CHAPTER TEN: MOONY.

ANA:

"I think it is about more than the meeting a few weeks ago. It is more than that. Your wolf is too deep inside. Are this tired after every transformation?" I asked.

"It is far worse than that usually. Yesterday was the best transformation in twelve years."

If the state he was in was a good one, I couldn't imagine what a bad one would be.

"If that state is the best you can do I can't imagine what it was before. How much can you communicate with your wolf?"

"How do you know we can communicate with our wolf?" He asked curiously.

"I know; that's all I will say Lupin."

He sighed. I couldn't tell him too much information about me. I was already revealing myself a lot by talking about werewolf with him. If he started to look closer, he could discover who I really was. If he discovered it, I wasn't sure how he would react, because I am not supposed to exist. My family is a myth.

"Not much. He talked for the first time since 1981 on the train. But I can feel him more and more." He answered.

"You didn't talk to your wolf for twelve years?"

"I didn't." Lupin's expression was blank. He didn't let his emotions out.

"And all this time you were alone, aren't you? No friends, no pack, no family."

"No one."

Lupin could do all he wanted to have his voice void of any emotion, the pain was there in his eyes. Amber eyes. So much pain. I couldn't understand the extent on the pain he could have been in. I was only realizing now that this man had lost everything he had that night in October 1981. He had lost all his friends. And he had lost his wolf.

I was starting to be seriously impressed by the man. And I was as furious as I was sad for him. He didn't tell me much, but it was enough. If his transformations were painful and tiring and if he couldn't communicate with his wolf it means it was bad. Like really bad. He hadn't talk to his wolf for twelve years. Twelve long years, it was an eternity. The wolf and the man were sharing this body, they were two entities and they also were one. It was the complexity of the werewolf, they never were alone. Never. A lone wolf didn't survive long. A wolf needed a pack to be strong; he needed to be with his kind, it was essential. The fact that there was a loss of balance between the two entities was wrong. It could kill the wolf. And if it killed the wolf, it killed the man. It was a miracle Remus Lupin was still alive. It made me sick to know that someone could do that to a wolf. Better kill him directly, there was less suffering. It was an act of madness and cruelty to do what they did. I didn't know if it was something Dumbledore could do by himself; this kind of magic couldn't be in his possession. If it was his doing, he did ask someone to do the dirty job. And there weren't many people who could do that kind of job.

"God, how did you survive it is a miracle you are still alive. A lot of men would have shot themselves by now."

"I don't know, Ana. But I am better now. I have Harry. With your help maybe I can save Sirius. And I have you, as disturbing as it sound to you. You are the first person to react like that to me being a werewolf. It is quite amazing actually."

Lupin was better now. It didn't seem like it to me, but well what could I say? The man should be dead. He should have died twelve years ago when they tried to murder him. The curse they put on him must have loosen up when he did accidental magic.

I didn't take the time to think about what Lupin was saying about me. I was too focused on what to do. I didn't knew what it was that bond his wolf to that extent I needed more information so I could help him. Maybe I could try to communicate with his wolf.

"I am flattered Lupin. What's your wolf's name? Does he have one?"

"Yes, he has a name. But I am not telling you."

"Why?"

"I think I will let that surprise for later."

Ok. I didn't see where the problem was, it wasn't really a big deal to tell me his wolf's name. Maybe I could try later. I couldn't read Lupin's expression but he was clearly uncomfortable about the question.

"Alright. I supposed you were bitten?"

"Yes I was. When I was five years old."

Five years old. It was a long time ago. The werewolves who were bitten were different from the one who were born as a wolf. A wizard who was bitten didn't merge with his wolf like someone who was born with it. It generally happens later when the man and the wolf came to a sort of compromise. If He had been bitten at five, it should have happened already. The bond he had must be really ancient. The bond could have been place on him when he was a child.

"Who did it?" She asked curiously.

"Fenrir Greyback." His tone was hateful.

