've done what you've done we've called off the search. Sebastian seems to be taking care of you pretty well." Jace glares at her.
It cuts deep into her chest like a dagger. The tears cascade down her face now as she pleads with Jace. "Please, I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. Please Jace."
He turns away from her in disgust and it finally drives a crack through her heart. She yells at Jace, pleading it wasn't her fault, pleads until her throat turns raw but Jace won't face her, he walks away down the hall and disappears around a corner calling behind him, "Get out Clary. Never comeback!"
She sinks to her knees as tears blur her vision and she hugs herself mumbling, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
She sits bolt upright gasping, hugging the covers to her chest as her eyes search the room for Jace. She can still see Jace's angry face glaring at her. She looks out the window through dry eyes and sees it's about midday. Her chest aches and her heart burns as the air seems to burn her lungs as she pants.
As soon as Clary started, Jonathan sat straight up next to her, looking around in confusion. His eyes land on her and flash with concern.
"Clary?"
"I didn't mean to," she says, her voice strangely steady. She shakes her head. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," her voice sounds almost confused.
"Clarissa," Jonathan says, pulling her into his arms. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
Clary angrily wrenches away from him and tears out of bed, she needs a few minutes to sort through her mind. She almost feels good having her virginity taken by Jonathan. She picks up Jonathan's shirt since he tore hers and rushes to lock herself in the master bathroom. She turns on the shower and immediately steps under the freezing stream of water. It cools her burning body and hot face and soothes her aching nether regions.
She lets the water stream over her as she leans her head against the glass. She is despicable, how could she? Was that the actual Jace in her dream? Did he really know what she did? Does he really hate her so and has called off the search for her? How does she not feel guilty? Is it because she knows she's already despicable, that she deserves this.
She can't think as Jonathan knocks on the door after she's stepped out of the shower.
"Go away!" she screams. She quickly dries off and throws on Jonathan's shirt.
"No Clarissa, let me in." His voice suggests he is not expecting argument.
"No!" She hurls the waded up towel at the door and it makes a satisfying thud.
Clary doesn't want to see Jonathan; she just wants to sit alone for the next few hours maybe even the rest of her life. The shame claws at her throat as she sinks to the ground and she wants to cry, wants to feel guilty but she doesn't.
She hears Jonathan sit down on the floor outside the door and lean his head back. He lets out a sigh and says, "I'll wait."
He waited for a long time because Clary locked herself in the bathroom for six hours. All she did was sit and regret and battle anger and lust and heartache. So she sat, wondering if the she would ever have a pure enough soul to get into heaven when the time came. That time might be sooner than I thought.