Fenrir Greyback was a strong werewolf, one of the stronger I knew. He was imposing, menacing but he wasn't that bad. Yes he could kill. But he wasn't cruel, and he was good for his pack. I didn't understand why he hated him so much.

"Hum… that one." I said. "Did he teach you?"

"Teach me?" He asked startled. "What could he have teach me? He is a monster."

Oh god. What was the mess I got myself in again? Fenrir had taught all the children he had bitten. Yes he had bitten them for the wrong reason, but he had taken responsibility of them. They were only children after all. There must have been something wrong somewhere.

"Ok, he didn't. I got news for you Lupin, it was Fenrir's responsibility to teach you the laws of the pack. From the moment he bits you, you were his responsibility, he should have teach you. Was he there for your first transformation?"

"No, I was alone."

"Alone? No one was with you?"

"No one."

"They let a five years old boy transform alone the first time? Monsters."

Yes, monsters. And I was containing myself fairly well. A five years old alone for his first transformation. A child who couldn't understand what had happened to him alone, suffering for hours. It was monstrous.

"I will need to have a word with Fenrir." I muttered.

"You know him?"

Shit, werewolf's hearing.

"Yes I do. And contrary to what you think he is not a monster. He just doesn't know shit about politics. He thought for a while that if he bits the children of noble families they would think about the way they treat werewolf. Obviously it didn't work. He is someone you can respect. He is the leader of one of the biggest pack in Europe and he is a good leader. It is not his way of thing to left things undone. Something must have happened. You shouldn't have been alone on your first transformation. You should have been part of a pack. And of what I see you weren't."

"I am not going to discuss your opinion on Greyback, just know that he destroyed my life. But I used to have a pack when I was young. James, Sirius, Peter and I, we were pack. Lily and little Harry came later. But they were my family, they were pack."

Fenrir did destroy his life. I didn't understand. I really needed to talk to Fenrir. It wasn't like him. I'll talk about Greyback with Lupin when I will have more information. No need to talk about a sensible subject without knowing anything.

But if his friend were his pack… it means the wolf had lost his pack. I really didn't know how he had survived.

"It is unusual to have human for a pack. I guess James Potter was also an animagus?"

"Yes. What I am going to tell you needs to stay a secret. I met James, Sirius, and Peter on the train in my first year like a lot of students in Hogwarts. That's when our friendship started. It took them a year to find out I was a werewolf. The lies Dumbledore told me to tell weren't really effective if you looked closer… and James and Sirius were as nosy as you are. Each full moon I was going to the shack outside of Hogsmeade. There's a secret passage under the Whomping willow. When they confronted me I was terrified. But they didn't hate me. They accepted me. And in our fifth year they had accomplished something that a lot of wizard will never be able to do. They became animagus. For me. So they could come with me on the full moon. A werewolf's bit isn't effective on an animagus. It was the best years of my life. We used to run in the forbidden forest. We were pack. You don't know how much I missed those days."

"You did hide something this big from Dumbledore for years. You know, it save Sirius. And I have to say I am impressed by you. I think you are the strongest man I ever met, because from what you told me, you should be dead. Long dead."

"What do you mean?"

"Someone has done a ritual on you; it must be something old and rare. Something Dumbledore couldn't do. I think he knows your wolf is locked, he must have something to do with it, but he hadn't done it. And the list of person who could have done that is very short."

"Locked?"

"Yes, locked. I guess that for you being a werewolf is a curse. It is a curse for you because someone has locked away your wolf, and I think it was a long time ago, even maybe when you were a child. Your transformation shouldn't be that painful and tiring, you are what? Thirty five or something? You've been a werewolf for approximately thirty years. You and your wolf should be in harmony by now and you are not. You should be able to communicate with him; he is your other half. It is like you have been amputated. If you were normal for a werewolf I mean, you would be part of a pack, maybe a leader, I don't know, and you would be strong. Really strong. The transformations would be like a second nature. You have a really high level of magic and half of it is locked with the wolf. You could give Dumbledore a run for his money. He is afraid of you Remus."

"So you know who could have done that?"

"Maybe, I don't know yet, I need to have a closer look at you."

"What?"

"Earlier, when you touched my hand, I heard your wolf in my head. I want to try again."

I felt right away that he wasn't comfortable with my idea. It could help him, why was he so reluctant?

"I don't know Ana…"

"Lupin, if I don't find out what exactly happened to you, I can't help you."

"And how a sixteen years old girl could help me Ana?"

"The sixteen years old girl comes from a family who has knowledge about your kind, professor. If there is a magical bond on you, I can find in the family library how to undo it. Understand?"

"Yes, but I am really curious about your family. Who are you Ana? You know things a witch of your age shouldn't know, you are interested in things you shouldn't care about."

"I can't tell you."

"If you can't tell me how can I trust you?"

"I already told you I can't tell you Lupin, you trusted me until now. I already helped you, and I will continue. So why are you doubting me now? What's the problem?"

"Fine. See for yourself."

"What?"

"Take my hand."

I really didn't understand him on that point. He was willing to talk about his wolf and his problem. He had told me something he hadn't told anyone in twelve years but he didn't want me to talk with his wolf. Seriously the man could be so complicated when he wanted.

I took his hand and looked at him straight in the eyes. His amber eyes that had fascinated me the first time I saw him on the train. They were the eyes of a werewolf, it was clear to me now. And they were really beautiful. But there was fear in it, apprehension.

REMUS:

The discussion had been tense for me. What Ana was telling me, well, it was difficult to make any sense of it. She knew so much about werewolf, she thought I was powerful, so much that Albus was afraid of me. I wasn't so sure about that. She had told me quite bluntly that I should be dead. I didn't really know why either. And she was defending Fenrir Greyback, the one who bits me. She was defending that monster. He had destroyed my life. After I became a werewolf, I became a monster in the eyes of my parents. I wasn't going to tell Ana this part of my history. But because of Fenrir Greyback, I had lost my family. They hated me. They hated werewolfs. I had suffered so much because of him. She was talking about teaching laws of the pack, like it was a natural thing; I didn't know how someone like Greyback could teach me anything. I didn't understand.

And she was telling me my wolf was locked. She seemed to know quite a lot about bonding a wolf. I didn't know why. I didn't know if her family protected or hunted werewolfs. That kind of knowledge wasn't common. It was the first time I heard you could restrain a wolf in someone. It wasn't a pacific and loving kind of magic concerning werewolfs, I was sure of it. I didn't know what to think.

And now she wanted to talk to Moony and I was terrified. He was my wolf, he was me. And he was also a part of her in a way because he was her protector. Moony had been interested in Ana from the start, and I was afraid of the interaction they could have. How would she react when she will discover it? I didn't know how to interpret the fact that he was her patronus, because I didn't know how it was possible, I didn't know what it means. And the unknown terrified me.

So yes I doubted her. I had learned a lot in the half an hour we talked. I didn't know any wizarding family who knew so much about werewolf. Wizards hated werewolf with passion, but she didn't. I was so confused.

Moony was satisfied. I could felt it. He was happy she knew. He was howling inside of my head like a bloody moron. He was pushing me. He wanted to talk to Ana. He wanted her help, he needed it. His need was overwhelming me. I couldn't refuse him.

I didn't know what to do. So I gave her my hand.

She took it. It was small, strong, soft, warm, and comforting. Moony was purring like a bloody cat. I met her eyes. Silver eyes against amber. They were curious, confident and warm. They were beautiful.

ANA:

The second our hands touched, I felt a mental pull. It wasn't as strong as I thought it would be. It was more like an invitation. It was somehow, familiar. I couldn't explain it. It was warm, welcoming, comforting. It was like Lupin was but there was something more. This familiarity…

I accepted this invitation and let myself being pull in. it was strange. I wasn't in Lupin's head, it wasn't legilimency. It was more profound than that. It was like I was looking right in his heart.

"You are right little girl. It is our heart you are looking at."

I knew it would happen, but it startle me anyway. It was not every day you heard someone talking in your head.

"Our heart? I guess you are Remus' wolf."

"Yes little girl, and I have been waiting for you quite long."

"I am not a little girl."

"No, it is true, not anymore. You are all grown up, but you are still my little girl."

"What do you mean?"

"Come and see. You need to find me. I need you. I need your help again."

"Again?"

But the wolf wasn't talking anymore. He was pulling me. But it was faint. I could feel it was difficult for him. But he was right; I needed to find him to help him. So I putted my magic at work, I gave it to him so he could pull more and more. I was progressing in Remus' intimacy. I had never been so close to someone. But strangely it felt warm. I didn't know this sensation. It was new to me.

I followed the wolf's magic, progressing slowly. There was something dark at work there. There was something enclosing Remus' heart. I felt sick. I needed to fight it to find the wolf. I projected warm feeling, concentrating, like when I was casting a patronus. I had a firm grip on Lupin's hand. He was sweeting. His magic was doing all she could to help me. It was a battle. An inner battle.

I passed the darkness, but there was something more waiting for me there.

I had never felt so sick in my life.

It was there, just under my eyes. What they done to this wolf was the most monstrous thing they could have done.

There was a cage. A silver cage of magic. Silver. The magic was so strong. I wanted to throw up. It was containing the wolf.

There was a little grey wolf curled up on himself. His fur was tern; he was losing it in some places. He was thin, so thin I could see his ribs. This wolf was sick. There were multiples burns on his skin, where it had made contact with the cage. Some of them were infected. He couldn't move. The cage was too small. He had difficulties to breath.

The wolf was dying. It was clear. I didn't know where he found the force to pull me here.

I couldn't see his face.

The familiarity was there. I needed to see more.

I passed my hand slowly through the bar of the prison he was in. I touched him. The fur was still soft. I already did touch that fur once. I was sure of it. I knew this wolf. It was there in my hand I could feel it. I remembered this tone of fur. This voice was familiar too.

He turned his head to look at me straight in the eyes. Silver fur, amber eyes, a little patch of white fur above his nose, two patch of black fur on his ear. I recognized him. I wanted to cry.

I was as happy as I was sad. I was sick. I was furious. I was trembling furiously. I was white as a sheet.

I could feel tears starting to rise in my eyes. They were slowly falling down, on my cheek. I couldn't contain them.

"Moony." I murmured. "Oh, Moony, what happened to you? It had been so long."

"I see you remember me little girl."

"Of course I do. Who did that to you? How can I help you?"

"I don't know, little girl. But I need you. I need your help. I need you to free me or we will both dying."

"I swear I will find a way to free you. I will find out who did that to you. I swear Moony."

"I am tired little girl, I am going to sleep. Help my human. Help my cub. Help my pack."

The connection broke and I was thrown backward in the room of requirement. It was like waking up from a dream. I was crying and trembling. I was a mess.

It hadn't last long just a few minutes, but it seemed hours to me.

Lupin was looking at me gravely. He was white. It had drained him and I could see he was at his breaking point, and somehow he was still containing himself.

"Ana, are you ok?"

"Not really." I sniffed miserably.

"Come here." He said.

I sat beside him still trembling. He wrapped me in a hug, comforting me as I cried. I didn't know what to think anymore. I buried myself in my professor's arm, sniffing his scent. This scent I already knew. It was so confusing.

"Do you remember me?" I asked pitifully.

"I am sorry Ana, but I don't. Moony does thought. I have to say I don't really understand. Could you explain to me what happened?"

"I am going to try."

"Alright. Come on take this tissue. Breathe a little; everything is going to be ok."

Lupin was muttering some comforting word to me. It was the first time someone comforted me like that. I thought it wasn't really right for a relation between a professor and a student but I didn't care.

I had found him. I had found Moony. It had been years. I was crying because my emotions were too mixed up. I was happy, happier than I had been in years because I had found Moony again. But I was sad for him, and furious. The anger in me was growing each passing minute. The person who had caged my wolf was going to die slowly and painfully by my hand. But it would have to wait; Lupin didn't know what happened that night. I owed him an explanation.

"I did meet Moony once, when I was six years old." I started.

I wasn't going to tell the entire story. I couldn't. Not yet. It was too soon.

"You meet Moony?"

"Yes, on a full moon. A werewolf can't hurt me. Don't worry about hurting me, you didn't. In fact it is the contrary. You saved me."

"I saved you?"

"Yes Moony saved me that night against a dark creature." I shuddered at the memory. "But he got hurt. He needed to be healed; he was going to die if I didn't do anything. So I saved him. And curiously it is probably thanks to me that you are still alive today. I gave you a part of my energy that night, maybe it gave Moony the strength to resist all this years. I don't really know. But I made a promise that night. I made the promise to find him when the time was right. And I found him professor. And he is ill. He is dying once again. You saw him. You are going to die if I don't find out how to heal you."

"I don't know how I ended up meeting a little girl on a full moon and I don't know what you were doing outside on a full moon either… but I saw LuLu. I did." Murmured Lupin. He was broken too. After all it was his other half I was talking about.

Lupin sighed.

"I guess it explains the patronus. So, what are we going to do?"

"I need to look in the family library. It will have to wait Christmas. But I can help a little until I find a cure."

"How?"

"It is quite simple actually. I just need to be there the next full moon, I can heal Moony physically. And I will be happy to see him again."

"Ana it is too dangerous."

"Moony won't hurt me. He can't. You heard him. He knows me. He needs my help."

"We will talk about it later Ana. I am tired; this thing you did drained me."

"I didn't do anything. It was you and Moony; I just helped as I could."

"If you say so Ana."

Lupin sighed.

"You should go. I think I am going to sleep a little."

"Alright professor." I sighed. I was tired too. I had a lot in my head I needed to think.

"So much talking. I barely tested your skill in duel. But I have to admit you surprised me."

"As you did, professor." I smirked.

"By the way, for what do you plan on using those amazing skills you have? Do you want to be an auror?"

"No, I plan on killing my betrothed on my wedding night." I replied sarcastically. It had slipped away. I didn't thought before talking. I faced palm myself mentally. I was so stupid sometimes.

"So I guess you won't tell me. Goodnight Ana."

Thankfully Lupin didn't take my comment seriously. If he only knew it was true.

"Goodnight professor."

I was going to close the door when I stopped.

"Professor?"

"Yes?"

"The one who did that to you and Moony. The day I'll find him, I'll kill him."

"What? Ana you can't…"

I interrupted him.

"You won't be able to stop me Lupin, ask your wolf, it is well within my right to do so. Goodnight professor."

That night, I did go to the astronomy tower, the weather was clear, the moon was still almost full, it was cold outside but I didn't care. I admired the reflection of the moon on the dark water of the lac. The landscape was amazing from this tower. I could see the forbidden forest, and the light fog that was above it. It was mysterious.

The light of the moon appeased me. It gave me the possibility to clear my thought.

I was happy. For the most part. I was still planning on killing the person who did the ritual. I had heard of it, the ritual I mean. There were a restrained number of people who was in possession of the documents containing the information about it. And there were a really restrained number of people who had access to it. And there was only one family in Europe in possession of those documents. My family.

There was a traitor in the clan. Not really surprising. But if I found him, I would get revenge. And revenge is a dish best served cold.

But now I had found Moony. Over the years I had lost any hope to find him. It was as if he never existed. Ten years ago he had saved me without knowing it. I wouldn't have survived if I hadn't met him. But meeting Moony gave me hope back then. Because it gave me a new possibility. It gave me the strength to live.